Hello! This is my first Castle fic in a while. Lately, I've been spending my time in the Once Upon a Time fandom, though I've had many ideas for Castle fics. That said, my apologies for any OOC-ness. I'm still getting reacquainted with the characters.
The horrors of the past forty eight hours are replaying over and over in his head like a movie. Kate had finally fallen asleep –well, passed out is probably a better way of putting it– but he doubts she'll stay asleep for much longer. The nightmares will start soon, of that, he's sure. The dim light spilling in from the hall casts eerie shadows on the wall, and he can barely make out the unsettled contours of her face. He doesn't need to; he's long since memorized every sharp line and every soft curve of that beautiful face of hers… the beautiful face that Kelly Nieman almost destroyed. He shudders even thinking about it, wondering how she's managed to keep it together this whole time considering she's the one who actually almost died at the hands of Nieman.
But then again, she's always been the stoic one. He knows he nearly lost his mind during the two days she'd been missing, and at least he'd known she was alive because he knew how Tyson operated. He was missing for two months, and she had been getting every theory thrown at her: that he was dead, that he'd gotten cold feet, etc. The list went on and on, yet she still kept it together and kept going on with her life. She hadn't threatened to shoot a man like he had. He knows she jokes about almost shooting the guy who tried to move his chair, but he also knows she uses the humor to cover up the pain. Still, she hadn't turned homicidal, and he'd been seconds from pulling that trigger when police arrived at Tyson's apartment.
Martha only gives him a tight-lipped smile when he asks how Kate had been during those two months. Ryan and Esposito share a pained look before shaking their heads. He knows better than to ask Lanie. No one's willing to tell him, and maybe it's for the best. He wants to know exactly what he put her through, even if it kills him to hear it. But seeing Kate on TV begging –begging– for any information on his whereabouts, he just knows. He knows by the carefully placed mask she wore, by the concealed wavering of her voice laced with desperation, that those two months nearly killed her, too, even if she's better at hiding it than he is.
His mind drifts back to the woman lying next to him and focuses on the steady rise and fall of her chest. He can't stop thinking about how close he came to losing her today. It doesn't get any easier, he thinks. They'd both been in life-or-death situations before –more often than not, they were together in those situations– but it's always infinitely worse when she's alone and there's nothing he can do to save her.
It's a good think she's as remarkable, maddening, and challenging as she is.
He decides to add 'resourceful' to that list in his next dedication.
He's still not entirely sure about how she got out of those restraints, but he has a good idea based on her cut fingers and wrist. He's not surprised, though. If there's one thing Kate Beckett isn't, it's a damsel in distress. He's always loved that about her, and he knows she's pretty damn proud about it.
It's why she said "thanks for coming to get me", not "thanks for saving me".
Because the truth is, she doesn't need anyone to save her. The only one that saves her is herself, and he is more than fine with that. It's why she's come back to him every single time.
In the low light, he reaches out to caress her face. He stops short, not wanting to disturb her. He knows the shock will wear off soon, and her ability to compartmentalize will be gone. She'll be forced to feel everything she's been pushing away since he and the boys burst into that room: the fear, the exhaustion, the frustration, the pain, the anger, the joy of getting her partner back. But he knows she'll be okay, that she'll get through it. She'll probably push him away and try to work through it on her own. He's okay with that. She'll probably fall too deep into the darkness, but he'll come get her and hold her until she finds herself enough to pull herself out of it. Until then, he'll be patiently waiting.
Always.
