Twilight isn't mine. Thank you Lillie Cullen.

***

So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?

Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.

***

She laid there burning, screaming and begging me to make it stop. Carlisle and Alice encouraged me to try and suck out the venom. I was in such agony. I didn't know if I could do it. I doubted that I had the willpower to stop it if I began.

But, I loved her and I had to try. I remembered the feeling, the burn, all too clearly and I would have given my life to make her pain stop. I had to save her from becoming damned as I.

I grabbed her hand and drew it to my mouth. I started the process of withdrawing the venom. She had a strong morphine taste from the med's Carlisle had given her.

I can do this. The more I took from her, the sweeter it tasted. The smell alone became intoxicating and I found myself unable to process anything but the motion. Pull and swallow. Pull and swallow.

My entire body began to tingle, my brain was swimming in joy. I had never felt as euphoric in all my years. I had never known such peace existed.

Then it was gone.

I open my drowsy eyes to see my brother, Emmett, roaring in my face. I couldn't process what he was saying as I was still reveling in my haze. Suddenly, the fog lifted.

"What the hell Edward?" he screamed at me. In a flash he was back across the floor to where my family was crowded on the ground. I began to move towards them to see what was drawing their attention. I was stopped dead in my tracks by Alice.

"You need to leave. Get some fresh air and clear you head."

I was confused until I looked behind them.

Bella. My Bella. She was on the floor and there was blood everywhere. My heart dropped in my chest. Oh my God! What had I done?

I tried to listen for her. There was so much commotion that I couldn't detect the sound that had both haunted yet soothed me for months. Her heart.

"Oh please....oh please......Oh God! Alice! Tell me she is alive. Tell me she is okay," I demanded. I fell to my knees under the weight of my guilt.

Understanding flashed upon her face. "She is, Edward. She is unconscious and we need to get her to the hospital immediately. You can come later. Right now, you need to go. We have to move her and you can't be here."

I turned to leave and paused. "Bella," I screamed. "I love you! I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

My family just stared at me. Some with sympathy and some with disgust. So I ran. I ran as fast as my feet would carry me. My Bella. My love. I ran to the desert and killed the first thing I found; a coyote. It wasn't nearly the same so I sat down to ponder. What happened? I tasted human blood before and I knew the feelings that followed. I was pleasure with a touch of remorse. At least for me it was. But this! This was something I had never even dreamed before. This was better that ever imagined. This was liquid heaven.

What! What the hell was the matter with me? She was my entire world and I was thinking about how good it felt to almost kill her. I had to go see her. I had to profess my love and beg for forgiveness and apologize for being me. I always knew she was in danger being around us. We were monsters. I am a monster.

I ran like the devil, himself, was on my heels all the way back to the hospital. Carlisle was there when I got to her room. She was still unconscious so I moved to her and took her hand.

You saved her Edward. Alice has seen it and she will live.

"I don't remember anything but a peaceful feeling that overtook my consciousness. It was different than anything I have ever experienced. What happened?"

"I don't know son. I should have considered how long you have been on our diet. It had been so long since you had a human,"

No, that wasn't it. I could clearly remember every single time I had changed my diet and this was definitely not the same. But how do you tell someone that? Someone who had nothing to compare it to? "Maybe you are right," I lied.

"I am going to check to see if her family has arrived yet. Alice called them. I will be back later to check on you both. Please remember, Edward, that the most important thing here is that you stopped and she lived."

"I had to be thrown across the room Carlisle!"

"I believe that you would have stopped. However, Emmett wasn't waiting around to be certain. He did what he felt necessary."

"Thank God he did. I don't know what would have happened otherwise."

"You would have found a way to control yourself. I believe that." With that, he walked out of the room. He has such faith in all of us. Such undeserved faith.

I sat and looked at her. She was broken. Her leg. Her ribs. Even her skull. There were bruises everywhere. They had given her blood transfusions which caused an odd smell about her. Even with all that had been done, she was still beautiful.

For the next few hours I sat there unable to move from her side. Her nurses and doctors came and went. Her family was there as well. They were grateful we were there to help her when she fell. If they only knew.

I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. That is what good human boyfriends did when they stayed by their girlfriend's hospital bed. I heard Renee talking to her, coaxing her to wake up.

Her scent had improved since the transfusion. It began to smell like her blood again, started to call to me again. I could tell she was beginning to heal. As I sat, I became nervous. I told myself she was fine, there was no need to worry. Then the nervousness deepened. I was feeling clammy and chilled. There was something very wrong. I had not in almost 90 years felt this way. I began to shake.

I'm sick. My kind can't even get sick, I didn't think. Had I caught some strange nomad vampire disease from James?

My eyes shot open and I looked at my angel lying in that bed and all I could think about was I wish I could have just one more taste.

I had to get the hell out of there. Immediately. I needed to hunt. I practically ran out the door. I heard Renee calling my name but I was too far gone. I passed Carlisle. Edward, what's wrong? I kept on moving. I reached the stairs and I leapt down them as fast as possible and out the hospital doors. I found myself once again running. I ran until I got to the Hassayampa River Preserve. Thank God this desert has some wildlife. I found a suitable meal and drank it down. I found another. Then another. I was feeling gluttonous and my mind cleared as I headed back to the hospital.

This continued off and on for the next few days. I was beginning to feel as though I was losing my sanity. Family came and went. I sat and watched machines work and the staff move around. I ran. I fed. I shook. What was this? My thoughts were all over the place.

I was so relieved when she finally woke up. Bella assured me that she still wanted me. She still loved me and was somehow thankful for her blood thirsty boyfriend.

"Edward, are you okay? You look like hell. I'll tell you that is really saying something since I am the one lying in the hospital bed." She smiled her breathtaking smile at me with a look of concern in her eyes.

"I'm fine love. Just worried about you, that's all." I looked down and my legs were shaking again. I rubbed my hands briskly on my thighs and tried to shake it off.

"You look like my friend John did before his folks sent him to rehab two years ago. You're not secretly doing drugs behind my back are you?" She laughed. Only she could make jokes with tubes inserted all over her body.

"Oh darling, you know my only addiction is you." I gave her the best crooked smile I could muster up to ease her concern.

Oh-my-dear-Lord! Wait a minute. I had felt strange ever since I tasted her sweet, sweet blood. The feeling of it running down my throat. Coating my aching insides. Soothing my soul. Consuming my thoughts. Stop it Cullen! Don't think about it. But wouldn't it had been amazing to have that feeling just one more time.

"Um, Edward. What are you doing?"

Broken out of my trance I looked down and saw that I was inches away from the bandage on her arm. Ohh, I was smelling her wondrous scent.

Oh Christ in heaven……..I was addicted to Bella Swan. In the truest form of the word. Like a junkie in a section eight housing project, I was craving her like a drug.

BPOV

"Bella, I was just wondering if I can check out how you are healing……" Edward said to me as he was leaning over me. Was he sniffing me?

"Edward. I have how many doctors? Not to mention Carlisle constantly checking to make sure I am fine. There isn't a need to put yourself though that." I knew how difficult a time he had whenever I happen to injure myself.

He looked different than I had ever seen him. He was still gorgeous but he looked pained. Shaky and sweaty, if that was possible. I was only half kidding when I told him he looked like John. I was not even sure what he was hooked on, but the rumors at school were terrible. His parents swept him off to Promises and that was the last I heard of John.

"Bella it's okay. I just want to make sure they're taking proper care of you, dear. You do know I have been to medical school. I probably know more than these doctors do."

Well, that makes sense. I knew how overly concerned he could be with me. He was always worried.

"Whatever makes you feel better Edward."

Without another word he removed one of my bandages. He stopped and just stared. He looked entranced. I thought he was simply adjusting to my scent being stronger from taking the coverings off. He raised my arm, and then he did something I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined.

He licked my wound. Like a dog would.

My mouth dropped and I was just about to ask him what the hell he was doing when Alice danced at the door.

"Edward, I need to speak to you please." She looked anxious. More hyper than usual, if that was possible. I could tell she was saying something to Edward through their own little means of communicating. He shook his head and she said "Now. Please," in her firmest tone of voice.

"Alice what's wrong? Is everyone okay?" She glided over to the bedside and kissed my forehead. "Of course silly, everything's fine. I just need to talk to Edward and I thought I saw Charlie coming down the hallway. We'll be back soon."

She yanked the bandage out of Edward's hand and replaced it on my arm. She took his hand and began to lead him out of my room. "Edward, well?"

He stopped. "Well what, Bella?"

"You were checking to see if the big bad doctors here are good enough." I said to him, trying to lighten the obviously tense mood.

"Oh, yeah Bella. You are healing tasty…I mean nicely." Alice dragged him out forcefully.

Huh? What is going on? Did he just say tasty? He used to run if I pricked my finger. Now he was licking me. I was just about to call after them when Charlie walked in.

EPOV

"What is it Alice?" Since she could see the future and I could hear her thoughts, I already had a pretty good idea what this was about. I played dumb.

"What exactly were you doing to Bella? Do you think she is lollipop? Your little treat you can take a lick at now and then?" Her hands were on her hips and her Jimmy Choo's were tapping.

"I don't know what you're talking about Alice. I was simply checking to make sure all the drugs were out of her system." I thought they almost were. She tasted fabulous. Just a little more and she should be squeaky clean.

"Edward, do you think I'm an idiot? I saw what you were doing. You were sniffing out the wound that was still oozing. You know that when we were there, at the studio, it wasn't certain you were gonna stop. You were moaning and grunting like some kind of a retard. I mean seriously, I know I don't know what that's like, but this is my sister and you love her and that was sick. What happened?"

"I don't know Alice. I was just trying to get the venom out and then my mind clouded, my body tingled. I was euphoric. The best feeling I have ever had. I think orgasmic." I said this all the while looking down because I didn't know how to say it. Not to Alice. Not about my Bella.

She started laughing. I was telling her one of my hardest confessions of my long existence and she was laughing. "Edward, seriously…….orgasmic? You're sure? Now I know you are not serious. You've never had an orgasmic experience in you life. Trust me, I would know. Bella is untouched, much to her disapproval. Seeing it in other people's thoughts is not the same thing. Nope, try again."

"Well, I don't know any other way to describe it. It doesn't just quench my thirst, it quenches my soul, my very being. It makes me feel almost alive again."

Oh Edward. You're being serious. "What are you gonna do? This does not sound like normal cravings. This sounds slightly unhealthy."

"Geeze, do you think Alice? Bella said I looked like a junkie friend of hers who got shipped away. I think about tasting her. Not draining her. How screwed up is that?" The more I thought about it, the more it's ALL I could think about.

"Alice, do you see me killing her tonight?" No. "Do you see me causing her any harm?" No. "Okay, good. Then this conversation is over. My girlfriend is in the next room, battered and broken and I would much rather be in there with her than out here having this conversation with you."

I turned on my heel and walked away. Leaving my sister speechless for probably the first time in a decade.

I returned to Bella's room just as Charlie was going to talk to the doctor. He informed me that they were going to discuss Bella's release from the hospital. She would be going back home soon. Back to Forks.