The Bet
Hey everybody, sean. here and I'm bringing you my first Seinfeld fanfiction story. This is my own version of the unproduced, controversial episode for season two. Plot: Elaine makes a bet against Jerry on buying a handgun to protect herself. Subplot: George meets an attractive woman and makes a bet with Kramer. I do not own Seinfeld.
(Opening Monologue)
Jerry: Went to the supermarket the other day and the thing that I like about the supermarket is that they have that little rubber divider stick at the concession stand. That's good, because you have your items and you want a little property too. You put your stick down, "Everybody back it off! These are my items!" Now there are two ways to use a rubber divider stick, you can put it on the conveyor belt that works that way or you can hold it in your hand. You try doing that? You put it in your hand and you go: "Hey, those potato chips are getting close to my box of donuts. Excuse me. (Makes htting noise) Aren't you paying attention? We have a little problem here. You see the corner of the bag it's up against the box. I'm gonna just try to knock that back off a little, okay? Hey, don't touch it!"
Scene One
(Monk's Restaurant, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a booth)
Elaine: I am getting really sick about hearing people talk about their relationships.
Jerry: Why? I thought you like hearing me talk about my relationships?
Elaine: It's much different.
Jerry: Oh.
Elaine: So anyway, I have this friend named Teddy and she's going out with this guy named Spencer, the guy I told you about.
Jerry: I thought he cheated on her with another woman?
Elaine: He did. But, Teddy gave him another chance. So then she starts talking about her love life and all that crap. She's like "I'm so happy that Spencer and I are back together." Yeah, so where does that leave me? With the rest of the single ladies.
Jerry: Well, you know what they say about love. It's for suckers.
Elaine: (Gasps) Oh my god.
Jerry: What?
Elaine: (Hands Jerry the newspaper) Look at this, there's been another mugging in Central Park. A woman was found mugged last night in Central Park at around 11:30 PM. You know, New York is a dangerous place for a woman and at night too. I mean, what if I become one of those women who gets mugged, raped or worse killed?
Jerry: I doubt that a masked attacker would rape you at gunpoint in an alley.
Elaine: What if I get raped the second time in my apartment? This time by a burglar!
Jerry: Alright, enough with the rape stuff! This is creeping me out.
Elaine: Jerry, this is a serious issue. A woman has a right to defend herself. We have self-defense classes and I take them.
Jerry: Does it work?
Elaine: When we dated and I kicked you in the boys for staring at my breasts, yes.
Jerry: Hey, that was a hard kick. I threw up that night.
Elaine: (Laughs) This is getting to dangerous in the city. You know I've been thinking about buying a gun…
Jerry: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm afraid I'm going to have to advise against this. A gun?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: Elaine, guns are dangerous. You might hurt someone with that or worse kill them.
Elaine: Jerry, I need to protect myself. You know what it's like in this city, it's a jungle out there.
Jerry: But it's not right. In fact, I bet that you're not going to buy a gun.
Elaine: Oh yeah?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: How much do you want to bet against me?
Jerry: Did I say "bet", I meant "met".
Elaine: No, Jerome. I heard the word "bet".
Jerry: I'm not betting, Elaine.
Elaine: Why? Are you a wuss?
Jerry: Wuss.
Elaine: Yeah. A wuss.
Jerry: Did you call me a wuss?
Elaine: Jerry, if you don't make this bet you're a wuss. Maybe a wussy little fraidy cat.
Jerry: Alright! I'll bet you $100 that you won't buy a gun to protect yourself.
Elaine: Okay. $100. (Shakes Jerry's hand)
Jerry: Don't forget to pay the check. (Runs out of his seat and out of the coffee shop)
Elaine: You son of bitch! (Picks up check)
So, what do you think of my Seinfeld story? I hope you enjoyed this story. Stay tuned next time for more of The Bet. See ya!
