Lightning wasn't sure what to do anymore—with this sinking, gut-wrenching feeling.
They didn't have a chance in hell to make this work. Not like this. Not when they had no plan, no idea, not even a fucking inkling of what to do. The miracle effects of any motivational speech could only last so long, and those effects had been wearing down on everyone ever since they'd reached Gran Pulse. They'd worn off completely on the former soldier.
Any hope they had left was coming undone—and in turn, the mark on her breast was steadily growing. It ached.
But a fact was a fact and she wasn't leading them anymore because of it. Cohesion had begun to dissolve under her command and it had happened so quickly—the air around her seemed to be growing hotter and the battles even longer and when the fuck did she start taking orders from Fang?
You know when, Farron. You know exactly when.
When your authority had fizzled out under the weight of your desperation. When the others started looking at you with pity instead of admiration. When you gave up hope on saving Serah.
...Serah.
She hadn't had to think about her sister since they'd been branded by Anima—hadn't had the time to think about her. It had been one obstacle after another, and she'd been contently preoccupied with whatever mission had been at hand. Now there was no mission, no clear-cut, all-encompassing objective, and it left her crippled. Crippled, broken, and shipwrecked.
But there was nothing else to think about. No decent distraction to keep her ever-present, downward-spiraling, guilt-ridden thoughts at bay. Not when the gravity of their Focus was pulling them under and the presence of the Cie'th Stones drove that fact home even further—because that would be them eventually—and Etro, why the fuck didn't I listen to her?
Every night was the same. She'd stare up at Gran Pulse's cold, detached sky and loathe each breath she took of the icy, foreign air—air that singed her lungs and created a cavity in her chest for the sickness to fester in. And then she'd ask that same stupid question, only to get the same goddamn answer:
Because you were saturated in desperation you never knew you had.
Tonight was no different. Why would tonight be any different?
Back against the ground, Lightning let her blue eyes wander across the Cocoon-dominated heavens from one star to the next and gently counted them.
2, 3, 4...
As she did so, thoughts swam through her mind, and her eyes projected those thoughts across the dark sky.
5, 6, 7...
Serah's face, warm and young, painted itself across a constellation—
8, 9… 10...
—and was shattered by the image of cold, unfeeling crystal and the sound of fal'Cie laughter.
11… 12… 13…
By thirteen, Lightning's motor functions had started slowing to a halt and her eyelids fell across blue irises. Afraid, her fingers twitched in an attempt to keep the encroaching darkness at bay, but as with everything else, it was in vain.
Lightning dreamt that night that she was on the other side of the ordeal, fearless and unflinching in her military duty, as she hunted down disease-ridden targets known as l'Cie.
Smeared red, she stared down the length of her Blazefire Saber as it protruded from Serah's chest.
author notes;
hope you enjoyed the angstfest. there are some inaccuracies and whatnot but it was written mostly in fit of frustration so whatthefuckever, yeah? vents do that. and i don't normally vent by fic, i vent by amv, but that hasn't been working out so great lately. so you guy got this. derp. ff13 angst is greatness, anyway.
oh and this wouldn't have been beta'd if my dearest possk hadn't taken an interest. thank you, posskers. one day you will be able to play this beautiful game.
feedback n reviews are welcome~
