AN: Y'know, KC has pretty much taken over my muse. I have not posted most of it here- am now, since I will be damned if I see Sara's character butchered -but it's the truth. I've done so much writing in this fandom it isn't even funny. So here we are.


Chapter 1:

Crystal blue waters shined in the bright light of a Pacific afternoon. Gentle waves rolled along, brushing against the hulls of a pair of small ships. The boats sat in the middle of a calm atoll, the sun beating down on them, warming their hulls. This was Bikini Atoll, famous for one thing. All the nuclear tests performed there, starting with one specific pair of tests. Tests that were why anyone bothered coming to Bikini in the first place, the atoll otherwise uninhabited.

Crossroads...

Sighing, I held a hand to my eyes, standing atop one of those boats. Salt-tinged wind blew through my dark hair, blowing the short strands back. Green eyes looked out at the atoll...looking for one thing in specific. I knew I wouldn't see it from this angle of course. But I had to look anyway, if only to mentally prepare myself. Coming here had not been an easy decision to make.

It was never going to be one.

But I had to come. If only while I was still young enough to make the trip.

"You know, bro, you can't see her from here." A voice spoke up behind me. Teasing, with an undercurrent of sisterly concern.

A small smile crossed my face, as I lowered my hand and turned around. My sister's frowning face greeted me, lips down-turned in an expression that never quite had fit on her face.

It had become all too common since we set out on this little jaunt across the Pacific.

"I know, but..." my own smile faded in place of the complicated feelings running through my chest. A deep sigh replaced it...one that held more than it may appear. "I have to prepare myself."

"Yeah, I know that." To her credit my sister didn't comment on that beyond a sad shake of her head. She never had judged me for this, though plenty of people had in the past. Instead, all she did was tug my arm, pulling me into a loose hug.

Let it be known I'm not exactly the 'huggy' type. I'm more uncomfortable than not, being held by someone. But honestly? I wasn't going to complain in this situation.

"Just don't let anyone else see you like this, you big softy," her soft voice whispered against my ear, a trace of humor in it. "You're a Captain for God's sake, act like it."

"Yes ma'am, Admiral Lena," I shot back, feeling my heart lift if only by a little. That my sister, younger than me by a decade and most assuredly noAdmiralpunched my arm lightly...well, that helped.

Still, I pulled back from hugging her, the two of us turning back to the atoll. Despite breaking the hug, Lena continued to lean against me though. Her voice was soft as we looked out at the atoll, her blue eyes alternating between me and the equally blue waters.

"You know I've never judged you for this, or anything else really," she squeezed my arm gently, voice soothing as the breeze. "But if you're acting like...a moody teenager when we join the others, you'll have to answer questions. And we know what happens every time you try to explain this to someone."

I couldn't help the snort, though there was no real humor in it. No, I doubt I could manage any humor right now. "They'd call me a sentimental fool, attached to a hunk of rusting metal. Trust me, I know."

Lena squeezed my arm again, before pulling away. She sighed, hand tying back her long brown hair, before she turned those blue eyes fully on me. Her much more usual smile was back on her face, as she gestured down at the little launch tied alongside our yacht.

Well, more a close friend's yacht that I had called in a favor to borrow. Same difference.

Either way, I nodded at the gesture and adjusted the pack on my back. Our scuba gear, the heavy weight serving to remind me of why the two of us were out here. Coming to Bikini...it wasn't exactly someone did on a whim. Certainly not by boat. It was out of the way, heavily policed, and not exactly a stopover one could use. The ten-thousand dollars needed for the two of us to come here?

That was all my savings, and I know Lena spent more than she should have as well. All because I finally found a chance to come out here...

I never could pay her back.

"Hey, sis?" Still, I turned around before I started down the ladder to the launch.

Lena raised an elegant eyebrow at me, her own pack shifting on her shoulders, "Yeah Danny?"

"Thanks for this. You didn't have to come along, you know. God only knows what this did to your savings and I..."

I was expecting my sister to shake her head, honestly. What I wasn't expecting, was her to start laughing. Soft laughter, not mocking in the slightest.

"Oh bro, you worry too much." Lena patted me on the shoulder, moving past me to clamber down into the launch. She continued speaking as she did so, her voice never once losing that soft tone. "I wasn't about to let you come out her all alone. Not for something like this."

Setting her pack down in the launch, the brunette looked up at me with a lopsided grin crossing her face.

"'sides, I may not be as attached to the old girl as you are, but I can understand why you wanted to come out here."

She turned away at that, setting about getting our little trip situated. Good thing too...as I didn't wipe a stray tear from my eye. No, I just brushed a bit of salt from it, adjusting my pack so I could clamber down into the launch as well.

Lord only knew I didn't deserve having her sometimes. Lena always had been the only one to really understand what I felt like, when it came to this place. Neither of our brothers did. Our parents didn't. My friends and comrades didn't. It was only her, and I could never really thank her for that.


"...and here we are, USS Saratoga. She was one of the first..."

I won't lie, I more or less tuned out our tour guide. Anything he could say was something I already knew by rote. Had known, since I was first able to read about World War II. I understood that part of the appeal- and cost -of these trips was detailed history about the ships involved in the Crossroads tests. And maybe, maybe, I could benefit from learning more about the lesser-known ships like Sakawa. But Sister Sara?

No.

She was the entire reason I was here, and I could probably say I knew more than our guide. At one point, that might have put a smile on my face. Now...now I struggled to keep my shoulders from shaking. Lena's gentle grip on my arm helped matters there, but not by much. Because the crystal clear waters of Bikini Atoll?

They were a double-edged sword.

Beautiful as they were, they also allowed for one to look over the side of a boat, and see the wrecks littering the lagoon. Oh not all of them of course. Some were too deep for that, even with Bikini's water. But Saratoga was not one of those. The top of her island was only fifty feet down, and even without that, the old girl was large. It may only be a dark splotch from this angle, but...but...

I knew.

"Danny, are you...?" Lena leaned against my side, whispering in my ear. Worry was clear in her tone, as she gripped my arm tightly.

I just put on a smile, shaking my head, "No, I'm not. But don't worry, I'll...I'll be alright."

If any of the other divers had noticed, they didn't show it. Most just seemed eager to get in the water. Only one or two were even paying any real attention to the history lesson, and in any other circumstance, that would have me clenching my fist. Sara was forgotten enough as it sat...visiting her grave without the common courtesy of actually learning about her?

But no, I wasn't in any shape to get angry.

"Alright then, let's get into the water. Remember, she may be a safe dive, but do be careful around Saratoga. The deck is collapsing, and if you aren't careful you could get caught in something. Stay with a buddy diver at all times, and if anything happens, signal for help."

The tour guide, having finished his history lesson, was the first to hop into the water. He sent a cheerful grin up at the other divers, gesturing them to the rope mooring the buoy marking Sara's resting place. That rope was our way down, and our way up. And as I jumped into the water and swam to that rope, it was all I could do to keep my breathing steady. Lena was by my side the entire time, her eyes staring at me worryingly from behind her goggles.

It probably didn't help that my hands shook, as I put my own goggles on.

I...it's time. I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. But...I'm here now.

Sucking in one last breath of fresh air to steady my nerves- it didn't work -I finished setting up my dive gear. Most of the others had already descended beneath the waves, leaving only a straggler or two...and myself with my sister.

"It'll be alright Danny," Lena placed her hand on my shoulder, a small smile on her face as she got in her last words before putting her own mask on. "Just...let's pay our respects, and get back to the yacht. Yeah?"

I numbly nodded, unable to say anything even now. Taking in a shuddering breath, I ducked under the gentle waters of Bikini Atoll, beginning my dive to the reason I was here. The forms of the other divers were faint as they spread out in front of me, coming for their own varied reasons. I was...willing to bet none were quite so personal however.

For my eyes only barely noted the others.

Saratoga.

The dark and imposing form visible from the surface quickly faded into something much more recognizable.

And all the more painful for that fact.

No longer a black blob, I could see defined details as I slowly descended, breath quickening at the sight. The greenery of sea life was the first feature, spread over the 'hill' raised in the atoll. But...it only barely covered the details. My hand clenched painfully in it's glove, as I pushed ever lower into the clear waters, rapidly approaching...the collapsing flightdeck of USS Saratoga.

I knew it would be bad, but I didn't...I...

I couldn't even finish the thought, gently touching down at last on the deck of Sister Sara. I could feel the give in that deck, kicking off to avoid causing further damage. Not that it would have mattered...time and the Navy had done more than enough of that themselves. Biting back a cry of frustration, I swam along the deck. Peripherally, I noted Lena giving me some space. She stayed close, but not too close.

I couldn't thank her enough for that.

Because right now, I needed space.

Space and...time. Time to acknowledge that I was finally where I had wanted to be...and had no idea what to do.

My legs kicked on instinct, mind wandering. Green eyes scanned along the rusting hull, as I gently reached out with one of my hands. It brushed along the old deck, sea life fleeing from my movements. Life. Even in death, Sara supported someone. That had always been what she did, wasn't it? The quiet supporter in the background. The one everyone forgot and took for granted while Enterprise and the others took the limelight. Always there when she was called on, even if her luck left her in dock when the big battles happened.

And how she been repaid for that. Turned into a target and left to rot alone.

Damn it...she deserved better. At least give her a memorial. Or...or...

I clenched my fist again, slamming it into my leg, refusing to do more damage to the tired old girl. I didn't need to see my sister to know she was probably swimming in my direction now, but I didn't care. I didn't care about much of anything really.

Even after everything, she's forgotten. If it weren't for being easily dived, would any of these people give a damn about her? Do any of these people give a damn about her now? Other than as a nice diving spot? Hell, Oriskany is there too. But she was meant to be a reef. Sara was tossed aside, like so much trash.

Releasing my fist, I kicked off again, noting the collapsed elevator in the distance, but not going in that direction. I...I didn't think I could go inside her. If anything would break me...

All that time fighting in the war. All that time training our pilots. Sara built our carrier arm. And the only thing people remember her for, is being a target. If they even know the name, it's only 'that carrier we nuked'. How did she deserve that? How did every man who ever served on her, deserve their home being remembered only for Crossroads?

I knew the answer of course. Because the Navy needed to know how nukes would impact fleets, and Sara was the most expendable fleet carrier we had. They would never nuke the new Essex-class ships. The public would eviscerate them if they even suggested using Enterprise. Ranger was hardly a good example of a fleet carrier's damage potential.

That left tired old Sara. However bitter a taste it left in my mouth.

I hated it.

I always had hated it. She deserved so much more than being remembered as nuke fodder.

But there was hardly any point in fighting it. This was what Lena and I had been talking about. I cared about Sister Sara. My favorite ship...one that didn't get near the recognition she deserved. And one that I was mocked for.

'Oh, don't you mean Enterprise?'

'What a hunk of junk. You like that old thing?'

'The only thing she was ever good for was being nuked.'

I had heard my fellow Navy men tell me these things. It was worse talking to friends who had no attachment to any ships. Because they had no idea who I was talking about, at all. Saratoga? The name might as well mean nothing to them.

It was horrible, when I actually tried explaining how much I cared about Saratoga. The mocking laughter. The insults about how I was too attached to a 'rusting hunk of irradiated scrap'. God forbid I care about a ship. I knew she wasn't alive. Never was. But that didn't mean I couldn't care about her history. But none of that mattered...not then, and not now.

Because the thoughts were shattered in my mind, as I came across the one thing I had truly been dreading.

No...no no no no no no no no no

The old carrier's island, standing alone and forlorn. Her distinctive smokestacks were decades gone, and I had known that. I'd seen the pictures. Watched the videos. But seeing them gone...seeing Sara's island, slowly but surely collapsing onto her ruined flightdeck? It hurt.

My breath caught in my throat, constricting tightly. My eyes misted over, as I blinked rapidly to try and clear the...tears. I knew I was shaking. I knew that if any of the other divers saw me, they would laugh. But it was only me and Lena, floating up to the once imposing island.

It wasn't imposing now. Collapsing, covered in green sea life. Rusting away, pieces falling away from decades under water and the collective damage of two nuclear detonations. It was...it was...

Painful. So very painful.

This, more than anything else. More than the holes where the stacks had once been. More than the collapsing flightdeck. It was the sight of the island, falling to pieces and alone in the dark, that truly hit me. This truly drove home, just what condition Sister Sara was in. Seeing it in video form did not do justice to seeing it in person. It took everything I had, to keep swimming up to the island. My legs shook with each kick. My hands clenched by my sides.

And there was nothing I could do about it.

Hello, Sara. I...I'm glad to see you're still intact, even as much as this hurts.

I was fooling myself to think anyone could hear my thoughts, but it...it helped. It helped as I placed a shaking hand on the old metal in front of me. There wasn't the give of the flightdeck, but I still felt that if I pushed hard enough, I could cause damage. Because for all that the island could still look imposing from a distance...

Sara was falling apart.

I'm sorry that you've been left like this. People forgot so easily all you did for us. All that your crew did. So many brave sailors and airman gave their lives on you, but it didn't matter in the end. And now, you're here...forgotten. I don't think I'm the only one who cares for you to come here...but I hope that I at least can say I was respectful. Even if no one else is. Even if none of the other people here with me today care about you at all beyond an expensive diving trip.

I just hope that...I hope that you can rest well. Know that at least someone remembers you for what you

were...not what you are now.

Squeezing down on the rusted railing, I shook my head. My arm still shook...but I felt strangely at peace, now that I had 'said' my piece, as it were. Like a warm blanket had fallen over my shoulders...the person draping it telling me it would be alright. It was silly, I know...but it was how I felt.

It wasn't enough to bring a smile to my face, no.

But it was enough to steady my emotions, as I turned from the island. I knew most would swim up and peak into Sara's bridge...but I couldn't. I had done what I came to do and if I tried to do more...I would just hurt myself. And so, I swam to Lena, gesturing up at the surface. I could only see her eyes, but that didn't matter. I could see the concern in those blue dots, making me shake my head.

I'm not okay sis. But I'm...better. Let's just get back to the yacht, so I can...absorb everything.

Even as we swam to the surface though, I looked back down on Sara one last time. My hand, quivering as it was, came up in a sharp salute. I could almost imagine being saluted back too, as I turned and swam to the surface.

My time was all too short...but at least I had finally paid my respects to the one ship I had always cared about.


Just like always, they come and go. How many years has it been...since someone stayed by my side? I don't know...everything fades to black when I'm alone. I've been here so long...everything is falling apart. It won't be much longer until everything is gone. And still, I sit here, silent and alone.

Those who visit me. They never stay for long, and don't seem to care about me. I'm a landmark to them, perhaps, but nothing more. They don't care like my crew did. They never have. I'm nothing but a pile of metal to swim around and look at.

Maybe I might have been happy to be remembered, but...I'm not. I'm not remembered. I'm just a place for people to come and visit, leaving as quickly as they come. Lexington...you were right. I almost wish I had been forgotten...

...

...who is this? Why is he shaking like that? He isn't hurt is he?

No.

He's not hurt.

Then why is he...?

...gentle. So gentle. No one else has ever touched me like that. He's just...treating me like something more than a pile of metal. Why? No one else has, that I can remember. Maybe a historian or two, but never...never like this. And I...I think he's crying. Why would someone cry over

me? I...

He cares about me. I don't know why or how I know. But he cares. More than anyone I've ever met here. At least as much as my old crew, though I haven't seen any of them since...since I sank. Why would he care this much? Why

should he care this much?

And does it matter?

No.

It doesn't.

I'm...happy he cares. No one has in so long. But...he needs to go. I can

feel how this is hurting him. I never thought about it this way before, but I can tell now. Seeing me like this is hurting him. I don't want him to hurt. I'm happy someone cares about me. But I don't want that to come at the cost of hurting them. Please...leave me be. I don't want you to hurt yourself on my behalf...

...

...he's leaving. The others are too. I...will be alone again. But, maybe that's not so bad? At least now I know I haven't truly been forgotten. Someone cares about me. That's enough. I can rest again, knowing that there is someone out there who thinks of me as more than a pile of steel. What more could any old ship truly ask for, in the end? Being remembered again...yes. I think I like that.

Now I can rest...until the next group comes to see me again...

...

...

No!

What's going on?! Something's attacking us!

Get out of here!

...

What? I...what is this feeling? Wrong wrong wrong.

Something is very wrong. Someone is being hurt, on the surface. This is supposed to be a place of peace. War has never come here, nor have weapons, in so many years. Who could...why...?

I...

No!

He is being attacked!

I can't stay here.

I won't stay here.

He won't die, not on my watch. I don't care what I have to do. I don't care how I come back. I won't let him die, not now, not ever. He cares about me. He cares. I won't let him die. He cares. I won't let him die. He...I...care...

YOU WON'T HURT HIM!


"Get out of here!" I screamed, as the sun set on Bikini Atoll.

The sun set, on a scene of devastation. The return to the surface had been peaceful, and so too had been the rest of the day. Lena and I had returned to our yacht, while the rest of the tour group returned to the live-aboard ship they used. There had been no sign of what would come. No, no sign at all. I had been out of sorts to be fair, Lena having to help my shaking body aboard the yacht to rest.

The trip had taken more out of me than even I had thought it would.

But it had been worth it. I had been able to pay my respects to Sister Sara, and could rest easy now. I could return home, knowing I had done what I had wanted to do for decades. Was that worth it? Yes. Was it painful? Yes. But I was planning on just resting it off and relaxing the rest of the time we were at Bikini, before turning back across the Pacific, to return my friend's yacht to him at Pearl, before flying back home.

This is wrong...

That I would be screaming and trying to take command of a group of scared civilians had never occurred to me.

"Danny, what the hell are those things?!" Lena shouted out at me, perched at the bow of the yacht as she waved at the other ship to keep moving.

"I don't know!" I could only shout back, my eyes widening. Looking out of the atoll, into the setting sun, I saw nothing but...darkness. Ships, dark hulls gleaming in the fading light of the Pacific day. There was something wrong about those ships.

And I don't mean that cruisers from World War II shouldn't be here.

No.

There was something inherently wrong. I couldn't say what it was. Perhaps it was the torn hulls and gleaming girders. Perhaps it was the fog floating around them. In the end, it didn't matter. No, all that mattered was that there was something wrong.

And that they were firing into the atoll, directly at the live-aboard ship.

"Get out of there!" My sister's panicked voice rang over the atoll, both of us watching as the shells flew through the air...and knowing there was nothing we could do.

The other ship flew apart in a burst of flames and debris. Even in my service in the Navy, I had never seen a ship destroyed like that. One second it was there. The next...nothing but floating debris. And I knew, just as much as I knew that ship was doomed...

That we were doomed as well.

"Lena, get off the yacht!" I turned the wheel hard to port, eyes frantically scanning the bridge. Alighting upon a table, I ran over and broke the leg off. I took that piece of wood, and jammed it into the wheel, forcing the yacht to stay in that turn to port. The engine was straining to maintain that turn...but it didn't matter.

We needed to get off. Now.

"We don't have a way out of the area though!" My sister shouted back at me, instead of jumping into the water. I loved her but...

"Don't argue! Those are cruisers, we can't outrun them! We can't fight! We need to get off, before we're killed!"

Lena looked like she was going to argue anyway, but I silenced her with a look. Even across the hull of the yacht, I could see the defiance in her expression, as she jumped into the water. Grim frown dropping into place, I grabbed a lifejacket, and ran out of the bridge and towards the railing myself. I could see smoke flash from the ships in the distance as I did so, knowing instinctively what that meant.

They fired!

I didn't hesitate, jumping over the railing and into the blood-stained waters of the atoll. But even as I jumped...I felt the heat of the shells. I felt the yacht blown apart behind me.

And I knew one thing.

I'm going to die...Sara...at least I saw you before the end...

...

...

...

"Danny! Danny wake up!"

But I didn't die. I drew in a gasping breath, eyes snapping open. The first thing I saw was Lena's crying face, my sister's water-logged hair clinging to her cheeks. Her ponytail was long gone, hair disheveled and her clothing torn. But she wasn't bleeding. She wasn't hurt. That was enough to bring a smile to my face, despite everything else.

"Lena...you're okay..." I coughed out, struggling to...sit up?

I shouldn't be able to sit up...I didn't feel land, and both the ships had been...

My eyes widened, as I saw something else behind her face. Smoke, not from fire, but from a ship. Snapping up so fast my body protested the movement, I spun around.

Impossible...this is impossible...

I would recognize those stacks anywhere, even were it not for the black stripe. That island, no longer rusting away, gleaming in the light of stars and the moon. And for all that it should have been impossible, I could feel the hardwood deck beneath me, rolling gently in the swell of waves.

"We're..." I began, voice cracking even as Lena shook her head.

"Aboard Saratoga, yeah. I don't remember much myself, but...she was suddenly there. And I do mean she." My sister moved aside, allowing me to see someone crouched behind her, staring intently at me.

I felt my mouth go dry at the sight of the person who had been behind my sister. Long strawberry blonde hair cascaded down her back, held in place by nothing but an old-style United States Navy cover, and a shining golden hairpin. Intense blue eyes, darker than my sister's, stared right back at me out of what may have been the prettiest face I had ever seen. Her cheeks curved down to a sharp jawline, her nose small over red lips.

But really, those details- and the white uniform tunic over a short black skirt that she wore -were things I latched onto, to center myself. Because as my eyes roamed back to her blue, I saw nothing but happiness.

"You're alright," the woman whispered, her voice softer than any I had ever heard. Soft and old. "I'm glad to see that...I...thought you might have died."

"I thought I died," I replied weakly, completely unsure of what was going on. "Who...who are you?"

The woman blushed lightly, though it was hard to see in the darkness. "I...I'm Sara."

"Sara...toga?"

She merely nodded, getting to her feet and walking to my side. I stared up at her, confusion clear on my features. This was...impossible. Completely and utterly impossi...

But then, those ships earlier were impossible too, weren't they?

"She's not lying," Lena's voice spoke up by my side, as my sister helped me to my feet. Her voice was as confused as my own, but there was also a sureness to it, as she looked into my face. "I saw her jump off the side of this ship. She skated along the water, with a flightdeck on her arm and everything. Used a bow to shoot planes into the air and sank those cruisers...I don't know how, but she's..."

"Not normal," Sara finished, a small smile crossing her face. One so small it might have been missed, if I wasn't watching her so intently. "I'm not sure how I came back like this either. Or how my old hull is here. But...I couldn't let you die. You...you..."

The girl trailed off, her voice cracking. I saw tears fall from her eyes, and had no idea why. What was so bad about me? Had I done something?

"Hey, what's wrong?" I whispered, hesitantly stepping forward.

Sara stared up at me, tears falling even as she smiled at me, "You cared about me. More than anyone else has. I wasn't going to let you die. I couldn't let you die."

She...

I could feel a flush cross my face at those words...but it warmed my heart too. Had she heard what I thought then? Was that what...brought her back?

Because at this point, I didn't doubt that Sara was who she claimed she was. Lena never lied to me, not about something this important. And who else could have come back with this ship? I didn't even begin to understand what was happening here. Or where to start explaining it. But it didn't matter. What mattered, was that I was alive. Lena was alive.

And apparently, Saratoga was alive.

But...what were those ships?