So this is my first ever published fic so please go easy on me and I hope this turns out ok, constructive criticism is always welcomed. This was written after watching 7x15 so beware of SPOILERS, just my thoughts of what might have happened once Castle and Beckett got back to the loft that night.
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or am associated with it. This is purely just a hobby.
He can always tell when she is dreaming. She tends to curl her body into him, mould her body into the curve of his so they can become one, as if sharing her pleasant dream with him. Many nights he has been woken from his sleep because she is wrapping herself around him, her breathing even and steady, her eye closed peacefully. He loves seeing her like this, how calm she is compared to the mayhem that seems to follow them in their lives.
He knows tonight won't be one of those nights.
After they had both finished giving their statements and been checked over by Lanie; Kate had refused to see a doctor, and for once he didn't blame her, they had been allowed to go home. Once home Kate had showered again, she was quiet, not saying much, but he noticed her eyes never left his, constantly checking that he was there, that she was there. They were home.
They both skipped dinner, neither feeling up to eating anything and instead opted for the comfort of their bed. He knew he wouldn't get much sleep and doubted Kate would either as they curled into each other's arms. Her hand a comforting weight on his chest as her hair tickled his neck. They had been lay like that for a while before he eventually spoke, noting that Kate was still clinging to him, her body unable to relax completely.
"Sleep Kate, I'm here, nothing will happen, honey you're exhausted" He whispered softly, stroking his hand gently up her arm.
"I'll see her face. I can't stop seeing her face Castle" was Kate's reply, her voice softer than usual but with enough effort for him to tell that her body was still on high alert, the last burst of her adrenalin still pumping around her system. He knew she was scared, it was rare that Kate ever repeated herself or voiced a concern more than once, he had tried to calm her fears earlier on and it had seemed to work slightly. However knowing that Kate had been lying there, trying hard not to see that psychotic doctors face every time she closed her eyes, and knowing that there wasn't much he could do except be there for her was beginning to tear him apart.
"Kate you need to rest. I'm staying right here"
"Can we put the bathroom light on?" she asked quietly, looking up at him to meet his warm gaze
"That room was so dark and I…"
"shhh, there is no need to explain Kate" Castle said, cutting off her unneeded excuses.
He rolled over reaching for the remote for the lights and switched on the light leading from the bedroom to the bathroom, bathing the room in a warm glow, not too bright to stop you from sleeping, but enough to keep away the shadows.
"Thank you babe" she said smiling at him, before tucking her head back into the crook of his neck.
He placed a kiss on her forehead, leading down to smell her cherry scented hair. For a moment he lost himself, today he had almost lost her forever, and for thirty seconds he actually believed it, but she was here, in his arms, perfect as ever and he was never going to lose her again.
"Try and sleep Kate"
After about an hour he noticed her body seeming to relax, her muscles became weaker and her grip on him loosened. He knew she would succumb to sleep eventually, a mixture of the drugs she had been injected with and the events of the past 48 hours finally catching up with her. He closed his eyes, trying his best to get to sleep himself, he knew the night wouldn't be a peaceful one, and was sure she would wake at some point, it was just a matter of when.
It happened around 3:30am. He felt her foot twitching and kicking and knew exactly what was going on. This was a tell-tale sign that she was having a nightmare and although they didn't happen as often these days, when they did they still shook her body to the core. Whenever he noticed she was having a nightmare he would wrap his arms around her, pull her into his body heat and run a soothing hand over her arms, coxing her out of the terror she was facing.
Tonight it was different though, and he knew no amount of soothing would help.
He cracked open his eyes to find her lying flat on the bed, her wrists pinned to her side, her feet flat out in front of her as she kicked away at the covers, her head thrashing back and forth, her mouth closed as if someone was trying to feed her something she didn't want. Her upper body began to move as she thrashed on the bed, her eyes screwed shut and her face contorted in pain. She hadn't had a night like this since the water-boarding incident almost a year ago, these were rare and took them both by surprise.
Castle shifted so he was sitting up, hoping for more leverage, to bring her back to normality and away from the demons she was facing in her night terrors. He very carefully place both his hands on either side of her arms, trying to still her movement but it was no use, she was too deep into the nightmare.
"Kate. Kate come on open your eyes, Kate it's me it's Castle, open your eyes for me sweetheart please. You're safe, you're in the loft, with me. Come on Kate please." He begged her, once again trying to coax her into waking up.
"No, no, please don't" Kate mumbled her head thrashing from side to side, as if trying to get away from something.
God he couldn't imagine what that woman had done to her, what she had been through. It was his writers imagination running away with him that made him react a second too late. All of a sudden her hand came flying from his grasp and struck him right on his cheekbone, he yelped in surprise and stumbled slightly causing the bed to jerk and Kate to suddenly wake up.
She practically flung herself off the bed and onto the floor, like a terrified animal trying to run away. Castle composed himself, sitting up and trying not to rub at his cheek, he didn't want her to think she had hurt him. He watched as she backed herself into the corner, still living the nightmare. He watched her eyes dart around the room, searching, checking, confirming that she was at the loft and that it was only a nightmare.
"Kate?" Castle questioned, moving his body slowly across the bed.
When she didn't respond he began to crouch down, slowly measuring his movement based on her reactions. He could see her eyes shifting their focus, becoming more alert. He moved until her was crouching down in front her of and slowly moved his hand so it covered hers. The red burn marks from her escaped attempt and the broken nails of her fingers still deep red and raw, he soothed his thumb over them, trying to bring a sense of calm to her.
He watched as she reached out and touched his cheek, tentatively at first, checking he was there, making sure he was real, similar to what she had done when they had found her. Once she knew he was there, registered where they were, that she was safe, she wrapped her arms around him and moved into his embrace.
"I'm so sorry Castle, I didn't mean to, I don't know what happened"
"No Kate it's not your fault, you were having a nightmare, and a bad one at that" Castle soothed, gently stoking her hair.
"I couldn't get out. I was trying, but I was strapped down and I couldn't get my wrist free, she was coming at me with a scalpel, I tried to scream through the gag but she put her hand over my mouth. It all felt so real." Kate explain.
She hadn't told him everything, except that she and Nieman had fought and she had managed to break free and slice her with the scalpel.
"Kate, let's get back in bed ok? Lanie gave me some cream for your wrists, which should sooth the pain a little" it was a question. If she didn't want to move he would stay there on the floor until she was ready, he would do anything for her, anything to make sure she was safe.
He felt her nod against his shoulder, a firm movement that meant she was ok, she was ready to take back some control.
"Come on then" Castle said softly, moving one knee in front of him and pushing upward, helping Kate stand, they slowly turned and Kate sat on the bed. Castle went to the kitchen to collect the cream that Lanie had given him, whilst Kate shuffled her way up the bed, folding her legs under herself.
She sat there for a moment, just taking in what had happened. She had not had a night terror like that in almost a year, the water-boarding had brought it on, luckily without any PTSD attacks to accompany them, just the nightmares. She thought she would have had them over Bracken, but the knowledge that he was behind bars and that her mother's murdered had been brought to justice, seemed to calm her mind rather than make it play tricks on her. She knew Nieman and Tyson were dead, she had watched Nieman bleed out in front of her, yet something about this case was different. She knew that this would not be the last nightmare involving them.
Castle returned to the bedroom with the creams, a glass of water and some pain killers. He set the glass down and then moved so he was sitting opposite Kate, holding the cream in his hands. He reached out and gently took her hand in his, gently running his thumb over the raw skin.
He squeezed a small amount of the cream onto her wrists and then began massaging it in. Lanie had said it wouldn't scar, instead it was more like a burn and would heal in a few days, the cream would take away some of the pain and help take away the redness, but there would be no permanent damage. No permanent sign on her body that this had ever happened.
Kate watched as Castle seemed to be lost in his thought, slowly working the cream into her tender wrists.
"They look worse than they are" she offered and he looked up to meet her gaze.
"Nieman had me strapped down to a metal table of some kind, similar to an operating table. It had straps at my ankles, thighs, chest and wrists. I tried to get out of them but they were really tight. I managed to loosen one of the bolts on the table, hoping to slide one of the wrists straps off, but it didn't budge. I jagged my nail on the screw though and managed to use that to unpick the fabric of the strap." She rambled, trying to get it all out on one breath rather than explain it completely.
"In my dream I couldn't get out" she whispered on an exhale, trying to hide the tremble in her voice. A part of her was scared of what would have happened if the nightmare had continued, but another part of her was scared of her actions. Yes she had killed before and yes it was in self-defense, but to take someone's life the way she took Nieman's, scared her just as much.
"I can't imagine you going through that Kate" Castle replied, taking her other wrist in his hand and repeating the soothing process.
"She talked to me. Told me that I shouldn't resist, that it would all be over. When she told me she wanted my face I couldn't help but panic, she gagged me again and began working on her, her project I suppose"
"She deserved what she got Kate. You did good" Castle was unsure what to say, how to respond, he needed to know the story, he needed to know what she had been through, if not just for his own sake and sanity.
"I'm sorry I hit you" Kate sighed, looking into his eyes and reaching to touch his tender cheek with the hand he wasn't holding.
"It's fine, it wasn't your fault. Come on, let's get back into bed, we're both exhausted, we can talk more in the morning, right now I just want to hold you"
"I would like that" Kate said, smiling at him.
She took the cream from him and placed in on the bedside table before they both settled back down into each other's arms.
He knew this wasn't the end, he knew more nightmares would follow. He was going to suggest that she go back and see Dr Burke in the morning, even if it was just to talk, someone neutral who he knew she trusted. They had been given a week off to recover and he intended on spending it making sure that she was ok. OK was the wrong word, he needed to make sure she was herself again. She was strong both mentally and physically. He knew it would take time, but he knew she would get there, after what she had done today, he knew that it would just be a matter of time. He would be there for her every step of the way, her solid ground through the nightmare that were sure to follow. He would be by her side.
Always.
