"Jane, would please leave me the hell alone?" Lisbon said for what seemed like the millionth time. She was whining now, which should have been a warning. Oh, but this is Jane we're talking about, Lisbon thought sarcastically.
"Don't you like my company?" Jane pouted. "Fine. I can see I'm not wanted here." He got up from her couch and walked to the door.
"Finally!" Lisbon almost felt like dancing. She was free!
Jane stopped suddenly and turned, a huge grin on his face. "On second thought," he said, walking back to the couch, "I'd like to see you dance."
"Dammit, Jane!" Lisbon seethed; her face betrayed her and she could feel herself blushing. "Get the hell out of my office, right now!"
Jane pretended to consider this, then shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll stay." With a sigh, he stretched out and lay back on the couch.
Lisbon tried to ignore him at first, which was surprisingly easy. Until he said, "Y'know, Lisbon, I think I'll stay here for the rest of the day. It's quite—Lisbon? Lisbon, don't—OUCH!!" He fled the office, holding his nose.
"And stay out!" Lisbon yelled after him, slamming the door. Now she really felt like dancing. She could see Jane in the bullpen, sitting forlornly on his couch, while the rest of her team was trying to hold back their laughter. Jane looked up, and her satisfied smirk became a frown. He was bleeding, though not badly, and there what looked like tears of pain in his eyes.
She looked away, suddenly embarrassed. She hadn't meant to punch him; it had just… happened. Sighing, she reluctantly decided to go to him and help him. She opened the door and walked to the bullpen, to Jane's couch. He slightly cringed away from her, adding even more guilt to her conscience.
"Jane…," she began. Heads swiveled in her direction. Was she about to apologize? To Jane? "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you."
"You call that hitting?" Jane mumbled.
"Let me help you."
Audible gasps were heard; she had apologized to Jane, and now she was offering to help him?
"Oh, for God's sake," she muttered, glaring at them. They quickly returned to their work. She looked at Jane again, and this time held out her hand. "Let me help you," she repeated.
After staring at it like it was going to bite him, he finally took her hand and stood up, smiling gratefully. Lisbon smiled back, but only because he looked utterly ridiculous. She led him to her office.
"Aren't I supposed to 'stay out' of here?" he asked.
"My patience is way thinner than thin right now, Jane," she warned. "I suggest you just shut up until this is over." She held up her fist pointedly.
Fear flashed through Jane's eyes before he nodded. Lisbon bit back a smirk and opened her desk drawer to get her First Aid kit. She got what she needed out of it and sat beside Jane on the couch, much closer than was comfortable, but it was unfortunately necessary. She took a paper towel and pressed it to his nose.
"Hold that there," she told him. He winced at the pressure, but kept it in place. "I'm gonna wait until it stops bleeding, then I'll start cleaning it up and bandaging it."
"Keep bleeding," Jane muttered, wincing again as he said it.
"What, are you scared?"
"Of course not," he said. "You know I don't like doctors."
"I'm not a doctor," Lisbon reminded him.
"Right now, you're close enough. And I really don't like it."
"Stop whining, Jane. Didn't I tell you to be quiet?"
"You didn't mind five seconds ago." He smirked.
Lisbon scowled. "Did it stop bleeding yet?"
He removed the soaked paper towel. "Damn. Yes."
"Good." She took the paper towel from him and stood up. "I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?"
"To get a wet paper towel that's not drenched with blood so I can clean you up," she said, walking out of her office.
"Warm water, please," Jane called after her.
"Your wish is my command," Lisbon replied sarcastically. She walked to the kitchen and threw away the paper towel, then washed her hands. It wasn't a pleasant experience, touching something stained with Jane's blood. For some reason, it made her feel a bit queasy. She shook it off and grabbed another paper towel, holding it under warm water just as he had asked.
"So what did he do this time?" a voice asked.
"Disobeyed me," Lisbon answered. "Again."
Van Pelt smiled. "He wouldn't leave you alone," she said knowingly.
"Exactly. I don't know why he finds it necessary to annoy me when I have so much work to do, most of it being his fault. He pulls those stunts of his, and I have to fill out the damned paperwork." Lisbon wrung out the paper towel so that it was damp and turned to walk back to her office.
Van Pelt put a hand on her shoulder. "He doesn't do it to annoy you," she said softly.
Lisbon faced her, and Van Pelt dropped her hand immediately. "He still annoys me," Lisbon said, though she didn't sound very certain. "I wish…" She stopped herself right there. She was not the heart-on-her-sleeve girl that Van Pelt could be.
"You wish he wouldn't irritate you so much," Van Pelt said, "because you really want to be able to talk to him and tell him things without you regretting it later because he asks about it."
"You've been hanging around Jane too much," Lisbon said, only realizing after she had said it that she had just confirmed Van Pelt's thoughts. Van Pelt's eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. Now Lisbon felt like a deer in the headlights: trapped. "I… uh… um, I gotta get back to Jane," she stammered.
"Okay, boss." Van Pelt turned and hurried back to the bullpen, no doubt to tell Rigsby and Cho what she had learned. Lisbon sighed. This was so not her day.
She trudged back to her office, where Jane was now sprawled across her couch, whistling something. When she walked in, he sat up and was silent. Now we decide to use our brain, Lisbon thought.
She sat down beside him again and gently pressed the now-cold paper towel to his nose. He winced, but didn't move away or complain about the temperature of the paper towel.
"Did your brain turn on while I was gone?" she asked. "You seem a lot smarter now."
"Word is you wish I wasn't so irritating," Jane answered, "and that if I wasn't, you would confide in me more often and actually feel good about it. I really wish you would talk to me more, so I'm changing my ways. Your wish," he added, "is my command."
Lisbon stared at him, completely dumbstruck. Had Van Pelt somehow told him? And as for him "changing his ways;" that was utter bull. Never gonna happen, as much as she wished it would.
"That's big of you," she said, wiping the last bit of blood from Jane's face. "How long will this transformation last?"
"Until you start to miss the old me." He sounded as serious as a heart attack. Egotistical much?
"And what makes you think I would?" Lisbon started unwrapping bandages as she spoke. "You're vain, you're a jerk, you don't know when to leave people alone, and you lie constantly. Oh, yeah, I'm so gonna miss the old you."
Jane looked crushed and confused. "You... really think I'm like that?"
"Jane, I'm sorry, but I don't think you'll be able to change who you are. I'm not asking you to." Lisbon put a hand on his shoulder. "Please don't worry about what I want."
Amusement flashed in Jane's eyes. "Reverse psychology?"
"Damn," Lisbon muttered. She quickly pulled her hand back. "I wish you wouldn't do that." She tried bandaging his nose, but he moved away.
"That's okay," he sai, standing up. "It feels much better already." He started to walk away. "Oh, and Lisbon?"
"Hmm?"
He walked back to her, took her hand, and kissed it. "Your wish is my command," he murmured. Then he was gone.
Lisbon felt as though she had been in a dream and just woken up. Jane. Had. Kissed. Her. Was the whole damned world conspiring against her? She was so confused...
"Boss?"
"Yeah, Cho?"
"We've got a case. Straight from the AG."
"Got it." This was just what she needed: something to get her mind back on track. She grabbed the First-Aid kit and put it back where it belonged and took her gun from its drawer. Cho looked at her strangely. Lisbon sighed. "It's out of town?" she guessed.
"Way out of town."
"Dammit. Where?"
"Hollister."
Lisbon immediately tensed up. Hollister... the last time she had been there was fifteen years ago...
...and she never wanted to go back.
