Chapter one: Breathe

Severus hated the silence. This may seem ironic for the man who is so strict and controlled in everything, to hate silence, and truth be told he didn't. When it's raining outside and he is sitting by the fire, reading an intriguing book and sipping on a nice cup of tea, he basked in it. However, this, this hollow hole in his surroundings, this suffocating pain of those around him, the empty silence of the house that seemed to know its master was dead- that was the silence he hated. Merlin, he'd despised the man and yet he almost wished he would walk through that door, set off the blasted portrait's vulgar mouth, and grin at everyone just to get rid of this melancholy blanket smothering them all.

He walked through the empty rooms with his soft finesse, trying to shake himself out of it. It was just he and the wolf, the wolf who had been locked in his room for the past week. That bothered him too. He hadn't pegged Lupin as one to run away from his problems. He'd fought tooth and nail to get guardianship of Potter after Black was taken to prison, but in the end accepted that Dumbledore knew best. Severus was disappointed and couldn't help but glance at the other man's door.

He didn't understand why he was here with Lupin. He was more than happy to continue his summer regiment in the potions lab of Hogwarts, but the Headmaster had insisted with that damnable twinkle in his eyes. So, he was here. Just here. Even he felt the mutt's absence. Severus tried reading his book, but after staying on the same page for an hour, he closed it to wander some more. He paced the library, the halls, the den. He splashed cold water on his face for no reason other than maybe it would get him out of this funk of his. He tried to brew a simple Pepper-Up potion and melted his first cauldron since his fourth year at Hogwarts when Black had thrown a firework into his Befuddlement Draught. In a huff of defeat, Severus absconded to his room to sulk. Or rather, the house was sulking and he was merely humoring it with company.

Remus hated the noise. The noise of everyone chattering away about anything and everything to keep from talking about what was actually on their minds. It was a far cry from the laughter and joy they had all expressed in some form last summer; the twins with their pranks, Hermione with her lecturing about summer reading, even Snape with his brooding. He recounted the moments with Sirius where they watched their friends' son with his friends and the warmth that flooded the entire house. Now it was all gone.

He knew he was being a coward by hiding. But he wasn't just hiding from them. He was hiding from himself. He had hardly slept a few hours since it happened, but each time replayed his best friends handsome face stuck forever in disbelief, falling backwards into the Veil. Even dead he was graceful.

Remus had tried to stop him, begged him to stay behind while they went to rescue Harry and his friends, but he failed even at that. Why couldn't Sirius just listen to him for once? Now he would never get another chance to. Without warning, Remus picked up another picture frame and threw it hard against the wall, taking momentary satisfaction at watching it shatter. Then his heart sank and he scrambled over to retrieve the picture. It was one of the last to be taken of James and Lily. Peter had told them he was with his family, though Remus knew now that was a lie. It was just he, Sirius, James, Lily, and baby Harry; a month before Halloween. He looked down at all of the photos inhabitants smiling up at him. Remus hated this.

He went to push himself off of the floor and gasped through his teeth at a pain in the heel of his hand. Remus turned his hand around and looked at the rather long piece of glass that had imbedded itself into his palm, but didn't pull it out. He watched a thin stream of blood run down his wrist, the droplets coming out of the small wound having an odd calming effect on him. He gave it a small quirk of a smile and breathed normally again.