Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Ally Carters Books that appear in this story.
Fish Tale 2: This is Letting Go
Prologue: Don't Ruin this Moment, It's all We Have Left
And this distance between us
Has has come and cut us clean as
A sharp blade
And this distance between us
Has made my heart as weak as
Silk that's frayed
-Nina Nesbitt
(Hold You)
August 2014
It was quiet in her apartment, and the eerie silence was unsettling to listen to. The only sound was Cammie's breathing and Zach in the next room over, packing his things. Cammie shivered as she sat on her couch by herself, contemplating calling her parents and asking them for advice. But she knew she wouldn't call them. They wouldn't even know what to say, especially since Cammie would be forced to explain the whole, lengthy story to them. And she didn't want to do that. The past two years of her life had been absolutely crazy and she wished that all of the drama and lies would stop. She finally thought she'd figured out everything about her boyfriend, thought she'd uncovered all of his secrets, found all his skeletons. But he continued to lie to her, and she had become sick of it.
She wanted to phone up her mom and cry to her about what a mess her life had turned out to be. But she wouldn't do that. Rachel already had enough to deal with; taking care of a four year old and having Grant still living at home. She didn't need to add another child's problem on her plate. But the comfort of her mother's voice nagged at her, she wanted someone to understand what she was going through. And somehow, she felt like that her mother was the only one who could do that.
She could hear Zach in the other room, packing his bags, and she gripped her phone tightly in her hand. They hadn't spoken yet, he'd just given her the look that he always did when he left and expected her to yell at him when she'd thought of what exactly she wanted to say. It was the third time they'd been in the same situation. The first two Zach had argued his own side and forced her to relent. But this time he had promised, he had said that he wasn't going back.
She got off the couch and left her phone on the coffee table. She walked to the door of the bedroom. She opened it silently, waiting there and watching as he gathered clothes from the closet and shoved them into his duffle bag.
"I thought you said you weren't going back," she said quietly, causing him to pause and glance over at her. His hair was longer that it had been in years, and she knew it would last long. He'd go back and have it all hacked off again.
He sighed; he knew it had been coming. She was asking for a fight, he knew she was. But he didn't want to fight with her, not on his last day back. He wanted to kiss her and tell her he loved her and that he would see her soon. But she would force them to leave on bad terms, and she'd make him feel guilty the whole time he was away.
"I can't just quit," he replied to her, keeping his voice neutral. "You know that."
"I know," she replied, her tone sharp and guarded. "that you promised you would stay this time."
"I wanted to," he sighed. "You know that I do."
"I shouldn't be surprised," she said, and he heard her voice suck up the venom that ran through her veins. "You always lie to me. It's almost like you can't help it."
"I tell you what you want to hear," Zach said to her, knowing it was true. "You would have never let me back in if I'd told you I was leaving again."
"You're right about that," she snapped.
He sighed, wishing that she didn't sound to resentful. "Please, can we not fight?"
She pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled loudly. Zach wished that she didn't look so defeated. He wished that there wasn't this constant tension and struggle to hold onto their relationship. In a nutshell, he wished things were easier.
"I just don't know how much longer I can do this," she finally said, the words the only sound in the silent apartment.
He stared at her, wondering if she was serious. After everything they'd been through, she was considering giving up on them. She couldn't give up on him, he was lost without her, and both of them knew it.
"Don't say that Cammie," he said to her. "You make it sound like you want to break up." Maybe she did.
"I'm sick of it Zach," she said. "Don't you get it? I don't want this life anymore. I don't want to sit in this apartment by myself wondering where the hell you are and what you're doing. I don't want to be on my own for months at a time."
"You were the one that chose to move back," he argued, trying to shovel some of the guilt she was giving him back onto her. "You could have stayed in California with all of your new friends. I didn't force you into this."
"Yes," she said. "Because I wanted to fix things. I was in the wrong and I wanted to put our relationship back together. And I wanted things to slow down, I didn't want to lose you," she said.
"Cammie," he said. "I'm twenty two. I don't need things to slow down."
She glared at him. "Well maybe I want them to."
He shrugged and pulled the zipper close on his bag, he glance at his watch. He inhaled deeply.
"I have to go."
"Of course you do," she said, every note bitter.
He sighed and slung his bag over his shoulder and walked closer to her. He wished that she would just smile and give him a hug and tell him that she was going to miss him. But she wouldn't, she was too prideful to let that happen, to stubborn to let go of her anger.
"I love you," he said to her, bending down and kissing her forehead, knowing if he went for her lips she would turn her head and he'd only get her cheek. He held her to him for a moment before releasing her and taking a step back.
"Bye Legs," he said retreating towards the apartment door.
She closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry. She wanted to run to him and beg him to stay, she wanted to hold onto him until she was pried off. But she stood still, refusing to let her emotions get the better of her.
"Be safe," she said quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. The door open and closed, the sound of it seeming much too loud in the empty apartment. She leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor, allowing tears to drift from her eyes down her cheeks. "I love you too," she muttered to the empty apartment. Zach had been right, she shouldn't have yelled at him. Why had she spent the little time they had together arguing? She felt like such an idiot. She wanted to run after him and repeat the words she'd just said to herself. But she didn't.
Instead, she sat on the floor of her apartment, feeling strangely broken.
Short, I know, but it's a prologue. I posted the first chapter at the same time because I didn't want to give you guys just this. Please read the author's note at the bottom of the next chapter for more information on the story and where it's going. :)
*Pay attention to the dates at the beginning of each chapter
