Guilt
"You can't help who you love, Katherine."
She had used him. She had used him over and over again. Since they had landed on this godforsaken island she had used him. She had needed him. No she still needed him. For real support, for real comfort she still looked to him. Jack.
And yet she couldn't understand it. She loved Sawyer. She loved him and he hurt her over and over again. Why was she stuck in this abusive cycle? She thought that once he opened up he would be different. But he was like Wayne. He only lived to survive. Never to love. Never to care. Only to use. He was like Wayne in so many ways that she would never truly understand it. But she knew that she and Wayne were alike in more ways than one as well.
She loved Sawyer right? Right? Then why did her heart break when Jack told her to not come back for him? Why did she feel an inexplicable connection to him? Why did she feel like crying whenever anything came between him? Why, when Juliet told her she had broken his heart did she feel like she was crumbling from the inside out? And when Juliet had stated all that she knew about Jack, she realized she didn't know anything about him and felt guilty. Why, when he pushed her aside for Juliet did she scream out in pain? She had hurt him, she had no right to feel so betrayed. She had chosen Sawyer. Right?
"Because I love you Kate…" Did he enjoy torturing her? But even as she thought that, she knew that it wasn't to taunt her, but rather to free himself. He was once again showing his selfless nature and she was once again seeing what she had given up. The person she had given up for Sawyer. Jack's love was unconditional. She knew that. But neither was he going to wait in misery for her. He was done with that; she could tell.
But now they were leaving. They would get rescued. What would any of this matter? Sawyer wouldn't stay with her. Or rather, he wouldn't stop her if she ran. Jack would. He would stop her and try and protect her. But she wasn't with Jack, she was with Sawyer. So what more was this than a short tryst of two scared people? She knew that with Sawyer that's all it was. With Jack it could have been so much more...
Even though she knew that Sawyer would only ever hurt her. Even though she knew that Jack would always care for her. Even though she knew all that….
"You can't help who you love, Katherine."
Disclaimer: Lines taken directly from the show are obviously not mine. All ABC's.
A/N: Please review if you liked it. I wrote this in 15 minutes after rewatching Season 3. Kate made me mad because of how she gets jealous about Jack and Juliet. She chose Sawyer and she needs to let Jack be now. She has NO right over him. Thanks for reading!
