Chapter 1
It was the weekend before before Valentine's Day and Hogwarts was a flutter. Couples walked hand in hand smiling moonily at one another.
But not Hermione Granger. She sat on a stone window ledge pretending to read her notes for herbology but was instead covertly looking for someone very specific.
A tall, miserable someone.
And then all of a sudden as if he'd heard her unspoken desires, he came into view. Scowling at the students who happened to get in his way. Like Moses parting the sea, students moved away so that he could continue unencumbered. His strides were long and firm and his eyes never fell on any of them in particular. Instead his eyes were fixed in middle distance, his jaw clenched.
And as he strode towards her, Hermione felt her entire insides melt. Even now as she sat, looking through her hair at the other figures that walked by she couldn't help but internally admonish herself.
Really Hermione? Him? The man who mocked your teeth? The one who called you an insufferable know it all? Him?!
Yes. Him. Professor Snape. Ever since the incident at the Christmas party and the enchanted mistletoe, Hermione had been hard pressed to get that man out of her mind. And she had tried valiantly!
The day after the party she and the rest of the students had gone to their homes for Christmas break. She had been distracted by family visits, opening gifts and ice skating with her cousins to spare much thought for Snape and their 'incident'. If anything she was humiliated and wanted to push it from her mind.
Talking with her parents over hot cocoa late into the night about their work and her school most evenings kept her pleasantly tired and distracted. And so it wasn't until she was on the train ride back to Hogwarts a few weeks later that she first felt an icy finger of shame and trepidation slip down her spine.
She could still feel his lips on hers. Still feel the heat from his body as he held her in his arms. How would she look at him? How could she possibly face him after all this?
When it came time for her first class of the new year she was terrified. She made sure to sit at the very back of his classroom, praying that he didn't even notice she was taking his Advanced Potions class this term.
She was organizing her quills beside her textbook when the door to the classroom had burst open dramatically. He'd swanned into the room like some dark creature, his tone clipped and his form taut as he moved.
"I assume you've all read chapters one through five in preparation for your class today?" He said, scribbling something at the front of the class on the black board with some chalk.
"Yes sir," came the tentative chorus of voices from behind him. He still hadn't faced them, and now he did, his eyes scanning the room and falling on her face a fraction longer than the others. Hermione's stomach twisted painfully as she waited for him to say something, do something that would humiliate her. Instead his eyes slid past her face and back to the rest of the class.
"Then begin on the lesson I've written. Any student caught talking with lose House Points."
And with that he had watched them prepare for today's lesson. First they'd all rushed to the ingredient stores to get the necessary supplies. Then, following the instructions on the board they got to creating. All the while he said nothing, merely walking the aisles and peering into the occasional cauldron. He didn't even slow as he approached her, choosing to look at her neighbors simmering cauldron instead.
To her complete surprise, it had turned out that all her panic had been for nothing. The rest of the class had gone on as if not a thing had happened between them. In fact it was as if she had imagined the entire thing and a very paranoid part of her wondered if this was actually the case.
A large part of her wondered if she'd actually dreamed the entire night up until she got a note halfway through her holidays. It was from Ginny saying that she had to suffer through an entire week of Ron and Candace making soppy faces at one another and that it was even worse than when they were at the Christmas dance.
Now two months later and Hermione was completely at a loss. She knew that this crush was idiotic. A sure effect from what had occurred under the mistletoe. Take one sexually repressed young woman add in a dash of mysterious authority figure sprinkle in some enchanted mistletoe and of course it would end in such!
The only problem was that as much as she told herself that this was a stupid crush and that she needed to move on instantly, she couldn't. She had turned into a veritable stalker – hanging about in corridors she knew he patrolled, going to breakfast early because she knew he ate earlier than the majority of the other professors. She was obsessed and she knew it.
She'd tried to overcome it though with a hastily agreed to date with Theodore Nott of all people! He'd taken her to Hogsmeade for a walk and drinks. He spoke of what future career he hoped to have and asked Hermione all the kinds of questions she would have normally loved. He was sweet and attentive and respectful.
And she'd thought of nothing but Snape.
She felt so badly for her secret distraction that she'd insisted on paying for everything –even Theodore's second drink. He'd been so taken with her than evening that he'd insisted on taking her out again. She'd agreed to it and given him a small kiss before she'd come back to her dorms, thrown herself onto her bed and fallen into a fitful sleep.
She couldn't confide in anyone about this - Ginny was sure to tell Harry or worse she would laugh in her face! And so she carried this crush like a horrible secret shame.
And now as Snape moved past her perched on the window ledge, completely unaware of her secret watching, she felt her longing magnified. She silently willed him to meet her gaze even though she knew that if he did she would be mortified. Still, the thought thrilled her.
Look at me look at me look at me.
She needed his acknowledgement. Craved it. It hadn't just been her who had been so affected was it? He moved down the corridor and turned, out of her view and this allowed her heartbeat to resume its normal pace.
Almost unbidden thoughts came to her of Snape's mouth, and hands all over her body. But instead of pulling away, he was whispering filthy things in her ears and insisting she follow him to the dungeons.
"Hermione?"
At the sound of her name Hermione nearly fell off the ledge of the window, giving a small yelp and dropping her books. She turned to see Ginny looking at her with a strange look on her face.
"Wool gathering?"
"Just thinking," Hermione muttered, leaning down and picking her books back up.
"About someone special I think?"
Hermione immediately blanched. How had Ginny known she was fantasizing about Snape? Was it that obvious?
"What?"
"Theodore?" Ginny said with a playful nudge. "I'd know a look of fantasy when I see it."
Hermione smiled but inwardly groaned. Poor Theordore Nott. Not only was she completely besotted with Snape, but worse yet, she had been out with Theodore Nott seven times since then in some misguided way of forcing Snape out of her mind! Not much good it had done. His wet kisses and awkward fumblings had been tolerable at best. And now he had said he wanted to do something special for her this Valentine's Day.
"Are you excited?" Ginny gushed, her own eyes alight. "Theodore is taking you to dinner isn't he? At that fancy Muggle place you love?"
"Yes, right," Hermione said, trying not to look to unimpressed.
"What are you going to wear?"
Hermione shifted the books in her arms, surprised at the question. She motioned to her school clothes absently. "This I suppose."
Ginny's face dropped dramatically as she surveyed her friend's dowdy robes and frizzy hair.
"Hermione," she said in a serious tone. "You are not losing your virginity in your school robes. It's Valentine's Day for Merlin's sake!"
Valentine's Day. Or rather, the evening would be Hermione's chance to throw away this useless virginity that hung over her head like a pall. She was nineteen, almost twenty and she needed to just do it. She had always planned on doing with Ron on their wedding night.
She knew it had been a fool's errand, but her romanticized version of their relationship hadn't stopped her ridiculous fantasy. Theodore was nice and kind and why shouldn't she lose her virginity to him? A part of her wondered if she wasn't doing this as some way to assuage her guilt at unintentionally using him.
But Ginny was sitting there, looking at Hermione as if she'd grown another head at her suggestion of garment. Hermione knew she wasn't the pinnacle of fashion, but did Ginny really need to look at her like that?
"Fine," Hermione said with a sigh. "What do you propose I wear?"
Ginny smiled widely. "I thought you'd never ask."
