Prologue
Running is the only way I've ever had to really clear my head. There is nothing quite like the rush as the blood pounds in your ears as each foot hits the ground. My ponytail swishing behind whipping the back of my neck as I run faster and faster trying to process, forget, let go and move on. That's the thing about running you're always running away from something and sometimes that is just what you need to do, run. I have never been one of these girls who obsess over boys but the last 12 months has been an absolute disaster.
Why do I let this boy get to me? Staring in the bathroom I curl each layer of my long blonde hair into perfect barrel curls. Falling in layers down my back the golden blonde shine was catching in the curls. As I finished the final bits around my face I couldn't help but be impressed by the results. I then turned to my makeup, I already had nice skin so very little foundation was needed, I was pale, and porcelain even so I added a bit of colour as I turned to my eyes. I was never one for over zealous make up but put a little more effort in then usual especially on the mascara. As I finished with my lips I was a little more confident. I left the bathroom pulling off my robe I choose slightly more productive lingerie then I would usually wear. Walking over to the wardrobe I stood back to pick, I had brought three options. The first and mort reserved was a high neck blue chiffon dress that fell to the knee the arms were also covered, but had a tight slip underneath to hug to my figure. The second was a low cut red dress that finished short and would be problematic if I dropped anything. The third was a simple black dress but the cut did more then anything to show off. I was already running dreadfully late having missed two flights. This was the issue with the east coast/west coast time difference!
As I starred at the dress I thought back to where all of this started. Two years ago, I had walked into that party new to the scene and so sweet and innocent. I was young, very young and wearing a short black dress with a zip right down the front I thought was cute and sexy. It didn't take long before Alic was making fun of it. This was the second time he had seen me wear it. The first was at a College party, he loved trying to get people to pull the zip as a joke. Tonight he wouldn't have to try hard before someone did. The girls I had met the night before were quick to welcome me with big hugs and kiss and then introduce me to him. They had warned me off his rep and that Ellie was in love with him and to back off. I was talking to a few of my fellow went coasters when Ellie tapped me on the shoulder to bring me into the conversation. As I turned to meet him our eyes locked and I got the once over. He wasn't really my type, yes he was blonde, but a little less refined then I usually preferred, his smile was cheeky and I liked that. As we were introduced he did the standard is that a zip and unzipped it just enough to show a good amount of cleavage, but not enough to be highly inappropriate. I could already read his face knowing what he was thinking. Caity then stepped in and while holding the dress so it didn't fall open grabbed the zip and commented it completely unzipped and she pulled it low enough to expose my lingerie but not enough to be indecent. I grabbed the dress and zipped it up, not all the way I left a little open to leave a good cleavage line but nowhere near where it was before. The rest of the night passed in a blur, the boys were hitting on me, I was drinking more then I ever had and when it reached a bit later, Alic, Kahla and the other westners went on a cultural tour leaving the eastners to themselves. It was a fun night but I didn't regret calling it a night.
A month later we were all at the national conference and it was the Saturday night when he would try again. I was barely drinking and far too aloof, and then he leapt into my conversation with another girl, yes I was coming to his city with some friends. I gave him my number and he said he was looking forward to a night out on the town. The day after the conference finished I hopped on a plane looking forward to a fun shopping trip with my girls and as the plane touched down and I switched back on the iPhone his name popped up on my screen. That week would be non-stop flirting, drinking and dancing. We kissed and it was nice, but I wasn't that keen, and I was still little miss innocent and not ready to lose that. On our last night we all went out, we started at my families apartment for pre's and he was doing everything possible to stay in. We ended up going out and it was lip lock for the whole night. I left the east coast having had a fun week but not that keen on this boy. No harm no fowl.
Four months later I was back for a fun weekend with Alic. We were shopping and drinking and meeting up with friends before a stressful week at work. It was great and on the Saturday I decided to MSG him, he was keen to come join but was a no show. I didn't think anything of it and was hardly put out; then again I wasn't that keen. But it's always the way, you want what you can't have. As my good friend started dating an easterner and was traveling more she met him and they became friends. The more I heard about the more I thought I could like him. How could this be? And then December came I was living in DC for a few months and he was travelling around. We would both be in NY for Christmas. Should we meet up? He gave me his number and I was hesitant. I didn't know what I want. I sent him an MSG late afternoon on my second last day there. I don't know what happened but I don't think he ever got it. Life went on.
A year later I was at another conference and he was the speaker, I didn't agree with what he had to say but liked the way he said it. I was certain I now liked him. I spoke to him afterwards briefly and I was nervous and unsure. Nothing happened that weekend and I was left with an fb page to over examine. As the end of January pulled around it was time for the annual national conference, I knew I'd see him, and I was nervous. I spent longer then usual getting ready that Friday night and I was glad when I saw him. It was a weird kind of night but as we hit the after party the drinks were flowing. Everyone was having a great night getting socially lubricated and as the night went on conversations were getting funnier. As he joined our group I felt myself start to be a little more self conscious then I had been all night. After a while he was grabbing my hand and then whispering in my ear and then asking me to go get a drink with him. As we left the club I didn't fully realize what this all meant till we were in the cab and my phone was going crazy. As we got to his hotel I new this was the wrong choice, my friends came and got me and then she yelled at him. I couldn't hear, but I don't get why she was yelling. As we got back to my hotel they put me to bed and it was needed I was fuzzy and unsure, I know she was reading my phone, but why. The next day passed in a hangover haze, the gala dinner was awful and he was a dick. He called me that night and we had fought on the phone and that had been that. We hadn't spoken to each other since. So why was it that I am now nervous to see him. Why do I care how I look? I knew this night was about my friends, and I wasn't even sure he was going to be there. I reapplied lip-gloss and stood back for effect. I looked hot, the dress, the shoes, the jeweler all designed to show off one thing, me!
