Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X/X-2 (I have the games and the OST, but that's about it!) or any of the characters therein. They are owned by Square and others affiliated with it. This fan fiction is solely for the entertainment of the readers and to exercise my writing ability.
A/N: During my work and planning on my latest story, I got a little idea for this story. It is very deeply inspired by Evanescence's My Immortal, the demo version (that's important because the lyrics are slightly different than the album cut!), so if you would like to get into the mood for this story, I suggest listening to it. -Smiles-
It's a short one, but I was compelled to write it while working on my other story.
I will admit this is a bit sad and I cried while writing it! So if you need to, you might wanna grab a few tissues! Rikku may also be out of character.
This story is an Aurikku so if you don't like the pairing please leave! You have been warned! This story also carries ending spoilers! So if you plan on playing the game and haven't already ya might wanna go away!
This part occurs between the defeat of Sin and the problems with Vegnagun.
PS: The original story has some of the lyrics from the song in it. If you want to see that version just click on the link in my profile and visit the blog titled Haunting Me. The whole song was not used in the story, just part of it.
Chaper One - Saying Goodbye
After their final bout with Sin and Yuna's speech, the broken party had decided to return home. Kimahri left for Gagazet after his goodbye. Lulu, Wakka, and Yuna returned to Besaid. Rikku, on the other hand, didn't want to return to Bikanel and the wasteland she once called Home. At least not until she could clear her head. Yuna was happy to accept Rikku into her home. Truth be told, she could use the company.
Rikku found herself unable to fully recover from the wound that cut deep into her heart. Every where she looked and every time she saw her friends' faces she saw him. And, oh, how it hurt.
Even so, she was still there for Yuna when she needed her. Yuna was hurting too and Rikku wanted to do all she could for her beloved cousin. She made it her duty to try and take Yuna's mind off of Tidus. She smiled, she told jokes, she held her cousin when she cried, even when she was dying inside, but sometimes even the strong ones had their limits and Rikku was no exception. Those were the times she found herself where she was at that moment.
She stood barefooted and ankle deep in the water at the beach Wakka and the Aurochs often trained at. The beach had been empty when she came to get away before she broke and for that she was grateful.
She stared out at the water that stretched on for what seemed like forever. These were the moments she let herself think about him, grieve for him. Her heart ached so bad she thought it would stop beating and break in two. Even still, she allowed herself to remember because she never wanted to forget him.
She'd watched the man she respected, the man she'd fought with, fought for, the man she loved… disappear in thousands of beautiful colored lights. Watched as they raced across the sky and away from her toward the Farplane. Toward the rest he'd been wishing for, for ten years now. And with them they'd taken a piece of her.
To make it that much worse, one of her best friends and the boy her cousin loved, disappeared right after. Both departures had stung like the stinger of a wasp. Only his hurt so much worse than Tidus' had. Yuna had one more chance to say how she felt, one more chance to say goodbye.
Rikku never got to say goodbye. She never got the chance to tell him how she'd felt for so long. She never got the chance to see if he'd even felt the same. However, instead of crying in front of the others, she had held all of her pain inside because she knew Yuna would need her. She had to be strong and comfort her cousin instead of grieving.
Now, while no one was watching, she let that pain go. She closed her eyes and let the tears come. She called up memories from the pilgrimage. She remembered the sound of his voice and how she'd felt the first time she looked up into his face. She recalled watching him in battle when she was told to wait on the sidelines. His movements were fluid and powerful, yet graceful, despite his large, heavy weapon.
She called upon the memory of the time she'd finally made him truly laugh and how it made her feel to know she caused such a reaction in him. It was one she treasured above all others. He'd actually laughed and smiled and it was all because of her.
"Rikku…," a gruff voice fell over her ears as she felt a hand rest on her shoulder. She opened her eyes with a start and turned around in surprise, but to her devastation, no one was there. At this realization, she fell to her knees in the water, small waves breaking against her legs, and covered her face with her hands as she sobbed.
"Why? Why do you torment me like this? You're dead, but you continue to haunt me," she cried out through the sobs that wracked her small frame.
"Rikku? Is that you?" Yuna's voice called. Rikku couldn't answer; she couldn't even pretend to be happy if she wanted to. She heard her cousin come through the brush before stepping onto the sand. She didn't turn to her as she tried to compose herself.
"I've been looking all over for you, Rikku!" She paused as she came closer, "Rikku! What on Spira is the matter?!" Yuna rushed forward to comfort her distraught cousin.
"I'm sorry I worried you, Yunie." Rikku hiccupped in response, "I had to get away." Yuna knelt beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"What's wrong, Rikku? Why are you crying like the world has ended?" She asked, concerned. The tears began to fall again. She gave a half hearted laugh at herself.
"Promise you won't laugh?" she asked quietly. Yuna gave her a stern look.
"Rikku, here you are falling to pieces on me and you think I'm going to laugh at the reason? You know me better than that!" she replied. Rikku nodded.
"I… I fell in love w-with someone when I was guarding you on the pilgrimage. I don't know how it happened. It just did. And when he died… I lost a little part of me. Now I see him everywhere I look and it's driving me crazy!" she answered. Yuna took in everything she said with a guilty look on her face.
"I'm so sorry, Rikku! I was so busy with my own grief I didn't notice you were hurting too!" she threw her arms around Rikku. Rikku shook her head.
"It's not your fault, Yunie. I tried to hide it because you needed me to be strong for you," she replied.
"If you were hurting, you should have told me!" Yuna scolded. Rikku gave her a weak smile, wiping at the tears on her face.
"I'm sorry, Yunie. I guess admitting it to someone else makes it more real and I want it all to be a terrible dream. I want to wake up and find that he's still here beside me, but I know it just doesn't work that way," another tear trailed down her face. Yuna watched her with her bi-colored eyes.
"Do you mind telling me who it was?" she asked softly. Rikku looked at her with her sad, green eyes. She knew the moment his name was said it would become real. Someone would know her secret and it would make the fact that he was gone even harder.
"Tall, red, and Mr. Meanie," Rikku sniffled, looking away. She hid a small smile at the nick name she had given him. She heard her cousin make a small gasp.
"You mean, S-sir Auron…?" she asked, unsure. Rikku could only nod as she closed her eyes.
"Oh, Rikku." Yuna breathed, "I… I had no idea." Rikku began to cry again. Over come with emotion, she threw herself into Yuna's arms.
"Yunie, I never got to say goodbye! I never got to tell him how I feel. He… he just up and disappeared! He had no idea what he was doing to my heart when he left!" she cried. Yuna rubbed her back with some understanding.
"Now it's too late and it hurts so bad," she said softly.
"I can't believe you were holding all this in, Rikku." Yuna replied, "I, um, I have an idea, Rikku. If you will listen to it." Rikku nodded.
"Okay, I'll listen," she said, voice wavering. Yuna ran a comforting hand over Rikku's blonde head.
"You might not like what I have to say, but please think about it." Yuna said, "You want to say goodbye, right?" Rikku nodded.
"I know you don't like the Farplane and you want to keep your memories inside, but maybe seeing him will help you feel better. I know it'd just be your memory of him, but maybe you could say goodbye that way. It's better than nothing and I can go with you if you want to go," she finished and waited for an answer. Rikku sniffled and moved to wipe her face.
"I… I don't know. It's not exactly my favorite place on Spira. Plus the Guado…," Rikku trailed off.
"I'll deal with the Guado if you want to go," Yuna replied. Rikku nodded.
"I'll think about it," she said. Yuna gave a small smile.
"Let's go home and get you cleaned up," she replied, helping the younger girl to her feet. They walked back home, Rikku's heart feeling both lighter and heavier. Lighter that she told someone, but heavier because this meant that it wasn't all just a dream.
The thought ran around her head for days. She fought with herself on several occasions. She thought of the pros and cons of going or staying. She found herself sitting on a rock out cropping just above the water while she thought.
Auron, I know you said we can't search the past for the future, but I think this time you'll understand. She thought back to the day they were at the Farplane. She thought about how full of pain he had been and a tear slid down her cheek.
When she closed her eyes, she saw an image of his face behind her eyelids. She saw it contort in pain as he slashed through the ghost of his younger self kneeling in defeat on the floor of the holy city's ruins.
She began to cry again, her hands covering her face. A gentle wind blew passed her.
"Don't cry for me, Rikku…," his voice filled her ears and again she looked around, searching for him. Of course, he wasn't there. He couldn't be, he was dead. This made her cry even more.
"Not only am I seeing you everywhere I go, I can hear your voice, too. This isn't easy for me, you know?" she whispered.
She looked up at the sky and saw something floating on the wind. She rubbed her tears away and looked at the object again. She gave a soft smile and jumped up, getting an idea. She ran all the way back to Yuna's house and began to work.
It was a few days later when Rikku found herself outside of the entrance to the Farplane. She was incredibly nervous. Not only because of why she was there, but because of the Farplane itself. It was something she didn't understand and she didn't like that. So to say she was scared was a bit of an understatement. She looked at Yuna who, like she promised, was standing right beside her.
"Are you sure?" she asked. Yuna nodded and smiled.
"Yes, Rikku. It's safe. Just go through. I'll be right behind you," she answered. Rikku looked back at the barrier, unsure, but got up the courage to step through. She felt like she was trying to move through cool water, only she didn't get wet. When she got through to the other side, the sight before her both surprised and awed her.
The pyreflies hummed their sad song above them and a soft breeze blew across the clouds around them and the flowers below the stone platform floating high above. The sound of rushing water came from the distance and a strange, blue moon hung in the air beyond. The breeze danced around her and she forgot her fear for the moment.
"It's beautiful," she breathed, stepping further into the Farplane. To her relief, she and Yuna were the only ones present.
"Isn't it?" Yuna replied, looking at her cousin, "I'll be waiting over there. All you have to do is think about him and he'll appear." Rikku nodded, suddenly nervous. Yuna walked away as Rikku walked toward the edge of the platform. She looked out at the scenery, suddenly afraid of seeing him, even if it was only his image.
She knelt down and sat on her feet, clutching what she'd brought with her in her hands. She closed her eyes tightly and thought about his face. The image she chose to concentrate on was from when he was looking at her the first time they met. She smiled sadly at the memory.
She'd been so afraid he wouldn't let her join because she was an Al Bhed. When he asked to see her face she'd closed her eyes and turned it upward. Apparently, he didn't find that very amusing because he told her to open her eyes and she did so, slowly. He'd been so close to him she could smell him. Leather, trees, and dying leaves. He'd smelt… good.
She smiled again before opening her eyes. She jumped, her eyes wide, when she saw his image floating in front of her. He stood there, just as she had remembered him. Red coat, cowl, sunglasses and all. She could tell he had a smirk on his face behind the cowl. The only thing missing was his sword slung over his right shoulder.
"Oh, Auron," she said breathlessly. She felt a stab of pain as she looked at him. She reached a hand out to touch him, but it passed right through his form. Tears stung her eyes.
He's so close and I can't even touch him! This place is so cruel. Her mind cried. Looking at him floating there tore her heart to pieces. She began to cry silently as she studied his face, forever frozen in that smirk. Her eyes trailed the old scar that marred the right side of his face and rendered his eye useless. She remembered tracing that scar with her fingers once. She also remembered the sharp reprimand that followed, but to her it had been worth it. She committed every aching detail of him to memory before standing. She took in a breath, not bothering to wipe away her tears.
"Auron, I came to tell you that… I love you and… that this is goodbye," she whispered. His image slowly faded as she held up the balloon in her hand. Tide to its yellow string was a piece of rolled paper. It was red in color, just like his coat. She kissed the balloon and looked up.
Please, carry it to him. I may never know what happens, but I just want him to have this. She thought. With that, she let the balloon go. She watched it soar up into the air and disappear behind a cloud.
A gust of wind swirled around her and she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her from behind. When she looked, she found that no one was there. However, she couldn't help but feel comforted in knowing that he might have heard her.
Auron,
I know you said that we shouldn't look to the past to find the future, but sometimes I can't help it.
I don't think you realize this, but when you left us you took a part of me with you. And now the sun doesn't seem so bright anymore. I'm so cold and alone. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night because I know you'll be there in my dreams, haunting me.
On the pilgrimage, somewhere between making friends, trying to save Yunie, and being the cheerful Al Bhed thief, I fell in love. It tears me up inside to know I never got a chance to tell you, you know?
It also hurts because I never got to say goodbye. It all happened so fast. You were walking away, pyreflies floating off into the sky, and then suddenly you were gone and that was it.
This letter, I wanted to use it to say goodbye to you and tell you what I've wanted to say for so long.
Auron, I love you and I wish with all my heart that I can see you again one day.
Until then, I will wait and live, for you.
I will always love you, Auron.
Love,
Rikku
A/N: -Smiles- Please tell me what you think! I hope you liked it! This is my try at an Aurikku! Thanks for reading!
