Hello once again! I'm back with more TMNT brotherly goodness!

So this will be a five chapter little project that I think works well as a good character study. After seeing a little bit of almost every TMNT (exception being the newest movie), I decided to write in each of the Hamato family's point of view on something they deal with everyday- pain and hurt. I'm not sure what possessed me to write this but hey, it never hurts!

Here we go! I own nothing; Ninja Turtles go to their owners. Please enjoy!


Hurt

Chapter 1: Leonardo Hamato

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be the eldest, the responsible one, but of more than just your brother's personal items and making sure they play nice? How about their very lives, making sure they come back alive and nothing more that a few bumps and bruises? How about making sure they aren't mentally scarred by what we are forced to see each and every day?

How about being forced to hide your own emotions, keeping them locked in a chest until it gets to a point when that chest will explode and you don't know who to turn to or where to go?

How about wanting to kill yourself just to make your own heartache stop?

What do I think it means to hurt... my brother asked me that one night. One dangerous, horrifying, painful night.

I came so close to losing one of my own that night, and I took the time not to meditate and be alone, but to sit with him and really think about his question.

What does it mean to be hurt?

To me, it means failure. It means failing to keep them away from those who want to break them, from keeping curiosity in line and bringing them all home safe and sound. My father, our sensei, entrusted me with their very lives, and I came so close to losing my brother. He was hurting physically that but I was hurting far past that.

I was hurting everywhere. Physically naturally, but... mentally. Seeing him in blood, watching him struggle to breathe, watching our family tearing apart. Spiritually, I felt so disconnected from everything around me. I couldn't resonate with my inner being, with my surroundings, with anything.

All I resonated with was his pain as he cried out in agony that night.

To me, hurt describes the terror of watching him fight to survive everyday. Knowing he is a rare breed, the last of our kind, one of us, our strongest unit. Watching his stubborn exterior give in to his terrified interior, looking to me to give him the strength he is slowly losing himself, that I barely have but I must give to him anyway.

Hearing his cries over and over, trying to fight my own urge to cry with him, instead forcing myself to speak a mantra, telling him he's gonna be alright, to keep fighting.

To me, hurting is taking away the only thing I can protect. Taking away the only set of brothers I have always and forever will ever know, ending their lives before it ever started, having me become angry and displaying hatred, screaming 'why' as if someone can hear me!

I don't like to think about what hurt means. I don't want to think past the physical, past what I am capable of actually feeling. I just want them to be safe.

But I painfully know that doesn't always happen. And my nightmares hurt me the most.

I become afraid that what I see in my mind will one day become reality and I would not be able to stop it from happening! Watching them die in arms... that kills me the most and it makes my chest tighten as I say it to him.

What does it mean to hurt... to be honest, they make me hurt. Everything about them, seeing them happy, seeing myself smiling with them as we spend time together, ignoring the cruel world outside as we enjoy each other's time inside, knowing it won't last forever and that I could lose them... that makes me scared.

That's what hurt means to me. I tell him that. He understands.

He knows they will always be my pain, and that I will always continue to hurt because of them.

Sometimes, I wish Raphael wouldn't be so perceptive.


And done! Yes, I said it- done!

Yes, when I said this would be short, I did kinda mean short. This really shouldn't be past 3k words, but we'll see. If you think I should make it longer chapter by chapter, please let me know. For now, I shall leave Leo as is.

Next is the stubborn brother Raphael.

Please let me know what you think- constructive reviews and anything tips and advice you wish to pass to me would be awesome! Nothing negative and no flames.

Until next chapter!