A/N: The title of this two-shot comes from a line in the chorus of Jeff Buckley's song, Lover You Should Have Come Over. It's very depressing but I love it and so does my Sam. This is my version of the first Samcedes breakup, basically a flashback. Enjoy...
This was betaed a long time ago by Annikay and Illiandyandra. Thanks guys!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters of Glee.
It's Never Over Pt. 1
{Sam POV}
"Mercedes?" I mumbled warily, after daring myself for several silent moments. "I have something to give you, Baby. Like… a gift. For you," I stammered, "I bought you, um, a present…"
My girlfriend of the past nine weeks looked up from where she was perched between my legs, her own legs pulled in under her chin, arms wrapped around them as I sat behind her with my back against the headboard of her bed. I fingered the ends of her hair softly, and she played with the hem of my shorts. We hadn't said much in a long time, instead choosing to just enjoy each other in the silent room.
Quiet moments like these were pretty rare for Mercedes and I. Most of the time, we laughed and talked over each other…me doing impressions and talking about movies, Mercedes slapping my arm and telling me how crazy I am. Other times we kissed and held hands and made goo-goo eyes back and forth while whispering all the things we loved about each other. We spent a lot of time with my siblings and both our parents, me blushing whenever they made fun of us for being so cute, her getting all shy and smiling at me from behind her hair. But every once in awhile Mercedes and I had absolutely nothing to say. So we enjoyed each other peacefully, just…being.
It was technically the fifth of July, 2011. We'd spent Independence Day together…in fact, our whole families did. But when the fireworks show in the park ended, and we'd helped our folks pack up the leftover food and dragged my little brother and sister out of the lake to dry off, my lady and I agreed without words that we didn't wanna separate just yet. We took a walk together, flirting a little and holding hands. Then I dropped her off at home to meet her ten o'clock curfew, went home and pretended to go to sleep. Around midnight, once my family was dead to the world, I snuck out of the motel room, and crept back over to Mercedes' house. She snuck me into her room, and we got close on her bed. It was about 2am, and we'd been holdin' each other for over an hour, not speaking.
Mercedes turned her face in order to look at me closely, and I watched as a really bashful gaze took over her entire beautiful face. When our eyes met, and she realized that I'd been staring at her, she lowered hers shyly, and whispered "Why would you buy me a present? I have you; I don't need anything else…"
Again, I used my eyes to crawl over her face…staring at Mercedes was a pretty creepy habit I'd picked up over the past couple of months. But in her eyes, I saw the truth in her words, and believed them. That's how things were between me and Mercedes…ever since prom. She spoke whatever was in her heart, even if what she felt was embarrassing to say out loud. And what was in her heart always spoke directly to mine. I trusted everything about her, and she trusted me the same way…When the words left her mouth, the fear I'd been clinging to left my body in a flash, and I knew I could do this. It had to be done.
I cupped her face in one of my hands, one of my favorite things to do… gently stroking her cheek with my thumb. I kissed her lightly before finally beginning to speak again.
"Mercedes, do you remember back in June, when we went to the Lima Bean and you wore that gold necklace with your initial on it? The one with the big capital letter 'M?'"
She nodded. "Sure, I remember…I remember all our dates." We grinned at one another then I kept going.
"Well, I made a joke to you that day." I continued. "I told you, that if we weren't still hidin' our relationship from everybody, I could save up and buy you a 'S' and an 'A' to add to the chain…then everybody would know who your boyfriend was every time you wore it. And I could finally brag about us in public."
She smiled.
"And then you told me," I went on, "that you hoped I wouldn't do that...even though it was a sweet idea." I took a deep breath. "You said that the way you felt about me was way too precious for that kind of thing. You said big showy displays and grand gestures were for people who had something to prove. And that as long as you had me in your heart, you didn't care about wearing me around your neck," I stroked her cheek again. "Do you remember that?"
She nodded again, mouth wide open and lookin' shell-shocked. "It still amazes me the way you always remember everything I say verbatim." I gripped her hand.
"Well," I chuckled "I've got a mind like a steel trap when it comes to you." I let go of her palm and hugged my girl to me with my free arm; she wrapped hers around my waist in response. "I've never been so fascinated with anybody in my life. You're kinda…in my head all the time, Mercedes" I shook my head. "I can't help it."
Mercedes cuddled into me closer and laid a palm over the hand I was still using to stroke her soft cheek. "I feel the same way, Baby. And yes…I remember it too."
"So anyway," I sighed, "I started saving up that day. I mean, I agree with you about the grand gesture thing, don't get me wrong..." I could tell she was about to fuss at me for spending money on her, so I cut her off at the pass. "...and I love you so much for sayin' it." We shared another peck on the lips. "I really needed to hear that, to be honest…" I zoned out for just a second, remembering the promise ring Quinn had returned to me so I could pawn it a few months ago. "But there's always gonna be a part of me that wants to SHOW you how I feel, just in case I forget, or can't find the words to TELL you. It's kinda my nature… Do you get that?"
"I do," Mercedes answered. "I know you, and I understand..."
"Good," I grinned. "I knew you would. So, at the time I didn't know exactly what I was plannin' to buy. And even though that kinda thing isn't really what we…" I cocked my head a little "are about..." I bit my lip before going on. "…I just really wanted you to have something from me that you can hold in your hands. You don't have that, and it's something that bothers me a lot, actually…"
My girl nuzzled closer to me and a rush of feeling over took me, so I clutched her body tighter to mine.
"Sometimes, I'm so thankful for my family's money problems," I went on. "Cause I feel like they brought us closer and I can really see how much you love me outside of all of that. Without the bells and whistles of a normal relationship, we never get distracted… and everything we feel for each other is right there for us to recognize."
Mercedes pecked me on the cheek, nodding her head in agreement…she remained quiet though.
"But other times," I continued, "It hurts me that I can't buy you flowers every time we have a date, or take you to Breadstix on the weekends. So this gift is my way of makin' up for all that. And I needed for you to have it before…"
'Okay," Mercedes interrupted me. "Like I said, I get it." Her tone had changed slightly, and she sounded kinda mad. But also scared, too. And sad. "So are you gonna give me my present, or do I have to pat you down?"
I knew why she'd cut me off, so her change in tone didn't bother me. But I shrugged, kissed her palm, untangled myself from her arms and bent over to grab my backpack from the floor. I rooted around inside until my hands clutched a rectangular black box, then I threw the bag back down and straightened up. I'd tried to formulate a speech in my head for this moment, but all my pre-arranged words left me when I saw her face again. So I winged it…
"Mercedes," I started, "bein' with you is so easy; it's like, the easiest thing I ever tried to do in my life." Mercedes' mood seemed to thaw a little, and it encouraged me to go on. "And these past two months have made me really happy…I've learned so much about how to really give my all to somebody from you. I should be thanking you for that."
She beamed.
"And I realized," I continued, "that I feel this way, because I never had to force myself to like you or beg you to like me back. We fell into each other like a habit, or something…a good one." This was frustrating. "God, I'm really bad at this…"
She started to smile. "You're perfect. Go on…"
I grinned back, melting just a little bit more. "It's just that…" I struggled through the words. "… fallin' in love with you Mercedes Jones, was simpler than slippin' into my favorite tee shirt or fallin' asleep in the bathtub. I did it without even thinkin' about it. I want you to know that you're my heart, my world. And a huge part of me still needs to know that you wear me around your neck everywhere you go."
I opened the box.
"But what I feel for you is so much…more…than just wantin' you to wear my name. Its so much better than just runnin' around tellin' the world that we're a couple." I nodded toward the box. "And what I got you says that…"
I gestured for her to lift the necklace out.
"This…"
she held the jewelry in her hands and inspected the gold chain with the charm spelling out the word "LOVE" in huge scripted letters.
"…is what I want the world to see, whenever you put it together with one of your crazy outfits."
She giggled, but tears were forming in her eyes, too.
"This…" I stammered, "…is all I need for people to know when they look at you. I don't want what we have to be all about my claimin' you or stamping SAM on your skin. I just want the people around you to know that you're loved; that somebody loves you in big capital letters and that you know what that means." I shrugged. "And I had to give this to you today before I le…"
She cut me off again, but this time with a kiss. Again, I knew what she was trying to avoid hearing me say, but I met her lips with my own and allowed my girl to thank me.
Our kiss was really sweet, like all of our kisses. But it was also fevered in a way that we had never really shared up until that point, as well. I was Mercedes first real kiss…I knew that without her even having to tell me. But she was a quick learner and trusted me never to push her too fast. We were comfortable showing affection like this, and I'd been slowly becoming addicted to the feel and taste of her mouth on mine for awhile now. I never even contemplated going anything other than slow. I just never wanted her to feel pressure from me. Like I said though, this kiss was different.
Mercedes clutched at my shirt and pulled me even closer to her body. I felt her warmth, felt her heart beating against my chest. Our faces were pressed together close enough for me to feel the tears on her face. Her eyelashes fluttered against mine. Instead of pecking my lips, she licked and sucked them. Her eyes were closed. Instead of responding to my tongue with hers, she found mine first. I heard Mercedes whimper, felt her chest heave against my own. She poured all of her affection for me into this kiss and I never wanted to let her go. But I had to.
I wrenched my mouth off of hers and blurted out, "I wanted you to have this before I left today. I wanted you to know how I feel, just in case there's a part of you that wants to be okay with never seeing me again. I want you to know, Miz Mercedes Jones, that I don't think I will ever love anybody the way I love you and I need you to remember that every time you wear this necklace. I hope you wear it every day..."
By this time tears were streaming down my own face. But my words were coming a lot easier.
"I know that when I told you I was moving to Kentucky and we decided that we had to break up…" a solitary tear fell from my eye, because I hadn't wanted that to happen at all. "…we promised not to talk about it again until we said goodbye."
I choked up a little, here.
"And I get why you wanted to keep that…sad…thing out of the last two weeks we had together."
I looked deep into her eyes and stated, "But I need you to know that I don't think I'll ever be able to say goodbye to you. Not really…I just..."
I took another deep breath.
"…I need you to know that what we have isn't ending. You need to understand that I don't have to be in Lima to love you. So I'm breaking my promise…"
Mercedes sniffed against my chest, she heaved as loud sobs wracked her body, and I held her, crying my own sad tears. Again, my girl whimpered, and I wanted to comfort her as much as I could. So I lay down on the bed and wrapped both my arms around her. I held her as she cried, wiped her tears. She kissed my fingertips and struggled to speak. I shushed her and held her quietly for a long, long time.
Eventually, Mercedes found her voice, and whispered, "But what if I never see you again? What if I spend the rest of my life hoping what you just said is the truth, but it never does? What if you and I never…"
"Shhhh…" I whispered against her neck. "…that'll never happen. I'd have to forget all about you for us to be strangers forever, and I can't. I'm not saying this to give you false hope, darlin'. I'm not trying to give you anymore heartache today…"
Mercedes let out another soft sob.
"...But one day, when the timing is right," I promised, "you and I will find each other again. And I swear to you, until that happens, you'll be in my heart and on my mind."
I stroked her cheek again and wiped away a few more tears.
"I need you to understand that as long as I know that, I can live with having to leave you right now. I'm not saying good bye to you..."
With my eyes, I pleaded with her to understand.
"...because it's not our time to say goodbye. Not yet. And I need you to truly get, that whatever we do over the next few months or years, whoever we learn to love in the meantime...or wherever life takes us separately…I know that we always have a shot at forever as long as you're in me and I'm in you."
Finally, I could see that Mercedes understood why I'd said all of this. I could tell the exact moment that she knew exactly what I was about to ask.
Out loud I wondered, "So am I?"
The nod Mercedes gave me as I hugged her close to me again was all the answer I needed…
