Author's Note: Ok this fic requires an open mind and please note that all flames will have no effect accept to make me angry, which only encourages me to write more. This fic isn't meant for kids under 13 or the extremely-easily offended.
ENOUGH
Remus yawned widely upon entering the Gryffindor common room, shutting the portrait behind him. It was dimly lit by a single fire at the far end near the staircase to the boys' dormitories. He headed towards the stairs quietly, not that he had any energy to make noise. Three hours of practicing some advanced Defence Against Dark Arts spells with his professor, he was so tired he felt he might fall asleep while he was walking.
* I hadn't expected that creating a Patronus would be so draining * he thought out as he stifled another yawn.
He was almost to the stairs when he noticed a still form in a chair next to the fire. Curious, he decided to investigate before going up to sleep. The chair had been pulled up next to a table that was laden with books and scrolls. The person in the chair had several books open on his lap, but was obviously sleeping. His black mane of untamable hair hung over his closed ebony eyes and handsome face. He looked completely at peace, the faintest suggestion of a smile on his lips.
Remus felt a small smile of his own pull at his lips.
* How like you, Sirius, to wait till the very last moment to write a two-scroll report. *
He stood there watching his sleeping friend, who never looked that angelic when he was awake, entranced by the sheer saturnine beauty of him, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed deeply and rhythmically. He felt a familiar elation mixed with depression rise withing him. He longed to take him into his arms and kiss him, to tell him how much he'd loved him for so long.
But as he reached out to do just that, he froze. He knew that he never could, and never would be able to. The depression overwhelmed the elation and it becamed tinged with self-loathing.
* WHY? *
He'd asked that question to himself for the past three years, ever since he'd started feeling like this. It's not like he'd asked for it. He'd tried denying this part of himself. He'd tried to have girlfriends, but they hadn't helped or lasted long. He was frustrated that he couldn't help it. He'd been raised to dissaprove of this very thing, as he was sure most of the wizarding world was, if not the whole world. And who would want to be in unrequited love in the first place, much less love that would make everyone hate you for no better reason than "It's not what most other people like." He himself didn't see the point to such thinking, but that didn't make it any easier.
Not to mention that Sirius, who had the female population of the school at his feet, had no clue about Remus's true feeling towards him. And it would stay that way, if Remus had any say about it. He valued their friendship more than his own life, and if Sirius had ever found out it would almost certainly mean the end of it. At best his friend would pity him, at worst he'd be shocked and revolted.
* They'd all hate you if they knew, * Remus thought bleakly. * The wizarding world is insulated from homosexuals, and most despise them as they do werewolves. And I'm both. *
Through his anguish he realized that his hands were still outstretched toward Sirius.
* He's so beautiful. *
And he was. Remus was taken out of his depression for a moment as he gazed at the thin, wirey youth in front of him. He couldn't help it. He reached out a trembling hand and tenderly brushed the raven tendrils off of the handsome face. Sirius didn't stir, but the smile widened slightly. Remus could almost pretend that it was just for him.
"Oh, Sirius, if only..." he said under his breath.
He drew back. He really should be getting some sleep. But Sirius had to finish his essay. He took him by the shoulders and shook him awake. When he came to, he gave Remus ferrel grin.
"Asleep on the job, Padfoot?" Remus asked in a light tone he did not feel in his heart as Sirius yawned and stretched languidly.
"Thanks for waking me," he said in a voice husky with sleep. "Binns will flunk me for sure if I don't get this done. What're you doing up so late?"
"I just got back from reseaching my term paper in DADA," Remus explained.
"Ah. Then I bet you're too tired to help me out with this," Sirius said but he gave his lycanthropic friend a hopeful look. No matter how tired he was, there was no way Remus could resist that look.
"No, I'm not tired. What do you need help with?"
Sirius gave a relieved sigh, and proceded to ennumerate his various troubles. Remus listened patiently, and concentrated on not staring at him.
* He'll never love me. But if I can just be his friend, maybe that's enough. *
Sirius was giving him another wild grin. He returned it and felt his breath catch a little in his throat.
* It'll have to be enough. *
ENOUGH
Remus yawned widely upon entering the Gryffindor common room, shutting the portrait behind him. It was dimly lit by a single fire at the far end near the staircase to the boys' dormitories. He headed towards the stairs quietly, not that he had any energy to make noise. Three hours of practicing some advanced Defence Against Dark Arts spells with his professor, he was so tired he felt he might fall asleep while he was walking.
* I hadn't expected that creating a Patronus would be so draining * he thought out as he stifled another yawn.
He was almost to the stairs when he noticed a still form in a chair next to the fire. Curious, he decided to investigate before going up to sleep. The chair had been pulled up next to a table that was laden with books and scrolls. The person in the chair had several books open on his lap, but was obviously sleeping. His black mane of untamable hair hung over his closed ebony eyes and handsome face. He looked completely at peace, the faintest suggestion of a smile on his lips.
Remus felt a small smile of his own pull at his lips.
* How like you, Sirius, to wait till the very last moment to write a two-scroll report. *
He stood there watching his sleeping friend, who never looked that angelic when he was awake, entranced by the sheer saturnine beauty of him, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed deeply and rhythmically. He felt a familiar elation mixed with depression rise withing him. He longed to take him into his arms and kiss him, to tell him how much he'd loved him for so long.
But as he reached out to do just that, he froze. He knew that he never could, and never would be able to. The depression overwhelmed the elation and it becamed tinged with self-loathing.
* WHY? *
He'd asked that question to himself for the past three years, ever since he'd started feeling like this. It's not like he'd asked for it. He'd tried denying this part of himself. He'd tried to have girlfriends, but they hadn't helped or lasted long. He was frustrated that he couldn't help it. He'd been raised to dissaprove of this very thing, as he was sure most of the wizarding world was, if not the whole world. And who would want to be in unrequited love in the first place, much less love that would make everyone hate you for no better reason than "It's not what most other people like." He himself didn't see the point to such thinking, but that didn't make it any easier.
Not to mention that Sirius, who had the female population of the school at his feet, had no clue about Remus's true feeling towards him. And it would stay that way, if Remus had any say about it. He valued their friendship more than his own life, and if Sirius had ever found out it would almost certainly mean the end of it. At best his friend would pity him, at worst he'd be shocked and revolted.
* They'd all hate you if they knew, * Remus thought bleakly. * The wizarding world is insulated from homosexuals, and most despise them as they do werewolves. And I'm both. *
Through his anguish he realized that his hands were still outstretched toward Sirius.
* He's so beautiful. *
And he was. Remus was taken out of his depression for a moment as he gazed at the thin, wirey youth in front of him. He couldn't help it. He reached out a trembling hand and tenderly brushed the raven tendrils off of the handsome face. Sirius didn't stir, but the smile widened slightly. Remus could almost pretend that it was just for him.
"Oh, Sirius, if only..." he said under his breath.
He drew back. He really should be getting some sleep. But Sirius had to finish his essay. He took him by the shoulders and shook him awake. When he came to, he gave Remus ferrel grin.
"Asleep on the job, Padfoot?" Remus asked in a light tone he did not feel in his heart as Sirius yawned and stretched languidly.
"Thanks for waking me," he said in a voice husky with sleep. "Binns will flunk me for sure if I don't get this done. What're you doing up so late?"
"I just got back from reseaching my term paper in DADA," Remus explained.
"Ah. Then I bet you're too tired to help me out with this," Sirius said but he gave his lycanthropic friend a hopeful look. No matter how tired he was, there was no way Remus could resist that look.
"No, I'm not tired. What do you need help with?"
Sirius gave a relieved sigh, and proceded to ennumerate his various troubles. Remus listened patiently, and concentrated on not staring at him.
* He'll never love me. But if I can just be his friend, maybe that's enough. *
Sirius was giving him another wild grin. He returned it and felt his breath catch a little in his throat.
* It'll have to be enough. *
