The whole room is pitch back, suddenly a figure clothes in white emerges from out of the shadows, throws back her hood, and stares dramatically at the audience. "You want to be on top?" Galadriel said.
The scene cuts to the fellowship standing around looking bewildered in haute couture bathing suits. Boromir tries to shield as much of his body as he can with his shield. Everyone huddles together except for Legolas, who flips his hair and gives the audience an insane amount of smizing.
The scene then cuts to individual shots of the models. Frodo is first, and bless him, holds up the ring and looks hopeless.
Sam attempts to hit the camera with a frying pan. Merry and Pippin do classic modeling poses, Aragorn stands around nervously, Boromir hides behind his shield again, Gandalf leans on his staff and smizes, Legolas waves at the camera and winks, and lastly, Gimli hit's the camera with his axe, causing it to fall over.
Galadriel is now shown. "Welcome to Tolkien's next top model. You know, a lot of you out there think it's easy being pretty. Well it's not. Anyway, let's introduce you to our judges!"
-Camera pans over to the judges table. Galadriel suddenly pops up and points out the judges.-
"Here we have noted fashion photographer, and my husband, Celeborn."
Celeborn is about to wave when Galadriel cuts him off. "He says hi. Next we have our runway coach: Erestor!"
Erestor does a hair flip and smiles. "I'm excited to be here Galadriel!"
"I know you are."
"You know everything." Celeborn muttered.
Galadriel raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing. "And now, we're going to bring out the dolls! Erestor, do you want to add anything?"
"I certainly do! In addition to the fellowship being contestants, we have several surprise dolls that will be auditioning!" Erestor ran out of the judging room, "Come along Celeborn, we have to greet the dolls!"
Standing outside, still in their bathing suits, the fellowship stood waiting for what to do next. The judges came out and greeted them. "Hello dolls!"
"Hello," grumbled back the fellowship.
"Today, we're going to do something fun!" Erestor clapped his hands together, "We're going to make you all do an…obstacle course!"
"And not just any obstacle course," added Celeborn, "you're going to be competing in an obstacle course that involves putting on your own makeup, picking out an outfit to wow us, showing us how you fight some orcs, and having to crawl through mud, all while looking fabulous!"
The fellowship's mouths dropped.
"Also, you're going to have to work extra hard because we have other dolls that want to be in this, and well, we don't have enough beds and we don't feel like feeding all of you. Anyway, let's bring out your competition!" Erestor waved his hand and from off camera came; Eomer, Faramir, Elrond, Grima Worm tongue, Gollum, Bilbo and Elladan and Elrohir, already done with their makeup and their admittedly wow factor outfits on.
Celeborn pulled out a starting gun from inside his sleeve. "3...2...1...Go!"
The fellowship began running in different directions, Aragorn went straight for the orcs, while Merry and Pippin went straight for the outfits. Legolas skipped of towards the makeup station. "Oh! Cover girl!"
"Let go of the dress!" Merry tugged at a sleeve of a dress he and Pippin were fighting over.
"You let go!" Pippin tugged harder at the dress. Eventually, the dress ripped in two, so both the hobbits were wearing half a dress.
Sam was helping Aragorn and Boromir slaying the orcs. "I don't think we're fabulous enough!" Sam moaned.
"No! We have to be better than those other bitches! I have to be more fabulous than my brother!" Boromir plunged his sword into a nearby orc.
At the end of the obstacle course, the only one not filthy and sweating was Legolas. The other members of the fellowship glared at him.
"What? I can't help it if the rest of you got filthy. I'm like…immune to filth!"
Erestor jumped in front of them. "Galadriel will see….hm…you." he pointed at Gandalf.
"This is scarier than fighting a balrog." He said.
"Yeah, well, being a model isn't all about being pretty." Erestor said in a matter of fact way.
Gandalf stepped in front of the judges.
"Gandalf?" Galadriel asked him, reading from a clip board.
"Yes."
"Ok, give us the best model walk of your life."
Gandalf nodded and strutted forward, he stumbled a couple of times because of his Alexander McQueen heels, but kept his posture.
"Hm, pretty good, you stumbled a couple of times." Galadriel noted.
"But, it was fierce." Erestor said.
"Yes, B- for effort. So, tell us Gandalf, were are you from and why do you want to be a top model?"
"I'm from Valinor."
"Ooh, exotic." Erestor smiled,
"Um, yes, and I want to be a top model, because I can work with anything, and I'm willing to do anything."
The judges nodded. "Send in Aragorn next."
Aragorn stepped forward nervously.
"Ugh, who told you to wear that." Erestor said in a disgusted tone. "It's sooo Third age 2000."
Aragorn looked down. His outfit wasn't that bad, at least he had the legs to pull it off, unlike Gimli. "I went with a classical look?"
"No honey, the client is always right." Erestor pointed at him with his pen. "Keep that in mind."
"Whatever, just walk for us." Galadriel said.
Aragorn pushed forward his non-existence chest and strutted around the room like a cockerel.
"Wow." Celeborn said.
"I agree, I could just eat you up." Erestor stared at Aragorn.
"Ok, we have to get you out of here before we all die from fierceness." Galadriel fanned herself with her clip board. "Send in Sam and Frodo."
Sam and Frodo walked in nervously. Frodo faltered slightly and Sam fell.
Galadriel raised an eyebrow. 'I don't think we need to screen you two, send in Merry and Pippin."
"Fantastic. You two were born to be models." Celeborn said after Merry and Pippin had done their model walk.
"Yeah, but what's up with your outfits?" Erestor asked them.
"Oh, we were fighting over a dress and it ripped, so we tried to make the best of it." Merry gestured to himself and Pippin.
"Well it's not horrible, you were rather clever to come up with a sari, Pippin." Galadriel said.
"Thank you."
"And Merry, I never would have guessed your skirt was a dress until someone told us. But purple lame is very 70's." Celeborn said.
"Yeah, but they rocked it, I mean look at them!" Erestor said, "Normally if a model ripped a dress, another model would throw them under the bus, but these two haven't they've worked with what they have, and that shows talent."
"And a willingness to compromise." Galadriel added.
"I think you need to drop the axe and straighten your back a bit." Galadriel told Gimli as he was next.
"Yes, it needs work, but the potential is there." Erestor said.
"And last but not least, send in Boromir." Celeborn announced.
"Wait! What about me?" Legolas ran into the room. "I can walk better than the rest of them combined! Just look at my outfit! I'm gorgeous!"
"We know, that's why we're not screening you." Celeborn pointed out.
Galadriel nodded. "Your already so good that there's no point"
"Really?" Legolas asked excitedly.
"Yes, now be a lamb and bring in Boromir for us."
Legolas dragged Boromir into the judging room by his ankles. "I'm not good enough! I can't do it! Faramir is fiercer than I am!" He said.
"Of course you can do it Boromir, just pretend that their not there!" Legolas let go of Boromir's ankles and skipped out of the room.
Boromir stood in front of the judges, shaking slightly.
"Hi Boromir, tell us where you're from and why you want to be a model." Erestor said.
"Well, I'm from Gondor."
"Ooh," Erestor "How, rugged. Sorry, continue please."
"Well, I really want to be a top model because I want to prove that I'm more than just a pretty face."
"It's a very pretty face," Erestor fluttered his eyelashes at Boromir, "You know, you're brother is also potentially in this competition, would you throw him under the bus if you could be Tolkien's next top model?"
"Um, no. I love my brother and I want to put him before myself."
"Aw, that's so sweet, ok you can go now." Galadriel waved him off.
Galadriel looked straight into the camera, "When we come back, we'll have the results of who's staying and who's going."
-Insert a couple of commercials-
TNTM comes back on, with Galadriel standing in front of the judges table holding several photos in her hands. She also had an outfit change and was looking even better than usual.
The camera cuts to see the competitors standing on platform, all eagerly awaiting to be called to join TNTM.
"As you know, we took photos of you when you first arrived. You see, there are 17 of you, but I only hold 13 photos in my hands. And the first person I will call is," Galadriel flipped a picture over, "Aragorn, congratulations, you are now officially in TNTM."
Aragorn walked forward and smiled at Galadriel. "Thank you." He took his photo and stood on a slightly smaller platform that was facing where the audience would be.
"Next, Faramir, Sam and Frodo, Merry and Pippin." Galadriel was throwing their photos at them, obviously she wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.
All of the men grabbed for their photos frantically and strutted over to where Aragorn was standing.
"Legolas, Gandalf, Eomer, Elrond, Grima Worm tongue." Galadriel threw their photos at them.
"Boromir," Galadriel said, "Get your booty up here!"
Boromir looked relieved and model walked up to Galadriel.
"Work it girl!" Yelled Erestor. Celeborn gave him a weird look.
"Ok, there are 4 of you but only one of you will be joining us." Galadriel looked at each of the remaining models-to-be on the platform. "Bilbo, you may be old, but you still got it. Gollum, you impressed us with your walk, and you had the best photo of the group. But you need to work on your accent. Elladan and Elrohir. I've known you since birth and I still can't tell you two apart. You seem to work of each other, but can you work when it's just one of you? So the last person to be in Tolkien's next top model is…" Galadriel flipped the last photo over, "Gollum."
Gollum stared wide eyed at her. "Precious? Precious is in?"
The judges nodded.
Gollum did his Gollum walk up to Galadriel and took his photo. "Thank you."
Galadriel looked at the rest of men still up on the platform. "Come here and give me a hug."
Elladan, Elrohir and Bilbo hugged Galadriel. She let go of them, "Now, just because you boys aren't in, doesn't mean you have to give up your dream, keep what I said in mind, and work on it."
The elves and the hobbit nodded and left the room.
Galadriel turned to the models. "Now, just because you boys are in, doesn't mean your safe." She threw some keys to Aragorn, which hit him on the forehead. "Go to your new house and get some sleep, you boys are going to have to get up early tomorrow."
I apologize if someone has already done this, because if you have, then I had no idea. I don't mean to rip you off or anything, there's a lot of LOTR fanfic out there.
Erestor; who doesn't just love him? He's defiantly Miss. Jay. And I'm not making fun of Miss Jay or Erestor, personally I love Miss Jay and Erestor, like Jay, is a bit of comedic relief.
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Mysterious option D?
