Warnings: This fic deals with depression and recovery from rape. It was written in conjunction with nileflood on LJ.
Castiel didn't even know why he'd opened the hood. He dithered at the engine, wondering what part of it had gone wrong. He'd filled up the car with gas that morning so that couldn't be the problem and he'd made sure it was the right sort so that couldn't be causing the issue. He'd checked the oil at the same time and that was fine. Therefore he'd used up all his knowledge on how to get a car to work and was completely at a loss about what to do next. Cars were rushing past him, not one of them slowing down or even looking like they were planning on stopping. He dug his phone out of his pocket and wondered if he should call Gabriel or a garage. He didn't actually know any garages so that lowered his choices down to just calling Gabriel. His brother would probably still be in court at the moment, unable to check his phone and expecting Castiel to be waiting outside as he'd promised.
He sent a quick text message The car is broken. You may have to get a taxi. and then looked back down at the engine. It all looked exactly the way Castiel expected it would look, dirty and metal. He had no idea what part of it was wrong. He shivered a little, looking up at the sky where clouds were gathering. It was going to start raining soon. He wondered if he should call directory enquiries and ask them to locate the number of the nearest garage. He didn't want to be out here in the rain. He already felt exposed standing on the edge of the road with his broken down car. In the rain, with visibility lessoned, he was pretty much tempting fate and there were so many cases of people being hit on highways just like this when they'd broken down. Gabriel normally got the family a good settlement from whoever hit them.
Castiel was considering shutting the bonnet and getting back in his car to make the phone call just as a large black car flicked on its blinker and drew out of the main lane, parking up on the side of the road in front of him. He gripped his phone tight to his chest and waited for the owner of the car to get out. He had a lot of thoughts about what the owner would be like, none of them terribly nice.
The weather really was drawing in, and within a few minutes it would be bucketing down and he'd have to put his lights on, slow down a bit and just acknowledge the fact he was going to be late. Jo and Ellen would forgive him though, he was sure. They weren't a nameless faceless company like whoever it was Sam worked for. He'd be forgiven. But as the sky darkened still further it became obvious that he was going to be even later than he expected. He pulled in, warning lights on and slid out of the car, grabbing a jacket from the passenger seat.
"Engine trouble?" He asked over the roar of the traffic and the young man in a tan over-coat, the sort that wouldn't keep you dry at all if it rained. "Want me to take a look? I'm a mechanic." Maybe the guy had already called out his own garage- it was a nice car, well made and the guy was in a suit, and it didn't look like a cheap one, but Dean didn't know a thing about that.
Whatever Castiel had been imagining was banished from his mind when the car door opened and the man stepped out. He was like something out of a dream, tall but not too tall, maybe just a little bit taller than Castiel himself so if they'd stood face to face he would have had to tilt his head just a little to look into the man's eyes (unlike having to look down at Gabriel all the time and Castiel was hardly a tall man) and he wasn't wearing a suit (everyone Castiel knew wore a suit unless they wore robes. It was nice to see someone in something else) and his eyes were warm even if he was otherwise radiating an air of taking charge which admittedly Castiel needed.
"Would you? I don't really know what's wrong with it." Castiel said, amazed that of all the people who would pull over to stop and help it turned out to be probably the most helpful of all, a mechanic. That was some sort of miracle. He quietly and privately thanked God as he stood on the verge as Dean had gestured for him to do. Dean Winchester; that even sounded like a name you could trust. Castiel was probably strange to believe in portents or signs but no one else has stopped so he considered that God was helping him and contributed a prayer accordingly.
The heavens opened then and Dean handed the slender men his jacket. And gestured him to get onto the verge where it was a little safer. "The name's Dean. Dean Winchester."
"Castiel Novak." He said and hoped straight away that Dean didn't mention that advertisement or anything to do with Gabriel and his face grinning at people from television screens and the sides of busses and that billboard he'd had till it was vandalised. Gabriel spent more on advertising then he did on anything else. Castiel knew; he was the one who had to add it all up at the end of the month. Maybe he should just bite the bullet and get it over with. "Yes, like that Novak and yes, he's my brother and I'm supposed to be picking him up. If you don't want to fix my car now I do understand."
Or worse it wouldn't be Gabriel he thought about but Michael and the commune which was not a cult whatever people insisted on saying and he'd also probably leave Castiel by the road side. Which was worse, lawyer or leader of an alternative religious group (not a cult!)?
Dean had smiled as the man introduced himself, "Nice to meet you." He said, and then stuck his head into the car's innards, getting to work. He liked working on cars. It was the only thing that he felt he'd ever been any good at. He'd never done well at school, he'd not really graduated as per say, and he'd never really wanted to do anything. He didn't want to be a doctor or a police officer or anything like that. He'd ended up being a mechanic, well, out of sheer luck. But he loved the work, and Castiel wasn't the first stuck motorist he'd stopped to help on the roads- he did it for the love of finding out what was wrong, and because, well, he was helping, he guessed. Especially when no one else would help. He'd made sure people could pick up relatives from the airport on time, he'd helped people get to work, he'd made sure that a holiday wasn't ruined for a couple and their kids. He wasn't sentimental, but he liked that feeling. Being useful.
He touched the metal of the engine, still a little hot, but he ignored that, ignoring the dirt and grime getting over his hands or under his nails. He was pretty such he knew what was wrong, what had happened to the car. He popped his head up from beneath the bonnet to share the goodness, and there was Castiel, talking already, and Dean was a little lost as the man continued, talking ten to the dozen.
"What?" He said, when Castiel had, it seemed, paused for breath. "Novak? The lawyer?" He asked, when his brain caught up with him, and he understood what the rather cute rain-coat wearing man was on about. "The one with his face on the buses?" He asked, and then offered the man a grin. "If it's any consolation, you look nothing like him."
"Yes, Gabriel Novak." Castiel said, feeling his cheeks getting hot. He should be used to it now. Gabriel had always been a little over the top and since he'd stopped working on behalf of the commune and gone into business for himself he'd just got better at being loud and abrasive and in everyone's face. He had to be. He was supporting himself now and supporting Castiel. He had to get work. "Everyone says that." Castiel nodded. It wasn't surprising. He and Gabriel didn't share a mother, he didn't think he was a full sibling to any of his brothers and sisters, but they did share a father and Gabriel had always taken care of Castiel.
Dean stopped, the tension in the other's frame apparently melting away as Dean leant on the car and folded his arms. The rain was beating down hard, loud and angry against the bonnet. "I think I know what's wrong. Looks like the valves, it's not really a problem. Easily fixed but not on the roadside. So... I'll get Jo or Ellen to come by with a truck, take it up to the shop and fix it for you. And... I'll take you where you need to go. Sound good?"
Castiel's face fell as he realised he would have to leave the car there. Gabriel wasn't going to be pleased. The car had cost a lot and Castiel had managed to break it somehow although he didn't really understand what Dean was saying about it. He brightened up when Dean said he'd drive him over to pick up Gabriel. "Really? That would be wonderful. Can you take me to the court house?" He asked, texting Gabriel as he moved slowly towards Dean's car. Coming to pick you up. I've got a lift from a new friend.
"The Courthouse? Your brother working on a case? Murder? Insider trading?" Dean asked, but shook his head then, he was pretty sure that, like doctors, there was probably some sort of lawyer-client confidentiality thing. But the law and lawyers were interesting and Castiel could tell him. Dean wasn't going to tell anyone if he did. Maybe they didn't exactly solve crimes like Matlock did; although Dean was certain inside a courtroom was a great place to be a fly-on-the-wall. Lawyers and judges and juries, they had affairs, solved crimes, and saved lives. He was sure TV was right about that.
Castiel smiled softly. Everyone knew the sort of cases Gabriel took on, at least anyone who'd seen the adverts he ran. Gabriel was an attack dog; people hired him if they fell down the stairs at work because someone left a folder on them or if their boss kept hitting on them at the office party. He was good at what he did but he wasn't doing the glamorous stuff. He hadn't trained in that. He'd trained to be able to fend off allegations that their father ran some sort of brainwashing cult and now he used that knowledge to make sure the families of the victims of gross negligence in the workplace received more than adequate compensation. His adverts might make him a laughing stock because Gabriel didn't know how to do subtle but you wanted him in your corner. Castiel knew that better than most. "No, personal injury."
They'd both climbed into the car by then and Dean waited until Castiel had got his seatbelt on before starting the engine and turning back into the traffic. "So..." He started again, after a moment of just looking at his unexpected passenger out of the corner of his eye. Castiel really did have very blue eyes, if you gave yourself a minute to really look at him. "You know what I do, Castiel, what do you do? And better question, what would you prefer to do? You know, dream-job, sort of thing."
"Me? I don't really have a job." Castiel said, looking down at his hands in his lap. Thirty-two and without a job. Dean was going to realise very shortly that all avenues of conversation regarding working weren't terribly fun were Castiel was concerned. "I work for Gabriel in a manner of speaking. I'm whatever he wants me to be today. Normally that's a house keeper and PA but today I was supposed to be a chauffeur but I don't seem very good at that." He was surprised at Dean's question because he never really thought about what else he might like to do. He was perfectly content. "I'm not sure. I like helping Gabriel. He needs someone to sort things for him. Before I started helping him he kept all his case notes under a paperweight shaped like a sleeping cat. Now at least they're in a file and properly organised."
Gabriel hated rain. He hated it, hated it hated it. It could spoil the best of days. He'd made a lot of money, for himself and for his client and that would normally have been cause to celebrate. But as the session had finished he fished around in his jacket pocket for his phone, turning it on and waiting for the little notification to flash up that his other clients had left voicemails or that Castiel had texted him to say he was waiting. Castiel's name did pop up but not with the message Gabe was expecting. He groaned, the thought of getting a taxi souring his victory slightly. The whole reason for having a car would mean he and Castiel, especially Castiel, would never, ever have to use public transport. The phone trembled again and another message appeared. Gabriel hoped his brother had the thing working but apparently not.
The lawyer's eyes widened and he cursed, heading out of the building and down the steps out front in a panic. Castiel should have known better. Gabriel had tried his best, god knew, to teach his baby brother that no matter how friendly they seemed strangers were always bad news. It seemed that the message just hadn't got through to Castiel at all. He juggled the suitcase in his hands, his grip tenuous thanks to the rain, his coat in the trunk of his stricken car. He had to call Castiel, but the water on the touch-screen of his phone made dialling impossible and he cursed again (relishing in it, as he always did. Cursing was not allowed in the cult). He'd just have to hope that Castiel had met a saint and that he wasn't going to come to any harm.
As they drew nearer to the court house Castiel could see Gabriel there already, standing on the steps in the rain and he blanched slightly, remembering that Gabriel's coat was in the back of his car on the way to a garage somewhere. As Dean drew up to the curb Castiel opened the door, gesturing Gabriel towards them. "I'm so sorry! I don't know what happened to the car. It just stopped. This is Dean, he's a mechanic. He said he'd give us a lift." He reached back and unclipped his seatbelt, tumbling out of the car onto the pavement.
"Whoa!" Dean managed as Castiel leapt from the car before they'd come to a full stop. They weren't going too fast, and there wasn't much traffic, but he could just imagine Castiel slipping on the wet pavement, falling backwards and ending up under a wheel. Thank god it didn't happen, and Dean got the car stopped properly, handbrake on.
He got out the car, the rain sliding down the back of his neck, just to see Gabriel- surprisingly short, really. Dean didn't really remember the pictures of the guy he'd seen on the side of buses and on billboards. He was lighter-haired than Castiel, with a completely different face-shape. And, in the flesh, was a good deal shorter. You'd certainly not think they were brothers at all and Dean wondered if they were adopted. Sure, there were a few differences between him and Sam, mostly the height, but they still looked sort of the same.
Gabriel was glaring. Normally of course he didn't need to glare, so Dean got the very best glare he could muster. Castiel didn't know better than to just jump into the cars of 'friendly' men. It was only luck that this guy had brought Castiel here and not to some abandoned warehouse or something. Still, he wasn't about to accept a lift home- he didn't want this so-called Samaritan knowing where they lived. Even if it meant taking a taxi. "Castiel, what have I told you about strangers?" He muttered to his brother's ear, his grip around the taller, slimmer man tight. Just in case.
"God bought him to me." Castiel said serenely to his brother. He knew Dean was not a bad person. A bad person would not have stopped and would not have offered Castiel a lift or arranged for the car to be towed. Dean had been nothing but wonderful for the time that Castiel had known him. All he'd needed was for him to be there and Dean had managed that. Gabriel was too worried. Castiel couldn't go through life never talking to people in case they proved to be dangerous. He had had a bad experience, yes, and it had been a terrible one but not everyone was that man. Gabriel had to let him at least try to live something of a normal life.
Oh god. Now if that wasn't something a crazy person would say then Gabriel didn't know what was. The last person they should be thanking, or talking to, or about, was god. He was going to have to remind Castiel about that, but he couldn't here. Not in public. "Thank you for your help." He added, attention moving to Dean, his words and manner stiff. "We shan't require any more of your time. Just tell me where my car is."
Dean raised an eyebrow, looking to Castiel and feeling suddenly sorry for the guy. His brother was odd. Very odd. Castiel wasn't some little kid. "Erm, it's at the Harvelle Garage? Or it's on its way there at least? I called my boss and she and her daughter are on the way to get it with a tow-truck."
"See, Gabriel. I told you Dean knew what to do." He touched his brother's arm, trying to suggest to him that they should be moving towards Dean's car. He thought that Gabriel would like Dean's car if he got into it. He'd mostly likely enjoy the radio station Dean had the car tuned to. "Please, let's get in. Dean has to go to work. He came out of his way to help us. Please, Gabriel." Gabriel needed to trust Castiel. Sometimes Castiel thought Gabriel blamed him for what had happened, that he thought Castiel had done something to tempt that man or will him on. It was an awful thing to think but the way Gabriel treated him sometimes Castiel did have to wonder. It had been what Michael though after all.
Gabriel sighed. Castiel was an innocent- a sweet, good-natured and trusting man but one that could bend Gabriel to his will so very easily. Besides, the rain was getting worse and Gabriel just wanted to get back home. It had been an early morning start and early mornings reminded him of the bad times, the times in the commune when he had to be up at the crack of dawn to do chores or pray and he'd hated that. Now, with his work done, he could go home and have a nap. He deserved it.
"Alright." He said, giving in and moving towards the car and the man stood, leaning his arms against the roof. "We won't take you too far out of your way, I promise." Gabriel told him. They didn't live too far out from the centre of town, in a nice, modern apartment building which suited Gabriel's rather luxurious tastes and certainly not in keeping with their Spartan childhood.
Dean was smiling towards the brothers, although his attention was really focused on Castiel. "I'll drop you off wherever you need." He said, moving around the car to open the passenger side. "Do you want to ride up front with me, Castiel?" He asked, waiting for Gabriel to get in and sit down before he spoke- it wasn't difficult to get the feeling that Castiel's brother didn't like him much.
"I'd like that, yes." Castiel agreed. The choice between riding up front with Dean or riding in the back with Gabriel like a child was easy to make. Gabriel was dripping wet and Castiel knew he wasn't much better since he'd been standing out in the rain trying to convince his brother that Dean was not an axe murder but at least he wasn't glaring. Gabriel was almost always smiled. When he was unhappy it was unsettling. Castiel settled back in the front seat, staring in front of him and ignoring Gabriel for the moment. "It was very kind of you to do this Dean." He said thoughtfully, knowing Gabriel would most likely later forget to offer any kind of thanks without being prompted. "Gabriel and I are both very grateful."
Gabriel settled in the back, in his own little puddle of cold and damp, grunting when Castiel said his name. He hated rain and he missed his car and he did not like the way Castiel had got to sit up front with this strange lift-offering man who was no doubt memorizing where they lived so he could rob them later. He would tell the security guy to be extra vigilant.
Sam thought his day couldn't get any worse. His Dad had phoned that morning which had meant a fight. It was always a fight. Sam wasn't applying himself. Sam was wasting his potential. Eating and paying bills didn't exist in Dadland because Dad just went wherever he wanted and did what he wanted but settled people paid bills and Sam needed a job. It wasn't glamorous, he hated it but he went to work every day and he tried to do his best. And then pretty much everyone he talked to was a moron so that just made the day even better.
And now he was standing outside work, in the pouring rain and he was pretty sure he could see Dean's car crawling down the street in the traffic. Dean who should have been at work on the other side of town but who had two guys in the car with him. This was not on. The traffic was slow enough that when Sam walked out into it he felt like he was stepping into an open-air parking lot. He walked up to his brother's car and tapped on the window. "If you're skipping work the least you can do is offer me a lift, jerk. Dad would die if he knew you were taking time off to pick up men." A car behind them honked and Sam waved his arm in their direction aimlessly, as if trying to swat a fly before opening the back door and crawling in next to the suited up guy in the back.
He pulled the door shut and then looked at the man properly. "What the fuck is Gabriel Novak, the lawyer, doing in your car? Dean, you always have cheap dates!"
Gabriel had been about to say something, like point out the fact that they had an alarm system fitted in the apartment since he had the feeling that Dean was going the slowest route possible simply so he could pump Castiel for more information about their valuables, when the door opened and he yelped with surprise, lashing out with the brown cardboard folder- now slightly soggy- he'd had hugged to his chest. "Excuse me!" He snapped, trying to get out of the way as the too-tall creature leaned into the car. "I'd watch what you were saying to strangers. Otherwise you might be asking me to help you out one day after someone punches you in that big mouth of yours."
"Sam, ignore him, just get in and shut the door!" Dean called, as the traffic moved a little forward and the car behind began to rev as if he had somewhere important to go and those few yards of space in front of Dean was a personal insult. "Gabriel is setting up a swimming pool in the back. You can help."
And when his little brother was in, he let the car roll forwards. "Dad keeping well?" He asked, because there was only one thing that made Sam acted like an asshole, and their Dad was it.
"I don't plan on making money by suing people over every little thing." Sam said, glaring at the lawyer and it was strange to think he was in his brother's car with someone he'd previously spent a lot of time making fun of - with Dean, in his head, to people at work. "Besides, getting hit is like a badge of pride. It means you said something that mattered." And Sam didn't say a lot of things that mattered at the moment. He just repeated the same boring information day after day. "Why are you in our car anyway? Dean, your shift started almost an hour ago and Gabriel Novak can probably afford a whole fleet of cars of his own and who is that in the front with you?" Sam wondered why he couldn't just say Gabriel or Mr Novak. It sounded giddy, almost fanboyish the way he kept repeating Gabriel's full name but then he didn't really know him and he'd always used his whole name before because it made all the ludicrous stuff about him sound even funnier.
"And Dad is peachy, thanks for asking." He muttered, glaring at the back of Dean's head because Dean somehow managed to always be out when Dad called. He never got the brunt of it. "So," He asked, turning his attention to Gabriel a bit more. "Is it true what I read that you're actually related to the Novak's who run that weird-ass cult thing?"
Dean sighed. He could see it all in the rear-view. Sam had had a tough day- when did he have anything but? - and Dad's call clearly hadn't made it any better. Usually Dean got the brunt of Sam's frustration but now... well, he felt pretty sorry for Castiel's brother. He didn't know why, the guy looked sort of ridiculous- so very short next to Sam and all huddled up. "Gabriel, this is my younger brother Sam. He isn't having a good day." He looked at Castiel then, with a slight smile, knowing that once the brothers were dropped off, Castiel was probably going to get an earful about the company he kept. "Sorry," He mouthed.
Castiel shook his head as he smiled across at Dean. He was used to brothers who said whatever they felt like and didn't particularity think about what they'd said until afterwards. There wasn't any need for Dean to apologise. Gabriel could be bad but he had nothing on some of the things Michael had said and then there was Lucifer but they didn't really talk about him now. It was better just not to get involved. They had left. They'd left because of that mess and it was better not to think about it.
Gabriel grunted, "Why doesn't he join the club?" He muttered and then looked to Sam, who was filling that side of the car, the top of his head almost touching the roof. "Novak is a very common surname, thank you. But yes, they are...relatives. We don't talk about it. And thank god you'll never end up in court. As soon as you open your mouth in a courtroom, you're bound to lose kiddo. Now, care to tell me about all the skeletons in your closet? No? Surprise, surprise, Mr Bad Day."
Amazingly Gabriel had managed to paraphrase exactly what his Dad had said to him that morning, that Sam would never amount to anything and that if by some fluke of luck he did find himself in a courtroom he'd probably get his client convicted within three seconds of opening his mouth. Sam paused, trying to think of something to say but then he snapped his mouth shut, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his seat, glaring out of the window. What did Novak know anyway? He was practically a laughingstock so it wasn't like he could talk and at the rate Sam was going he was never going to get anywhere near a courtroom.
Sam grunted from his side of the car. "What skeletons? You've met Dean who's apparently on some mission to save assholes today and then there's our Dad who only calls to tell me how I'm wasting my life while he's off wasting his. Mum's dead and that's all the family we've got. There, now you know about me." Sam guessed calling it a cult was probably the best way to put Gabriel's back up but normal families didn't issue proclamations about who was ex-communicated and going to hell. He glanced up at the front seat again. "Dean, who's your friend?" He'd asked once but it seemed Dean didn't want to tell him. Admittedly he could have lost the fact that Sam had bothered asking at all since he'd gone back to bitching at Gabriel a second or so after.
Dean sighed. He'd been certain, when Gabriel and Castiel had piled into his car, that they could have a nice friendly conversation as he drove them home and maybe then, somehow, he'd find a way of asking Castiel out. For a drink or to see him again. He didn't do things like that, not really but he liked Castiel, and he noticed when he smiled at the young man, Castiel smiled back- not a forced smile, but one that seemed very natural and Dean liked that. He liked Castiel, even if now with their brothers bickering, Castiel couldn't get a word in edgeways.
"Sam, shut it." He said, and then took a calming lungful of air, counting to ten in the silence of his head before answering his brother's question. "This is Castiel, Gabriel's younger brother. He broke down on the highway and I helped out. Jo is picking up their car and I'll fix it tonight and drop it back to them." He supplied, looking back to Castiel and hoping that was okay. "We're driving them home now. And then I'll drop you off, and then I'll go to work." And have his hide tanned by Ellen.
"You must think we're jerks, Castiel, I'm really sorry about Sam. God only knows why he's being such an asshat. He's normally very nice." He said, loudly. Sam was being an ass. Gabriel Novak was a stranger- a rich stranger- and he might refuse to pay for the car's repairs or any gas money for the lift home if Sam continued to be such a dick. It wasn't polite and while the Winchesters were no paragons of virtue, Dean hated the idea that Castiel would think badly of them and that Gabriel wouldn't be happy if Castiel and Dean wanted to meet up again.
"Don't apologise for him, Dean." Gabriel interrupted. "I've spent most of my life apologising for my family. He's got a mouth on him, if he can't manage an apology, that's up to him and not you." He said, shooting a glare over at the tall, sulking man. "What are you, twenty-six? Stop being such a baby." He leant in, and dropped his voice, words only for Sam, "And if you ever imply that my brother is an asshole again, Sam, I'll kill you, got it?" He smiled brightly then, apparently feeling better, and opened his briefcase, pulling out a bag of sweets. "Candy, anyone?"
"Gabriel..." Castiel's voice from the front seat was full of worry, as if reminding his brother to play nice with the other children or they wouldn't be able to come to the park again although in this case it was unlikely they'd ever see each other again. The Novak's lived in a part of town that was seriously off limits to the Winchester and their current pay cheques.
"Twenty-five." Sam corrected him, turning to look back at Gabriel rather than at the rain and cars and found Gabriel invading his personal space and looking oddly menacing for someone who was so small. "I was only talking about you. You're the only asshole in this car." Apart from Sam who couldn't let things go. He wasn't about to let Gabriel try threatening him in his brother's car. He'd seen Dean pull the protective big brother act a few times but he'd never been on the receiving end of it till now. He wondered if Dean always seemed so unhinged when he did it. "No, I don't want any of your candy. You can't just insult me and then offer sweets."
"Really? There must be a mirror in here then, because I'm looking straight at another one." Gabriel retorted, munching on some of the little pearls of chocolate from the bag, leaning back into his own seat, but his eyes didn't leave Sam, flickering over him. Sam was young, but then again, he looked it, if you ignored the height on him. He wasn't bad looking either but Gabriel knew that didn't detract from him being an ass.
"It's very nice to meet you, Sam." Castiel said quietly. "I'm sorry you're having a bad day."
Sam hadn't really been paying much attention to the man in the front seat with Dean if he was perfectly honest and he was rather taken aback when Castiel spoke to him. He didn't look like Gabriel so Sam would never have pegged him for his brother. He shrugged, as if realising for the first time that he was being a jerk. "Yeah, same to you." He said, that all he could find to muster in the way of being polite and stared out of the window.
"Oi, you with the sweets," Dean said, momentarily distracted from the glass and metal apartment buildings that towered around them. "Some this way?" He didn't usually want sweets, not candy. Pie and cake, yes, and sometimes other things like that, but right now, some sweets seemed like a good idea. He'd been glancing over at Cas a lot, wondering how to bring up what was on his mind. He liked the guy, he'd enjoyed talking to him, before they'd got to the courthouse and the way he'd spoken to Gabriel and Sam, well, Dean couldn't help but like that too, grinning widely. He wanted to get to know him better, maybe get him out of Gabriel's shadow. Sure, he could see that Gabriel loved his brother and wanted to protect him, but Dean was a big brother too, and he knew how to let go. Sam had done okay. Castiel would be okay too. And besides, making some new friends would probably be good for both of them.
Gabriel sat up slightly then, as if realising where they were. "At the next junction, you want to go left." He said, realising that if he didn't give directions, they might never get home. Castiel didn't seem too bothered, and Gabriel wouldn't be have cared either, if it weren't for Sam and his mood. He passed the sweets up front too, taking a handful though, just in case, shoving them into his face.
Castiel had been sitting there, smiling and just enjoying the noise in the car. It might be an argument but there didn't seem to be anything vicious in it. Just two people letting off steam and he rather enjoyed listening to them. They could be rather funny in a gentle, background way. It was nice to sit up front, next to Dean and just drive slowly through the rain. It was almost peaceful. Castiel had always found it peaceful when there was noise. Growing up there had been so many of them, it had hardly ever been quiet. It was the quiet that frightened him the most. When Gabriel spoke though it jolted him out of that soft enjoyment. Two streets away was home. Even with slow traffic they'd be there in ten minutes and then Dean, and by association, Sam would drive out of their lives maybe forever or at least until the car was fixed.
He scrabbled around quickly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat, pulling out a pen and a little note pad he kept for making shopping lists and taking down instructions when Gabriel called him from work. He wrote down his phone number quickly and tore the note off the pad. "Here." He said, passing it to Dean. "Call me." He meant when the car was fixed or when they needed to pay or something like that but it didn't come out that way and Castiel wasn't in a hurry to correct it. Dean could call him whenever he liked and about whatever he liked. He wouldn't mind.
Dean was a little startled when Cas jolted, fishing around in his pockets and when he held out the slip of paper, Dean was glad they were stopped at traffic lights, so he could take it and look at it, not just stuff it into a pocket. He smiled, looking at Cas with grateful eyes. He knew Castiel would probably mean that he wanted to be called when the car was ready, but couldn't help but hope that he meant something else. "I will, thank you." He said, his words spoken softly, but his smile didn't fade, not noticing the lights changing from red to green until the driver of the car behind him started leaning on the horn. The oldest Winchester went slightly red then, fumbling to get the car into gear and set off again, taking the turning Gabriel had instructed.
"Here, it's here." Gabriel said, far too soon for Dean's tastes, and he sighed not only because Gabriel and Dean started bickering again.
"Now, Grumpy, get out my way." Gabriel said to Sam, who was sat on the side closest to the pavement, "Let me out." He wasn't about to jump out into traffic, god no! Sam could move, he'd probably complain, but Gabriel didn't much care. He rather liked Sam's come-backs. Or rather, his attempts at come-backs. They were as good as his attempts to have a decent hair-style, by the look of it.
"Make me!" Sam said, spreading his arms out in front of him because he was pretty certain there wasn't anything Gabriel could do to make him move so either he'd have to get out of the door on his side of the car or crawl over Sam and Sam was up for that. Anything to add a little bit more humiliation to the day, especially if it was Gabriel's humiliation. "Come on." He said, reaching back to open the door behind him, tempting Gabriel with the escape he wanted. "I know you want in my lap, baby, you don't have to go through this pretence."
Dean took a breath, clearing his head as the pair in the back continued arguing and decided to take a chance now on what he wanted. "Castiel, I know this is sort of... rude. But... would you like a coffee sometime? Erm..." He didn't have a pen; he didn't have any paper so he could give Castiel his number. "I can call you? And we can go somewhere? I... god, that sounds really dumb, sorry." He muttered, wondering if Castiel would laugh. He was tempted to himself.
Castiel was slightly distracted by Gabriel and Sam's fight which was now in danger of spilling out onto the street and involving other people. He turned his attention back to Dean as soon as Dean started speaking though, dipping his head to lean into the man and listen more intently to what he was saying, smile growing wider with each word. "I would like that, Dean, yes. You can call me whenever you like." He reached out, his fingers ghosting over Dean's wrist. "You do not sound dumb. I've not been asked out before. I like it."
In the back seat of the car Gabriel laughed. Oh, Sam was getting himself in trouble here. Gabriel Novak thrived on challenges. This wouldn't be humiliating for him. He'd get out that door, and Sam would be nursing his pride. "In your lap? I doubt there's much there of interest." He retorted, but moved anyway. Dean's car, despite not being new, was roomy in the back, and it wasn't difficult moving across. And then over Sam's lap, grinding down as he did so.
He'd not been ideal commune, cult, material. He'd snuck out, in his teens and early twenties, he'd gone to clubs, dances, to bars. To strip joints. He'd come home in the early hours drunk, and sometimes he'd not come home for days. He'd almost been kicked out, but the cult thought they could cure all that behaviour. They hadn't, but as he'd got older, his rebellious streak changed. He'd wanted to get Cas out, and all his energies had focused on that. But the sensation of moving over another man's lap- a taller, stronger, more attractive man's lap brought back a flash of all those memories. He'd never had an adult romance or relationship, not even after leaving the cult. He could have, one day. He did miss it.
Sam hissed, a sharp intense of breath because he hadn't been expecting Gabriel to do that. He'd been expecting him to huff and pout and call Sam names and make disparaging remarks about his manhood but Gabriel had only managed one of those. The grinding was something completely off the play list.
He gritted his teeth, surprised at how good Gabriel was at this and maybe it was because Sam hadn't been able to see anyone since he'd started his new job and kept stupidly unsocial hours but this was actually turning him on. It wasn't Gabriel, he told himself firmly, his body was just reacting to the fact there was someone, anyone, pressing against him after such a long absence. He tangled his fingers in the older man's hair, tugging him close, breathing out against Gabriel's ear "My Daddy always said lawyers were whores."
The noise that Gabriel made then was a odd sort of stifled moan, a rumble in his throat as those fingers curled in his hair. It was all coming back to him now, and those words, oh those words shot straight down his spine. He should have moved off, should have slid from Sam's lap and to the pavement, but instead he's just stilled there, and not only because Sam had hold of him."Wouldn't you just love if it your Daddy was right, just once?" Gabriel said, as Sam released his grasp, turning his head and, as his eyes locked on the younger man's, ground his hips into him again, just once, before he got up and out the car. That would give Sam something to think about. And Gabriel could worry later about having hit on a guy more than ten years younger than himself.
Castiel seemed to have everything, and checking he'd not left anything in the back-seat was Gabriel's excuse for taking a moment to breath, to clear his thoughts. He wasn't about to admit to himself how good that had felt. No matter how wrong it probably was.
Dean wasn't aware of any of this, any of the noise or shuffling from the back. He was just grinning at Cas. Cas didn't think he was an idiot or stupid. Granted, he'd only known him an hour or so, but still! And tomorrow, tomorrow he would call him in the afternoon and they'd go get coffee from somewhere, maybe get a bite to eat. Dean should probably get that car fixed as soon as he could too. Although part of him wanted to drag the repairs out as long as possible, just spend a bit more time with Castiel, give him more excuses to speak to him. Before Gabriel got suspicious.
"Tomorrow? I'll call tomorrow, for coffee?" He suggested, "And it's okay. I don't... I don't often ask people... you know, out. For coffee." Sam was going to tease him about this.
Whatever was happening on the back seat, a scuffle of some kind, Castiel resisted the urge to look. He didn't want to distract Gabriel and have him realise just what Castiel was agreeing with Dean. He would never allow Castiel to keep any date that was made. "Tomorrow." He didn't feel he needed to tell Dean to call him in the middle of the day when Gabriel would be at work. Dean would already know that and telling him would simply make Castiel feel as if he was purposefully going behind Gabriel's back and plotting this, which he wasn't.
"I suppose that's good to know." He said thoughtfully to himself. "I wouldn't want to think that helping stranded motorists was your pick up line." And then Gabriel was out of the car too, standing on the sidewalk with them and Castiel couldn't say anything else.
"Gabriel, I'll let you know as soon as your car is fixed and I can drop it off to you here if you'd rather- save you a journey across town in a taxi." Dean told him, it would save him ever seeing the part of town Dean worked in and deciding he was bad news for his little brother.
Gabriel nodded, still a little shaken, and then managed a smile. "That'd be good." And then he dug into his suit-trouser pocket, pulling out his wallet. "I know we took you a long way out and you're late for work, so I'd like to pay you for the gas. Send me an invoice for the car."
Dean froze, looking at the $20 bill being offered to him. He didn't know if Cas was watching or not, and his hand itched to pull out of his pocket, to take the money. But $20 was... well, it was too much. "Don't worry about it; consider it a favour from a friend, Gabriel. I'll be seeing you. But I better get Sam home before he moans anymore."
He waved then, at Castiel, feeling a bit better before sliding back into the driver's seat. "Coming up front, Sammy?"
Sam sat there in dumb silence while Gabriel got out of the car and held a conversation with Dean that seemed to go on forever if Sam was a good judge of it which he wasn't really. He was more at the point of staring straight ahead of himself, willing himself to stop being hard. Okay, so he'd misjudged how far Gabriel would go and at the end there they will still bating each other but it had gone from being jerks to something that was oddly hot and Sam didn't know what to think about that. He also didn't want to think about the fact that he'd called his father Daddy even if it had been with the intention of winding Gabriel up because he'd not actually called him that since he was about five and also Gabriel was an older guy and he'd bought that word into the conversation and Gabriel had been writhing, only word for it really, in Sam's lap.
Yeah, and he'd have to think about the fact that Gabriel was a man. Sam wasn't opposed to men in general. He'd fooled around with other guys, mostly while off at collage and away from Dean and Dad and any judgement either of them might have but they had been firmly not grown-ass men like Gabriel. They'd been people his own age looking to have some fun, not snarky lawyers who were a hell of a lot older than Sam. He'd never gone for an older guy and he wasn't going for Gabriel now. It was just that Gabriel had made him hard by acting all slutty which probably meant Gabriel had won their little fight. He shut the car door loudly and glared at his brother's head as he settled back into his seat.
"No, I'm fine back here." He said, spreading his legs out a bit and trying to think about anything but Gabriel in his lap. "So, uh, I guess Castiel seemed nice. Gabriel's as big a jerk as all his posters and shit make him out to be."
Dean laughed, shaking his head. "Your loss." He said, and pulled away, his attention flickering to the two suited men on the pavement, watching as they went into their building. They had seemed okay, to him, but really only been interested in Cas. Castiel. Not Cas. "Castiel is really nice." Dean corrected his brother as they crawled back into traffic. He was going to be hours late. He'd just have to work it back. He was about to tell Sam that he had the guy's number, was going to call him tomorrow and ask him out for coffee. He was sweet and quiet but opened up a lot when he was away from Gabriel. All of that he could have said. But he didn't, biting it back, "I'll have to give him a call and tell him once the car is sorted." He muttered, although Sam probably didn't care at all about that.
"I don't think you think Gabriel is that bad. You seemed to like fighting with him." He counted instead, wondering why Sam wanted to stay in the back. It was hardly comfortable when you were that tall. Weird. "But if you two have a fight on the playground again and you bang your knees, then you won't get any sympathy from me."
"Come on, let's get in before we freeze." Gabriel said, as the car doors shut. One far more loudly than the other, and Gabriel smiled widely. He hadn't seen the doors close, but he was certain it had been Sam that had slammed the door, and that meant he'd won. Gabriel loved winning, and if anything, the victory in the car had been even more satisfying that the win in the courtroom.
He took Castiel by the arm, tugging him forward before getting into the shelter of their lobby. He was still damp, but had forgotten how uncomfortable he'd been. Sam might have had his uses. As his brother pressed the button for the lift, and checked the mail box, Gabriel stomped his feet a bit, trying not to stop and keep still, otherwise his semi-hard cock would be obvious and frankly, he didn't need Castiel freaking out.
"Coffee and a hot bath for me." He said brightly, as they got in the elevator, "And then bed. I'll have a midnight snack later."
Castiel had looked everywhere for them. The bathroom cabinet where they really should be kept, Gabriel's beside table where they also should be, his briefcase quickly before Gabriel went to work and then under both beds, in all the kitchen cabinets and he'd even dug down the back of the sofa which had produced a few coins, a tissue and a couple of receipts but no pills. Which meant that Gabriel hadn't taken his dosage last night and had gone off to work that morning without remembering them either. Castiel always tried to make sure he took them because it was as if Gabriel thought the doctor was lying to him about needing them and if he had a chance to go without then he would. Castiel knew what his brother got like without those tablets. He needed them.
Eventually, after searching the whole apartment he had to admit that the only place they could be was the pocket of Gabriel's coat and the only place that was with Dean Winchester at a garage run by some people called Jo and Ellen but he didn't know anything more than that. He didn't even have a way of getting in touch with Dean since he was the one who'd given Dean his number, not the other way round. Dean said he was going to call but Castiel couldn't wait the correct amount of time needed in courtship before a phone call. He'd gone through the phone book, calling everyone listed under D or S Winchester in the hope he might get a hold of Sam if he couldn't reach Dean and it was surprising how many of them there were.
"Hello," He said into the phone as soon as it connected. "Have I reached Dean Winchester? The same Dean Winchester who picked me up on the highway yesterday?" Yes, that opening line might be putting a few people off. He'd had people hanging up on him.
"Castiel!" Dean's voice at the other end of the phone was pleased, upbeat. He'd worked off the hours he'd missed the day before and now his day off stretched before him, and he'd considered, early that morning, calling Castiel and making an arrangement for coffee, but didn't want to end up talking to Gabriel. The car wasn't quite fixed yet, they'd had to order the bits but he was going to bring it back tomorrow, all waxed and shined, cleaned inside and out. To impress Castiel. He'd notice, and he wasn't sure Gabriel would.
"What's up? Fancy a coffee?" He offered, carrying the phone to the beat-up sofa, mindful that the cable wouldn't stretch all that far and he'd end up pulling the damn thing out the wall and Castiel would think he had hung up. He reached into his jeans, pulling out the number on the piece of paper Castiel had given him, smoothing it out and setting it down on his knee. Castiel had very neat handwriting, especially for someone writing along in a moving car. Dean's looked rubbish, but he didn't have much call to be doing any writing, and all the invoices were done on Ellen's ancient computer, the sort with a black background and green writing. The only thing he had to write was notes to Sam which he stuck on the fridge.
"When I was driving Sam home yesterday, there was this little coffee house on that main street near you and I wondered if it was any good and if you wanted to go..." Hopefully not straight away though. Dean needed a wash, and some decent clothes- jeans without holes in and a t-shirt without grease on and he probably needed a shave too. God. He should have put more thought into this, made sure he had some nice, fancier clothes clean. Maybe he had some more jeans. And a shirt. And a nice leather jacket, the one Sam had got him. Yeah, he could look… well, like he didn't spend all day wallowing in pools of engine oil.
"I'm sure it is very nice there." Castiel cut across him quickly. He did want to make a date with Dean at some point and it would be easy to get side-tracked by the relative places they could go for coffee although Castiel made perfectly good coffee at home if Dean didn't mind Starbucks blend which Gabriel liked with every flavoured syrup he could buy or import and sugar and crème but maybe Dean was one of those people who didn't like commercial chains, Sam looked like that sort of person or at least the sort of person who liked to be against the mainstream although Castiel had his suspicions about coffee bought from little retailers because he wondered where they got their blends and did they simply go to the supermarket and pick them off the shelves but he'd never asked and this run on sentence in his head was exactly the reason he'd interrupted Dean. He realised as well that while he'd been thinking to himself he'd been silent and it had been a good few seconds, far too long for a normal pause.
"Dean." He said again, starting the conversation over from the beginning, determined to keep track of it this time. "This is Castiel. From last night. I need your help. I left my brother's prescription in the back of my car and I have no idea where the garage is that you took the car to. Gabriel needs those pills. He will pretend that he doesn't but he is...not well without them." Did people usually discuss their brother's needs for psychotherapeutic drugs before the first date? No, probably not and if Gabriel ever found out about this he'd be so angry with Castiel but that was better than him being ill.
"I know it is an imposition but could you fetch them for me? I think they're in his coat. It would be on the back seat. If you can't then I can fetch them myself. I just need the address." It was the second time in as many days that Castiel was asking Dean to come to his rescue in some small way. He reasoned that Dean might very well resent this and that the offer of coffee would be refused but he made it anyway. "I will make coffee for you if you are able to come round."
Dean heard that long pause, and Castiel, when he spoke again, sounded almost annoyed, impatient. And the made him worry, had he gone on too long, had he gone too far? Maybe Castiel wasn't calling about their date at all- after all, he'd have to search through the book for the number and you didn't just do that on a whim, did you?
He didn't realise he was holding his breath until Castiel continued, till he explained and Dean let out a soft, short laugh- not at Castiel, but at himself. "God, Castiel. I thought... I'm sorry, I should have made sure that all your things were out. I'll go round now and get it for you, bring it round." He said, not minding at all. Any reason to see Castiel again was a good reason.
"Erm... It might take me a while. But I'll be there as soon as I can. Home-made coffee sounds even better, I mean, if that's what you like. I'd really like that."
It took a good fifteen minutes to get ready- to run into the shower, scrub himself clean and then dash out, drying himself as he went through his wardrobe, pulling out a nice, casual button-down shirt and pulling it on, finding some shoes and grabbing a jacket, dashing out the house. He'd text Sam but he wasn't going to be gone all day, was he? Nah.
He picked up the coat; found the little white container of bills, in the pocket- no point bringing the coat without the pills. He set it down on the passenger seat, jumped in his car again, and was off. The traffic, at least, wasn't so bad this time of day, and he arrived at Castiel's building about 45 minutes after they'd spoken, and the man at the security desk told him the floor. He took the lift, but even so, Dean's heart was beating harder than usual when he stepped out onto the plush, clean, thick carpet and knocked on the Novak's door. He'd never be able to give Sam this sort of thing.
Castiel opened the door to the apartment, smiling at Dean. "Oh good, Gabriel was only kidding about giving the doorman your description and having you barred." He said, reaching out to touch Dean's arm and guide him into the apartment. "I'll just text Gabriel. Do you want to go into the kitchen? I've got some coffee brewing." He pulled his phone out of his pocket, not in a suit today since he wasn't going to pick Gabriel up and he wrote a quick message.
He slipped his phone back into his pocket and followed Dean into the kitchen. The state of the art coffee maker that Gabriel had bought about two months ago was working away in the corner and he bought out sugar and milk and some of the syrups that Gabriel had ordered. "I don't know how you like your coffee." He said apologetically. "Gabriel likes his super sweet. We've got mint syrup, chocolate syrup and this caramel stuff." And a whole cupboard filled with other flavours if Dean liked something else. "I, um, it's Starbucks blend. I hope you don't mind since you wanted to go to that little coffee shop."
Dean stepped in, feeling a little scruffy despite the (albeit rushed) efforts he'd made to look presentable. His hair was probably all over the place and his shave had been hurried and his shirt was a little crumpled. Cas just looked... relaxed, at home. Normal and nice. His heart was still beating hard and fast, and he followed Castiel like some sort of sheep. He took a breath, leaning against a counter in the very clean, very expensive looking kitchen. It was very nice, all of it. He felt a bit over-whelmed but even so, most of his attention was focused on Castiel as he moved, stretching for things in cupboards, the litheness of him, the shape of him more obvious.
Dean swallowed, and tried to move his eyes away. It was almost impossible to focus on the fact Cas was speaking to him. "Erm, no, no, that's fine. Starbucks is fine." Coffee was coffee. Well, not just coffee. They all sort of tasted the same but yeah, there were differences. "I just have it as it comes, really." He added, looking at all the bottles filled with various syrups and flavourings. He didn't mind sweet drinks, but coffee was coffee, you shouldn't really mess with it.
"Okay." Castiel said, pouring Dean a cup of coffee, adding just a splash of milk. He handed the cup across to Dean and then poured one for himself, leaving out the milk but adding a teaspoon of sugar. He lifted the cup to his lips and then blew on it, cooling it down slightly before he took a sip. "I hope you like it. If you don't, just add more of anything you want."
Dean nodded, taking the cup and swallowing a mouthful. Better than the cheap bitter stuff he had at home but then again, McDonald's coffee was nicer than what they had at home. "So, I..." He began, distracted again when Castiel moved, "I'm sorry about Sam yesterday. I know he's an arse. I hope Gabriel wasn't too annoyed by him." It was lame, but he didn't know quite what to say now. Some of the things in his mind you couldn't just say, especially when you'd known someone less than 24 hours.
He paused, then, the phone Castiel had been using making a buzzing sound. It wasn't a call though, just a reply to the young man's message
"I think Gabriel rather enjoyed arguing with him. I don't raise to the bait any more so he has to find other people to argue with." He said, his smile soft and amused. He knew it aggravated Gabriel to be unable to get a rise out of him and in a way that made his attempts all the more funny, seeing Gabriel getting worked up about it while he kept his cool. He knew sometimes Gabriel accused him of being a robot. He hoped Dean didn't think the same of him. "Sam seemed nice." He said because he felt he should say something. Sam hadn't been very nice, that was true but he also hadn't been too nasty and really he'd been focused on Gabriel, he'd hardly noticed Castiel was there once the introductions were done.
When his phone beeped Castiel fished it out of his pocket, looking at the message with a little frown. He sighed and glanced at Dean. "I'm sorry. Gabriel is being difficult about these pills." Which Castiel should have expected but still. "And it will be lunch time soon. Are you hungry Dean? I'll make us something."
Dean wasn't going to win awards for being the most observant guy ever when it came to emotions, but he had noticed that Sam's bad mood had focused on Gabriel. It didn't seem unusual, because when they were together, Sam's bad mood always focused on Dean. Maybe he just ended up locking horns with whoever was closest. But Cas was right, it had seemed like Gabriel had enjoyed it, until it had gone strangely quiet as they reached the apartment. And then Sam had been quiet on the way home too. Which had been nice, but now Dean thought about it, fairly odd. "I don't think we should let them play together anymore. It might be nice now, but it will end with hair-pulling and biting." Dean warned, although of course he was teasing. "They're probably as bad as each other really."
"Probably." Castiel agreed. He didn't know if Dean was hinting that he didn't want to come back again for more coffee and maybe other things or that he was hinting that they should keep this date and any subsequent dates a secret from their respective brothers. Castiel could understand that desire. Gabriel had not been entirely pleasant about Dean and while Castiel understood his brother's desire to protect him he didn't want it to lead to Dean deciding that Castiel was not worth the difficulty. After all, it was difficult to have a relationship without someone always questioning your worth and intentions or so it seemed. Castiel had never had a relationship that he could measure this by. What had happened before was not a relationship by any stretch of the word.
He shifted, moving a little closer to Cas. He wanted to be closer to him, wanted to talk with him and relax. "Food would be nice, if it's not any trouble? I can help out. I mean, I'm no 5-star chef but Sam's never complained." Not that that was much of a recommendation. Sam and Dean had both grown up eating whatever was put in front of them. And that was mostly meat. John Winchester had been opposed to vegetables on moral grounds
"It's not any trouble. I also like to eat lunch." Castiel said, setting his coffee cup down. "Do you mind salad? I thought Gabriel was coming home for lunch and I try to make sure he eats more than sweets." He said, brushing gently past Dean to get to the fridge. He pulled out some vegetables, a ham that already had a couple of slices cut from it and a bag of lettuce leaves. "The ham was from last night's dinner. I thought it might be nice in the salad. Gabriel would survive on sugar only if given the chance and die of scurvy or diabetes. At least Castiel tried to make sure he had other things to eat. Ham and Boston baked beans the night before and now a ham salad with mustard dressing today although that was now going to be Deans.
"Here." He said, handing him a knife and pulling one of the chopping board out of the rack. "I think cucumber and red peppers. Can you chop them very finely?" He asked, smiling at Dean. This was nice. It was familiar and not tense like going out somewhere might have been.
"Don't most people? Like lunch, I mean." Dean teased gently, happily starting work as Castiel instructed, cutting finely as he could after going to the sink and washing his hands. He liked this. He liked cooking with Sam to, although this was... well, different. Cooking with Sam involved a lot of being stupid, a lot of messing around but with Cas he doubted it would be as childish an experience. He relaxed, chopping away as he listened to Castiel. He seemed very good natured, despite all the worry and fuss living with Gabriel seemed to award him. He was so nice, and so worried about his brother- well, Gabriel seemed alright, but especially deserving. Still, brothers were like that- Dean would have done anything for Sam, even if sometimes he acted like an arse.
"I think it sounds delicious. I mean, candy is okay, but I think I'd rather have this. I mean, it just sounds better. But I know I'm not exactly great with what I eat. Too many burgers and chips."
Gabriel was meant to have a meeting with a judge, but she'd called it off at the last minute when a session over-ran, rescheduling for the next week. So, contrary to what he'd told Castiel, he was free. And he knew his brother would be pleased if he came home to eat, rather than just grabbed a hotdog from the stand outside the courthouse. He even took a taxi, to make sure he was home before whatever Castiel was cooking spoiled. It was an odd little journey home- all he could recall was the journey the day before, with the annoying, too-tall twenty-something. Sam Winchester. Tall and handsome and he had made Gabriel's blood boil, but probably not in the way he'd expected. Oh, Gabriel had taken a bath as soon as he'd got home, soaked for hours and tried not to remember the stiffness against him as he'd slid over Sam's lap, and then he'd had to have a shower to sort himself out.
He got to the apartment probably ten minutes later than Castiel would have liked, but he had his keys at least- he was forever losing them- and let himself in, sliding out of his spare coat and setting down his briefcase. "What's for dinner?"
The look of panic that crossed Castiel's face would have been comical if he didn't look so frightened. He'd just set down two plates, ready for Dean and his lunch and things had been going well. There was flirting. Dean was much, much better at it then Castiel but Castiel was trying and there had been accidental brushes, their hands touching, moving against one and other as they moved around the kitchen. It was like a little dance, a ritual that had to be carried out before the words could be said but Castiel thought that the chemistry was right. Dean seemed to like him and he certainly liked Dean. Maybe after lunch he would suggest another date.
"I...um." He said, looking at Dean unsure what to say to him. He doubted Gabriel would be at all happy about finding that Dean was there. Gabriel had told him he couldn't come home and Castiel checked his phone quickly and there were no texts or missed calls to tell him anything else. He bolted out of the kitchen door, shutting it behind him and trapping Dean in there.
"You said you weren't coming home for lunch." He said accusingly. "I made salad anyway but I know you don't like it. I have your pills. If I give them to you will you take them? I will let you skip the salad for lunch." It was like battering with a child but Castiel was hopeful that Gabriel would not want to have to face both healthy food and his pills and would instead opt for the out Castiel was giving him. He had had everything planned. Dean was supposed to just come for coffee; it would have given them all the time. He shouldn't have asked him to stay for lunch.
Gabriel stood still, looking at his brother. He was going to take his pills, they didn't make any difference, apart from to his bank balance but it seemed to make Castiel happy. Really, he'd wanted dinner. He was starving. Jelly-babies during his first hearing just hadn't taken the edge off. Normally Castiel was trying to get him to eat, trying to make him be healthier. This side of Castiel was new, strange. And Gabriel knew when he wasn't being told something.
"Castiel..." He said, suspiciously, moving closer and then glancing over to the closed kitchen door. It was never closed. "What's going on?" He said, because there was something, he just knew it. Castiel was keeping things from him.
Dean had added the chopped pepper to the bowl of salad leaves, turning to Castiel to ask what else he wanted done, when the other man had disappeared, the door shutting. Dean frowned, shrugging and guessing that Castiel had gone to grab something. But after a moment, when the other wasn't back, he followed, taking his coffee with him. It really was good.
"Cas...?" He said, and then froze, his eyes meeting Gabriel's. He wasn't due home, was he?
"This is why you wanted me to take the pills and leave!" Gabriel accused, the hurt coming through in his voice, and then he looked over Dean. He was sure he owned a shirt like that. It probably was his shirt, he realised. He'd left very early that morning, grabbing honey-covered toast before rushing out the door and he'd just assumed he'd seen Castiel, but had he? Had Dean crept back last night and into Castiel's room?
"Get out!" He said suddenly, not wanting the stranger there, alone with Castiel. Not again, not again. He couldn't deal with this again. Neither could Castiel.
"Gabriel!" Castiel gasped and this was why his brother had to take his pills. Without them he got irrational although Castiel knew perfectly well that Gabriel would never have been happy with Castiel inviting a man here on his own. "Please, don't do this. Gabriel, sit down. I'll get you some water and you can take your pills and we will talk about this. Please!" He knew how badly Gabriel wanted to protect him and he knew how badly he had messed up the last time but Dean wasn't Alistair. Castiel wasn't barely a child and out trying to encourage sinners to love God.
"Dean...I..." He didn't know what to say to Dean. How could he? Gabriel was acting as if Dean had come here to debauch Castiel and he'd been nothing but chaste with him. It had been everything Castiel had hoped for and now Gabriel was here and he was ruining it and Castiel pushed passed Dean and back into the kitchen. He filled a glass with water and loathed himself for even for a second thinking Gabriel would be better off somewhere else, anywhere else but in Castiel's life at that moment. He had saved Castiel. He had protected him when no one else would. He had made a better life for both of them and Dean was nice, he was a sweet man but he was not Castiel's brother and Gabriel had to come first.
He came back into the living room and passed the glass wordlessly to Gabriel, opening the bottle of pills and handing them to him. "It's not what you think, Gabriel. I am not that stupid anymore."
"It's okay." Dean murmured, really not impressed with Gabriel. Yes, he might be worried but what was wrong with having a salad? Gabriel could see nothing was happening, and there was nothing else about to happen either. But no matter how angry he was with Gabriel, he was more concerned with Castiel, who seemed both embarrassed and worried at the same time. "Can I do anything?" He asked, wanting not just to be brushed aside but to be useful.
Gabriel did not like being told he was wrong. He was worried, extremely worried about his brother. But he let himself be pushed into a chair, still glaring at Dean, annoyed that he'd been over-ruled and the man was still here. Maybe the scene looked fairly innocent now, but how well did they know this man? They didn't know him at all. First impressions could be misleading.
He took the glass he was offered though, taking a sip before he took his pills. He didn't even complain. He sighed though, his elbow resting on the table as he rubbed at his sore eyes. "I just..." He began, but didn't continue, not knowing how to express his fears. He didn't want to discuss it in front of Dean. Yes, everything bad had happened years ago, and Castiel was smart, but... Gabriel still couldn't help being frightened, being protective. He looked over to Dean then, before asking, "Were you having dinner? Was that why you wanted to know if I was coming?" Maybe that was it. Maybe Castiel had asked him to be a chaperone. That wasn't so bad. Then, interrupting the heavy atmosphere, there was an irritating beeping, and Dean began to pat at his pockets, drawing out the offending phone.
"Sorry. Probably Sam." He murmured, and then Gabriel snorted.
"Why don't you invite him over too? I'd love a re-match. Might even let him win this time."
Castiel glanced up a Dean guilty as the mechanic fiddled with his phone, moving to sit down next to Gabriel. "We were having coffee. Dean invited me yesterday when you and Sam were arguing. When you said you weren't coming home I invited him to stay for lunch." There. Now Gabriel knew the whole truth and he could be as upset as he wanted to be with Castiel. It wasn't as if Dean had known willingly that he was going to have to sneak around behind Gabriel's back. Most people's brothers didn't demand to be there on dates. "Maybe it would be a good idea if you invited Sam, Dean." Then there'd be no chance of anyone doing anything wrong. Four people eating lunch together was not a date.
Sam didn't even know why he'd bothered catching two - count 'em, two - buses over to the Novak's apartment building when Dean had sent him a text but he'd got out of work and he'd got on the first bus and then he was riding up in the elevator and why this was the point at which he'd started to question his choices he didn't even know. He checked his phone again and knocked on the door Dean had told him was their apartment. This place was stupidly swanky. Sam had pretty much decided he hated it but he liked the idea of a free lunch and they were having salad apparently and Gabriel was freaking out that Dean was even there so why not invite Sam and make things extra weird?
And he hadn't wanted to see Gabriel again at all. He hadn't thought about him. He hadn't gone home and slammed his bedroom door and thought about fucking Gabriel in his lap while Gabriel was wiggling around like a bad lap dancer. He didn't like the Novak's and he was including Castiel in that because if Dean didn't have a thing going for stranded guys in distress with big blue eyes then they would never have ended up in this mess in the first place. He knocked on the door again, louder this time. "Come on. Let me in. I'm starving and I was promised lunch!"
Gabriel was the one that ended up opening the door. He had a cup of coffee himself now, full of caramel flavouring and with cream topping and in his big Starbucks mug. He knew Sam was coming, and he wasn't exactly happy about it. He'd not expected to ever see the tall man again; otherwise he certainly wouldn't have jerked off while thinking about him the night before. "Oh, it's you." He said as greeting, looking up and down the man. He was much taller than Gabriel remembered, but he'd never actually seen the man stood up.
He stepped out of the way, letting Sam in. "There's salad, but if you're starving, you can come with me and get tacos." Salad was okay. If it was on the side of a plate, and there was a burger or something else with it. Or with a Japanese curry. His stomach rumbled at the thought, and he turned away from the younger Winchester, ignoring him and his hunger.
Dean was settled at the table, next to Castiel. He'd not wanted this to happen, he'd wanted a nice, quiet get-to-know-you date, not have to have some sort of uncomfortable family get together. "I'm sorry Cas." He said, and he meant it. Maybe next time, some coffee shop might be better, if Gabriel didn't frequent it. And Sam never went anywhere near those sort of places. They could have a proper first date. If this hadn't completely put him off. At least, before Sam arrived, he'd managed to give Castiel his mobile number. Planning something should be so much easier now.
Castiel graced Dean with a small, self-conscious smile. "I don't mind, Dean." He would have liked more time alone with Dean but Gabriel had been so unhappy and Castiel hated making him unhappy. Besides, it meant that Dean's brother could join them and he seemed to be good at distracting Gabriel. He and Dean would be able to talk at least. "Gabriel, please eat the lunch I made for you. Dean and I worked hard." He said, feeling his brother should not be ungrateful for the meal even if it was not what he liked. Castiel had become very good at being grateful for things he didn't like.
"I like salad." Sam said, glancing past Gabriel because he was wondering why Dean was putting up with salad for lunch. He would normally have called it rabbit food and demanded to know where the meat was. He was pretty much like Dad in that way, a man who'd never met a vegetable he had immediately waged war against. It had been like living with two overgrown toddlers sometimes, the whined so much about having green stuff on their plates. Of course the reason Dean was probably so happy to eat salad was sitting next to him at the kitchen table. Sam had known Dean do some pretty out of character things for the chance to get laid so he guessed sucking it up and eating some salad wasn't too bad from Dean's side of things. "Maybe you should try some more salad." He said, turning his focus back to Gabriel and poking him in the stomach. "You can't live on sweets alone. It's starting to show." He was just teasing. Not looking for reasons to touch Gabriel. That would have been wrong.
Without his car, exactly how he was going to get to his favourite taco shop was giving him a bit of a problem. He didn't fancy another taxi trip, and although he had previously been a little more reassured about leaving Castiel with Dean, he wasn't so sure he should leave him with two complete strangers. He was certain Dean wouldn't attack him, but... well. It was so easy to be wrong and he didn't fancy Sam poking around the house while he was out either.
"Hands to yourself bean-pole," He growled, slapping the poking finger away. He wasn't chubby. He wasn't he wasn't. He liked sweets, they gave him his edge and they calmed him down and he ate other things. And he'd prove it too. "Fine, I'll stick around. I guess you kids should have an adult to watch over you. Especially you, kiddo." He said, prodding Sam in the chest as best he could, trying not to focus too much on how firm the muscle was under those layers of clothes. Very firm. Probably slightly tanned, maybe very slightly freckled. With dark nipples that just begged to have a tongue sweep over them...
Gabriel turned on his heel, marching into the kitchen and trying to fix himself a drink. Cold water. With ice, lots of ice. To cool him down, make his blood flow back to the limbs it was currently ignoring. "Is is just leaves, or do we get some dressing and croutons?" He called out, trying to be natural.
Dean shook his head, bemused and frankly amused by Gabriel. He was a character, certainly, and whether he would agree that it was a good thing he and Sam fought- giving him and Cas privacy- he did want to talk to the other. "It's Ham. And there is dressing." He replied. Salad wasn't so bad. If there was meat in it. "Sam, come sit down and try not to bully Gabriel." He didn't want Castiel thinking he liked the way their brothers fought. He wanted to be nice, stable, and gentlemanly. With manners and morals and stuff, and he knew Sam would make no attempt to curb his behaviour towards Gabriel, Dean had to show that he disapproved somehow.
Even if it seemed to him that Sam and Gabriel seemed to relish the tongue-lashings they gave each other.
The salad had been pretty great actually. Sam had been surprised because he'd honestly worried there might be parts of fingers in it or something when Castiel had said that Dean had chopped most of the vegetables. He and Gabriel had behaved for the most part, only snarking at each other a bit and accidentally on purpose bumping legs under the table. Sam had known really after lunch was finished they should have packed up, said thanks and gone home but Gabriel's afternoon suddenly became free when it turned out his case was getting pushed back at short notice and Dean had the afternoon off, Sam had worked a half day and they'd just ended up watching some god awful 80's film on TV.
Castiel had been like a little domestic fairy, disappearing into the kitchen now and then to fetch drinks and snacks and when that movie had finished it turned out Gabriel had a collection of terrible movies on DVD and now it was pretty late into the evening and Sam was certain they weren't going home. For one thing Dean had managed to sling his arm around Castiel's shoulder, getting the guy snuggled up against his chest and Gabriel hadn't said a thing. Maybe because he was too busy trying to shout Sam down about which was the best Nightmare on Elm Street squeal.
He nudged Gabriel, jerking his head back towards the couple curled up around each other. "I don't think they're even watching the movie." Anyone who could be romantic during Freddy Kruger butchering kids was either a psychopath or simply not paying attention. "Maybe we should put something else on, huh?"
That news didn't surprise Gabriel. He'd been watching Dean "I'm not a pervert" Winchester and his brother get closer and closer all evening, and now Castiel was pressed up close against the man, and looking more relaxed and happy then... then Gabriel could remember. He should be upset, and he was, but he was sort of jealous too. Not because of Dean, good god no, but because he wanted some attention. Yet Sam had stayed resolutely uninterested in cuddles, gropes or making out of any kind. "They wouldn't notice if the building was on fire."
And with that, Gabriel got to his feet, picking up his empty glass. The wine had been flowing since dinner, and so had the beer but none of it had been for him. He returned from the kitchen with two tumblers of a beautiful rich amber liquid. "Whiskey." He explained. Castiel had demanded that Gabriel not drink after taking his tablets, but now he could help himself and Cas was too distracted by Dean "I won't molest your brother" Winchester to notice.
"You know, I don't think they'd notice anything right now." He told Sam, settling on the sofa again, this time much closer to the bean-pole. "You could watch anything you wanted, really, Castiel wouldn't notice. Like the first Lethal Weapon with all the breasts. He really wouldn't know." He said, taking a swallow. He liked whiskey. It was delicious, the burn, the warmth seeping through him, distracting him from all the possibilities of what he could watch with Sam "I'm a hot jerk, jump my bones" Winchester. Thank god they'd got out of that hell-hole cult when they did, otherwise they'd never had got to try this stuff.
"Whiskey?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow because his Dad drank whiskey and it was not something Sam had ever really developed a taste for. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Castiel raising his head off Dean's chest slightly and he gathered that Castiel wasn't as completely out of this conversation as he might have previously appeared to have been. He took the glass, sniffing at it and wondering just how much this was going to burn going down. He took a small sip and then laughed at Gabriel. "You know the girl showing her breasts dies pretty horribly, right, Gabe? If you want to watch porn with me then just say." He patted Gabriel on the knee, more as a joking than anything else but his hand lingered there.
Gabriel laughed too, taking another swallow of the whiskey, eyes glancing down to where that hand rested on his knee. Oh, that was nice. Sort of heavy, warm and Gabriel was about to accept Sam's request for porn (although he didn't actually own any DVDs of the stuff, because Castiel tidied his room and he really didn't want that sort of thing laying around) when Castiel decided this was the time to drag himself off of cloud nine and back down to earth where the rest of humanity wasn't getting nearly so friendly with a man they'd met only yesterday. Mores the pity.
Castiel was sitting up now, reaching for the remote and the TV went off suddenly, the whole room oddly quite without all the screaming from the movie. "Gabriel. You know what the doctor said. You cannot have alcohol with your pills. You could make yourself really ill." Castiel said, reaching out across Sam to try and take Gabriel's glass away from him. "Please, Gabriel. It's been a nice evening." He didn't want to accuse his brother of ruining it but he didn't like Gabriel when he got like this and now Gabriel was going down rather inappropriate routes.
"Pills?" Sam mouthed, looking over at Dean with a raised eyebrow, wondering what they were talking about. "Just what pills have you taken?" Ending up in the ER because Gabriel was a junkie who liked mixing his uppers with whiskey was not how Sam wanted this day to end.
Gabriel didn't want to give up his drink, but he took a final swallow, not even managing to drain the glass before he had to give it up to Castiel's straining fingers. "Thank you, dearest brother mine. Thank you for sharing my medical history with our guests." He retorted and instead of slumping back into the sofa, he shifted, turning and planting a knee either side of Sam's hips. He wanted to try and kneel above him, but Sam, unfortunately, was too tall and too broad in the hip for that plan to succeed, so, without very much regret, Gabriel just slipped into sitting in Sam's lap.
"What my brother means to say is that some over-paid doctor thinks I have some sort of depression." He said, in a mock-whisper, as his arms folded around Sam's shoulders. "But the truth of the matter is that I took the damn tablets before you even got here, and if everyone else is going to drink, I'm not going to miss out." Fair was fair, after all. "While we're swapping medical history, did you want to know why we left the cult? Ignore Castiel, he calls it a commune, but it's a cult. Well, we left because he needed to get treated for an STD and our brother wasn't going to let him because God wanted him to get sick. So we ran away in the middle of the night, which was good because any longer in there and I think I would have died along with Cassie over there."
Castiel dropped the whiskey glass. It shattered on the floor, spilling the last of its contents but Castiel hardly noticed. The colour drained from his face and he stood, unable to move, not able to believe that Gabriel had told everyone like that. It wasn't his fault, Castiel tried to reason, Gabriel wasn't well, he wasn't taking care of himself and he was drunk but even that didn't make it better, didn't make Castiel in any way inclined to forgive him.
"Er, Sam..." Dean said, sitting up, his attention moving between his brother and Castiel, looking now very uncomfortable. "I think that it's probably getting late. We should head home." But he didn't really want to abandon Cas. He wanted Sam gone because his presence seemed to have a really weird effect on the thirty-something lawyer. Then he and Cas could get Gabriel to bed and Dean could apologise profusely.
Of course Dean would want to leave. Castiel was tainted, he was ruined and Dean was under no obligation to stay now, knowing what awful things Castiel had done, the guilt in his soul. He should be sweeping up the glass, he should thank Dean for all his help and show him the door but he didn't do that. He turned and fled into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him, unable to face what Gabriel had done.
"You're a fucking jerk, do you know that?" Sam said, pushing Gabriel off his lap, face twisted in an expression of disgust. "You think that's okay? All Castiel said was you shouldn't mix your pills and drink which it doesn't take rocket science to work out." He grabbed Gabriel by the arm. "Which way to the bathroom? We're going to splash some water on your face, sober you up and make sure you're not killing yourself." Which after the spectacular display of being an asshole from a moment ago Sam wasn't sure was really all that terrible. He'd known Gabriel was a bit on the wild side but he'd just thought he was eccentric, he hadn't realised he actually had something wrong with him but it didn't give him any excuse to do what he'd just done.
"Dean, just deal with it." He snapped at his brother, opening the doors till he found the bathroom. Dean would have to sort out Castiel.
Dean was already up before Sam could raise his voice, using his booted foot to push the glass away from where someone- probably Gabriel at this rate- was likely to fall on it and cut an artery- and then he was after Castiel, trying to find which room he'd gone into, knocking at it. "Cas, Cas, let me in. It's okay. Sam's taking care of Gabriel, we'll make sure he's okay. I don't want to go until everything's okay."
He hadn't meant to suggest they up and leave, he really hadn't. Why was he always fucking up? There were too many slammed doors in his life. "Please, let me talk to you. I want to make sure you're okay." He couldn't imagine what Castiel might be feeling. He and Sam had had fights- more of them when their father had been around, less now, although they could sulk like princes- but he couldn't ever betray Sammy like that, and while Sam could be an arse, he wasn't like that. He might say things hard to take back, but not secrets, he didn't spill stuff like that to... well, to anyone.
"Please Cas," He pleaded, leaning against the door. Had Cas locked it? Was he okay?
Castiel looked up at the door to his room. He'd sat on the bed, replaying Gabriel's words over and over again in mind. It had been so awful but Dean's reaction had been so much worse. Castiel had known eventually he would have to tell Dean what had happened if their relationship went anywhere but since this was the first date he doubted it really counted as something Dean needed to know. He wasn't the sort of boy to do that on first dates. It was personal, private and he would have told Dean before they became too entangled with each other. He had to tell Dean; after all, he had to know eventually. There could be no hiding it.
Dean was at his door now, trying to get Castiel to let him in but Castiel hadn't locked the door. He didn't think the door even had a lock but it had never been something he'd considered. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down some more. "The door is open." He said, his voice coming out mostly steady, only the slightest tremble in it.
Dean let out a breath as Castiel gave him permission to come in, opening the door slowly though, not wanting to burst in. He wanted to show Castiel that he was calm, that it was all okay. "I didn't want to force my way in..." He explained gently, stepping in. He didn't worry about trying to sit down, not yet. Everything was about Castiel, what Castiel wanted and the pace he set. He did move closer though, to kneel on the floor, reaching to take Castiel's hand. "I don't know why Gabriel did that, I really don't. But it's okay. It doesn't make you any different. Our second date will be better. If you still want a second date. No brothers, I swear."
Castiel let out a shaky little laugh. "You'd really want a second date?" He asked, unable to believe that Dean would really consider that. For a moment he was giddy, excited and hopeful but he knew that he couldn't just accept that and not tell Dean anything about what had happened. It would play on Dean's mind, he was certain of it. Dean didn't seem the sort of person who could just leave it be and Castiel wanted to tell him. He hadn't told anyone. Gabriel was the only person who knew all of it. "I...I was eighteen. Most of us, we had a good education but I didn't show any real flare. Not like Gabriel. My brother, Michael, he thought I'd be better off being a preacher, trying to spread the word. I believed so much. I always believed. I still believe in God even if I don't believe in my family."
He swallowed, twisting his hands together, a shudder running through him. "I thought I was saving a sinner. His name was Alistair. He said he wanted to hear what I had to say, invited me to his house. I don't remember very much of it, I suppose that is a good thing. I tried to go back to being normal but I couldn't. He'd made me sick. He'd had... something and he passed it to me. I wanted to get treatment but my brother said the disease was my sin for what I'd done and I had to suffer for it. I couldn't stand it, the idea of having to always have something of that man with me, always being in pain because of him. I couldn't. Gabriel rescued me. We can't ever go back, but we're free at least." He took a deep breath and then hurried on with the final part of his story. "There were no lasting effects. I'm clean now. All I need was a course of antibiotics. We were disowned for that."
He had to tell Dean so Dean would know the truth of it, so he would know how guilty Castiel was for leaving his family, how he was still guilty because he never regretted it. He regretted that it had had to happen in the first place but the actual act of leaving, of rebelling against Michael and his way of life had bought him nothing but relief.
When Castiel began, Dean listened. He wasn't a natural listener, but for Cas he could be anything, and right at that moment, he listened with every fibre of himself.
When he'd seemed to talk himself to the end, took a breath that marked Dean's turn, Dean let his hands smooth up Cas' arms, rubbing over the fabric of his shirt and trying to ease out all the tension and strain there. "What they tried to make you do was wrong. I'm sorry, Cas, that you... that you had to go through all of that. No one should force you... should try stop you from doing what you need and want to do... or make you do anything you don't want to do." But Gabriel had taken him away from all of that. That at least restored some of Dean's confidence in the ambulance-chaser.
Castiel stared at his hands, not wanting to look at Dean because even if he was being kind, even if he thought what Castiel had chosen to do was right Castiel knew he was still guilty. He licked his lips, glancing up at Dean, wondering how the man could still want him after what he had just told him. At the commune they had told him he was damaged, that he would be tarnished now in the eyes of god and in the eyes of all men. He should have been doubly damned for that but Dean seemed so sincere.
Castiel thought he should have flinched at Dean's touch after everything he had just told him. It was probably what was expected of him. The memories of that time, of Alistair, were so blissfully dim though and Dean was not that man. "Gabriel protected me." He whispered, needing Dean to understand that whatever Gabriel had just done his brother hadn't always been like that.
Dean smiled, a gentle smile when he realised how much that meant to Castiel- how his brother's actions had helped him and why not? Gabriel had fought to help his brother as best as he knew how. It just seemed so strange that the sort man that Castiel described as being so caring and protective and desperate to help his brother could dredge all that pain up all over again. The man Dean had met for the most part was unremarkable (Sam might argue that he was unusually annoying for such a short person) apart from the cruelty he'd seen aimed at Castiel. A moment of stupidity, maybe? But whatever had caused that, aside from the pills and the drink, he didn't know. Dean just didn't know if he could easily forgive the pain it had caused Castiel.
"He doesn't sound like the worst of big brothers." Dean said, trying to follow the hints in Castiel's words. He was defending his brother almost, and if Dean accepted that, maybe promised not to hit the jerk in the face, then Castiel would feel better. That was what he hoped.
"He does care." Castiel said simply. "It's just that...It is a lot. He works very hard, he has his problems. That's why he has his pills. Sometimes I think he thinks it's a punishment and if he pretends that everything is fine, that the commune never hurt him then it will go away. I think it was something he's always had but I don't think Gabriel see it like that." He didn't want Dean to judge Gabriel too harshly. If he could forgive Castiel everything that he had done, everything that had happened to him then he should be able to forgive Gabriel too.
"If you do want to see me again, after this, could we meet somewhere quieter? Maybe the library on the corner of fifth and elm. I like it there." He said softly, wondering if Dean would keep their meeting or quietly disentangle himself from Castiel and his brother and their strange, co-dependent life.
Now that offer made Dean smile. "Library on fifth and elm? Sure, I know it." It was the big old looking building right? "That sounds great. Really great. I'll leave Sam out this time. Er, when's best for you?" He could be a bit more relaxed, swap some shifts down at the garage and more some overtime. If Cas was working with and for his brother, they were probably working with deadlines for cases.
Castiel halted for a moment, his hand reaching out to grab Dean's shoulder, fingers clenched into the fabric of the man's shirt and then he lent forward and kissed Dean slowly, with precision and determination rather than any actual skill. He kept kissing him until he had to draw back to breath and then he looked at Dean half expectantly. Dean was slightly startled, but he wasn't about to complain, making a soft noise of pleasure and reaching to pull Castiel to him, kissing him back, hand moving to the short, messy hair at the nape of Castiel's neck. It was probably one of the most chaste kisses he'd ever experienced, but that didn't make it bad. Actually, the fact that Castiel had kissed him first was really, really hot.
Castiel broke the kiss, closing his eyes and taking a shuddering breath before opening them again to look at Dean. "I won't break. I know Gabriel thinks I will, that I am broken but I don't feel that way with you." Castiel said, withdrew his hand from Dean's shoulder, pulling it back into his lap and clenched his other hand tightly round it. Dean leant back, grinning at Cas. He couldn't help it. He felt better near him. And apparently Cas felt the same way. And that was good enough for Dean.
Gabriel made a pained, whimpering sort of sound as he was hauled to his feet, dragged down the corridor and forced into the bathroom. "What do you care?" He demanded as he tried to force away Sam's hands. "No one tells me what I can and can't do! That's why I left! That's why Castiel left!"
He pulled away, short of breath, gasping for it as his lungs burnt, his head spilling and he sat down on the lip of the bath, hand in his hands. He had gone too far, he knew it, but it was a moment of madness and he couldn't take it back. Sam wasn't even going to ever want to see him again anyway, Gabriel had seen the hate and disgust in his face, but he'd not ever wanted the tall young man to think of Gabriel as broken, as damaged somehow. But that's what he was, there was something wrong with him and now Dean thought there was something wrong with Castiel. He'd ruined everything, for all of them. He'd tried to be good and he'd wanted to save Castiel and he'd wanted to take the little ones, but he'd left them there, to face who knew what, and he wasn't even looking after Castiel right. He was failing at everything.
"You're right." Sam muttered. "Why should I care? After all, you seem pretty happy being an ass. I should just leave you here and go home." He wouldn't. He couldn't. If Gabriel had been mixing pills and alcohol then he couldn't just walk away but what he'd witnessed a moment ago was pretty dark. He would never hurt Dean like that, never reveal his secrets and he wondered now if that was how Gabriel kept Castiel in line, if the younger man had simply swapped one form of mind-fucking control for another. "I'm sure Castiel didn't leave so you could go around telling people shit like that."
He drew away from Gabriel, filling the sink with cold water and then dragged Gabriel over to it. He splashed some of the water on Gabriel's face and then looked at him. He seemed to be sobering up and if his expression was anything to go by then he wasn't too pleased with what he was finding now.
Gabriel gasped as the cold water running down his throat and down his chest. It was so cold it was almost painful. He deserved what Sam said, he knew it was true. "I shouldn't have said it." He felt horrible, but what could he do? He was going to apologize to Castiel, but he couldn't take the words back. "I'm a fucking terrible brother. I know. I know. And I want him to be happy." He said, more to himself then Sam, repeating it like a mantra before splashing more of the water on himself. He normally drank a little something. But he'd... he'd been trying to impress Sam, god only knew why. Now he'd hurt his brother, and Sam thought he was a complete asshole. Great.
"No, you shouldn't have." Sam agreed, forcing Gabriel to sit down on the side of the tub so he could look at his eyes. "Do you need to be sick? Might be a good idea?" Sam really didn't want to feel sorry for Gabriel after that show back then but he just looked so wrecked and lost now that Sam couldn't feel anything but for him. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "Why did you do it anyway?" There had to be some intent behind it. Gabriel wasn't that off his head. He'd been goading Sam all night but that was just how they seemed to be around each other. Castiel hadn't been doing anything apart from trying to look after Gabriel and maybe stop him from crawling all over Sam. "Was it because he said about the pills? Or because Dean's here?"
"I... I don't want people thinking there's something wrong with me." Gabriel muttered. "They'll start on about the cult and how it broke us. We don't need... need it dragged up all over," Which is what he'd done to his brother, and his tone proved he knew that. He lent down with his head in his hands, pulling out of Sam's grip. "It was spiteful, I know, I know it was." He mumbled, feeling so angry with himself. "And... and I'm not jealous. I just... Don't want..." How could you tell a guy that you wanted to keep his brother away from your sibling without being insulting? You couldn't.
"I just want to protect Castiel. Dean's nice but... no. No, I was just being spiteful." Because whatever reasoning he had, whatever he had thought just wasn't worth saying. It had, mostly, been to get back at Castiel for mentioning the medication. No one had any need to know about any of that.
"There isn't anything wrong with you." Sam said with a sigh. He ran his hand down Gabriel's back, wishing there was some way he could make him believe it so they didn't end up with any more of those stupid stunts. "Half the people in this town are taking something. Fuck, Gabriel. I'm taking something. I get these moods and no one wants to be around me and I drag Dean down with me. I don't even want to get out of bed when I'm in one of those moods so I take these pills and I don't have them as much." It wasn't a cure-all. It just made Sam less of a bastard and less likely to try walk off the tops of buildings which he'd thought about pretty often before the pills. "So, yeah, I guess you can say I'm broken too if you wanted."
Sam's little confession made Gabriel glance up. He'd not been staring at his hands or the floor this time- but his eyes had been shut as Sam's hand swept over his back. He wasn't often touched, aside from handshakes, high-fives and pats on the shoulder in courtrooms. This wasn't alien to him no, but it was... unusual. And nice, very nice. In fact, just a little more to the left would really work out that kink in his spine. But this was not the time and Gabriel at least had the grace to know that.
"I don't think you're broken." Gabriel said, straightening his back and trying to look up at Sam. He really was a beanpole. "Sometimes it all gets a bit... much." He knew what that felt like. "That's why they invented stupid action movies and four-packs of beer and Mexican dip with chips." He offered Sam a smile then, knowing really what he suggested might not be Sam's idea of a good time, but it might help him enjoy himself a bit more. Tonight, before his stupid mouth had gotten in the way- Gabriel had really enjoyed everyone's company.
"I'm good, now." He said, a little calmer and desperate for a glass of water. "No more hanging out in the bathroom. I can't very well tell people I spent tonight in a bathroom with the hot brother of my brother's date, can I?"
"Somehow I don't think you're going to be telling anyone about tonight." Sam said, sliding his arm around Gabriel's shoulder. "Yeah, where do you want to go instead? Bedroom? I'm not offering to stay with you, even though I am the hot brother as you've pointed out." He was worried about Gabriel. He was also slightly relieved. He'd laid himself bare, told him something personal and secret and Gabriel hadn't made fun of him or been a messed up jerk about him. Sam could believe there was some hope for him yet. "Yeah, neither of us are broken." He murmured, guiding Gabriel back to the living room.
"So you're offering to come to bed with me but not stay the night?" Gabriel teased, laughing and letting his fingers smooth idly down Sam's chest. It was a gesture he hadn't made or years, not since his sneak-out-of-the-commune days. He doubted it had the same effect now he wasn't in his early twenties. Then again, he'd never been much of a looker. It was the self-confidence and charm that had got him places, and it was the same stuff that worked for him now in the court room. "It's okay, really. I just... Have my moments." He said, pulling away from Sam and moving through the living room to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water, downing it. "We're not broken. We're just the same as half the population. But we're super hot. Well, you are. That makes all the difference."
"So, which one's your bedroom?" Sam asked because the number of closed doors in the place was ridiculous. How many rooms did two people need anyway? His apartment with Dean had his room, Dean's room, the bathroom and their combined kitchen/living room. He didn't want to think about how much Gabriel had to pay in rent every month to afford this place. Thinking about the size of the apartment was better than thinking about what Gabriel had said. "You've got your glass of water now. Come on." He said.
"Not that one. That's my Office." Gabriel said, gesturing towards the door nearest Sam, shaking his head. "I can give you a tour. Later. Tomorrow morning." He added, and life seemed to flow through him again, eyebrows wriggling suggestively, before he laughed, tired, at himself. "This one. It's okay, Sammy. I can take myself to bed." Cue pathetic lie about loneliness and how he always took himself to bed. He opened his door, slightly, and then nodded towards the door that marked Castiel's room, further down the hall. "You think those two will be okay?" He asked, because maybe, if they were, he might get to see Sam again. And he'd take his pills willing for that.
"I hope so." Sam said. He didn't care what Gabriel said about how he could get to bed on his own. He followed him into the room, looking around but not really noticing anything. He was still concerned about Gabriel. "Dean's not the bad guy you think he is." Sam knew all about the things Dean was. He was Sam's brother, they didn't keep secrets from each other and he was sure that if Dean liked Castiel enough then whatever Castiel was telling him in that room wouldn't be enough to make him turn tail and run. "Okay." He said, clapping his hands together and pulling open the nearest draw. "What do you sleep in? I'm a t-shirt and boxers man." A quick glance into the draw and its myriad of neatly folded crisp multi-coloured shirts told Sam this was probably not the correct place to be looking.
As stupid as it was, in the near-silent of the darkened bedroom Gabriel twitched at the sound of the clap. He felt fine, really, his head just pounded slightly. Bed was probably the best idea that anyone else had ever come up with. "Boxers and t-shirt? Oh, I'll have nice dreams." Gabriel muttered, moving to the bed. It wasn't a big flashy thing. It was just a bed, with plain sheets. He'd considered a big flashy one with a built-in TV and wine-cooler, if only as something else to show how far he'd come, from nothing to really pointless shit. He'd just never got around to buying it. It was probably for the best. "If you want me to tell you I sleep naked, you'll be disappointed." He said, crawling into the sheets fully dressed.
"Oh no." Sam said. "You probably spent too much on those clothes to just go to sleep in them." He grabbed the bed sheet, pulling it off Gabriel and to one side and then grabbed the man's feet. The socks came off first and Sam bundled them up and threw them in a likely looking clothes hamper in the corner. The hamper was empty so either Castiel did the washing every day or Gabriel never used it. He crawled up the bed a bit, reaching to unbutton Gabriel's trousers and pulled them down in a quick tug. They followed the socks into the hamper. "I don't want you getting any ideas that I spend a lot of my time undressing guys. I do this for Dean all the time when he's too drunk to get himself to bed." Sam said, glancing up at Gabriel. He scooted a bit further up the bed, leaning over the lawyer and beginning to unbutton his shirt. "Last bit and then I'll leave you alone." He promised.
"Whoa!" Gabriel had exclaimed, snot expecting the blankets to be pulled away or to find himself being stripped by strong, gorgeous hands, but he was feeling too tired to really move away and actually, when the surprise faded, he didn't mind having some hot, younger guy undress him in the dim light of his bedroom. This was the sort of thing men his age dreamed of and he could store this way as a pleasant little fantasy.
More than just pleasant, Gabriel thought as Sam began to move up the bed like some sort of... Gabriel didn't even know. But he liked it and as those fingers, steady and sure, moved up over his chest, he coiled his arms loosely around Sam's shoulders. "Excuses, excuses." He murmured, and leant up, off the pillow, lips brushing teasingly over Sam's own, inviting. "You can stay here-"
"Tempting." Sam whispered and it was tempting. Gabriel was warm and plaint and Sam could have just sunk into his embrace. Gabriel had made it obvious before that he wanted Sam and now he was offering himself to Sam again. It would have been very easy to take that offer. "But I can't…not tonight." Gabriel was vulnerable. He'd probably hate it if Sam said that to him but he was. He was emotional, he'd been taking pills and he'd downed that whiskey fairly quickly. Not to mention he probably wasn't in the best place right now. Sam would feel as if he took advantage. Any guy who'd come onto him when he'd been in a depressive cycle, who'd exploited Sam's more needy moments, he wouldn't have wanted to see that guy twice. Gabriel was dealing with a lot of problems. Sam didn't want to be another. "You need to sleep. This isn't a no, Gabriel, it's just a rain check."
Gabriel made a disappointed noise, hips lifting slightly from the mattress and kissing at the corner of Sam's mouth. He knew Sam probably wanted to get out of the crazy house, and God, Gabriel couldn't blame him for that. It was amazing he'd not run before. And this was nice. Lazy. He liked lazy, luxurious. He could lay here for hours, arms around Sam's shoulders, just kissing him. And then maybe a bit more than kiss him. But there was no pressure, no insistence, he guessed.
But he let himself breathe, his eyes opening, dark and large, glancing over that jaw and those lips and then meeting Sam's gaze. "Okay. When does the devil let you out of your cage?" He asked, in that same soft, hushed tone. There was no noise at all about from their breathing and Sam's skin looked perfect, covered in silver dappled light from the blinds and the blinking lights of the city outside. He'd only look better without the shirt, rutting against Gabriel. If only.
Sam's lips curved upwards into a smile. "I'm free on the weekend." He said, flicking free the last few buttons on Gabriel's shirt and sitting up, drawing Gabriel up with him so he could guide the shirt off his shoulders, taking a moment to brush his fingers across Gabriel's back. "We could go see a movie. There's probably something out with explosions. We can sit in the back row, get some popcorn and you can learn to relax." Sam had had to learn to do that. It had taken a long time to stop worry, to get himself to a place where he could switch off and stop stressing and sometimes nothing worked but he had more good days than bad now. He wanted Gabriel to have good days too. "And then maybe we can come back here and pick up this up again." If Gabriel still wanted to see him again when he woke up tomorrow morning.
Gabriel let himself be eased up, not wanting to let go of Sam but forced to as the shirt was removed, bundled up and tossed away. Gabriel didn't see where to, his eyes still fixed on Sam. "Movie sounds great, at the weekend." He replied, leaning forward a little more so his forehead rested against the younger man's. It was far too intimate a gesture. But it felt good then, so he didn't care, and wouldn't care unless Sam jolted away. "And then back here." He added, tipping his head to steal a last kiss, short and sweet and hardly wicked at all, not in comparison to the ideas flooding Gabriel's head. He wanted more, much more, but he knew what Sam was doing and he was grateful for that if not for the fact that he'd have to spend another ten minutes in the shower thanks to the man, and for the second day in a row too.
"I'll keep you here if you let me kiss you one more time, Gigantor." He muttered, sleepy now, tiredness seeping through his veins and sitting up now was far too much of a drain on his energy levels.
"Yeah?" Sam said, grinning, but he didn't think Gabriel had the strength in him. He gently eased the man back down, running his hand through Gabriel's hair and leaning down to get one last kiss before he stood up. He tucked Gabriel in, trying not to hope to hard that he'd be seeing Gabriel again soon. "Just give me a call and we'll make a date." He said, straightening up and heading for the door. He shut it quietly behind him and stood there for a moment, his fingers pressed against his lips, smiling to himself before he padded down to the door Gabriel had pointed out as being Castiel's.
There was a knock on the door and Castiel glanced up. He shot Dean an apologetic smile. "I suppose we should tell Sam and Gabriel that everything is fine now." He said, standing up and waiting for Dean to join him before he opened the door. Sam was standing on the other side. He shifted from foot to foot; uneasy for a second but it was pretty easy to guess what he's been interrupting from the sight of Dean's lazy grin and his kiss swollen mouth. "Everything okay here?" He asked, just to make sure. "Gabriel's in bed. I think he's working too hard."
Dean didn't actually want to go, but he knew it was time. He had his hand looped around Castiel's waist, nodding as Castiel spoke, letting his finger's stroke down the other's hip in a gentle comforting motion. "Everything's okay." He said, not just for Sam's benefit, but also for Cas'. They were okay, better than okay. "But I think we all need a rest. It's been an exciting day."
He gave Cas a gentle squeeze and soft smile. "I'll send you a text in the morning, Cas." He promised, and he would, letting Sam wander back down the hall a little way before pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Castiel's mouth. "Sleep well, okay?"
And then he was going, catching up with Sam and ready to see himself out, heart thumping loudly in his chest. "He's not the only one working too hard." He reminded his brother as they saw themselves out, shutting the door gently behind them and hearing the latch click into place. "You going to be alright?"
Sam thought about Gabriel. Maddening, difficult Gabriel. He thought about the things Gabriel had done that evening, the way he'd lashed out, how cruel he could be one moment and the next moment how lost he seemed. He probably wasn't good for Sam, but maybe Sam could be good for him. Apart from Dean all Sam had in his life was a fractured relationship with his father, a job he hated and some dreams he didn't think were ever going to get a chance of being realised. Gabriel made Sam feel in a ways he'd given up on. He made Sam feel hopeful.
"Yeah," He said, unable to stop his smile. "I think I'm going to be fine."
