Barriers
Rated: K+
Genre: General/Friendship
Summary: Kirk wants to get past Spock's imposing barriers. He wants him to feel, to open up to him. It would take time, but he would certainly try. Friendship or Pre-Slash; however you prefer it to be.
A/N: This takes place in the J. J. Abrams Universe. I figured that if Jim saw and rationalized that Elder Spock had feelings, then it meant his Spock should have them, too. He just needed him to show them. I decided to write this, (and all my other stories) and am glad the movie came out when it did, because I am currently on summer vacation, even though I work everyday except Sundays and Wednesdays. If this movie had come out during college time for me…ugh. I am going to school to be an anesthesiologist, and apparently when you're trying to get into med school, you have to take a lot of science and math courses, so I would be hard-pressed to find time to write. (But knowing me…I'd try anyway.)
Without further adieu, please enjoy this story!
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the Star Trek franchise. They belong…to someone else who isn't me.
A lot of things were plaguing Captain James "Jim" T. Kirk's mind. Worries over his captaincy, looking out for his crew, making sure his ship was in order (and in one piece), and trying to hide from Bones and his unhealthy obsession with using hyposprays…
Jim ran a hand over his face and let out a sigh, hoping to expel some of his pent up frustrations along with it. The hope was useless; his mind was still awhirl as he lay down on his bed, his long legs hanging over the foot end of his mattress. His sky blue eyes gazing up at the ceiling, unseeing and seemingly far away, as his mind was slowly turning to its latest hindrance.
This hindrance being none other than Spock: his stoic, seemingly cold half-Vulcan First Officer.
Nine months. It's been nine months since the homeworld of the Vulcans had been destroyed by the crazy, grief-struck Nero. And yet, Spock seemed the same on the surface. Quiet, reserved, did his job effortlessly. Perfectly. But although Jim would never consider himself an empath or any kind of psychic of the sort, he could tell things weren't right. And he honestly couldn't say or come to a logical conclusion of how he knew things weren't right. Well, aside from the obvious facts that Spock had lost almost his entire race, not to mention his mother.
How anyone could be all right after such a catastrophe, even a Vulcan, was beyond Jim's understanding.
The young Enterprise Captain bit his lower lip in contemplation, as he thought back to an earlier confrontation he'd had with Spock, in his attempt to get the half-Vulcan to open up.
//Flashback//
It was time for the "graveyard" shift on the bridge, leaving Jim to his own devices after a long day of filing boring reports and making sure everything was still in working order. Now that he was officially done (unless he was needed before the morning shift) he'd decided to head to bed. Having had a slow, yet productive day had made him strangely weary, and so it was with obvious fervor that he made his way to his quarters.
He was halfway to his quarters, when he saw Spock heading towards him, probably headed to the bridge for last minute reports of some kind. As always when his eyes rested upon the pale alien, Jim's mind ran a hundred different thoughts simultaneously. Of all the people to ever cause Jim to learn to seriously think things through, it was his First Officer.
And thinking Jim had done, ever since his mutinous exile to Delta Vega, where he'd met the other Spock, the Vulcan from a different timeline. It was after the meld that Jim had experienced, and Spock's compassion which had him rethinking everything he'd thought about the younger Spock. That was the first time he had rethought over his actions. The second was his confrontation with Spock on the ship after he had Scotty beam them aboard.
After seeing that Spock was capable of emotions, (and painful karate chops), Kirk had done some more rethinking and reevaluated his attitude towards him. He had slowly come to respect Spock, and had trusted him (strange as it seemed) enough to take him along as Jim went to Nero's ship.
And then his respect had morphed and evolved into awe and inspiration when Spock had been about to give up his life in order to destroy Nero's ship. When everything was all over, said and done, Spock had instantly retreated back into his shell, leaving Jim lost and confused. He'd only experienced a little of Spock's emotions, and yet he was already addicted. And like an addict suffering from withdrawal symptoms, he would do anything to get his fix.
"Hey, Spock. How are you, buddy?" Jim said, forcing a smile on his face. Spock just gazed at him with that indifference that was almost trademarked.
"I am fine, Captain. May I insist that you do not call me 'buddy'? That insinuates that we share a relationship other than strictly professional, which we do not." Spock said promptly, holding his hands down at his sides ramrod straight. His entire lithe body seemed to be giving off vibes of 'do not touch' and 'go away'.
Jim always liked a challenge, but seeing the aura Spock was putting off, he knew he had to retreat and try again another day.
//End of Flashback//
Jim continued to contemplate over his First officer. How to get through to him? How to make him notice that Jim was not all that bad? With a resigned sigh, Jim knew it would take some time to pull off. But he was nothing, if not determined, to try.
---
It was two days later that Jim put his plan "Get Through To Spock" in action. He decided instead of just going straight at it, he would slowly do it over time. After all, if he measured his attempts-logically-maybe Spock would slowly start to accept the inevitable? Well, that was what Jim hoped for, anyway.
It was quite early, earlier than Jim usually got up, when he sauntered into the Mess hall for breakfast. The mess was partially full, and a low caliber of voices floating in the air. Jim grabbed a tray a filled it, and then scanned the Mess. His eyes finally caught what he was looking for.
"Bingo," he muttered, and walked over to the lone table at the far end of the Mess, which was inhabited by only one being. Luckily, this being was the person Jim was looking for. As he approached the table, dark amber eyes looked up. Followed by a raised eyebrow.
"Captain," Spock acknowledged, then lowered his eyes back to his tray as he continued to eat methodically. Jim let his eyes roam over the half-Vulcan's form, and he couldn't shake the feeling that Spock was...well, lonely.
But that's ridiculous, though. Jim thought to himself. Vulcans love being alone and stuff...right?
A voice whispered at the back of his head, But he's also half-human...
Jim shook his head to clear the thoughts away, and then took a seat in the chair directly across from Spock. When Spock gave him an assessing look, Jim just gave him a soft smile, and then turned his attention to his food. For the remaining time as they ate their breakfast, neither Spock nor Jim said a word.
Jim kept reminding himself that sometimes silence was the best medicine; he did not need to talk to let Spock know he was there; he was sure the half-Vulcan was aware of his presence, if his frequent questioning glances were anyting to go by.
Once they were finished, Jim put his tray in the recycler, as Spock did the same, and they quietly walked out of the Mess, on the way to the bridge. As with the Mess, Jim said nothing, just smiled at Spock whenever the Vulcan glanced at him.
I know this will work, Jim thought.
---
A month later, after a particularly exhausting ordeal in the Alpha Quadrant, Jim offered Spock to a game of chess. By now, he had taken to rising up early every morning and eating breakfast with Spock. They had yet to speak a word to each other during the shared meals, but Spock no longer gave Jim questioning looks. It was almost as if he came to accept it.
Jim was thrilled.
His first offer to Spock was rejected, so he decided to just get some sleep. Everyday after that, he questioned Spock on whether he wanted to play chess. And everytime, he was turned down.
Jim didn't consider himself the most patient of men, but he knew that if he wanted to get through to Spock, he had to do it right. There was no second chances to make first impressions.
---
Finally...finally, Spock had resigned himself to an evening game of chess. They met in Jim's quarters, and under the medium lighting of the room, proceeded to play.
Twelve minutes into the game, Jim had Spock cornered. Spock looked at Jim with eerily dark eyes.
"I must admit, Captain. Your strategical skills are...higher than I originally granted you for."
Jim sat back in his chair leisurely, and graced Spock with another smile.
"Thanks, Spock. Means a lot coming from you,"
"Indeed? How so, if I may ask." Spock queried.
"You, yourself, are exceptionally smart. No use in denying it," Jim said with a shrug. "Having someone like you praise my abilities makes me think I am pretty good, makes me feel like I've done something worth praising. It's nice to be appreciated sometimes, you know?"
"I see." Spock said quietly, returning his eyes back to the chessboard.
"Has anyone ever told you they appreciated you?" Jim asked lightly, starting to replace the pieces on the board. They silently agreed to play another match.
"Of course not; there is no need for such notions. I simply do what is required of me." Spock said indifferently.
This time, he won. And as he got up to leave, he was at the door when Jim's voice stopped him.
"Thanks for playing with me, Spock. I really appreciate it." Spock looked back at Jim questioningly, but Jim just gave him one of those smiles that he was seeing a lot more of these days.
Having no idea of what to say in return, Spock just inclined his head and left.
---
Two months after they had began playing chess together, Spock was injured on an Away mission. He was beamed aboard and taken straight-a-way to the Medical bay, where he was under Bones' watchful eye for six hours. Jim found himself pacing outside the Med bay doors, after Bones' had denied him entry to see his First Officer while he was resting.
When he was finally allowed entrance, he stormed in and walked over to Spock's bed, which was half hidden behind a screen. He stopped jsut short of Spock's bed, and saw that Uhura was sitting at the head of it in a chair, her hand stretched out over Spock's arm, which was lying beside his body. He was lying flat out over the bed, the covers pulled up to his chest, tucked under his arms.
Seeing them, something seemed to squeeze Jim's heart to the point where he actually winced.
I should be happy he has someone to care for him, Jim thought critically, confused by his reaction to the scene before him. Before he could stop it, his thoughts continued. You want to be the one to care for him...
Jim scowled at his thoughts, and that's when Uhura noticed his presence. She looked over at him, her face puzzled.
"...Sir?" she asked, as if wondering why on earth he'd be in the Med bay of all places. After all, it wasn't a secret that he detested the place. Jim found himself starting to feel agitated and angry. Angry that anyone would find it unusual that he'd come to see his First Officer when he wasn't well. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, and tried to make his face unreadable as Spock's dark eyes found his.
A moment of silence passed between them, and Jim found himself wanting to march over there, and wrap his arms around the aloof Vulcan. Wanted to shield him away from any more dangers out there waiting for him. He knew that if he could order him to do so, he would have. Though he doubted Spock would have actually obeyed. Probably would have had a logical reason not to do so.
Instead, he just twisted his lips into another smile for Spock's benefit.
"I'm...really glad you're alright. Just so you know, you had better not scare me like that ever again, you got that?" he said, trying to play off his worry. His voice wavered slightly, and he prayed they didn't notice it. He gave another smile, and then walked out of there fast, before Spock could respond.
He kept telling himself that he left to give them privacy, and not because he was becoming overwhelmed.
Jim may have been a good liar to other people, but he had always been a poor one to himself.
---
On the bridge, Jim managed to touch Spock briefly, whether it was to get his attention, or simply for the contact. The first time he did this, Spock stiffened under his touch and pulled away. The second time, Spock had glared.
The third time, Spock had raised an eyebrow and looked at Jim. Who gave him a smile back. To his relief, Spock just turned back to him monitor screen to finish recalibrating some findings.
Jim's hand was still on his shoulder.
---
Things returned to normal...or at least as normal as they had been, until things came crashing down.
All of Jim's efforts to get to know Spock crumbled when, in an effort to help save Jim's life after being attacked by a weird virus that slowly caused his bodily systems to shut down, Spock had to initiate a mind-meld to stablize him while Bones scrambled to make an antidote.
Spock had been in his mind all but five minutes, before he unraveled Jim's innermost thoughts. It had not been intentional, really. Usually entering someone's mind was slightly difficult; like trying to push through water. With Jim's mind, there was almost no reluctance; he literally just melded, and before Spock could grasp that he was in Jim's mind, all of the Captain's thoughts were intertwining with his.
Spock saw everything through Jim's eyes. Saw how the Captain saw him, what the Captain thought of him. What he felt for him. It was far too much for Spock, and after he pulled away from the meld, and was told Jim was now stable, the Vulcan exited to bay swiftly.
Jim was in the Medical bay for three days. On the day he was to be released, Spock and Uhura's relationship was no more.
---
Jim could feel the tension between him and Spock, and knew others felt it as well. The glances he received, as if people automatically assumed he was the reason behind whatever problem was between him and Spock. Gone were the breakfasting together, the evening chess matches. Gone were the light touches that he'd come over time to have permitted from Spock. They now only spoke when necessary, and Jim was slowly starting to lose his mind.
At night, his mind played over and over how he missed those interactions with Spock. He craved to have them again, but the thought of having to wait so long to build it back up was torture.
After a month of the mind-meld, when things had taken a turn for the worst, Jim could stand it no longer. He had to talk to Spock. Had to confront him.
---
It was in Spock's quarters where Jim found himself cornering the Vulcan. He'd had to override the code to enter, and somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it wasn't right to abuse his posistion. But he didn't care at the moment. All that mattered was that he spoke to Spock.
"We have to talk, now." Jim said, coming to stand right in front of Spock. The Officer looked at him coolly, his entire face closed off to the blonde Captain.
"Why?" Jim demanded.
Spock remained silent, while Jim wanted to yell. Why was Spock making things so difficult? Why couldn't he just accept Jim? Was Jim so repulsive that the mere thought of anything other than professionalism between them was repugnant?
"Do I disguist you? Is that it?" Jim demanded, getting closer. Spock's eyes seemed to flash dangerously, but Jim was on a roll.
"I have done everything I could think of to make things easier for you. I care about you Spock, you know that, right? I don't care what you are; I don't care if you don't laugh, don't smile...I don't care! What I do care about is how you do not make an effort to let me in! I want to know what's going on in that head of yours. You're my First Officer, damn it! If we can't trust each other...if I can't trust you, who can I trust?" Jim asked, his heart starting to pound.
"I want us to be friends, is that so much to ask? Hell, maybe more than that; it's not impossible!" he ranted, and then blanched when he realised what he just let slip out.
He backed off a little, to see if Spock would retaliate. Spock merely continued to gaze at him, his body as tight and drawn as a bow string.
Almost suddenly, Jim was plagued with exhaustion. It hadn't been a good idea to come here. What had he been thinking? Spock wanted nothing to do with him. Before he turned to leave, he decided to give it another try.
"I care about you very, very much Spock. Know that; don't ever doubt it. Maybe it'll take longer for you to get to trust me; or maybe longer for you to feel anything about me other than as your Superior Officer. Should you ever want to bridge the gap, I'm always willing..."
Jim looked back at Spock, and saw the contemplative look in his eyes. With a hopeless sigh, Jim left and returned to his quarters, feeling as if he had just lost one of the best things he'd ever had.
He did not sleep well that night.
---
The next morning, as he sat slumped over the Mess hall table, playing with his food, having no real apetite, his attention turned away when he heard the chair next to his being pulled out from under the table.
Heart pounding, he turned his head and looked up. Spock stood there with a tray in his hands. Jim slowly felt his lips twisting upwards. Spock nodded his head at him, and took a seat.
"I am willing as well...Jim." Was all he said, before turning his attention to his food. They ate their breakfast in silence, and Jim knew. He just knew.
He had gotten past Spock's barriers. It had taken time, but he had managed, and now they would hopefully continue from there.
Jim smiled down at his tray. Things were good, and hopefully they were only going to get better.
A/N: Yes...so I don't really know why I made a Friendship K/S story without there being too much romantic subtext in it...(other than had it been just a humor story, which it wasn't.) My guess is, I would like to think that before they even get into any romance aspects of their relationship, they have to first bridge the gap between themselves to thrive on friendship first. So, if you want, while this isn't necessarily Slash, you could imagine this as a prequel to my other stories I've written in which they are together. See this as their beginning, the origins they had before becoming eventual bondmates.
If you don't like that idea, then imagine that this story was simply the telling of how they merely started to become friends. ^_^
Oh, and you can reason anyway you want to as to why Spock broke up with Uhura after the meld with Jimmy boy. I imagine he knew something more was out there for him, and he could sense it...but then again you can conclude anything your heart desires... :)
A/N2: I am so excited. The story I have been working on for the longest time, the one with a nonhuman!Jim, is coming along quite nicely. While I still may not post it, I am finding that the chances of me doing so are rising as I write more of it. I have a feeling that if I did post it, it would be an interesting story...if not a little controversial. But that's okay; I'm a big girl and I can handle controversy. *giggles*
Until next time, stay cool!
