Slow Dying Flower

Pain... like so many cool, steel blades being forced onto my being...

Being forced through pale skin...

Being forced to pierce through vulnerable flesh...

Forcing out the ruby drops that flow from within...

Pain... like so much hammering against my head....

Like so many blows raining down on my body...

Raining, like the wet drops that trickled down the window of my frost bitten cell...

Take a look at my body

Look at my hands

There's so much here that I don't understand....

It all hurt...  It all had hurt...  I told myself... that it will be okay...  That it was for my own good.

The pain was to teach me...

What did I know...?

Your face say these promises

Whispered like prayers

I don't need them...

When we were young, you promised.  You promised that we will never leave each others side... In all our innocence, we believed that we will conquer all...

Where are the promises now...?

Because I've been treated so wrong

I've been treated so long

As if I'm becoming untouchable

In all your own innocence, you closed your eyes to my beatings...  You only saw the bruises... the pain... the anguish...  Despite my impending doom, you stayed by me as others fled in my wake... 

Then you too changed...

Well content loves the silence

It thrives in the dark

With fine winding tendrils

That strangle the heart

Then... once again, I was alone...  But I was fine with that...  I had the darkness... the silence...  I didn't need you... or at least, that's what I told myself...  Inside, my heart was sinking into oblivion...  Strangling the life...

Buried now...  Lost for eternity...

They say that promises sweeten the blow

But I don't need them, no

I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong

I've been treated so long

As if I'm becoming untouchable

I try to remember our promise... try to remember how innocent we were...  But now...

What use are they to me...?  What use are they to you...?  We've sunk deep into the deep crevasse that took so little to push us into...

I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable

Now... years on...  My heart is cold...  My life slowing withering...  What was once innocent and sweet... is now hard-bitten and embittered...  Don't come near me... 

Don't come near me...

Oh, I need the darkness

The sweetness

The sadness

The weakness

Oh, I need this

The dark... The misery... Those are what I need... All I need...

Why did I care for you?

I need a lullaby

A kiss good night

Angel sweet love of my life

Oh, I need this

No... I lie...  I hate the darkness... I resent the misery... I despise the loneliness...  I needed you...

I need you... Angel who loved and will save me...

 I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable

Years on... and I thought all that I once held dear was stolen...  But... despite how detached I am...  No matter how untouchable I became...

Your mere memory is trying to save my being...

Trying to save the flower from the frost...

Do you remember the way that you touched me before

All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored

Your touch... after years of separation and coolness... It still reminds me...

Can you still touch me now... the way you touched me then...?

Your face saying promised whispered like prayers

I don't need them

Now... alone... all I can see is your face in my mind...  where are you now...?  What has happened?  The promises...  The whispers...  I lied...

I need you...

 Oh, I need the darkness

The sweetness

The sadness

The weakness

Oh, I need this

I can't take this...  I need you...  I don't want the tendrils of strangling darkness...  I don't want the misery... 

I want the sweetness of your touch...  I need the weakness you give me when you touch me...

I need you so desperately...

I need you to save me...

 I need a lullaby

A kiss good night

Angel sweet love of my life

Oh, I need this

I need you my Angel...  Where are you...?  Where is he keeping you...?  Please save me...  Even now... I hold the blade close to flesh... Daring all those who oppose me...

Where are you my Angel...?

 Well is it dark enough

Can you see me

Do you want me

Can you reach me

Oh, I'm leaving

Can you see?  Do you see?  Then why aren't you coming...?  Why...?  I pull the blade...  Ruby droplets fall on to the blue...  I sit here on the floor, waiting...  I need you...  Why aren't you coming...?

It's getting darker...

 You better shut your mouth

And hold your breath

And kiss me now

And catch your death

Oh, I mean this

Oh, I mean this

Where are you...?  It's getting darker...

No... my friends...  leave me...

Don't try and save me...  It's too late for me...  Find another who can lead you...

My Angel....  My love...  Where are you...?   I need you...  My heart... the slow dying flower... is now frost bitten and cold...  Not burning in the red fire of the phoenix...  No more...

It won't beat anymore...

It won't break anymore...

It won't hurt anymore...

Dark now...  I'll see you again...

....someday...

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My first Angst!  The song written into it is called My Skin by Natalie Merchant.  Very sad song, and the inspiration for this...