Title: [none] (it doesn't even deserve one)

Rated: PG-13

Verse: Star Trek: 2009

Warnings: SEX. (Now that I've got your attention...)

Summary: Jim makes a discovery which amuses him and confuses Spock. K/S. Shameless crack.

Characters: Kirk 'n Spock.

Note: This is shameless crack. I have absolutely no explanation for this and I completely blame certain friends for encouraging me.

That being said, it amuses me and I had ridiculous fun scrawling it out... in the middle of a Borders' cafe... heh.


Spock's skin was as smooth and hot and perfect as he'd imagined, flushed an attractive green from his ear-tips to cheekbones, and beyond. Jim had been fantasizing about this for months, so as appealing as he found the Vulcan's slim torso - all lean muscle and narrow angles - he decided he'd very much like to move downstairs.

A grin twisted his lips as he unfastened Spock's trousers, a deft hand slipping beneath the waistband and making a discovery that made Jim pause.

Spock was not wearing underwear.

Said Vulcan lifted his head when his captain paused. "Jim?"

Suddenly, Jim was struck with how amusing he found this. With Spock sitting bewildered in his lap, Jim's hand still down his pants, the captain began laughing. "You... you're not..."s

Now Spock was frowning - as much as Vulcans frown, anyway. "Your behavior is baffling," he informed the giggling human.

"You aren't wearing underwear," he replied, as though that explained everything.

Spock blinked. "Indeed, I do not wear what you deem... 'underwear.'"

That got a choked snort out of Jim. "Wait - never?"

"Never," Spock confirmed. Jim went into fresh peals of laughter. "Jim, I fail to see what is amusing you so." Despite his even, clipped tone, Spock's cheeks were flushing a deeper green by the second.

"Really?" Jim said between chortles. "You don't get what's inherently hilarious about you - my uptight, proper, Vulcan science officer - going commando?"

"...I have no inclination why such a phrase should hold any particular meaning to me, as I have never before had the dubious pleasure of hearing it."

Predictably, the convoluted way of saying "I have no idea what you just said" inspired further laughter. Once he calmed down, Jim shook his head. "Underwear, Spock," he said. "Or really, your lack of wearing any."

"Ah. I did not believe it to be a problem."

Jim snorted. "It's not a problem, Spock, I just didn't expect it."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Indeed? I was unaware humans made judgments on sexual partners - or potential sexual partners - based upon which undergarments, if any, that they choose to wear."

Jim shook his head, shoulders jumping with repressed laughter, until an even funnier thought occured to him. "Wait - you - hand on. Is that a Vulcan thing? No undies?"

Spock stared at him, evidently unamused at the term 'undies.' "I cannot speak for all Vulcans, naturally," he finally said, "but I elect not to wear any because the garments most appropriate for wear with Starfleet uniforms are somewhat... restricting and uncomfortable. Traditional Vulcan clothing tends to be more loose and flowing than our uniforms or most popular Terran styles, therefor the undergarments are... freer."

Jim was trying hard not to laugh. He really, really was. "How... logical."

"Thank you," Spock replied, lifting that eyebrow again. Jim leaned up and kissed its graceful curve, and when he sat back he found himself on the receiving end of a very intense stare. "Now if thatmatter is concluded, I believe we were in the midst of conducting other business..."

The captain's lips curled in a familiar smirk. "Urgent business, Mr. Spock?" The hand still beneath Spock's waistband moved from where it had rested at his stomach and grasped him firmly, and the resulting hot gasp wrung from the Vulcan's mouth proved very inspiring for Jim as well.

"Indeed, captain," he replied breathlessly.