Author's note: This story is a complete crackfic and stands alone from my other stories. I caught the last twenty minutes of the first Hangover movie on TV and the part where they find the camera reminded me of Prompto. The rest grew from there. This is going to be pretty ridiculous and loaded with slash and not to be taken seriously in any way. Rated M for all the gratuitous sex in chapter 2. Sorry, not sorry.
THE HANGOVER XV
Narcolepsy was the name of the newest hotel and casino in Insomnia. It was swanky, it had gambling, it had strippers, and it was the location Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum had chosen to have his bachelor party.
The double doors to the presidential sweet swung open and the Prince entered, flanked by his crownguard. Prompto bounded across the room and vaulted the enormous couch to the windows. They ran the length of the room and the floor to ceiling glass gave an excellent view of the setting sun over Insomnia. "Whoa," he said excitedly, "We can see all the way to the Disks from here. Great call on the room Ignis."
Gladio and Ignis walked in last, tipping the porter as he dropped off their bags. "It appears the photos online give the room justice," said Ignis. "I had my reservations."
Gladio brought his bag into his room and tossed it on the bed. "Hey," they heard him call, "The bathrooms are huge. You could fit three people in this tub."
All four of them milled about and got dressed for the evening and soon the sun had dipped well below the horizon, letting the stars and moon overhead come into view. The plan for the evening was to go downstairs to the casino and do some gambling before hitting up the strip club and/or karaoke bar. It all depended on where the night took them.
When they all gathered in the main room again Prompto produced a bottle of something chartreuse in color and four shot glasses. "Gentlemen," he said in a hoity voice, "before we depart I suggest we have a toast to our future King and groom to be."
"Sounds good to me," said Noctis.
"Sure," said Gladio.
Ignis picked the bottle out of Prompto's hands and looked at it inquisitively. "Is this what I think it is?"
Prompto nodded. "Just some Cactuar Juice." Gladio made a face. "Oh, it's not actually juice from a cactuar. That's just what they call it."
Ignis was reading the label. "Prompto this is illegal."
The blonde shook his head. "Not in Insomnia."
Green eyes criticized him, "No, but it is illegal in half of the regions between here and Lestallum. How did you get it?"
Prompto smirked deviously. "I have my ways. Would you like some or not?"
"Oh, come on Specks," said Noctis, "Let loose for once. We're not leaving the building. What's the worst thing that could happen?"
"He has a point," said Gladio.
"Don't encourage them," said Ignis, but when all three pairs of eyes looked up at him, Prompto with a pout, he relented. He sighed. "Fine, one drink, but no more."
"Yes," said Prompto excitedly and began pouring the shots.
"Let's keep the insanity to a medium tonight. Shall we?" asked Ignis.
Prompto handed a shot to each of them. The thick liquor sticking to the edge of the glasses. He held his up, and the rest mimicked them. "I can make no promises, Iggy." He toasted, "To a night we'll never forget."
Prompto was the first one to wake up. He was sleeping in something hard and his legs were hanging over something. He opened his eyes to see the elaborate ceiling of one of the suite's bathrooms. His eyes drifted down and pain shot through his skull. It was then that the other aches and pains seeped into his consciousness. Everything hurt, and he meant everything.
Slowly, painfully, he crawled out of the oversized tub and slid to the tiled floor. He crawled on all fours to the vanity and pulled himself up to the sink. He stoppered the sink and began filling it with water. When the level was high enough he dunked his face in the cold water and drank as much as he could before he had to come up for air. He turned off the water and just sat there for a moment, watching the water drip from his hair as he tried to recall why he'd woken up in the tub and why he felt like a Marlboro had digested him and shat him out.
He looked down. At least he still had his pants on…wait. These weren't his pants. They were Noct's. He pulled them aside, noticing that he wore nothing under them.
Glancing slowly upward, Prompto looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like hammered shit. A rather large bruise resided on his shoulder where it met his neck, but there were smaller ones elsewhere too; His lip, his chest, his hips. Six, were they mugged last night or something?
Prompto ran his hands through his hair, but they got stuck. There was something white and crusty plastering the blonde hair to his scalp and it was most definitely not hair gel.
Running the sink full of warm water he submerged his head again, swishing it around to clean the side of his head. When he was reasonably clean he grabbed a towel and dried his hair before pushing the bathroom door open to the common room.
Bright noon-day light accosted his eyes so intensely he nearly ran back into the bathroom to puke. He stood there clenching his eyes for a long time before slowly opening them, his eyes focusing on the suite.
The room was thankfully intact except for the couch cushions being tossed everywhere and quite a few discarded liquor and beer bottles. There were clothes and shoes everywhere too.
First he found Noctis, in the kitchenette, passed out on the floor in front of the open fridge. He was naked but for the dishtowel over his lap and he looked about as rough as Prompto did. Bruises included. Prompto crouched down and shook his friends shoulder, being careful to avoid the crescent shaped bruises on his neck too. "Noct…" Prompto winced. His throat was raw and his jaw was killing him. "Hey, Noct… wake up."
The prince groaned and swatted his arm away before slowly opening his eyes. He was quiet as he appeared to soak his surroundings, much like Prompto did. "Did you get it?" he said hoarsely.
"Get what?"
"The plate number of the bus that hit me," he said. Prompto chuckled. "Why are you wearing my pants?"
"Oh… honestly I don't know. Hang on, let me go get a change of clothes." He stood up and filled up a tall glass with water and handed it down to his friend. "Drink up. I'll be right back." He walked back to his room. He found his bag open, the bottles of elixir he always kept packed were empty. Shit, he was hoping to be able to use one. Digging around he found his pair of sleep pants. He slipped out of Noct's pants and threw his own on.
Hearing a groan in the bed behind him Prompto looked over his shoulder, wincing at the pain in his neck. His eyes went wide at what he saw.
Hobbling back to the kitchen he tossed Noctis his pants. "You have to see this," he said as the prince made himself slightly more decent. Prompto enjoyed the brief view he had.
"What is it?" asked Noct blearily.
"Just come see."
He led Noct back to his room where they both stood at the foot of the enormous bed in disbelief. Gladio was passed out face down with only his tattoos covering him. He had scratch marks on his back and one of his hands were elevated, shackled to the headboard by a pair of fuzzy, purple, hand cuffs.
Ignis lay beside him, clad only in a pair of black briefs. The strategist was the only one of them that looked like they meant to fall asleep there rather than just passing out wherever they fell.
"Where's your camera?" whispered Noctis.
Prompto looked around, finding it on the TV stand facing the bed. "Aww, battery is dead." He plugged it in to charge. "It'll take a few minutes before I can turn it on. We might as well wake them up."
Noctis winced as he bent over to shake Ignis' shoulder. Prompto did the same for Gladio.
Soon the sword and shield creeped their way back to reality. Gladio went to cover his face from the light but found he couldn't move his right arm. "Why are am I cuffed to the bed?" He asked irritably as he sat up slowly and covered himself with the sheets. He had blood smeared on the corner of his mouth.
Prompto reached up and rubbed the bruise on his shoulder, some small flash of the previous night coming back to him before it was gone again. "I don't know," said Prompto, "but you look like a werewolf that woke up after a full moon run. There's blood on your face.
Gladio felt around with his lips with his tongue, and shrugged. "I didn't bite my lip. It's not mine."
Ignis was starting to stir.
"Hey Prom," said Noctis, holding up an empty bottle that was once three quarters full of cactuar juice. "Did we finish this stuff off?"
Prompto looked around the room. There was no indication that it had spilled. "We must have. That explains why I can't remember a damned thing. You?"
Noctis shook his head.
"I don't remember anything either," said Gladio tugging on the cuff. "Can someone get this thing off me before I break the head board?"
Ignis didn't say anything. He just reached down to his pants on the floor and pulled a key out of his pocket. He held it up for Noctis to take before burying his head back under the pillow. "Could someone draw those curtains, please?" he said.
Prompto pulled the curtains mostly closed while Noctis unlocked Gladio. When the room was dimmed Ignis finally pulled his head out from the bed and sat up slowly. His normally perfect hair mashed to one side of his head in a way that made Prompto laugh. "Is everyone alright?" Ignis asked.
Noctis flopped down on the foot of the bed. "I'm not dead, if that's what you mean. Did we really drink all that cacuar juice?"
"We must have," said Gladio, rubbing his wrist. "Does anyone remember anything?"
Prompto thought. "I remember going down to the casino, we had a few drinks. I remember making a bit of an ass of myself at the karaoke bar. I heard the juice takes away some inhibitions, but… was I singing Sailor Twift?"
Noctis laughed. "Yeah, that part I remember. Then we went to the strip club for a bit. Gladio I'm pretty sure you ended up giving a lap dance to some random girl with a tiara on. Ignis, you wound up on stage."
The strategist groaned. "Unfortunately, I remember that part too."
Prompto laughed as that memory came back. "You're quite the pole dancer Iggy." Ignis shot him a withering look, and Prompto forced back his smile. "We came back to the room after that I think."
Noctis groaned and put his head in his hands. "Guys I'm sorry, I think this is my fault."
"What do you mean?" asked Ignis.
Noctis sat up. "The last thing I remember was coming back to the room and suggesting we have one more round of juice to polish off the night." He shook his head. "We all did… twice. That's the last thing I remember."
Prompto heard the chirp of his camera from the corner of the room, he got up to retrieve it. Still plugged in he sat down in the corner chair and turned it on, scrolling through the photos of the previous night. Hoping they would give some hint as to what happened. It was a fresh memory card so it started with photos from when they first got at the hotel, a selfie of himself in his suit, Ignis winning some money at the craps table, a group shot of them toasting another round, some dimly lit photos of him singing like an idiot. Prompto chuckled, he must have been getting drunk by this point because the photos started to get blurry. Still, despite the blur he got a shot of the ecstatic birthday girl with Gladio straddling her lap. Another one of Ignis hanging upside down on one of the poles, a few singles flying through the air.
Then there were some photos he couldn't make out, but looked vaguely like the hotel room. When he hit next it opened to a video. Prompto made a face, he didn't remember taking a video. It began to play and slowly all the blood began to drain from Prompto's face.
"Prom, you alright?" asked Noctis.
"Umm… Guys… you all need to come see this. Like, right now."
Gladio wrapped the sheet around his waist while the other two flanked the blonde. When the shield joined them Prompto hit play again.
Everyone's eyes went wide. Noctis covered his mouth.
"Oh…my…" stammered Ignis.
Gladio was just silent, which was saying a lot.
X~X~X
Next chapter is what they saw on the video. :3
