"And she loved him. He was completely different, but she couldn't help but love him. And this is why"

Ricky.

Initially I hated him. He was an arrogant son of a bitch. He was a manwhore. And he was like a tornado. He just flew around and destroyed everything and everyone in his path. No matter who it was, he'd make sure they'd feel pain. And I hated him for this.

"Judging someone without knowing them will do nothing except eventually turn them into what you assumed. Don't help society do this to people."

That was what Antonio said once.

Antonio.

Antonio was the most non-judgmental person I've ever met. And oh he was so beautiful with his dark rich brown hair and dark brown eyes that seemed to have a caramel tint in them when he smiled. His smile; it was every dentist's dream, but that's not what I loved about it. It was the fact that that smile never left his face. Not once in the many years I knew him did he ever stop smiling. Even through the darkest moments, his smile was the light to guide me out of the tunnel.

And then Ricky happened. He came around when I was trying to forget all the pain and sorrow. The only time I didn't sink completely into the depression was when I had someone around. However, that was rather unfortunate considering I had an absentee father, a mother who was never around, relatives who disowned my mother and I, and my entire school wanted nothing to do with me. So I fucked everyone and anyone who came around. My reputation got around and eventually that led Ricky to me. I still hated him, but he was the only one around that night. So we had sex, and that was it. I thought. But then I got to thinking, and of course I was thinking about Antonio. He would hate that I judged Ricky, no matter how horrible he is. Maybe he was lonely, just like me. Maybe that's why he was such a slut.

Maybe…maybe…maybe…

So many maybe's later is where I guess you could say I fell in love.

Because oh, that hair, and those eyes, and that…smile. Baby, he looked just like you. So when you remember the time, as you sit in heaven, we promised to never love another besides each other, please remember he looked so much like you and I just wanted you back. I need you back. And he may have his flaws, and he may not ever be able to compare to you… I miss you. And I wanted you back so bad. He was my chance.

That's why even though he loves Amy Juergens, and he has a son, and he hurt me and used me, emotionally and physically…I won't let go of him. I didn't get to hold on to you once. I'll be damned if I ever lose you again. Baby, I'm not letting go this time around.

And you're the reason why I love him.