Lucy in Narmia

When it all started, we were just playing a innocent game of hide and seek in the big house. Lucy thought she'd pull a prank and went for a mind-blowing adventure in some fantastic neverland the rest of us had never heard of before—"Narlia"—or some other such nonsense. I still remember how precious she was, trying to describe to us the outlandish pipe dream of hers. Her cheeks got florrid and she looked all worried when we started laughing at her. I told Pete he'd better take a blood draw on her and test it for drugs with his Jr. chemistry set, but he reminded me that Lucy'd used up the rest of his supplies, mixing magic "potions." We figured she'd developed some new psychedelic and were determined to discover her stash after that. The hide and seek game turned out to be just the excuse for doing it.

I caught her going through the wardrobe and ran after her so that I could laugh and ridicule. But she had somehow drugged the entire closet with her smoke. It swirled around my ears. I got a contact high and ended up in this weird place called Narvia, and there was this ugly, tall white woman who rode around in a sled with a gnome or something. The gnome was kind of burly, and kept shape-shifting into a elf. Then he would beat me with a club (or was it a whip?). Anyway, the whole thing was just hilariously stupid. I didn't dare admit I'd been in there with Lucy the next time we both talked with Pete and Sue. I think they knew something was up, but I kept up the lie and wouldn't let on. Lucy got pretty upset about the whole thing. She'd lost all face, you know? And she was really bad off for the trips, too, and seemed completely convinced that Nargia was real.

Well, the day came when we all went through the wardrobe together. Don't ask me why, but I went along. Maybe I figured, hey what could it hurt with Pete and Sue in there with us? Well, was I ever wrong! We all got buzzed with Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

So, here we were. Narmia. It was cold again and everyone got mad at me, like it was my fault or something. That bothered me quite a little bit. I mean, it was, after all, Lucy's shenanigans that landed us here in the first place. But they picked on me and Pete threatened to hold me down and let Lucy wash my face with snow. When Susan pulled him off me, I just made up my mind to ditch the three amigos next chance I got. That moment came sooner than I expected.

I was still stewing when some Beavers found us and brought us to their lodge. Yeah, that's right, furry, bucktoothed beavers! As crazy as I sound saying it, I'm just going to get it over with and tell you plain. It wasn't long before the beavers took up picking on me too, can you believe it? So I took off. I just started walking as soon as no one was looking. I'd find my own way back to the ward robe and lock the door on them. "Ha ha, have a bad trip, guys!" I was on my way back there to do just that when I thought I heard sleigh bells....