Jonny 1/15/11
The ashes fall in front of us. Everyone is quiet because there is nothing to be said now. No one speaks only the hollow sound of the wind blowing snow and ash across our black boots is heard. It only makes things worse for everyone. The air seams colder then it did before as if some unknown force is controlling for us to make us feel as cold as Jonny is, we all feel as dead as him. I shove my hands in my pockets so they don't feel the brisk cold that burns our faces and arms. When my hands fall into my pockets I knew I made a mistake. I feel the dog tags in there, the cool metal beads seem to weave through my fingers like a mans hand grabbing mine trying to drag me with it into the black fibers of the pocket. I take them out fast; the action is abrupt causing a few eyes to dart my way. The eyes are filled with ager and sadness, blame saying you did this to us its your fault were here with Jonny. As soon as I meet there gaze I look away tears burning in my eyes. I wish I could cry but I don't want them to look at me again with those eyes those eyes that scream; "Its your fault were here with Jonny."
I feel a tugging on my pant leg its Jonnies son, Timmy. I look down at him I look into his deep brown eyes; these eyes are the only non-accusing eyes here. He looks at me and says in a sad soft child's voice; "Whys daddy in the box, why wont he come out and play with me." I don't know what to say to him afraid that if I say anything I will break into tears. Instead I take his little tan hand and bring him to his mother. Laura looks at me with those big blue eyes there whispering to me.
"Its your fault were here with Jonny", they say I feel them like there screaming in my head.
I walk off away from her, I can't say anything there's nothing to be said. I walk over to the box the eyes still glaring around me. I look at Jonny he looks the same as he always did, but different in a way. A woman I recognize as Jonnies sister walks over with her daughter and holds her up to see Jonny ignoring me like I'm just an urn. I hear her tell her daughter, Suzy, "See it looks just like he's sleeping Hun Its okay." I feel like screaming out no he looks like he's dead like some one took all the life out of Jonny like he's a cold dead man, but I don't I walk away. I guess I should be grateful she didn't look at me I don't think I could stand it.
I walk to the mortuary owner he looks at m with old blue eyes and says," So you're the only family he's got." Yes I reply The rest of them died a week ago when they were driving out here from Memphis to see the funeral, car slammed right into there's and knocked it right off the over pass, they never found the poor bastard that did it. Cry'n shame said the man well have you said your good byes to him before he goes in? Yah I said I guess I have I said and watched as the coffin went to the incinerator and through the burning I could sense the eyes on me saying "Its your fault were here with Jonny." I guess it is I say as I take the ash filled Urn into my car. I guess it is. Rest in Piece Jonny Lord knows you deserve to.
