Two a.m. and the phone is ringing. Ringing and ringing and ringing and

"Hello?" you answer, groggily.

"Strider… wassup, dude?" You sigh. It's Latula Pyrope, and she's been your best friend since before you were cool, but she lives cross-country and doesn't really get the whole it's-not-morning-in-some-places thing.

"Latula, you're fucking with my sleep cycle again. Can this conversation wait a few hours?" You yawn and your bed looks so inviting…

"No," She giggles. Damn, you are not an early morning/ late-night person. "I was calling to tell you to answer your door." This must be more serious than you thought, if she's actually here. You hang up and answer the door to your shitty apartment. "Man, it really is a shit-hole in here, dude. I thought you were exaggerating but… wow…" She's standing on tiptoe to peek over your shoulder.

"Fine. Come on in, I guess. What did you need?" She actually looks embarrassed, for once in her life, and the makes your stomach sink.

"Remember the Felt? That gang up in LA? I'm in some trouble with them and unless I do a hell of a good job hiding, I am gonna be sleeping with the fishies, if you know what I mean." You sigh. You knew it was bad, but the Felt? That's more than just bad, that's horrifying. She continues, before you can respond, "And I kinda want a kid." Your mind is suddenly a complete blank. Why would she come to you for a kid?

"What?" You're at a complete loss for words, something that is rare for you. "Y'know I don't roll that way, right? Like, you're a pretty gal and all… not to mention hella rad… but I'm not into girls…" You finish your awkward statement and find yourself wishing you were still in bed.

"Pssh. Honey, we both know how fruity you are. I was just thinking that I needed a new name and a place to stay… and I'd always wanted a kid. So I thought, 'Hey, maybe Dirk and I can go get fake-married for a while, adopt a kid, and then dissolve the marriage once something better for him comes along…'" She trailed off and started looking sad and hopeless. You actually start to consider this mad plan for a bit. You make more than enough to support a small family, and most adoption costs can be lowered, depending on how in-need the child is… this could work.

"Well it wasn't how I planned on spending the year, but I guess it'll work." She grins and is about to start talking a mile a minute again, but you cut her off. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to sleep. Some of us have weddings to plan."