i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

finnick & katniss

( two halves of different wholes )

disclaimer: not mine.


"You know, I don't think we're that different at all." The way that he murmurs it almost silently as he frowns over his current knot is so heartbreakingly tragic, it makes her want to slap him. This is not you, Finnick Odair.

She asks what he means, even though she knows. (because she knows him.)

He glances at her out of the corner of his eye and sighs as he takes her hands and moves them correctly, showing her how to position her rope. She nods and swats his hand to let him know that I get it, leave me alone, I can do it by myself. He withdraws his hands and goes back to his own length of rough cord.

"You know what I mean."

She does not deny it. (because he's right, weren't you listening earlier?)

"I miss Peeta." The words come unbidden, of their own accord, and she almost slaps her hands over her mouth in horror.

noweakness noweakness noweakness is allowed.

"I know," he says, almost nonchalantly as he quickly loops one end of his rope around the other, pulling it tight.

She tries concentrating on her knot, which is difficult, just like everything else, because it's hard to concentrate when all you can think is PeetaPeetaPeeta come back.

"Do you miss Annie?" She asks.

He snorts. "Do you miss Peeta?"

yesyesyesyesyesyesyes.

"Didn't I just tell you that I do?" She retorts, irritated.

He smirks, and she sees a glimpse of the Finnick she first met back in the Capitol, all those years ago. Oh, wait, but it was just a few months ago.

it doesn't feel like it.

"Then, yeah, I miss her." He pulls the final loop tight and inspects his knot. It looks flawless to her. He sets it down in his lap momentarily as his eyes start to glaze over. "I miss her a lot."

he's doing it again nononononono.

She quickly jumps up and straddles his lap, taking his face between her hands. "No, Finnick. Come back. You're not allowed to leave. You're not allowed to leave me." She looks into his blank eyes, willing him to come back, to come back from that place that he goes, where Annie is, where Peeta is, where all the pain and torture and ohGodstophurting is.

He shakes his head and his bright (dull) green eyes come back into focus again. He gently removes her hands from his face and sets his on her waist, lifting her up and softly setting her back down next to him. He leans forward and brushes unkempt, greasy strands of hair away from her forehead before brushing his lips against her temple. He stands up.

"Thank you, Katniss."

She stays seated on the floor, her back leaning against the wall and her rope lying limply across her lap. She looks up at him. "For what?"

He turns on his heel and starts walking away, tossing the words over his left shoulder.

"For getting it."