Am back! Woo, it's been a hell of a long time hasn't it? Just been caught up in a lot of things that caused me to forgot about updating this story and the current one, which is postponed due to me not liking the way it's going. So for now I'm going to revolve around this story and hopefully I won't postpone updating for too long.

THE SIMPLE PLAN part two

CHAPTER ONE

"Buffy?" whispered Pippin.

At the mention of her name, Buffy's head lolled to the side and the Hobbit's concerned face brought a smile to hers, and she lightly nodded her head to indicate she was fine.

Even by doing that caused a severe round of pain issuing in the center of her forehead. Where was an aspirin when you really needed one?

"I'm fine, Pip." reassured Buffy after a moment. "Just a little woozy, but that's cos I've been tossed around like a bag of balls for three days."

The Hobbit nodded. "I know."

Buffy sighed. She was more worried about how the Hobbits were going to handle being tortured by these Orcs than herself. They came a long way, sure, but how long was it going to be until the Orcs decide to kill them? And what about her? Why was she still here? The Orcs should have killed her already and deep down inside, Buffy hoped that they would already.

But then again the Hobbits would be alone and who would take care of them if they escaped? Pippin's small voice and his words brought Buffy from her reverie.

"What?" she asked.

"Boromir's dead." repeated Pippin. "I- I saw him. He was taken down by the Orcs."

"I know…" Buffy said, her voice trailing off as the image of Boromir's mutilated body lain on the floor of an evil battle field. Shuddering, she turned back to Pippin. "Where is Merry?" she asked, more quietly.

"They took him away from me." Pippin said. "They caught us talking."

"I've been thinking we can out smart them, somehow." Buffy said. "I mean, they aren't that bright, y'know? Maybe… I don't know, maybe we could distract them somehow. Have one of us throw a fit or something, and you and Merry get away."

"Why does it get to be you!?" Pippin hissed.

"Because… Because I'm prettier." Buffy stated.

"Prettier then an arse!" Pippin said. "I get to do it."

"No, I get to do it." Buffy said.

"No, me." Pippin demanded.

"Hey, I'm bigger. I can sit on you." Buffy said.

Pippin arched his eyebrow and rolled his eyes, "Yes, well, how will we inform Merry? He is all the way on the other end of the camp. We'll never reach him."

Buffy thought on this, taking a moment to look up at two passing Orcs that have been too busy arguing over something to notice Pippin and Buffy having their conversation

"Maybe I should just… shout it?" wondered Buffy.

"Yes, and you know what the consequences will be don't you?" hissed Pippin.

"I'll take the risk." Buffy said confidently. "And anyway, I think I can free myself from these ropes. Then once my hands are free, I can start kicking some major Orc booty."

"Shut it, both of you!" growled an Orc. "Or I'll be having your boney legs to chew on!"

"Maybe I'll shove my boney legs up your hairy a—" Buffy began, but a hand came in contact with her cheek.

"Hold your tongue next time, you wretched mortal." Spat Uglúk.

A beating burning sensation tickled her cheek, and she opened her mouth to say something more but Pippin shot her hard look as he was tossed into the air and flung over the shoulder of an Orc.

"That tickled." hissed Buffy, once Uglúk walked away.

"We don't stop for anything!" Uglúk shouted in their native language. "Not for man, not for the enemy and not for sun. Understand!?"

The Orcs grumbled an agreement and Buffy felt herself being lifted from the ground and set firmly on her feet. The Orc that had threatened her sneered from behind some very bushy eyebrows, and made a strange squeak from the back of his throat.

She figured he was laughing.

"You have to walk now, missy!" he shouted. "Says you're too big for the shoulders. Now stop looking at me and walk!"

Merry's large, soulful eyes stared back at Buffy as he passed by on a small Orc.

Buffy licked the side of her lip where she tasted blood and silently agreed that she will help out these Hobbits before they are brought to Saruman. Even if it meant dying.

By the time the company had stopped again, Buffy, barefooted and sore, collapsed to the floor. The Orc walking beside her kicked her roughly in her ribs, and when Buffy wouldn't budge he grabbed her by the hair and yanked her up.

"You have a hard time listening, don't you?" he growled.

Yes, please excuse my learning disability. I don't usually listen to assholes that smell like gym socks. Buffy thought.

"What's that now?" he asked.

"Just muttering how lovely your teeth are today." Buffy said through gritted teeth.

The Orc went to comment but Uglúk's voice sounded throughout the camp.

"Find wood and chop it! I want a fire started."

"Why do we always have to listen to you for, Uglúk?" growled Grishnak.

Buffy was let go and she dropped to her knees. She knew they were arguing even though she could not understand their language.

"I am the leader here; Saruman had set me as captain." Uglúk said very violently. "If you, if any of you maggots, have a problem with me then tell me now so I can chop off your heads and save me from eating stale bread and liver!"

"We can eat them, you know." said Buffy's Orc loudly, in a language she understood.

It was not English though.

"I heard Hobbits weren't very tasty." Buffy proclaimed, unsure of the tone of her voice. "Y-you should try me though, I heard white meat was very yummy."

"This one has a mouth of a weasel." An Orc commented.

"Thank you." Buffy said proudly.

"SILENCE!" boomed Uglúk, pushing an Orc out of his way to get to Buffy. "You." He said. "If it were not for Saruman and his orders I'd have you torn in half by now. No, better yet, I would cause you so much pain that you wish your foul, hideous mouth had closed a long time ago."

"Me hideous? Okay, I know I haven't had a bath in God knows how long, but I'm still probably better looking than you will ever be." And very quickly, she added. "No, I know I'm better looking than you."

Uglúk stepped forwards, his disoriented face scrunched together in what appeared to be an angry almost constipated scowl. She felt the eyes of the Hobbits on her back and licked her lips, hungry for a killing.

Uglúk raised his arm and when it flew down at Buffy, her arms freed themselves from there bindings and a sudden energy rushed through her body and she blocked the attack with her hand. Her eyes grew large with hunger and she squeezed Uglúk's arm more tightly.

"What was that?" she asked gently, twisting his arm back and breaking it. Uglúk stumbled backwards in pain as soon as a sickening crunch silenced the camp, cries of agony emitting from the injured Orc. "I thought so." she added, throwing down the ropes and readying herself for another Orc that came at her.

"Buffy!" cried Pippin, but he fell silent as his tiny body was thrown to the floor and kicked.

"Leave him alone!" Buffy shouted, running toward the abusive Orc. "Leave him alone you fatheaded dirty son of a bitch, leave him alone! Pippin! Pippin!?"

Strong arms wrapped themselves around Buffy and tossed her backwards. Her body rolled into a mud puddle and before she could blink away the dirt from her eyes, she was being kicked by Uglúk.

The trees nearby moaned in the wind and the energy Buffy felt before came back to her and she grabbed hold of Uglúk's leg, swinging it from underneath him and knocking him onto the floor. Quickly, Buffy got up and started punching him in his face.

"This is for killing Boromir!" she cried. "This is for breaking up the fellowship! This is for abusing Merry and Pippin and taking me away from Legolas and Aragorn and Faith and everyone else! And this is for being so damn ugly!" with one last punch, Buffy's cut knuckles broke the neck of the Orc that killed Boromir.

And she felt so much better.

"She killed our leader!" shouted an Orc. "She killed Uglúk. What kind of… man is she?"

Breathing heavily, Buffy stood and said softly: "A woman."

The Orcs mumbled amongst each other for a moment, and Buffy paused, straining her ears as she listened carefully to a distant sound. And it became suddenly clear and the neighing of horses erupted around them, and a mob of men on steeds surrounded the campsite.

Shoving Uglúk's body out of her way, Buffy aimed towards finding Merry and Pippin without getting caught by the men on the horses. It was hard to see due to the amount of riders, and she was forced to take a different route through the forest of moaning trees.

As she passed through the trees she could see the shadows of the riders spearing the Orcs and beheading them, and she silently thanked the Heavens for taking a huge ass burden off her shoulders. She really didn't think she could kill all those Orcs on her own.

Stumbling on whatever was left of her boots, she fell over a tree stump and came face to face with Merry.

"Merry!" she exclaimed. "Merry, thank God, are you okay?"

The Hobbit nodded and motioned to his bindings. Buffy nodded and dragged him into shadow so they would not be seen, and tore apart the ropes around his wrists.

"Thank you." He said hoarsely.

"Where is Pippin, Merry?" Buffy asked urgently.

"Out there in the mess." He replied. "I- I tried to yell to him but it was too late."

"Oh no." Buffy groaned, setting off into the battle raging on. "Pippin! Pippin!"

"Right here." muttered a voice. "And you are on my ropes."

"You freed yourself." Buffy said admiringly, and shook her head because of her stupidity. "I am not letting you guys out of my sight ever again and I'm going to watch what I say next time. Come on before we get stomped on by these huge bears."

"Not so fast!" snarled an Orc.

Buffy was grabbed around the ankle by the Orc that threatened her and he grinned.

"Can't you just fuck off?" asked Buffy, kicking him in the side of the head and grabbing Pippin.

They both ran into the forest with Merry, the sounds in the back ground slowly becoming deaf.

"We will get caught, I know." Merry hissed.

"Stop, please, your optimism is making me sick." Buffy said sarcastically.

Merry rolled his eyes and suddenly grabbed onto her arm.

"What?" Buffy and Pippin asked in unison.

"We're being followed." Merry whispered, turning his head back.

Buffy listened and her eyes went round. She then turned to the Hobbits, "You two go climb a tree. I'll take care of this freeloader."

"Think you can run away little on, eh!" shouted the Orc.

"I'm not running now, am I?" Buffy said back.

The shadow of the Orc appeared from behind the large tree that Merry and Pippin had climbed in.

"Oh ho ho, I think I know why Saruman wants you." He said.

"And whys that?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Your power." He continued. "It's obvious, isn't it?"

The Orc came out of his shadows and Buffy narrowed her eyes.

"I'm just lucky." She said with her teeth clenched. "And you ought to be too since I'm not ripping you in half yet. Yet. Note the pun."

"You pretend you don't know but you do." He snarled, stepping further. "You are the Slayer."

Buffy tightened her fists at her side. "That's enough of you," she said, kicking a tree stump and snapping it in half. "You're dead meat and you're on the market." Picking up the stick, Buffy twirled it a couple of times as she approached the Orc, and impelled it through his head, killing him instantly.

Sighing, Buffy wiped the splattered Orc blood from her face.

"Ignore what he said, guys. He was just scared." At no response, Buffy whirled around. "Guys? Where did you two go to now?"

She looked around and groaned.

"If I lost you guys again, I'm going to give— oomph!" something nudged her in the back and before hitting the forest floor, a large branch shot out and snatched her around the waist, lifting her high off the ground. "Ugh, let me go you— you— tree!?"

"Tree!? Hoom hum ho. I am no tree! I am Treebeard of the Ents. Hoom."

"You can talk?" gasped Buffy, opened mouthed. "Okay, I've officially seen everything. And, ah, you're kind of squeezing me there."

"What mischief do little Orcs have in my forest? Hoom hum." Asked Treebeard.

"Buffy!" called Pippin. "Down here!"

"Merry, Pippin run!" Buffy shouted down at them, but it was too late. Buffy was dropped and without thinking she latched onto a lower branch of the walking tree, and watched as Merry and Pippin were grabbed from the ground too.

"More little Orcs!" growled Treebeard.

"We are no Orcs!" Merry shouted.

"Yeah, we are Hobbits." At the dazed look on the tree, Pippin continued. "You know, Halflings. Of the Shire. You know… Hobbiton?"

"Ah-ha, he's squeezin' me Pip!" cried Merry.

"Sounds like Orc mischief to me!" shouted Treebeard and he gave a deep growl causing Buffy to cover her ears.

"We're in deep shit now." She mumbled and without realizing it, the necklace Galadriel had given her was glowing green the closer to Isengard they got.