Japanese Moon
Chapter One
By A Shot of Amber
This story is a three part story intertwined in the chapters about Darien Shields an American solider fighting in World War II with the Marines and Usagi Tuskino a Japanese "comfort girl." This story is set in the 1940's and will deal with first Usagi and then Darien and then their coming together.
I got the idea for this story from a book I read that is actually the true stories of Japanese Comfort Girls. I'm not going to add the brutality and horror that went through since that would make this story an NC-17 story. Instead I will keep it at an R rating, and let you, the reader, imagine what happened. If you don't know what a Comfort Girl is you'll figure it out pretty fast in the coming chapters. This what those girls were really called to make their job seem not so horrendous. Any way please remember to read and review.
Japanese Moon
Chapter One
My name is Usagi Tuskino. Translated into English it means Rabbit of the Moon. I am seventeen years old and what the Japanese armed forces call a comfort girl. I am what I call a prostitute. Men use me for sex before going to battle to fight the white devils also known as the Americans. Sometimes I wonder if I am at battle myself with the devil and he put me here to live in his own personal hell. Your Christian God has left me to the devil even though I yearn to be free of the fiery pits of hell.
You're probably reading this in the comfort of your room. You are safe and away from the horrors of the world while I lie among them still and cry each night when the sun sets and the fires rise. You don't want to hear that though, you want to hear my story. You wonder why I gave this to you to read so I won't go on about tearful journeys and my personal hell but instead just use this pen they gave me and write my story the way I know it. I hope you enjoy reading it because I have no joy in writing it. Even now the tears are spilling down my cheeks and staining the paper that I write on.
My story really starts in 1944. At the time I was living with my mother and brother in the imperial city of Tokyo. My father had left us to fight in the army. He was going to fight and defeat the white devils and show that Japan was the greatest country on Earth. The imperial dynasty would forever rule on…
Before the war and before papa left we were well off but by 1942 our money was gone and we were forced to go to work. To keep food in our stomachs Mama set up a stall in the market place and served food to the soldiers of the city. I'm not a good cook and cannot even make rice but I helped all I could. The stall was small but strong. We had a wooden kitchen with a large stove in the back and outside small white tables with a pink and white awning stretched over those tables to keep out the sun. Well mama cooked, I would serve the soldiers and sometimes civilians who came on their lunch breaks to partake of mama's cooking.
We were always praised by the soldiers and their officers for our patriotic services to the Emperor. Sometimes they would praise us but not pay us. I was never allowed to press them to pay, mama strictly warned me against it. So sometimes they would finish their food and get up and just leave. I would curse them behind their backs as they walked off with a full stomach and full pockets. I hated those men, but mama told me to never let it show. To them I was to always be a meek and quiet Japanese maiden.
My brother Shingo would sometimes help us with the running of the stall but most of the time he was in school. He was being trained to be a solider even though he was only eleven years old. When he turned eighteen he was going to enlist in the army and join papa in fighting the enemy forces. Mama I know secretly hoped that day would never come. Having papa in the army was enough for her. She was severely strained by this war, you could see it in her face and eyes. She looked far older then her years.
But you don't want to hear this do you? You want to know what brought this to you. You want to know what made me this way. What force turned me from a little girl to a bitter and old woman? I will tell that story with as much pain staking detail as I can tell so you get everything. I don't want to miss a thing in this story since there is so much that connects it together.
One day in 1944 I was serving at the stall when a young officer came in and had a seat at one of the tables. I remember I was wearing a blue dress with white flowers on it. I walked over to him and took his order. He had a rich voice that came from the depths of his chest. He smiled at me with these perfect white teeth as I bowed and walked off to fill his order. I noticed that he was studying me with a good eye. He seemed to be watching the way I walked and fixed up a bowl of steamed dumplings for him. When I returned he praised me for my quick actions as I set down the bowl and crossed my hands demurely in front of me.
" Is there anything else you need?" I asked bowing low to him to show a sign of great respect just has mama taught me.
He indicated for me to rise and smiled at me again. He teeth were perfectly aligned. " What is your name lotus blossom?"
" Tuskino, Usagi."
" You are very beautiful Usagi-chan. Your father must be very proud of you."
I blushed at his informal way of using my name but didn't say anything against it. Instead I smiled and let the informality pass. " Papa is very proud of me. I am his only daughter. He calls me Usako because to him I am like a little bunny. Papa is in the army right now fighting the white devils and I miss him with all my heart."
The officer smiled at me with those perfect teeth. " Your papa fights for our divine Emperor. You should be proud."
" Oh I am!" I replied quickly.
" Very good lotus blossom!" He picked up his chopsticks and looked at me with his soft brown eyes. " I have great plans for you lotus blossom but first you must let me eat."
" Of course." I bowed to him again and went back to the kitchen where mama was watching us with sharp eyes. In the dark privacy she berated me for talking for so long to a soldier then put me to work washing the dishes. Shingo had returned from school and would now serve tables. I never saw my officer leave but Shingo did bring me something from him. I had just put a soapy plate in the rack to dry when Shingo handed me a piece of a paper folded over something. I looked around for mama but she was outside with Shingo so I ducked behind the stove into a corner and unfolded the paper. Inside it was a small wad of money. I was shocked at seeing the money but what was even more shocking was the note. I remember every word of what it said.
Lotus blossom,
Your food was delicious. I praise you for your beauty and your skill in the kitchen. With this money I urge you to buy some make up and a dress so you can be even more beautiful. Praise the Emperor! Glory be to Japan!
Afterwards I burned the note so mama wouldn't see it. She wouldn't have liked for me to receive gifts from the customers. The money weighed heavily in my pocket as I finished washing the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen for the day. I wanted to slip away early and go shopping but mama kept a watchful eye over me. Unfortunately we closed late that day and I was forced to walk home with mama and Shingo.
I should tell you of my nights with mama. I miss their simplicity even now two years later. When we got home mama would cook one last meal together the three of us would eat in the kitchen. Afterwards I would wash the dishes while mama helped Shingo with his school work. At 9pm we turned off the lights out and went upstairs. We didn't go to bed though but instead went into mama's room. Shingo and I would drape blankets over the window and together the three of us gathered in the farthest corner from the window. Around a single candle we would kneel and pray. We prayed to God, yes your Christian God. I am a Christian. I would read a passage from the Bible then we would join hands and pray. Our voices never went above a soft mummer. We prayed for papa and for an end to the war. We never prayed for Japan and the Emperor. I remember those nights as the most peaceful of my life. It was then that the war was forgotten and Christ came down to sit with us. Though I never really liked to pray before my battle I found them a comfort as I fought. I still wear the rosary mama gave me to pray on.
Afterwards we would go to bed since we had an early morning. This went on every night without fail except on Sundays when our prayers were longer and mama told stories. When I was in camp I would remember those stories when I felt low. Those stories are engrained in my mind. Once I heard an American solider tell a story and I could hear my mother's voice in him. I actually broke down and cried.
This was Saturday when I received the money. The next day, Sunday, I went shopping because the stall was closed in the view of the of the Lord's day. I bought a tin of white powder and some red lipstick. I also bought a white dress done in the western style of your people. It was a very beautiful dress that went to my knees and had pearl button and short sleeves. I didn't wear the dress around mama but instead put it away. The dress was for my officer.
That night I read a passage from the bible that I can still quote word for word. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Do you know that passage? I would think of it when I was forced to work. I thought I understood it but now I realize that I don't. It seems so foreign to me. Maybe because of my situation I'll never understand it.
Well on Monday my officer came back. He sat at his same table looking quite handsome in his uniform. My heart was beating fast as I approached him. He smiled at me with his perfect white teeth.
" Lotus blossom did you get my money and note?"
" I did," I replied clutching my hands tightly in front of me while my cheeks burned with red. " I bought a dress, a white one, like a lotus blossom."
" I'm glad to hear you bought a dress in the color of purity but I am saddened that you do not wear it."
" Mama would fret if I wore it in public!" I was shocked at the thought of mama's screams if I took the dress out of hiding. " She would say that it would bring men's lavish stares."
" Lotus blossom," he sighed. He seemed to be growing tired with me. " You are to beautiful to bring un-pure looks upon you. If you wear that dress tomorrow I shall give you work that honors the Emperor."
" But I do honor the Emperor! Mama and I do work together!" I replied loosing my blush and my girly notions.
" Ah but lotus blossom this work will honor both our wonderful Emperor and our brave soldiers, including your father."
I was about to ask him what this work was when mama called me into the kitchen. Her eyes looked mad as she grabbed my arm and pulled me into the dark near the stove where I hidden only a couple days before to read my note.
" Usagi you must not dally on with the soldiers who visit us!" She reprimanded me severely.
" I was not dallying mama. He wants to offer me work," I replied.
" You already have work Usagi. You and I work together. We cook for the people of Japan to help bring your father home to us."
" But this work is so boring and I am not helping papa by serving rice. This man wants me to go and work for papa. I can help papa!"
Mama looked at me with fearful eyes, a new light growing in them when suddenly someone knocked on the door frame and entered the kitchen. It was my soldier. He walked in and bowed to mama.
" Honorable lady I could not help but hear what you said. Do you not want your daughter to work for our brave Emperor?"
" I am willing to work for the Emperor," mama replied. " But I need Usagi-chan here to help me."
" Madam I am offering your daughter a good job with good money and respect of the people she will work for. She will work to save her father."
Mama said nothing so I took my chance. I took a hold of her sleeve and pulled just slightly towards me. " Please mama. I have a chance to save father!" I pleaded working on her weak spot.
She didn't say anything but I saw something flicker in her then she sighed. The soldier's eyes were sharp on her like a hawk. She had no choice.
" Alright," mama replied slowly. " I give you my permission."
I grinned and let go of her sleeve to hug her tightly. She didn't hug me back but just left her arms lay limp at her side.
" You have honored the Emperor madam. Your husband will be proud."
" I am glad to honor the Emperor," mama replied quietly.
My officer bowed to her then turned to me. " Tuskino-san meet me here tomorrow at noon wearing your new dress. Also bring a small suitcase of your belongings. Do not be late. I will wait for you here." With that he walked out leaving mama and I alone.
Mama waited till his footsteps died away then moved away from me. She began to clean up. She didn't say anything as she brushed past me to gather some dishes.
" Mama, are you mad at me?" I asked in a confused voice.
" No, I'm not mad at you Usagi. I'm just tired, that is all. Go and tell our remaining customers that we are closing early today then go and clean the tables. I will clean up in here." Her voice was quiet and sounded almost defeated as she stacked some clean bowls up and placed them in a box.
I didn't say anything but turned and walked outside stung by her voice. Something was wrong if she didn't want me to be happy and work for the Emperor. Of course I knew mama was against the war but I wasn't going to fight. I was probably going to work in a factory or sew uniforms. I would be helping papa by working for the war. The harder I worked, the sooner the war would be over and then both papa and I would come home.
Mama and I walked home in silence with our arms full of boxes of dishes and food. Shingo had yet to come home from school as mama and I entered the kitchen and began to put away everything.
" Usagi, did you buy a dress?" Her voice was flat and quiet as she placed clean bowls in stacks on the counter.
" Yes I did mama. Its white, like a lotus blossom."
Like the soldier's nick name for me.
" Then go and put it on. I would like to see it."
" You'll like it," I replied setting down a bowl. " It's very pretty," I said running out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. Once inside I shed my old blue dress and pulled the white dress from it hiding spot in the back of my closet. For the first time I put on the dress and then looked at myself in my small mirror. The skirt fell to my knees where it hung in soft folds. I took my socks and folded them at the ankle like I had seen American girls do. Then I looked at myself again. I didn't look like a traditional Japanese girl. I looked like an American girl. I looked pretty and fresh and like a delight to the eye. I giggled a little and twirled around in a circle so the skirt flew out in a bell shape. Then I opened the door and ran down stairs. Inside the kitchen mama was making some tea when I walked in and called her name. She turned around and looked at me standing near the doorway with my hands behind my back.
" Did you buy that yourself?" Mama asked softly.
" The officer gave me the money but I picked out the dress. I picked it out because it is white like purity and the cross that we pray on," I replied happily.
Mama smiled and set down the tea kettle. "You look lovely Usagi."
" I look like an American girl," I whispered looking around in case someone might over hear me.
Mama's smile was wan. " You may feel like an American but you will always be Japanese." Her chest rose once then settled down again as she exhaled the air she breathed in. " Come with me Usagi. I want to give you something." She took my hand and led me back up the stairs. We went into her room where she pulled out her box of religious items. It was a small wooden box that she hid underneath her bed. Inside it was her bible and crucifix. I kneeled down next to her has she pulled out a smaller white box and opened it. Inside of it were her rosary beads. They were made of red glass with a silver cross. She picked up the beads and smiled at them as they glinted in the sunlight shining through the large glass window.
" My mother gave me these beads when I was fourteen years old. I had just finished my communion. She took me into her room and gave me these beads and taught me the prayer that goes with them. Now I will teach you." Mama wound the beads around her fingers then began to pray. " Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with me." I clasped my hands together and followed her words, my eyes never leaving her moving lips. After she finished the rosary she began the Lord's Prayer. I followed along easily and crossed myself at the end just like she had taught me. She then let the beads slip from her fingers and turned to me.
" I never thought you would leave me so soon but since you must go I give you these." She placed the beads around my neck. " Wear this only in secret when you can and never forget to pray. Say the Lord's prayer every night and the rosary. Please always say them even if you feel you have sinned. Remember that the Lord forgives all sinners who repent and ask for forgiveness."
" Mama why are you so worried?" I asked placing one hand around the silver cross hanging from my neck.
" Because I don't know where you are going and what you will do. I don't want you going into battle on the war front. All I want is for you to be safe."
" I will be safe," I replied smiling at her. " I am Japanese like you said and have the protection of the Emperor. If anything mama I will be safe working in a factory. I will have food and protection and the respect of a job."
" Yes but I still pray to God that this war ends soon and that you will come back to me safely."
" I will come back mama," I replied taking her hand in my own. She wound her fingers through mine and squeezed tightly. We sat there in the sunlight from the window until we heard the door open. Shingo was home. Mama seemed to shake herself from her spell that she had fallen under and let go of my hand. " You better change your dress. Don't let Shingo see you."
I nodded and stood up while mama gathered up her things and hid away the box. In my room I pulled off the dress and put back on my old dress.. I then began to gather my things together in a small black bag. I packed three other dresses along with the one I wore. I also packed all my socks and my underwear. At the bottom of the bag I put my make up that I had bought then my under things and finally my clothes. I also packed my hair brush and my mirror which I tucked between my clothes. Last I packed a small stuffed rabbit that my father had given me. I laid the rabbit on top of my things then closed the bag.
Downstairs mama and I prepared dinner while Shingo prattled on about school. They were learning the history of Japan which he found interesting. Mama answered all his questions quietly while I didn't speak at all. Neither one of us felt much like talking. I was starting to feel the fear of leaving tomorrow for an unknown destination. During dinner we spoke of the business and the war and it was almost like a normal night until we walked upstairs. After I had read a bible passage we prayed. Then sitting quietly in the candlelight mama spoke up.
" Tomorrow," she began bringing our attention to her, " Usagi will be leaving us."
I said nothing but instead just looked at mama who was looking straight ahead at the wall.
" Where is she going?" Shingo asked looking from me to mama.
She said nothing so I spoke instead. " I am going to go work for the Emperor."
" Doing what?" Shingo wanted to know.
" I think factory work," I replied.
" Then why is mama sad? You are working for our divine Emperor. Mama should be happy to be letting you go," Shingo replied, pride filling his voice at the mention of the Emperor.
" I am happy that Usagi is going to work for the Emperor. I am sad though because I will not be able to see her for awhile," mama replied. " In fact I'm quite proud that Usagi was given this opportunity."
That was a lie. I now know that mama was lying. She was only saying what Shingo wanted to hear. My little brother was being brainwashed to be a good little Japanese soldier. He was eleven years old but already they were preparing him for war. I now know that mama was protecting herself from being discovered. She never believed in the Emperor and she never believed in Japan and the war. I wonder what happened to her after I left. I hope Shingo never found her true thoughts. I can't say that he wouldn't betray her.
" You should be proud mama. Our divine Emperor will put Usagi to good work."
If I ever learn to laugh again, I will laugh at that statement. It is so much to remember my little brother saying that. The Emperor never put me to good work. If I learn to laugh again, I will laugh at that. Until then, I am silent.
The next morning Shingo left for saying " goodbye baka Usagi." Those were his last words to me. I haven't seen him since.
I dressed in my white dress and carefully slipped on my white shoes to match. I folded my socks at the ankle then put my hair up in its customary buns. Completely dressed I took my bag downstairs. Mama hadn't opened the stall that day but instead had stayed home to see me off. She met me at the bottom of the stairs and walked me to the front door. I had asked her not to walk me to the stall, I wanted to go alone. I set down my bag on the doorstep and looked at her. She looked at me; straight in my eye then reached up and embraced me tightly. She whispered something my ear. Tears where in her eyes as I let go of her and picked up my bag. I stepped down the stairs and walked down the sidewalk to the street. Just before I turned and disappeared from sight I turned once and waved my hand to mama. She waved back then I walked away disappearing from sight around the fence that surrounded our property.
I haven't seen her since then. That was in 1944 when I left. I was sixteen years old. It is now 1945 and like I said, I am seventeen years old now. I would love to see my mother and know how she is doing. I pray to God that she is okay and did well without me. I also pray to God that she never find out what really happened to me. It would hurt her so much to know the truth.
