Souichi sat alone on the couch, a little bored, waiting for his Kouhai to come home. Since the Tatsumi household burned down, he'd been sharing a home with Morinaga, which was naturally a little unsettling. After that night in the hotel, and the time in Canada, Souichi was becoming more confused about Morinaga and his own feelings but he tried to ignore that. He sat on the couch they shared, his hair down, already in his evening wear, his head resting in his hand, and pondered about Morinaga. He's probably at that bar he goes to... Souichi sighed and wondered when he would get back. It's already 11:00... How irresponsible. I won't wait up for him. I should just go to sleep. But, upon reaching his door, he found himself looking at Morinaga's instead. It certainly wouldn't be locked, since Morinaga was always complaining about Souichi locking his door. It certainly would be unlocked... He was holding the handle of his roommate's door. What am I doing? Souichi wondered why he felt so nervous, and why he was doing it in the first place, but he opened the door, and peered inside. The room was so empty and quiet and innocent, and Morinaga was out somewhere getting drunk, unaware that his Senpai was standing in his doorway, unaware that he was missing him. Souichi walked cautiously, as if it were some foreign territory. The place was filled with Morinaga's scent, which he pretended not to notice, but it made him feel a little calm. He sat on the edge of the bed, that bed that he was so familiar with, but he wasn't familiar with it in this room, which felt a little odd. But, subconsciously, he stroked the covers and he sort of liked how they felt against his skin. Then he spotted a little book sitting on the end table. A journal? He held the small book in his hand and it somehow seemed fitting that Morinaga would keep something like this. He ran his thumb along the spine of it and stared at the cover. I definitely can't read this... But, as he was thinking that, he opened it, and his heart was full of guilt but it was full of curiosity. ... But maybe he's written something about me... And he glanced over the first few pages and found the day that Morinaga first saw him.

There's a Senpai named Tatsumi and...

Ah! I knew it! He's written about me! And Souichi didn't seem to notice just how excited he got at that and he read on eagerly.

... such a nice ass!

What's this guy writing about me!? He felt that familiar heat come into his face whenever Morinaga said things like that to him and he stared at that part of that sentence for a moment and found himself thinking That's all that pervert has to say about me? But he kept turning the pages and running his eyes along each of them, scanning for his name. And sure enough on every page it was Senpai... Senpai... Senpai... Souichi couldn't help but feel flattered and he felt a bit of a smile come to his face. Morinaga... thinks of me every day? His gut was suddenly warm and fluttering and he realized that he'd never before gotten butterflies in his stomach. But as he turned the pages and skimmed Morinaga's doting reports of little things he'd done and said that his Kouhai liked, he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Senpai?" Morinaga was standing above him, frowning. He'd been busted. Shit!

"W-w-welcome back!" He tossed the little book back onto that end table and hoped that Morinaga hadn't noticed...

"Why... were you reading that?" Morinaga took a step forward and Souichi stood up.

"I... I saw it and I was... curious." Souichi hated the fact that he really couldn't argue back against anything Morinaga said, he had no leverage this time.

"Okay..." Morinaga folded his arms and stared straight at Souichi. Is he angry with me? That's certainly rare... "Then what were you doing in my room in the first place?" Shit shit shit! Thinking about it, Souichi really didn't have any idea why he'd come into Morinaga's room.

"Uhh... the... the door wasn't locked..." He knew that was a stupid excuse but he didn't have anything else to say... It seemed easier than just apologizing. But Morinaga's jaw dropped and he laughed in a cynical sort of way and raised his voice.

"But Senpai, when I used that same excuse for entering your room you didn't talk to me for three days and then you ran off to Canada for months!"

"But..." Ack! I forgot about that... "But what you did then was a lot worse than reading some stupid book!"

"It's not stupid, Senpai! That's personal!" Morinaga kept taking steps closer until Souichi was standing up against the wall. He smelled the alcohol on Morinaga's breath, he'd been right about the bar... "And you... you were laughing at me, weren't you?" Morinaga's voice got softer as it sometimes did and his hands were on the wall behind Souichi how he sometimes placed them, keeping his Senpai from escaping the conversation, trapping him between his body and a wall, and it made even such a childish argument into something so intimate. "Senpai, isn't that insensitive? That's... That's hurtful Senpai... to laugh at my deepest feelings..." What!?

"No, I--!" Souichi paused. He had been chuckling, hadn't he? But Morinaga misunderstood, it hadn't been at his expense. It just made him feel so special... but he couldn't tell Morinaga that... but he had to... "I wasn't... laughing... at you..." He looked away. How could he escape this?

"Then what were you laughing at? I saw you with my own eyes... laughing... So don't lie. What did I write that was so funny, Senpai!? That's so... cold...." Souichi looked down at the ground. Allowed the blush to consume his face, felt the pressure of embarrassment build behind his sinuses, closed his eyes tight.

"You don't understand anything!" His fists clenched. How am I supposed to tell him... If he hears that, I'll...

"What? Sen--"

"I-I was... flattered... that's why..." The words felt strange coming up from his throat... it was like someone else was speaking. Why do I feel so...

"Flattered... because of... something I wrote about you?" Souichi couldn't look up at Morinaga... he probably had that blank look on his face, with his eyes open so wide and his lips parted...

"S-something.... The whole damn book is about me! Do you--! ... Do you really... think about me that much?" He could feel heat radiating from Morinaga's body. This is bad... Souichi's thoughts were getting quieter. Just as his knees were becoming weak, Morinaga hugged him tight, so he let all his weight fall into the younger man and closed his eyes while Morinaga spoke into his ear.

"Senpai, I'm always thinking of you. Every day. Every minute. I love you." Souichi could feel both of their heartbeats. His body felt strange. Sort of tingly, and warm. "Senpai do you... think about me?" If I kept such a thing... would it be as full of Morinaga as his is full of Senpai....? I don't know...

"I..." His voice was slightly muffled, his face buried in Morinaga's chest "I was bored... You went out drinking again, right? Without me... Were you thinking of me then, when you were out with your other friends and I was here alone?" Morinaga suddenly pushed Souichi's face up with his hands, sharply, roughly. His eyes were wide, his face was bright red.

"S-s-se-senpai!?" Oh shit! What did I just say!? Souichi's cheeks got hot.

"I-I mean I was bored... that's why I came in your room and... I'm-I'm sorry for that... uh..."

"Senpai, would you like to go with me next time!?" Morinaga was staring at his senpai with a comical expression, inches from Souichi's face.

"M-mori-- No! I didn't mean..." And then Morinaga smiled that cool gentle smile of his and pressed his lips to Souichi's. And Souichi realized then that since that day in Canada he hadn't let Morinaga kiss him. So he told himself that maybe it was overdue, since Morinaga had been so patient these last couple months, but still he heard himself thinking It's been a while... The underclassman's tongue was larger than his own and so soft that it made him feel like he was melting inside when it filled his mouth and slid across his tongue, pushing it slowly out of his own mouth and into Morinaga's, drawing on it softly until he heard Souichi moan a little, then releasing the suction and beginning to allow him to take his tongue back into his own mouth but catching it in his teeth, biting gently, running the tip of his tongue along the tip of Souichi's... and it sent strange sensations through Souichi's tongue and he let go of a moan so deep that it settled in Morinaga's bones and made him shiver. Then Souichi turned his head away, panting and red in the face. He waited for Morinaga to say something conclusive, so he could run from the situation and hide behind his locked door. But all Morinaga said was

"Senpai..." and he started kissing along Souichi's neck. And Souichi almost yelled for him to stop but then he remembered back to Canada, that almost pained expression in Morinaga's eyes and he said "I can't hold it any longer! I haven't touched you... for almost two months now." And he realized it had been just a little longer than two months since then. Morinaga must be in pain, and he'd certainly been patient, plus Souichi had done something wrong and Morinaga forgave him so easily, but also, he thought of how it had felt the last time and... if Morinaga would make him feel like that again... maybe that wouldn't be all bad... But he tried to forget having such thoughts No! No, calm down, think! But Morinaga was already stripping him, touching his body, Souichi felt a hot tongue run across his right nipple and he moaned and then he cursed and covered his mouth. And he wanted to push poor Morinaga away and tell him no and walk out of that room with his dignity but something shifted in him and he was so weak and pathetic in those arms that were so much stronger than his and he was pushed into that familiar mattress and all he could do now was comply.

Souichi felt strange getting dressed. He'd woken up in his Kouhai's bed that morning. But it was night time by then and they'd already gone home to shower and change before going drinking. And even though they'd been out drinking together a hundred times, something about Morinaga's excitement was a little unsettling. It's just drinking so why do I feel... Souichi reached behind his head to tie his hair back, and tried to clear his thoughts. For Morinaga to never offer to take me to this bar he goes to all the time... Something doesn't feel right... But he stepped out of his room and Morinaga was standing before him and looked him head to toe with a strange grin on his face and then turned away and said

"Senpai, you look nice." And he was stunned for a moment but made a quick recovery and hurried to Morinaga's side as they left the house.

"Don't say things like that." But Morinaga only smiled. And he was strangely quiet as they walked down the street, which didn't help Souichi's nerves and just as he opened his mouth to say something about it, Morinaga stunned him again with three fearsome words,

"Our first date..." and he looked into the night sky when he said it, with a dreamy sort of smile and Souchi couldn't have stopped walking to yell at him because, with his eyes so fixed on the stars, he probably wouldn't have even noticed.

"W-w-what!?" Since they hadn't been drinking in a while, it had made Souichi a little happy. But, hearing this now... "What makes it that!?" But Morinaga's smile never left.

"Aww, you don't think so?" and he finally looked down from the sky into Souichi's eyes. "I thought everything was going so well lately..."

"What... what does that have to do with anything?" Morinaga still grinned, stepped a little closer, and slipped his arm around Souichi's shoulder. Souichi felt a terrible dread and looked around for anybody who could be seeing this display.

"It's just... when you said you wanted to go with me, Senpai, I thought--"

"But I never said that!" And he finally found his strength and ducked out of his friend's grasp. "You're twisting my words again!" And Morinaga's smile became a pout, but it was playful still.

"Well it sure seemed like you did last night..." Again with those rash interpretations... Twisting around what I say and playing with me...

"What was that!?" Souichi became angry, as he always did, but it didn't spoil Morinaga's fun, not this time.

"I said--"

"Damnit I heard you!" Morinaga laughed a hearty sort of laugh and even patted his Senpai on the head as if he were a child. He's making fun of me!

"Can't I call it a date, please?" And his expression finally border lined serious and Souichi let out a sigh and just a bit of a compromise.

"Don't call it that out loud..." And so Morinaga frowned an earnest sort of frown and mumbled

"I'll call it that in my head then..." And put his arm around Souichi again.

"And stop doing that!" And he finally saw that manly brooding scowl of Morinaga's that he caught the occasional glimpse of whenever he was too mean, or Morinaga was plotting something.

"Don't worry about that, Senpai. Here, it's okay..."

"What does that--" But before his question formed, it was answered, by the sign out front,

Gay Bar

Adamsite

"Whatthefuckisthis!?" Morinaga felt the thin form under his arm become stiff as the dead and so he spoke to him in a wise collected sort of tone,

"Senpai, how are you holding up?" and his darling said

"This--you-- I am not going in there!" And Morinaga was a little surprised that even one of his thoughts was expressed completely, but luckily he was already trapped under that powerful arm, with which Morinaga dragged him at a sluggish pace into the building. And as they entered, a few men looked up, but other than the few that happened to notice the horrified expression on Souichi's face, nobody noticed them at all, they were two men entering a gay bar, which is not an event. The walk from the door seemed like an eternity and, though he knew he shouldn't, Souichi glanced around the room at all the men there. All of them... homos... and just as he shuddered at the thought, his eyes met the eyes of another, and he wanted to scream at him to stop staring or something intimidating to validate his masculinity but he looked away and without realizing what he was doing, pushed his body a little closer to Morinaga's. And if Morinaga noticed, he was too smart to say so. He waved his unoccupied arm high in the air and said,

"Hello Hiroto-kun!" And that name struck something in Souichi's memory, and he followed Morinaga's eye line to the shocked man behind the counter who was half waving, with eyes the size of saucers and his face seemed familiar too and Souichi felt terrible. How can I be recognizing someone who works in a place like this!? But then Morinaga leaned down slightly and said in a low voice, "Senpai, you remember Hiroto-Kun, don't you?" And he did. He remembered long ago, back when his relationship with Morinaga was what he intended it to be. It was in Morinaga's old apartment that he met this man briefly and he'd been introduced as "an old coworker". And now Souichi sat obediently next to his friend, and this "Hiroto-kun" still had a shocked expression and, after glancing between the two several times, finally set his vision on Souichi,

"Ahh... It's been a while... Senpai..." Souichi frowned slightly.

"Sen...pai?" and Hiroto stared at him with blank smile and even blushed slightly.

"R-right... You're not my Senpai... Ha ha ha... It's just he always calls you that... Umm, you're name, then?" What?

"Tatsumi Souichi." He mumbled it, thoroughly humiliated that somebody he actually kind of knew was seeing him here in this place, even if it was somebody who worked there... Souichi glanced briefly at Morinaga. Always?

"Um... Tatsumi-san... then..." and Morinaga laughed a little and Hiroto shot him a dirty look and Souichi felt lonesome and that there was somehow a bond between Morinaga and Hiroto that he could never understand or be a part of... "So Angel-kun, what brought this on?" The shock appeared to have worn off and he had a big grin on his face and was staring at Morinaga as if Souichi wasn't even there. But Souichi's frown became deeper for a different reason.

"Angel-kun?"

"OH!" Morinaga's eyes shot wide open, his face flushed, and then he buried it in his arms on the counter and spoke muffled and miserable, "Hiroto-kun why do you do this to me? Why?" Hiroto stifled a laugh and said,

"That's just something I like to call him..." And Souichi crawled further into himself, stared into the mug that Hiroto had placed before him and spoke in a plain, soft, embarrassed way,

"That's stupid..." Hiroto smiled and looked back at Morinaga who had finally lifted his head.

"So. With him here, what will we talk about?" and once again Souichi was frowning up at Morinaga, confused and upset.

"What? What is he talking about?" And so the man stared down at his precious Senpai who looked horribly innocent in that barroom light, looking up at him and waiting for an answer to an impossible question.

"Well, I sometimes confide in Hiroto-kun a little when I come here... about you... sometimes..." Senpai's brows nearly touched at the bridge of his nose this time, but the rest of his face remained unmoved.

"What-- So this guy knows... about..."

"Um, S-Sen--"

"... He knows about us!?" There was a brief moment where neither Morinaga nor Souichi spoke, but just stared at each other in terror and guilt and disbelief and anger, and in that moment, Hiroto spoke.

"Well, you are here so it can't be that big of a secret, yaknow?" and he said it in the calm soothing voice of Morinaga's confidant, but he only provided Souichi one more outlet to lash out.

"He didn't tell me it was this kind of place, idiot! Or I obviously wouldn't have come!" Hiroto took two steps back and looked dearly afraid, for he had been afraid of this man, since the moment Morinaga first spoke of him.

"Senpai, please, Hiroto-kun didn't do--"

"How dare you tell anybody about my private business!" Souichi had stood up, and so did Morinaga, in case he decided to bolt, and Hiroto stood helpless in the corner.

"It isn't your business that I tell him. It's my business that concerns you, or maybe our business. But it isn't just yours!" Souichi clenched his fists and Morinaga's muscles became tense in preparation to be punched.

"Stop it! Stop twisting words like that! If you have an issue that concerns me, talk to me about it! Not anybody else! Not even your closest friend!" And Morinaga paused there, his anger subsided, his voiced softened.

"Senpai... You're... my closest friend." And all traces of that lonesome feeling from before were gone. But Souichi had a whole new issue.

"Don't change the subject, I'm pissed at you!" Morinaga let out a deep sigh, and he was aware that everyone in that bar was staring at them, but he wasn't backing down and leaving this argument to Souichi's victory for the sake of embarrassment.

"Senpai, whenever I try and talk about these things you say 'don't talk about such things' and 'just shut up' so don't act like I don't try and tell you them, I do. It's you who doesn't let me!"

"E-enough!" Souichi turned away slightly, unable to really win this argument without yelling and escaping. But in that moment that he turned his attention away from Morinaga, he notice a bar full of men's eyes on him. "Uh--! Later!" He looked up at his Kouhai quickly, enough to say "We'll continue this later! I need to get out of here..." And with that, he ran.