Do not own. All rights of Rocky Horror and Maximum Ride are to their respective owners; I'm just using them to warp your mind, and all other jokes also belong to their respective owners. Enjoy :)
Oh, and I know it would make more sense to have Dr. Hans Gunther-Hagen as Frank...but for this to really screw with your mind...it has to be Jeb. Because I'm cruel like that.
Jeb: Frank N. Furter
Dylan: Rocky Horror
Ter Bortch: Riff Raff
Marian Janssen/Director: Magenta
Brigid: Columbia
Flock: Themselves
The Dylan Horror Picture Show
Picture it, if you will: six bird kids, and one winged canine, flying through beautiful blue skies one minute and caught in a torrential downpour, sending us plummeting to what should have been our death, the next.
"Is everyone alright?" I look around my flock; they all nod miserably.
"Where are we, Max?" Iggy asks.
"I'm cold." Nudge whines. "Where are we going to find shelter? We can't sleep in the trees, can we? They wouldn't shelter us from the rain."
"I saw a house." Fang says. "It's probably just a ten minute walk from here."
I nod, but is the house safe? "Wouldn't hurt to check it out." I take Angel and Nudge's hands, Fang takes Iggy's and Gasman walks between us. It really isn't all that long before we come across a ominous looking castle, not a house – a castle, just as the lighting flashes over it, making it even creepier than before.
"Jinkies." Nudge mutters.
Total hides behind me. "This certainly looks like something out of a horror film."
"It's just a house!" Gazzy runs up to the front door and out of the rain. "How scary can it be?"
We join him on the porch and I nod to him to ring the doorbell, he loves ringing doorbells...I'm not sure why – we've never owned one. He pulls the strange looking cord; a crazed laugh startles us, a girlish high-pitched scream follows, then the words 'Get out. GET OUT!' in a throaty tone, and then finally a deep, evil 'Mwahahaha!' laugh ends it.
Yup, not the slightest bit scary. Not at all.
"Awesome." Iggy grins; he's still holding Fang's hand. "Can we get one of those?"
I'm about to tell him I'm rolling my eyes when the door creaks open and a familiar looking face peers around the door. "You rang?" The German accent sends a shiver down my spine.
I shake my head. "Nope, wrong house." I try to leave but another clap on thunder, followed by a flash of lighting, causes Nudge and Angel to cling to me. I can't move like this. "Then again..."
"Come inside." He gestures. Gazzy is first, followed by Fang and Iggy, the last clap of thunder I hear for the night encourages Nudge, Angel and Total inside. "You're just in time for the celebration."
"Celebration?" I look around. No other exit besides the front door; maybe there's a way out upstairs?
"Our Annual Transylvanian Convention."
"How nice..." I manage a tight smile and lean over to Fang. "Don't you think he looks kind of familiar?" I whisper. "Like Ter Bortch, hm?"
He shrugs. "He said this is a Transylvanian Convention; would he be here if he was Ter Bortch?"
"Do we have guest, Ter Bortch?" Another unwanted face slides down the stair banister; my so-called 'Mom' Marian Janssen. I look to Fang with a raised brow and he shrugs again. Bortch nods and she gives us a twisted grin. "Let's show them to the party!"
"I love parties!" Nudge jumps up and down on the spot with Angel.
Music kicks up from somewhere. Iggy tilts his head to the side to listen to it. "It's astounding, time is fleeting." Bortch begins. "Madness takes its toll."
No kidding.
"But listen closely."
"Not for very much longer." The Director jumps in.
"I've got to, keep control. I remember doing the Time Warp." He leads us from one side, the Director take our other side. "Drinking those moments when, the blackness would hit me."
They shove us through the door, both continuing. "And the void would be calling."
"Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!" Everyone in the room sings.
I suddenly hear the voice – but not in my head, it's clearly in the ballroom as the beat pauses. "It's just a jump to the left."
The beat picks up again; everyone in the room dances. "And a step to the riiiight!"
Another pause in the music. "You put your hands on your hips."
"You bring your knees in tiiight; but it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-aaane! Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!"
Director and Bortch have another sing-a-long; Angel, Gazzy and Nudge are trying to follow the dance moves, Iggy is tapping his foot, Fang is giving away nothing but Total is howling along. I give him a kick.
"Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think, when a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink."
My jaw slackened. Was that Brigid in red suspenders, a corset, heels, a feather bower and fishnet stockings?
"He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise."
Yeah...that was Dr. Wonderful herself. I zone her out for the rest of the song; but clearly see Fang watching her every move. He catches me watching him and smirks. "I didn't know she was Transylvanian."
We barely have a minute to recover when a cage elevator drops down from the room behind us; the door slides open and our eyes go wide...except for Iggy who can't see, and Fang who just raises a brow. I've seen a lot of horrifying things in my life...but this really just tops the whole list; dressed in black suspenders, a corset, skin tight black shorts, fingerless gloves up to the elbow and heels – and let's not forget the black makeup with way too much white foundation...
Jeb.
And he's singing about being a Transylvanian Transvestite. I may need therapy.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen." He put his hands on his hips and sticks out his hip. "I'm so glad you could make it to this wonderful occasion!"
"Jeb?" Iggy's brow rises. "Why didn't anyone tell me Jeb was here?"
"Brigid is here too." Gazzy grins.
"Awesome."
"And the Director and Ter Bortch." I add.
"Oh. Not awesome."
I'm glad someone else is worried. "We're leaving!" I say, grabbed Angel and Gazzy by the arm.
"I cannot let you leave, Maximum."
I look back over my shoulder. "And why the hell not? You're insane!"
1"Because the King of the Potato People won't let me." He says evenly. "I begged him; I got down on my knees...and wept. He wants to keep you here. Keep you here for ten years."
Iggy sniggers. "Could we see him?"
"See who?"
Nudge looks puzzled. "The Potato King; not that's he real, we're jus-"
"Do you have a magic carpet?"
"Yeah." Gazzy giggles.
"So let me get this straight: you want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People...and you call me insane?"2 He turns back into his flamboyant alter ego. "Now you will come with me and witness my greatest achievement!" He ushers us all into the elevator. "I have discovered the secret to life itself!"
"Oh joy..." I mutter.
"Keep and open mind, Max." Angel says in my mind. "This could be interesting."
"I'm not getting my hopes up, sweetie." We step out and somehow the Director and Bortch have beaten us up here, along with the other folks from the ballroom. There's more singing, which I manage to tune out, and watch the spectacle happen; Director and Bortch pull back a sheet to reveal a teenager – maybe the same age as me – in some weird green goo in a tank.
"Now." Jeb grins. "To bring him to life!" A few things happen during the process of this kid coming to life - lots of button pushing and lever throwing along with some lightning.
"How Frankenstein." Total scoffs. I see Fang explaining to Iggy what is happening and notice that they are still holding hands. What the hell?
"I introduce to you..." Jeb's voice pulls my attention back to this freaky experiment. "Dylan!"
"Wow..." I stare at the hulky figure. He's tanned, muscular with blonde hair, turquoise eyes and brown wings; the gold short shorts are the only thing he's wearing. He's a little unsteady getting out of the tank.
"He's so cute..." Nudge drools and Angel gives me that 'told you so' look. The boys don't look impressed.
"Short shorts?" Iggy sniggers and yells. "Who likes short shorts!?"
"We like short shorts!" The room choruses.
There's another song. Why are they always singing? It's between Jeb and Dylan...how Jeb's going to make a 'man' out of him; Dylan lifts weights, flexes his muscles – sings a little two, and when they're done Jeb whisks him away into a room which looks like a chapel.
Yeah. I'm going to need major therapy!
1-2: It's a bit from Red Dwarf, one of the best British comedies ever made; You tube W.O.O to see the clip. I'll be adding another Red Dwarf joke later :P.
