Cold
I feel nothing towards him. I hold my son, my first born, in my arms and I feel nothing. Cold seeps into my chest, into my heart as I stare down at him. I'm supposed to feel happiness and love and protectiveness. I'm supposed to feel like a mother. But I don't. I feel nothing for the little bundle in my arms, and I don't really know what to do with it.
I have to feed him, and change him, give him baths and take care of him. I can do that. I'm supposed to love him, and hold him close, make him feel cared for. I can't do that. I don't know how. Can one fake such a feeling?
I feel nothing for the little boy who has grown and lived in my stomach for nine months. I look at him and I feel cold. Ice, freezing up my heart to this little boy who deserves to be loved. And I find that I don't care.
