Today was Thursday- Madden night.

The pizza had been eaten and the remaining cardboard lay deserted on the counter behind them. The game was going well and even though Javier was losing, he wasn't at all bitter. Ryan was beside him and that was all that mattered.

They were at Kevin's apartment, sitting on the disgusting red monstrosity. Jenny was away at a work function. Ryan had tried to explain in greater detail, but his partner had tuned him out. She wasn't there, he didn't care why. Thursday was their night and ever since the engagement, the game nights had become few and far-between.

He had only had three beers, and already he was feeling buzzed- although that may just have been due to their close proximity. He could feel the warmth of his partners shoulder and a faint blush graced his strong features. In all the excitement, Ryan was practically sitting on top of him an even through two layers of denim, he could feel the strong muscle beneath.

The couch could comfortably hold three but whenever they sat down they seemed to gravitate toward the centre, as if on instinct. He knew why he did it, but he wasn't sure about Ryan.

They had always been close. Within a month of becoming partners they were already starting Madden night, something he had never even thought to bring up with Thorton. After a rough case, they'd go out for drinks. And like all good friends, they may or may not have ended up sleeping in one bed.

Ryan would blow it off quickly, blaming the alcohol and general fatigue. Esposito would smile and nob, adding an extra 'bro' just to cover his tracks. He hoped the Irishman wouldn't notice the thinly-veiled hurt.

People say they were like brothers, but Javier would disagree. They were best friends, like Castle and Beckett. Where they may have had drinks, Ryan and Esposito had dinner, drinks and entertainment- all of which equaled one hell of a date.

Once and a while someone would call them a couple and they quickly denied it. Over the years, hearing the denial had stung more and more.

He didn't know when it started; all he knew was that for the past few months he had been nursing a healthy crush on his partner. Looking back on it, it was probably the Racine case. He should have cared more about Thorton, but when death was starring him in the face, he could only think of Ryan.

His eyes, so deep you could drown, and the skip in his step which seemed a permanent fixture in the precinct. The smiles and their abundance of handshakes, the spicy scent of aftershave and the freshness of laundry detergent.

They understood each other on a level he had never reached with anybody, not even Lanie. The only reason they had broken up was the uncertainty of their future, but with Kevin they had everything planned. He talked about his future more than with any of his previous girlfriends.

Hypothetical situations were topped with suggestions until a full picture began to form. They had even planned their children's names and who the godparents would be. His partner had laughed it off jokingly, and Javier hoped that his passion hadn't shone through too strongly.

Eyes back to the screen, a genuine laugh escaped him as Kevin's pixilated avatar missed the touchdown and was tackled by Javier's five star player. The smaller man returned the smile, more mockingly than hurt. Blue eyes glared at him threateningly, yet he managed to make it adorable.

The laughter died down as the game got more intense. After scoring three more point against Javier and two for, they were neck and neck. Ryan rose to go and grab a couple of beers, nearly running the short three foot distance. His warmth was instantly missed, and the seated man stroked the spot absentmindedly.

When he returned, he placed the two freezing beverages on the worn table and sat down a little further than before. Now Javier's right side was mirroring Ryan's left, their bodies never breaking contact. Ryan reached forward as to grab the heavy controller, but Javier stopped him, capturing a warm wrist with bottle cooled fingers.

The brown eyed man swallowed thickly, reacting to his partners rapidly tensing form. Kevin turned his head slowly, his other wrist falling loosely to his side. Javier's glare flickered from his partner's confused features to his lips, parted as if ready for protest.

It was the last thing he saw before kissing his partner.

Ryan's lips were soft and warm beneath his, and although they remained still, Javier continued with renewed vigor. His mind reeled nervously as panic seeped in through every pore- this was usually where people began to kiss back. Why wasn't he kissing back?

Scared, he pulled away, licking his chapped lips and studying the stunned face of the younger man. Blue eyes, wide with confusion, dominated his unusually pale face. He stuttered and mumbled incoherently, as if trying to make sense of the situation. Nothing was said.

All that mattered was that Javier had been rejected. Kevin's' mouth remained sealed and deep down he knew it always would be. As if possible the Irishman tensed up even more, shrinking in on himself and staring at the dark floorboards.

His grip on Ryan's wrist fell slack and, glad to be freed, Ryan stood up and situated himself a good ten feet away, as if Esposito was wielding a smoking gun. The eyes that once held joy were now filled with something worse than hate; rejection.

Rejection of Javier and their partnership, rejection of everything they had held dear previous to tonight. All those years of partnership became meaningless, just because of one solid look. Kevin looked that unsteady balance between anger and discomfort, like he didn't know whether to speak or to break something.

This was worse than any bullet wound.

Those once warm eyes were cold and hard, much like stone which lodged itself in the Latino's heart. His feet shuffled loudly through the silent apartment as he showed himself out solemnly. He knew he was no longer wanted.

The car ride home was uninteresting. In his head, the scenario kept playing, back and forth like a cheap cassette. What if he kissed back? What if he never speaks to me again? The only problem was there were no more what-ifs. What had happened was in the past and he couldn't fix it. They had a good dynamic going and here he was screwing it all up.

It was obvious to Javier at least where he had gone wrong. He was looking, searching for something that wasn't there- hints that maybe just maybe they were something more. His partner's sexuality had always been a bit of a mystery. He had a fiancée, but sometimes Esposito would catch him checking out the new guy. His blue eye would dart away quickly, but only after shooting his Latino partner a knowing look.

He tried to shake of the feeling, the nausea he felt in his gut, but he couldn't. The last thing he saw was the disgust on Ryan's face, the face he had come to love. The image was burnt into his eyelids, and he would never forget it. All the years of friendship slipped down the drain.

The light turned red and he placed his head onto the steering wheel, secretly wishing he was home so he could punch a hole into his wall. He closed his eyes hoping for relief, but got none. The image of Ryan's stone cold expression hit him like a wall. Just like his uneasiness, he couldn't escape it.

The light turned green and he drove onward, oblivious to the car speeding to his left. He only felt the pain, the pressure of his door being smashed in and the force of the crash knocking him unconscious. A sheet of glass shattered into tiny spheres and rained down upon Javier's semi-lucid form.

He felt his conciseness fall away and his eyes shut as if on their own accord. He tried to will them back open, but they were too heavy. The last thing he saw before slipping out of conciseness was Kevin's angry features, making him feel that much worse.