"The Girlfriend of the Whirling Dervish…"
Summary: Nearing her wedding day, Amy is reminded of a previous engagement…Follows the action of "Gran Mag", pre "The Wolowitz Enigma"…
Disclaimer: It's all Chuck's…But nothing for Joss Whedon on this one.
Prologue:
"One fine day, I chanced to stray
On a little side street in old Bombay
And met a sentimental oriental
She saw me and I saw she
Had a manner too bold and much too free
Her eyes were positively detrimental
When I asked about this gay coquette
I discovered much to my regret...
She's the girl friend of the whirling dervish
She's the sweetest one he's found
But ev'ry night, in the mellow moonlight
When he's out dervishing with all his might
She gives him the run-around
All the boy friends of the whirling dervish
Are his best friends to his face
But there's no doubt, when he isn't about
They all come hurrying to take her out
She leads him a dizzy pace
He dreams of a Hindu honeymoon
He doesn't dream that ev'ry night when he goes out
To make an honest rupee
She steps out to make a lotta whoopee
Oh, the love song of the whirling dervish
Has a sweet and tender sound
But will he burn if he ever should learn
That while he's doing her a real good turn
She gives him the runaround
She's got a nervish, throwin' him a curvish
Which, of course, he doesn't deservish
Poor old whirling dervish!"
Chancellory of the First Deputy Prime Minister, Kingdom of Drharain…
"Gentlemen…" the DPM eyed his guests…Two Americans…One, a middle aged sliver haired lean and handsome fellow, elegantly attired in three-piece suit…The other an older, balding fellow in his seventies, in somewhat less elegant business suit, nervously eyeing the DPM…
"I trust you understand the gravity of the situation…Mr. Stirling?..." he addressed the silver-haired fellow… "Can you inform us as to the opinion of your organization?..."
Warm if wry smile… "Well, sir…Speaking for the State Department in my rather junior post as assistant consul…Of course we can't really take an opinion on such a matter…Americans can't be legally bound to such arrangements even by their employers…Which is a hell of a shame, I agree…"
"I was hoping to hear from your other organization, Mr. Stirling…If I may be so bold…"
"My other organization, Mr. Minister?..."
"Mr. Stirlling…" frown… "Surely there's no need to be coy here…I mean, quite frankly, your CIA superiors…"
The bald man squirmed a bit in his chair…But Stirling merely smiled…
"Officially, sir…I've no idea what you could mean by that…"
"And unofficially?..." the DPM eyed him…
"I've no idea what you mean by that…" Stirling smiled again… "Though of course I'm sure Drharain's interests are the United States' government's interests…"
"I'm very glad to hear it…" returned smile…
"All this is very well…" The balding man sat up… "But if I may interject…My firm has serious reservations about seeing this matter persued…We at Stirling, Cooper, Draper, Price, Campbell, and Olsen have handed Drharain's public relations for forty years and this matter is not conducive to good PR…Under any light…"
"Really, Campbell?..." Stirling eyed him… "I should think a romance like this would win the hearts of all those mindless idiots who swallow crap whole…My dad would've, God rest his soul, jumped on this one…And I doubt Draper will fail to see the possibilities here…"
"Possibilities?..." Campbell frowned… "An arranged marriage in exchange for laboratory grant funding?...With the contract now called in by the heir to the throne of Drharain?...And at the price of the client having to renounce her engagement to a fellow American?...What 'possibilities' ?,,,An indictment of the royal house of Drharain as engaging in human traffficing…They're a branch of the Saudi royal family I might remind you…And I'm sure your 'other employer' is not going to be pleased to see them dragged through the US and international press…"
"I assume you mean the foreign affairs journals I occasionally contribute to, with State's permission…As to the bad press, Campbell…" Stirling smiled… "That is your firm's responsibility…If my dad were still with you, I'd no doubt he'd insist you play up the romance angle…Handsome young prince in love with an American girl of his dreams, seeking to sweep her off her feet when another rival shows…Who is the little geek, anyway?..."
"A Dr. Cooper…Sheldon L. Cooper…" the DPM frowned… "A respected physicist…"
We give you people 60% of our oil at cut rates and you can't even keep track of a few important details?...
"An American, born and bred in East Texas…Yeah, the public will love seeing a wealthy Arabian shiek run off with his girl…" Campbell sighed…
"Who's implying any use of coercion…?" Stirling frowned… "She dumps the Texan geek…A physicist from Texas?...Who'll believe that?...For the guy of her dreams whom she never imagined would really come for her…With 200 billion to sweeten the deal…"
"But…I've explained that the woman has not responded to our requests for information as to her plans except for this…" the DPM handled a sheet of paper…
"Hmmn…'Dear sir…' Stirling read aloud…
"I felt it only right to inform your embassy that I will be marrying shortly in case you should wish to have it publicly acknowledged that I relieve you of your formal commitments to me, made during the course of the past ten years under Kingdom of Drharain grants H703A105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110.
Yours truly,
Amy Farrah Fowler, Ph.D.
(future married lady! Amy Farrah Fowler-Cooper)"
"Quite a neat brush-off to the guy who gave her 10 million bucks…" Stirling nodded at the letter… "But dames are like that…"
"Can't we just write this off…?" Campbell sighed… "She met all other terms of the grants, as to publication credit and all that, right?...No American court will allow this as a marriage contract…"
"Mr. Campbell…" the DPM sighed… "If the matter were up to me…We would not be having this conversation…But the heir and Prime Minister is not willing to 'write Miss Fowler off'…And he may, as you know, become King at any time now, given His Majesty's condition…"
"He never should have stayed at the party last week…" Stirling shook his head… "I told him two bottles of champagne and a fifty course dinner was pushing it…But to throw fifty sets of twins into the mix…Even Dad could only handle one…"
"The Prince is an educated man…" Campbell shook his head… "He can't really believe he can make this woman marry him…?"
"His Highness has had a very full education here and abroad…He holds two doctorates and two Masters' degrees in Political Science, Biology, Economics, and Engineering….And he has dreamed of having his beautiful, witty, sophisticated American genius wife beside him on the throne for ten years…Only awaiting his father's demise to buck the family and marry the girl…And now…He's no intention of gracefully bowing out…"
"She must be quite a dame…" Stirling pondered…
"You haven't seen her CIA file?..." the DPM eyed him…Stirling playfully wagging a finger…Now, now…
"We've a file on her at SCDPCO…" Campbell sighed… "Have a gander…" he handed a file to Stirling…
"Jesus…" Stirling pulled back from the open file… "It's the Wicked Witch of the West…"
"Yes, that is our nickname for her…" the DPM sighed… "But the Prince is determined that she will be Queen of Drharain…Willingly or not…"
"Oh, come on…" Campbell frowned… "Surely he's not that delusional…"
"Campbell…Get lost for five…Or rather, ten…" Stirling said, quietly but firmly…"See if you can come up with a few ideas for Draper on the wonderful romantic campaign you people are going to run around the Arab prince and his American…Geesh…Beauty rose…"
"What?..."
"Scoot, Pete…Now…" Stirling pointed to the door…
"We will continue our discussion with you in a few moments, Mr. Campbell…" the DPM, catching on… "I'm sure you'll want to speak to your office to get some information regarding the campaign the assistant consul suggests…"
Uh-boy…Campbell sighed…Rising reluctantly…Stirling smiling at him… "By the way, Rochester, you might bring that bottle of Jim Bean back with you…In a traveling bag so as not to offend our other hosts outside…I think a toast will be called for…"
Oh, Lord…Campbell went out the door… No, I do not want to know and neither will Draper…
"Ok…" Stirling eyed the DPM…
"Mr. Stirling?..."
"You heard me…" smile…
"Excellent…" the DPM returned smile…
