A/N: I've had this story for a long time now and I've finally decided to let others read it now. Reviews and critical comments are accepted, though I will ignore flaming. For the sake of peace, if you're not into Yuri or HanaxKatja, don't read this and complain. That's all, thank you.
Disclaimer: Seikon no Qwaser and all characters in the manga/anime belong to their respectful owners.
REMINISCE
Today is like any other day.
The curtain in my bedroom slightly slits open, letting strikes of sunlight hit my face directly. It's a better wake up call for me than those confounded ringing – beeping alarm clocks or cellphones. Once my eyes feel the heat, my body instantly stands up before my brain can even catch up that it's morning again.
I like eating my breakfast first before I take a bath, or else, I won't even have the energy to turn the knob on. Since I'm not good at cooking, I can only eat cereals and a glass of water. Cold juice in the morning makes my stomach acidic, warm drinks make me want to vomit. When I finish my breakfast, I have the hobby of leaving my plates in the sink until later and wash everything in the evening.
Inside the shower room, I always hated how the stainless steel shower head reflected my image. It's not that I'm ugly or anything but, I just hate this part of my body. I cupped my two breasts and squish their littleness. I've been drinking different meds and liters and liters of soy milk, because I thought they would help on making my breasts grow bigger.
I was never conscious of my body parts before, I always said that my body is already good enough. But, she just had to make me feel self-conscious. That girl, she's always sucking on those big breasts, like a dog with infinite thirst for the tits milk. She is always on the search for another one to take under her absolute lust for sex. I just have to think of a way to get her out of there.
After coming out from the shower, my uniform, freshly taken from the laundry shop is already hanging on the cabinet door. It was a whole blue skirt uniform, with a white long sleeve polo under the top. Looking at it, it makes me feel melancholic and a bit frustrated.
I put it on, and try to fix the skirt to go above my knee, which is impossible. I want to take it to the sewing shop to get it cut short at the skirt and sleeve, but somehow, I just can't tarnish its originality. Its uniqueness comes with its broken button at the top. The only thing that keeps my uniform from falling off my body is the safety pin that replaced the broken button.
So, I'm finished with everything a student does before going to school, the only thing is that-I'm not going to school to attend my classes. I go to the school at the exact time needed, and with proper uniform, but I don't have any stuff with me. I just enter the gates, and walk straight to the main building.
At the end of the main building's ground floor, the newly extended and renovated infirmary of the school is located. The infirmary is a place where people can relax and have some rest whenever they feel bad or sick. That's ironic, because, every time I'm inside this white rectangular room, it's only at those times, I really feel bad to the point of being sick.
The last bed, just adjacent to the wall at the end of the room was barricaded with the thick flesh colored curtain screen. The fact that it's already closed like that just means that she's on it again. I can hear it from my position at the door frame. I can hear those slutty, evil moaning's.
If I even squint my eyes, I could see if they're positions, since they're silhouettes is nothing but seeable from the ultra-lighted room. The eight o'clock bell rings from the corridor. I find myself smiling a little.
The shadows behind the curtain jump and hasten at the same time. Quickly, a girl, or a woman I should say, sided the curtain bed to the right wall, revealing her almost naked body. She was already on her black skirts but her top was still under her feet at the bed, and her bra was still unclasped. She didn't mind me seeing this since this has been happening more than once now.
After that woman is able to put her top and blazer on, she runs to the door, passing by me like I'm a ghost unseen. She looks back at the girl left in the bed, who was still busy putting her own clothes on.
"Thank you, Nuna, you really are the best." The woman attested before completely disappearing.
I was just standing there from the door frame, waiting for her to get finished changing. She casts me frequent glances without a word until she finishes and stands up. She walks toward me.
"It's you again." She intently eyes me. "What did you say your name was?"
I felt a crumple in my heart, sure, she already has sex with everyone and even in front of me sometimes, but can't she at least give an effort in remembering my name?
"Ekaterina, Ekaterina Kurae, but I told you that you can call me Katja." I answered her question a while ago, scorching anger evident in my tone.
This girl, this wicked, monstrous girl is just too much. I hate it how she just nods to me when I say something, when she's obviously drowned in engrossment with other girls.
Hana Katsuragi, a tall, dark orange haired and brown eyed girl. Years have passed, and her short hair has grown long now. She ties it in a ponytail with the use of a red string that she lets the excessive parts slide down her back.
If anyone didn't know who or what she was back then, I can hardly let you believe on what I know. Before, Hana wasn't this womanizing bitch or slut. Yes, I may have called her that and other worst things, but those were just my expressions. I didn't honestly saw her as such an uncouth lifeform.
A lot of events have resulted to this very moment in the infirmary. I'm not that small - well not literally-blonde mistress of Hana anymore. I can hardly talk to her, especially when she's trying her best to get away from me.
"What do you need now?" Hana asks while she scans through some record book at her desk. "You shouldn't cut your classes just to spy on your school nurse having sex with some hot teacher."
I frowned as I averted my eyes, which had seemed to be stuck on looking at her. From all the things I hate about Hana, this takes the first and second place.
Firstly, I hate how she talks so sarcastically and insensitive, she was never like this before. Second, I hate how she keeps telling me how great or hot her sex partners are.
I can already feel my blood boiling dangerously; it's like an infernal instinct to kill. Although I've been seeing it more often then I want to, and I try to tell myself that I'm used to it by now-I still get very jealous when Hana makes love with other girls.
"I'm not cutting my classes to watch you have animal sex. I come here to stop you from doing that."
I walk closer to Hana's table, and forcefully take away her records book. "You'll get suspended or even fired if the school knew you're having sex here in the clinic."
I felt so irritated when she just laughed at my worry. "Please, what do I care? There are a lot more schools, with hotter teachers, and hotter students."I shake my head left to right in dismay. Sometimes, I forget how worse she is.
"Besides, I want to get away from you." Hana added while looking at me seriously.
Another crumple tortured my heart. "I'll follow you anywhere." I said with a stress in anywhere.
"Psst, what do you even get from stalking me kid? I don't do pedophile, and I hate bratty kids like you."
I raise an eyebrow at Hana; I was quite close to maniacally laughing. "Then you don't know yourself, Hana."
The dark orange girl didn't give a clear reaction in her face, but her silence meant she was thinking. I started to stare at her again. I always find it irresistible to stare at her serious thinking mode. She would always raise one of her hand to her chin, and then her eyes will slightly bend smaller like almonds. She exerted a different aura whenever she focused like this. Almost like she was an entirely different. Only now, she really is.
I miss my Hana.
I've been mentally saying that, every time I look at her. She is Hana, this body, this is Hana, but she's not my Hana. She's nothing but a shell, no, she's a prison. Encapsulating the one I love inside. Somewhere deep inside this woman's heart is the Hana that belongs to only me.
"I want to have sex with you." I say out loud, breaking Hana's train of thoughts.
She raised her head slightly and looked at me up to down and vice versa. "I told you I DON'T do pedophile." She said strictly with her arms closed.
"I just have a small body but I'm already seventeen!" I shouter and before she could protest more, I turn around and lock the infirmary door. I walk back to Hana's table and forcefully pull her out of her chair.
We stood at the middle of the room, Hana's back slightly near to hitting the footboard of the bed. Her height is still lengthier than mine so I had no choice but to tiptoe to reach her lips, and to press them to mine.
I felt the familiar burn of passion and longing in the center of my stomach and at the center of my legs. Although, this time, kissing Hana was happy and agonizing at the same time. I loved our lips together like this, but I also love Hana's lips to only be mine.
I can taste the different shades of lipsticks on her lips, and the different flavor of people in her tongue.
When my feelings of pain had overwhelmed those of my happiness, I slowly break away from the kiss where I was the only one doing everything.
Soon enough, Hana's robust lust for sex had allowed my request to come true. After a few minutes, I found myself naked and lying bare in the middle bed of the infirmary. Hana was also naked now, kissing my thighs and travelling her tongue upwards. I hold on to her hair and grip it so hardly that I heard her squint for a bit. I couldn't stop myself from moaning quite loudly in surprise when she jumped to biting my nipple while fondling my other breast.
It's been years since I last had sex with Hana, since I last felt her caressing my body. And again, a stab of melancholy strikes through my heart when I imagine her doing this with other people.
My reminiscing and self-thinking had taken my attention away from our love making, but I soon got back to reality when I felt Hana stop moving. I looked at her brown eyes and asked non-verbally why she stopped moving. Hana looked odd at me, her look screamed of disappointment and discontent.
"I just can't do it." She said before crawling down the bed. I stood up in a sitting position and took my uniform to cover my naked exposed body.
"Why not?" I asked, still completely dissatisfied and confused.
"Your small breasts are a turn-off." Hana said with a cool and demanding voice, like it was an order that this is the final straw, and I shouldn't bother her anymore.
Maybe if it weren't for back then, I could easily take account of what she just said. Maybe, if it just didn't come from her, I wouldn't feel this miserable. I tried putting on my uniform, or rather her uniform when she was still a student, as fast as I could before running out of the infirmary. My eyes stung. My chest burned. And my heart is broken.
I hate running, I hate the feeling of panting so much after your speed decreases and slowly you feel so tired. But for today, there's nothing I want more than to be able to go home and lock myself up. As soon as possible.
I stayed with Hana in her apartment complex years ago, but I don't have that privilege anymore. Instead, I've done my best to get a condo unit close to her home. I wished every morning that I can see her in the street and walk with her, but it never happened since she has a car to ride on. She had different people, man and woman sitting at the passenger front seat whenever I tried to take a peak.
Inside my bedroom, I clustered my body to the wall as I hugged my knees to my chest. I allowed myself to cry now. I don't usually cry, I didn't even know I had the capacity to cry. I also didn't know I had the capacity to love someone this much. I've been going through hell just to be able to see her. I've been closely following Hana for two years now, stopping and resuming time and time. I might decide to totally just stop pushing myself to her, but there's really no place I can go to anymore.
This feels so unfair. I should be enjoying my life with Hana, making love with her and spending the days together, but nooooo, she's out there! Frolicking with mutual sluts and bitches alike!
I started ripping my blankets in aggravation, I know I don't deserve this, and I know that Hana is not to blame. Ok, well, partially, she has a fault.
Hana, she doesn't have even one bit of a memory about me when I went to her at her university two years ago. She was on her graduating semester in nursing, when I appeared in front of her, asking her to come with me. She looked shocked at me, clearly naïve to who the hell was the blonde petite girl demanding her? Hana's classmates were behind her at that time, asking her who I was. Hana looked at me so keenly before answering that she has no idea who I am. I already knew about her condition, but I hoped that she would remember me that time; I was obnoxious to how special I was to her.
Though you can't blame me also, it was only four years ago when I was so sure and it was so clear that I was the most important person in Hana's world.
It was four years ago, fresh in the middle of the wartime.
Hana was continuously training with me and the others. Her nature of always slacking and doing unintended mistakes had earned her a degree in training alone at a secluded garden of the building we were staying on. It was a big fortress, with triple plastered cement and hollow blocks. The center of the big square building was open, and below it was two gardens divided by glass encasements. The first glass encasement had little to no plants, but it was rich in soft, thick and brownish earth filling. The second glass encasement was full of plants. The plants inside there were so varied that even poisonous ones were present.
Hana was the only one forced to train there, and of course I didn't give a care about how she will survive inside that place. I still trained along with the others and took substitute Maria's for the sole purpose of making Hana jealous. How karma is making me pay for all of that now! Eventually, Hana did get caught in the venomous plants. She was made to rest and cure at an isolated room at the end of the last floor of the fortress' main bldg. I don't know what was controlling me then, but I know I wanted to go there and see her myself.
I was told by one of the fortress guards that I shouldn't visit her since she was going through a high fever because of the poison. The high fever - they said- could be very contagious and deadly. I twitched my face to their warnings and used Mama to strangle them. Nobody decides if I should or should not visit my sick servant, but me.
When I got to the room, I slowly opened the door. The room was a simple monotonous gray and white box. There was no other furniture but a wooden bed side table, a black plastic chair, and a bed at the center where Hana lied.
I walked to the foot of the bed, and saw how wrong Hana looked like. Nobody was taking care of her at all. Her forehead was full of drip sweats, her eyes were bloodshed red with black bags under them. Her lips were so dry and her skin color was ghostly. There wasn't even a glass of water near her, or any kind of food. I knew at that time that everyone must have been afraid of getting her fever, so no one volunteered to take care of her. Mafuyu, Sasha, they believed what those damn guards told about Hana's contagious fever.
Although I wouldn't admit it to Hana at that time, I felt very worried to see her like that. I had to gather my resolve before I spoke.
"You see Hana; this is what happens when you don't stop being such a clumsy girl."
I looked at how slowly, and bit by bit, did Hana raise her head to see me. She answered me with such a hoarse, out of air voice.
"I'm sorry, Katja-sama. I'll do better next time."
"You should Hana; you can't be a Maria to the great Ekaterina if you're this frail sick bodied warrior. I' am a queen, and I was made to get the best of the best warriors."
Hana coughed loudly after that speech of mine, she pulled her blanket up to cover her mouth, and started to talk or rather mumble behind the blanket.
"Katja-sama, you should better leave now, you can't catch my sickness."
I had to look at her more intently after that. For a second, I was sure there was blood in the blankets she coughed at. I tried not to show my growing worry.
"Oh, Hana, are you telling me that you believe in what those fools are telling you?"
Hana just nodded lightly at me, only that and then she pleaded me to leave, again. I didn't listen to her for the second time, to make it worse, I even went closer to her. I walked to her right side and stood right in front of her. She looked at me, with those small, tearing eyes and called my name.
With steady increments, my hand stretched to reach her forehead. I was hesitant, not because I had a hiding belief in what they told me about Hana's fever, but because I was scared I might press too hard and hurt her. By the next second that I felt her cold sweat under my palms, I remembered how much Hana loved pain, and decided to press my hand harder. Hana moaned, not with the usual shrill of joy I was accustomed with, but with a moan that sounded of pain and nothing else.
"Katja-sama, I'm sorry but my body hurts all over, I can't play with you right now."
Quickly, I soften my press on her forehead and wiped my hand to clean the sweat.
"I'm not yearning to play with you Hana; you're always the excited one."
Hana giggled lightly at me, and internally, I felt happy that I could make her do that amidst her sick condition.
"Has anyone come here to take care of you?" I asked, almost surprised myself that I was able to get that sentence out.
Hana shaked her head, "Kind of, the guards bring a tray with some soup, water and meds."
"How many times a day?" I thought that since I've already started the conversation, I might as well ask everything I want to.
"Three, but it's always just plain porridge, and the meds taste so bad."
"Oh, really?" I asked rhetorically before commanding her something. "Put your tongue out."
Hana instantly did what I ordered; she opened her mouth wide and let her tongue out. Even her tongue looked so weak. I lifted my index finger and slided it down on her tongue. Hana's body shuddered under the blankets. I sucked my finger and tried to taste her saliva, but there wasn't a taste at all, though a bitter flavor did kick for a second.
I then leaned down to taste her whole tongue, but she pulled it back in her mouth.
"Katja-sama, you can't! You might get my fe-
I didn't wait for that girl to stop talking; I forcefully opened her mouth wide and let my tongue inside her mouth. I encircled the inside of her mouth, up and down and twisted my tongue with hers. I could taste nothing but bitter and sour. Her mouth was dry of sediments, as if she hadn't been eating any solid food for days. Below her tongue, the bitterness was worse, which can only mean that she must have vomited more than once now. As I took my tongue out of her mouth, a line of dribble elasticated, creating a thin liquid line while I pulled farther away.
"I'll come back tomorrow, and bring you some real food." I said as I fixed Hana's head position in the pillow. I gave her my signature smirk before leaving her room completely. By night time, I had a meager time to waste for researching. I went to the library inside the fortress and looked for the data of plants and landscaping. I was able to get an old dusty records book of all the plants found inside the fortress.
The plant that was notarized to have affected Hana is a strong, poisonous and deadly plant, although death is not so fast to come. The effects of the poison will cause severe fevers, bleeding, rashes and dizziness. My small intended research became something like a thesis writing. I looked for every bit of information about the plant, and records of people who've been victimized by it before. By morning the next day, I found myself telling Mafuyu to cook something for Hana to eat. I told her and Sasha about my servant's condition. Quickly, the two looked worried and willing to help. We all went to her bedroom after our training; the sun was already on its way to setting.
Hana asked us to leave fast, but I stayed behind as Mafuyu and Sasha left on Hana's first request.
The food that Mafuyu made for her was fried rice and miso soup. The food was placed on the bed side table, smoking its delicious fragrance at Hana's direction.
"Well, I'm not going to feed you, so start eating on your own already." I told my servant as I sat at the mono block adjacent to her.
Hana nodded at me before sitting up and trying to eat. The longer she ate, the more she got slower, the more her face looked like she wasn't enjoying the food at all. By another minute, she showed signs of wanting to vomit and seconds after that, she went running to the comfort room. I could hear her hard vomiting until she pushed on the toilet flush. She went out, holding her stomach.
"Do you always do that when you eat?"
"I can't help it, I always feel like doing that, especially when I've eaten."
My worry was growing bigger again, and I felt unsettled unless I make this worry go away. I went to the trouble of going out the fortress the next morning. I bid a big amount of money for a medicine specialist to concoct me the perfect medicine for Hana's condition. It took me until afternoon to wait for that medicine to get ready.
When I got back to the fortress, I poured the powder medicine in a glass of water that I made Hana drink. The medicine specialist told me to expect that she'll soon fall asleep when she drinks the medicine, so I left the room after seeing her finish the water.
By midnight that day, I still felt unsettled, very unsettled. I went fast walking to Hana's room, and peeked at her, still sleeping. But of course, what did I expected? I went back to my room, realizing just how anxious I've been feeling for the past days. It made me wonder what kept making me feel nervous.
The next morning, I went into my training clothes. Blue jogging pants and a red t-shirt, with my blonde long hair tied in a ponytail. I was walking not to the training grounds but to Hana's room again. When I got inside, I found her still asleep in the bed. I splattered some water on my face at the comfort room and took a towel with me to act as if I'm wiping sweat.
I sighed excruciatingly. "I've been training so much for the past days, while you're just resting there, Hana."
I looked at the orange haired girl, not a movement or a reaction to my speech. I held her forearm covered in the white blankets and shook her lightly as a first. When I could see that my shaking was too light, I shook her harder, and harder, and still nothing. My heart started to palpitate by that time.
"Hana" I called her in a condescending tone; commanding her to wake. "Hana" I called again.
I pulled the blankets off her body and touched her skin, so cold and stiff. My mind went blank all of a sudden. "No way, it can't be…."
I tried shaking Hana's body again, more firmly and harder. If it weren't for the bed moving and the buildup of scratching screaks in the floor, I wouldn't even realize how strong I've been juddering her body. I had to clutch my hands on her forearms. My mind knew what this meant, but another part of me didn't want to accept that it was what it was. I lifted Hana's chin and yelled at her.
"Baka! How dare you? After I gave you food and medicine? You dare do this to me? Baka! You don't have the right to do this! Wake up now or I'll really kill you!"
My heart's palpitation felt so aching now, and at the back of my mind, I thought how I was the reason for this. If I wasn't around, this girl would've lived longer than this. For the first time in my life, I felt guilty about something, I felt like crying for someone I hurt.
But, my worries and my sadness escalated into a spiral downward fall. Hana's eyes opened slowly and within seconds, I was now looking into her rich, brown eyes.
"Katja-sama" She said, with her usual voice now.
I took my hand away from her chin and blinked my eyes to come back to my senses.
"I feel better now, I think I'm cured." Hana exclaimed too happily as if the whole event with my drama a while ago, was but an irony meant to be played at.
I guess I overreacted with the situation, because when I touched Hana's forearm again, it didn't feel that cold. Maybe, the heat of her body when she was still in a fever was too hot that her regular body temperature now felt so cold.
"Well then you better get up from there and come train with me. You're not going back to that garden of poisons anymore, and you're going to get a big punishment later."
I didn't wait for Hana to say anything anymore or do anything; I quickly walked out of the room, and smiled as I heard her hurrying up to get out of the bed, calling me to wait for her.
- To be continued -
