A/N: This counts as a crossover between the Big Bang Theory and H2O, but I am only listing this under the H2O category because this will be the first of a three-part series there.
Also, this is just as Bernadette (from the Big Bang Theory) comes into the picture, and similarly just after graduation for the mermaids.
The Mermaid Theorem
Chapter 1
Location: Pasadena, California
Raj and Howard entered a new nightclub they had found.
"Remember when we used to do stuff like this to meet women?" Howard asked, pushing open the door.
"Stop rubbing it in my face that you got a girl and I don't!" Raj exclaimed defensively.
"Bernadette is not my girlfriend. We haven't even gone on a date yet."
"Well, it's better than nothing!" spat Raj.
"Sorry. I meant when we used to come together," Howard mumbled.
"Oh. Yeah," Raj said.
"Hey, look at this!" Howard exclaimed, pulling a flyer off the wall. "1970's throwback every Tuesday."
"Aw, man. Today is Tuesday," moaned Raj. "Let's leave."
"Yeah, I don't want any more disco after what happened at that roller skating place," agreed Howard.
"You never told me about that," said Raj, suddenly interested.
"Remind me never to mention it again," mumbled Howard sheepishly. "Are we gonna leave or not?"
"We might as well-"
"Ooh," interrupted Howard. "Hot girl. Later, Raj." Howard pushed open the second door, leaving Raj behind in the doorway. He shook his head. Some people would never change.
The setup was very old-fashioned. It reminded Raj of the Indian American-style clubs. It was located on the street, with a large glass wall facing the street. It had a very open setup, providing ventilation. A bar was located on the right wall, and a dance floor was positioned in the center. On the left, about a dozen tables sat vacant near the wall. The only difference was that there was no smoking.
A welcome change, Raj observed.
A lively spirit permeated through the open floor plan. Couples and singles alike dotted the dance floor, shaking to the beat of the late 1970s. Raj made his way over to the left, sitting down at a table. He propped his feet up and began looking for Howard. Ten seconds later, he saw him, following a tall blond through the maze of people. How stupid, he thought contentedly. That's Howard, all right.
"Can I get you anything?" asked a high feminine voice. Raj looked up to see a pretty brunette woman in her late-twenties standing beside him, holding a notepad.
Raj was paralyzed. He couldn't talk to women, due to his selective mutism. Thinking fast, he did the best thing he could think off. He held up a finger, gesturing for a moment.
"All right, I'll be back in a sec," said the waitress, running off somewhere.
Raj let out a breath. He really needed to fix that.
His best chance was to get a small amount of alcohol into his system. He hated it, but not its effects. Talking to women and getting a headache the next morning is better than nothing.
Walking over to the bar, he picked up the list of choices, deciding on a martini, shaken, not stirred.
James Bond had a way with alcohol. He was still able to drink low amounts of it, but it you shake it before pouring, the alcohol particles break up, leaving you with less effects.
Raj could almost imagine Sean Connery pointing at him, saying, "DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!"
"You again. What do you want?"
Raj lowered the menu and saw the pretty waitress staring at him again.
He pointed to his selection.
"All right, sir."
In a minute, she brought back the martini. Raj picked it up and slowly downed it in one gulp. The waitress watched curiously.
"That's the fastest I've ever seen somebody down a martini," she said. "I assume you got practice."
"Yes," Raj agreed, silently cheering that the alcohol worked.
"Most people drink because they're alone, sad, miserable, or need to waste money. I did a study on it once." Said the waitress. "It's my thesis for my doctoral degree in psychology."
Raj set down the glass. "You have a doctorate?" he asked, amazed.
She shrugged. "I will. I'm working here to get money, but this is a prime spot for data collection. The people are usually so drunk they don't care how rude I am." She laughed ruefully. "Not exactly the largest data set, though. So, what do you do?" she asked, taking Raj's glass and balancing it on a shelf.
"I am an astrophysicist at Caltech, and I work with Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Currently we're designing plans for an experiment at CERN."
"Cool!" she exclaimed. "My dad knew some physicist. He is the reason my dad made me continue school. Looking back, I have to thank him. Being behind a bar is better than sitting at one."
She extended her hand. "I'm Rachel. Rachel Casper."
"Rajesh Koothrapali," he replied, shaking her hand. "Call me Raj."
"So, India-boy. You wanna dance?" she asked bluntly.
"With me?" he asked, shocked.
"You're the best person that's walked in here today. In fact, you're one of the few that isn't pathetic. Did you see that short man with the Beatle haircut and the ugly shirt chasing my friend Cindy around? He's just about average today."
"Gladly!" Raj consented. He knew "that man with the Beatle haircut" was Howard. But he didn't care. He was going to dance with a beautiful yet smart woman. Forget Howard.
They moved out onto the dance floor.
"My baby moves at midnight
Goes right on until the dawn
My woman takes me higher
My woman keep me warm…"
Howard looked over at Raj and Rachel dancing. Disgusted, he walked off the dance floor and out onto the street. Maybe he was trying too hard. Bernadette sounded like a nice girl. Who was he to look for another option?
He was hoping that by the end of the week, he'd have himself a girlfriend.
A/N This is my first H2O story and my second fanfic. Please review, people. This is just an intro chapter, but this story is going to have a lot of action. Trust me.
-ClaptonJr.
