This was the first time the two of us had been alone together since Sybil's death, the two of us had never really gotten on but he was grieving, as was I. Slowly walking towards him where he stood at the window,he flinched when he heard me, wiped his eyes and waited for me to say something, so I did.
"Oh Tom, I can't believe it, is there really nothing any of us can do?" I knew he would say no but I thought it common courtesy to relay the offer once more. His red eyes looked at me, shocked as if he had been expecting something completely different to leave my mouth, I gave him a small smile and rose my eyebrows almost encouragingly to him.
"No Milady, it's fine, there's nothing you can do. I don't think anyone can do anything, no-one really understands what I'm going through and now I have to try and stay strong for our baby, as a single father. What am I to do milady really?" There he went again with the 'Milady' he needed to learn to stop that if I was supposed to stop calling him Branson, we were family now.
"Really Tom, Milady?" He smirked slightly before correcting himself. "And you must do what you feel is right for you and the child, do what you think Sybil would have done." The simplest words were usually the most helpful, advice was best when brief and open ended. "Tom, follow your heart."
"Thank you Lady Grantham, how are you faring in all of this? You lost a granddaughter as I lost my wife, I'm not the only one in this house who's hurting." How sweet, I thought, always considering others before himself even in times like these. Maybe it was just how he felt he should act around me but I think that he really does think that way with everyone.
"I'm fine...or at least I will be. All we can do now is cherish her memory, and her child, like she would have wanted us to." These were the words I had said to the Mary and Edith, and what I had told myself when I heard the news. "You are a part of this family now, remember that, and us Crawleys we stick together so we will mourn together over one of our own. You're not alone in all of this Tom."
"You're right, and I know she wouldn't have wanted us all to be upset for the time to come, but I can't get over it. She was the one thing that actually linked me to the family and now she is gone and I'm left with a motherless child to raise, and I have to figure out some living arrangements for the both of us." He was still in denial of the fact that we had begun to get along with him, and had started to get used to the idea of him being family, he was practically a Crawley now.
"No, don't worry about that. You can stay at Downton for as long as you like, I'll see to that. Almost everybody in this house considers you family, you needn't worry about leaving just yet because you know Cora, she won't go long without seeing her first granddaughter, nor will I." If he said no now, he obviously underestimated my stubbornness! Luckily for him, he huffed, knowing that he had been beaten - he could avoid my wrath. "Now there's a good man, one should know not to contradict those more strongly-willed than them."
"I suppose so, it's not like I'd ever end up getting my own way anyway, especially with you against me." Finally it was getting through to him that nobody could force me into anything. Really there was no point in him making an effort to change my mind, it just wasted energy.
"Yes, but Tom, I am on your side. Even if you don't realize it, I really do want what is best for both you and the baby. None of us know you yet but I do know Sybil, she always had the best taste in men so I'm sure, that if I get to know you a little better, we'll get along very well." It was true, not necessarily that Sybil had good taste in men, she had my taste in men as well in lots of other things. Perhaps, out of the three girls, Sybil was the one to remind me most of myself, once you saw the real her, of course Mary would always appear to be most similar to me but it had always been Sybil who was actually like me.
"I know I keep saying it but thank-you, so very very much, for everything you did. Ever since me and Sybil fell in love, you supported us, even right at the beginning when you were still in shock yourself you always helped to make Lord Grantham see reason. I'll never accept that I was deserving of Sybil because I don't think I was, she should have been married to a Lord, but I can say that no Lord would have loved her more than me." The painful thing was misconception of my reaction, I was hoping that if I was gentle and appeared on their side then the whole thing would blow over, it wasn't until it didn't that I realized Tom wasn't half as bad as he had first appeared. Every cruel word I had said about him when he wasn't there, everytime I had told Sybil she would regret her choices, were brewing in my mind and making me feel sick with guilt. "You even supplied us with means to attend a family occasion, even in knowing what a disaster it could've been." You mean what a disaster it was, I thought.
"That was nothing, really it's not like I can't afford it. And you were supposed to be there, Sybil needed to be at her sister's wedding. And it was your chance to prove us all wrong, and show us that you weren't someone who wanted to kidnap our young woman and burn down our house." As soon as the words slipped out I realized what I had said and felt awful, after everything that happened in Dublin to the both of them. "Sorry, I didn't realize what I was saying." I said with an apologetic smile.
"Really it's okay, I never thought I would but now I think it was best that Sybil gave birth here, and I'm pleased that she did."
He truly was becoming one of us, death brings us all together.
