'_' means over the intercom
"_" means regular conversation
*_*means thought in head
Disclaimer: I wish! But do not own the Avengers.
Bruce (**!)
You would expect the huge, green, muscled Hulk to be klutzes. But in reality, Bruce Banner is one of the clumsiest men you will ever meet.
The battle went off without a hitch! Everything was going according to plan, and without any casualties or injuries, so far. Captain America hadn't called out the Hulk yet, which was a relief to Banner. He could hear the destruction outside the stealth jet that the team used for their missions. At least they were in a dense forest somewhere in the Russian tundra, so there were hardly any people to complain about the noise. And even if there were, they would probably be running for their lives. Another explosion went off on the side of the jet, making the whole aircraft sway. Bruce swayed with it and lost his footing. He landed on his butt with a nice thump, the cold metal floor doing nothing to soften the blow to his pelvis.
Bruce hissed as he rubbed his bruised buttocks and brought his other hand up to activate the ear intercom. 'Could you guys try to NOT set off explosions so close to the ship? I'm trying not to fall over.'
'Sorry, Bruce', Steve spoke up first and Bruce could hear the strain in his voice. More than likely he was running from something. The short gasping continued as Bruce pushed himself off the floor and waddled to the closest seat in the nose of the aircraft. He had to grip the chair to prevent from tipping over when another explosion went off. Then next voice that came on was Tasha's.
'Sorry' the assassin said.
Bruce sighed and plopped himself down in the co-pilot's worn leather seat before looking out the windows. And sure enough, there was Natasha crouched down on the nose of the jet with a gun in one hand and throwing an active grenade in the other. Said grenade went off with an earth shattering roar, but Natasha was unfazed, her short vibrant red hair was the only thing moving from the grenades fumes. She turned around and gave Bruce a smirk before jumping off the jet and running into the woods.
'Oh my gosh, did Romanov just SMIRK? Someone tell me they got that on camera? Bruce? Bruce, Bruce, Bruce! Did you get it? Come on?!Someone had to have gotten it! Clint? Did you-'
"SHUT UP TONY!" everyone said in unison.
Bruce chuckled, as Tony continued his hundred mile an hour rant. This was every day for them. The pop tart loving god of thunder, America's first superhero, the scarlet spider, a sharp shooter, the playboy/philanthropist/sarcastic/genius, and then the quiet caring smashing scientist. Put all of these characteristics together, and you get the Avengers. Bruce reclined in the seat as he listened to the bickering over the intercom.
'Come on Katniss, just admit you love her! It's not that hard! Clint and Tasha sitting in a loft, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, Clint and Tasha have a baby carriage! K-I-S-'
'I swear Tony, finish that line and you will have an arrow shoved so far up your iron clad butt that not even the Hulk can pull it out!' Clint shouted.
And to everyone's surprise Tony did shut up. The rest of the Avengers who were not threatened by the arrow happy Hawkeye laughed.
'WOW' was Steve's only reply.
'You should piss him off more often, Stark. I kinda like an angry Hawk.' Natasha chuckled.
'YES, FRIEND STARK! MAKE THE MAN OF HAWK EVEN MORE ANGRY! IT IS QUITE HYSTERICAL!'
'Uhm, Thor, buddy?'
'YES, BROTHER?'
'You don't need to shout. We hear you loud and clear.' Steve laughed.
Bruce could picture Thor rubbing the back of his neck, 'Sorry, I was into the moment.'
Everyone had an inaudible sigh.
'How is everything from up there Clint?' Steve's voice cut through the silence.
'So far so- STEVE LOOK UP!' Was all the team could hear when the loud rap as shots were fired. Bruce could hear Steve struggle as heavy clanging sound of bullets as they bounced off his shield. That's when things got chaotic.
Natasha yelled Steve's name as her guns sounded off, just how many bullets she had Bruce didn't really want to know the answer too. The hairs on the back of Bruce's neck stood up and he tried to get a better view out of the window just in enough time to see Thor whiz past in a bright ball of light. Not far behind him was Tony in a streak of gold and red and just for good measure, the quick thwip of arrows joined in the fray followed by Clint shouting profanities. This lasted for a full ten minutes before all was quiet.
'What happened? Is anyone hurt?' Bruce was frantically shouting over the intercom, waiting for a report. Was the Hulk needed? Is Steve okay? Someone freaking answer! Just then Steve's voice came over the ear piece.
'I'm fine, Bruce. The Hulk is not needed. I repeat, the Hulk is not needed.'
Bruce sighed and looked down at his green tinged hands, the last thing they need is for the Hulk to be thrown in the party. Taking deep calming breaths, Bruce managed to settle the Hulk and therefore himself before speaking again.
'Are you sure? Is anyone hurt?'
'We're fine. I just got nicked by one the bullets, not major damage.'
Natasha snorted,' No major damage? Steve a bullet went straight through your shoulder! How did you not feel that?'
Steve must have shrugged, because he winced. 'I don't know….adrenaline, maybe?'
'Adrenaline my butt! Brucey have supplies ready when we get there before Spangles bleeds out on the ride back.'
Bruce cut off the intercom as soon as he heard the bickering begin. Yep, his team alright. He stood up and maneuvered himself out of the cockpit and to the medical area on the jet. After gathering up the supplies and putting it up on the cot, Bruce went to open the hanger on the other side of the cargo hold but tripped over something. The man lost his balance and his face met the unforgiving floor with a satisfying crunch.
*Perfect* Bruce thought as he gingerly sat up and brought his hand up to his nose only to pull it away bloody. He turned around at the waist to get a view at what he tripped over. Said thing turned out to be one of Tony's discarded sneakers. Bruce rolled his eyes as he got up off the floor and moved to the sink close to the cot made for Steve. He washed off the excess blood with one hand while the other held the bridge of his nose to stop the flow. His nose was in an odd angle and turning purple at an incredible speed. *Just perfect* He didn't need to have medical degree to treat wounds, but he knew he signs and looks of a broken nose.
Breathing in deeply, Bruce moved his nose back into place, but not with saying words that would probably put Tony to shame. Then he applied a few butterfly bandages to keep it still until it healed. Bruce knew that after a good night's rest it would be healed by morning, but there was Steve to take care of. The cargo hold opened and Bruce turned around to be greeted with the wide eyed, smoke smelling, and soot covered Avengers looking directly at him. Steve was being carried by Thor, but seemed to have been in the mist of struggling to get out of the god's unrelenting hold.
Bruce could feel the blush warming his cheeks as the other five looked at him. *Could this day get any worse?* Bruce shook his head, trying to move their gazes and motioned for Thor to put Steve down on the cot.
Thor did as was gestured but never relieved his gaze.
"Do we want to know?" Asked Clint.
"Nope." Bruce replied in a nasal voice.
Clint shrugged and moved to the pilot seat. Natasha did a once over on Bruce. He already knew that she figured out what had happened, before shaking her head and moved to the co-pilot seat beside Clint.
"Friend Bruce, what has transpired to your broken nose?" Thor asked in a surprisingly quiet voice while leaning forward and looking at Bruce's bandages. Bruce backed up a bit and helped Steve get out of the tight fitting uniform.
"Nuthing I vwish tu repeat."
"But?"
"No!"
Bruce turned his attention back to Steve and looked at the wound. "Is wet straight through Ste. Eavy fix." Then Bruce looked up to meet Steve's eyes only to find that he was trying not to laugh.
"Wat?"
This only made Clint giggle and Natasha's shoulders shake in quiet laughter in the front.
"Wat!?"
Tony couldn't hold himself anymore and just straight up howled and Thor laughed just for the sake of laughing. Now Bruce was getting annoyed, not mad, but annoyed. He looked over at Steve again and the man gestured for him to come closer. Bruce complied and leaned over so his ear was close to Steve's mouth as he whispered something into it.
Bruce immediately shot up and shot Tony a glare that made Tasha smile.
"YOU BID THIS ON PURPOOSE! TONY!"
Stark was now wiping the tears out his eyes as he tried to regain his composure. "Your face was P.R.I.C.E.L.E.S.S! I should have done this years ago! Your voice, the face, the blush! Oh, Jarvis, tell me you got all of that?"
"Yes, Sir." The AI replied.
"Even the fall?"
"Yes, Sir. I was able to record all the events the lead to and proceeded after Mr. Banner's fall." Bruce could hear a hint of something in the Jarvis' computer voice. He just didn't know if it was humor or sympathy.
"YOU VAIT TIL WE GET BAK TU DA TOWER STAR!"
Everyone went through another round of laughter and this time Steve joined in more openly.
"Sure thing…CLUMSY!?" Tony yelled between breaths as he went over to pick up his sneaker.
Bruce turned around and yelled the only name he knew could fix this with the least amount of damage.
"STE!"
