Chapter 1 Mass…Rabbits?

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I do not own Mass Effect and Touhou


"Shephard!" Anderson called, "We have a mission for you."

Shephard sighed. They just recently visited the world of Noveria, where Benezia committed suicide. Dr. Liara was still depressed, and Shephard couldn't blame her for being depressed.

In all honesty, Liara deserves some time off, but they were chasing after Saren. No rest for the weary.

Maybe the mission that Anderson was calling for may distract her. "What is it?" Shephard asked.

"Earth's Lunar base went completely dark." Anderson said, darkly. "We learned of this when we received a distress signal that, one minute later, disappeared. We fear that something happen, and you're the best man we got, so, would you mind?"

Shephard nodded. "In four hours we will be here." Shephard stated, "Is there anything else you want to say?"

Anderson hesitated. "Yes." He said, "The last known message from that lunar base is a simple word. Rabbits."

Shephard shook his head. "Did you say, rabbits?" He asked, incredulously.

Anderson frowned. "Yes, rabbits."

"…Anything else?" Shephard asked once more, just to make sure that he didn't miss anything. "Anything, like, accompanying the word rabbit?"

"Nothing else. That's all I could provide." Anderson said, still frowning.

Shephard placed his hand on his head. "Is there, like, some kind of protocol that is 'Protocol Rabbits'?"

"Shephard, you very well know that there is no such protocol." Anderson dryly replied, "You're a spectre, you should already realize that protocols aren't typically named after a harmless creature, like a rabbit."

"Maybe it's a joke?" Shephard suggested weakly.

"It was a priority one distress message." Anderson instantly shot down the suggestion, "If it was someone playing a joke, that person was liable to be held under scrutiny for perhaps the rest of their lives. I don't think someone's is insane enough to send that joke message."

"Rabbits." Shephard said once more, "Rabbits."

"Rabbits indeed." Anderson could only concur. "Out of all words, why rabbit?"


"So," Tali looked at Shephard like he's insane. "Rabbits."

"What are rabbits?" Wrex asked.

They were all in the Normandy meeting room where Shephard had told everyone about their new mission, and, *cough* rabbits.

"A little animal that run on four legs and is quite terrifying indeed." Ashley dryly responded.

"What I would rather want to know, though," Garrus's mandibles moved, "Is why would somebody send that message?"

"Isn't that the question we're all asking." Shephard said, "But, this does not change the mission at all. We have to investigate the moon base."

"Hmm, strange." Kaidan looked at his omni-tool. "I don't think that the moon base going dark is a coincidence."

"Can you explain?" Liara questioned.

"I have been looking up all the records, and it seemed that this moon base was quite a new one, which was rare. For the past sixty years or so we had been trying to establish a base there."

"Sixty years?" Tali looked at Kaidan, "You could colonize a world in thirty years. What took so long to set up the base?"

"I don't know." Kaidan responded frustrated, typing more keys into his omnitool, "It just kept saying classified or failure or delayed. It was only five days ago in which the moon base was fully operational and self-sustaining, and it went dark three days ago."

"Maybe it's Geth?" Liara questioned, but Kaidan shook his head.

"The Geth wouldn't be responsible for the base's delays." Kaidan pointed out, "And that definitely won't explain the message of rabbits."

"Maybe it's rabbits on the moon." Ashley retorted, "That'll be cruel irony there."

"If it's rabbits, they have quite some advanced technology." Tali pointed out, "Is there any other possible explanations?"

The whole room descended into silence as everybody tried to decrypt the message of rabbits, which, wasn't really much.

"Rabbits." Garrus murmured, and everybody nodded as if that solved the problem.

"Well, no matter what happens." Joker said over the intercom, "We're approaching the moon base. And, if anything major happens, we could rabbit away from the mess."

A collective groan echoed through the room over Joker's bad joke.

"It's going to get stuck in my head until we could find the answer." Liara murmured, "I can't think of anything else."

"Rabbits." Garrus shook his head, repeating the word over and over again, "Why rabbits?"

"Alright," Shephard clapped his hands, "Before we get to focused over the word rabbit, we should start planning out to face any possible rabbits-"

Tali groaned. "Keelah, it's stuck in my head now. Rabbits!"

Shephard made a face. "Did I say anything that – ah, it's stuck in my head now! Rabbits!"

"You're making it worse!" Liara said, clenching her head. "Stop! Rabbits!"

"Oh god, the word rabbit is dangerous." Ashley said in horror, "We can't stop talking about rabbits!"

"Oh that bosh'tet." Tali murmured, "How are rabbits – gah, my head!"

"Just why the word rabbit!" Kaidan said, who immediately clasped his mouth. "Gah, I can't stop thinking about rabbits!"

"I still don't understand." Wrex looked at the mess of people in front of him, who kept repeating the word rabbit, "Why does the word 'rabbit' –"

"Get out! Get out!" Shephard kept whacking his head, "Alright. New rule on the Normandy; we do not even mention the word rabbit. Everyone understand?"

That seemed to do the trick, but Shephard could see on everybody's face – in Tali's case, body posture – that they were still thinking the word 'rab-' that damn word.

"Alright," Shephard looked at the crew, "We need to plan out how we're going to fight in the moon base. Tali, we definitely need you to hack into the security."

"Understood Commander Shephard." Tali nodded her head, "Is anyone else coming?"

"The moon base is mostly close combat situations." Garrus remarked, "I don't think I will be much help in the inside. Wrex is definitely much better choice."

"Tali and Wrex than." Shephard decided, "This is an infiltration mission though, so in the case that we meet any hostiles Wrex, disable the opponent through brute strength."

Wrex gave a toothy grin. "That is my pleasure." Wrex smiled.

"The rest, stay on the relative outskirts of the moon base." Shephard commanded, "We don't know what we're facing, so be on the lookout. Kaidan, you're in charge of everyone else."

Kaidan saluted. "I shall do my best." He responded.

"Is that all?" Shephard looked at the rest of the squad, "Alright. Joker, ETA to destination?"

"We should be arriving there in twenty minutes." Joker responded, "And, just wondering, is it really a law to mention rabbits on board?'

Everybody except for Wrex groaned and promptly slammed their heads against the table. "JOKER!"

"Wait, you guys were actually serious? I can't believe rabbits managed to take you-"

"JOKER!" Shephard roared loudly, and the self-proclaimed number one joke cracker became silent.


The mission was easy. Too easy. Shephard, Tali, and Wrex floated through the space station, and there was no sign of shooting, no sign of resistance, no sign of anything!

If Shephard had to relate this incident to history, he'll definitely relate this to Roanoke Island, where all 115 colonists suddenly disappeared without a trace. And instead of the word "Croatian," it was instead rabbits-

God damn it, it's stuck in Shephard's head again. Rabbits! Gah! The next person who says rabbit out loud will definitely receive a bullet in his mouth.

"It's almost as if everybody decided to up and up leave." Wrex commented, poking his head into a crew cabin. "See? Everything's gone!"

What Wrex said was true. When Shephard poked his head into the barracks, he was half suspecting that all the bags would be perfectly packed and left there, like in a horror story. Instead, all he found was dust. Nothing else, not even a sock lying around in the whole moon base.

"Let's get into the command center of the moon base." Tali murmured, "Shall we contact the Normandy about our findings?"

"Okay." Shephard pulled out his omnitool and pressed several keys. And frowned and pressed even more keys.

"No connection?" Shephard wordlessly breathed, "How could that happen?"

"Is this an enemy trap?" Wrex asked, gripping his shotgun very tightly.

"If it was the enemy than there must have been hidden very well." Shephard pointed out, "Maybe it's a faulty part on my omnitool. Tali?"

"Well," Tali brought up her omnitool, "Your omnitool is definitely much less advanced than mine because I'm a quarrian – oh that's bosh'tet. Mine has no connection either!"

Shephard raised his gun up. "Be on the guard, treat every corner like there's an ambush."

The others nodded as they walked further and further into the moon base.


They were right outside the arguable the most important part of the base, with the bold words saying command room. They were all in space suits the whole time, with their helmets off; they weren't sure what might happen, so they made sure that their helmets could be worn instantaneously Well, that only applied to both Wrex and Shephard, for Tali was still in her suit the whole time.

"Breach?" Wrex asked, looking at the door.

"Breach." Shephard nodded, and Wrex smashed the door down that only a Krogan Battlemaster could display.

Tali and Shephard rushed in, with their pistols and assault rifle out, scanning the whole room. What they say was…nothing but computers, tables, and chairs.

"Clear." Tali said, lowering her pistol, "There's no one here."

"I see none either." Shephard responded, lowering his assault rifle as well. "That's disappointing."

"Hmm, and I was hoping for a good fight." Wrex muttered, disappointed.

"Tali, hack into the systems and find out what happened to everybody."

Tali walked over to the nearest computer and plugged herself in. "Alright, already doing so." Tali said, looked at the computer screen and typing several keys.

Wrex and Shephard sweeped the room, just to make sure that they didn't miss anything. They didn't miss anything. It was completely pristine, like if it was just a newly constructed base that had yet to be settled in with people.

After a minute of silence, Tali cursed. "What the, what the bosh'tet is this? This is a load of bosh'tet if I would ever say so myself!"

"Tali? What's wrong?" Shephard asked, "Could you not hack into the system?"

"I managed to hack into it." Tali said, looking at Shephard, "But – no, I don't want to download that, no I'm not interested in the 64 positions of mating! Keelah, I'm definitely not interested in that either – who in the right mind is interested in that!"

Shephard immediately knew that something went wary. "Tali?"

"Oh that's it!" Tali ripped her connection off the computer, "It's virtually impossible to get into computer's main system without getting bombarded with - no, I am not interested in that kind of males! I'm more interested in the more – now this is getting ridiculous. Shephard, may I reboot my suit just to get rid of these annoying pop-ups oh, this man looks extremely good, he looks like Shephard. He maybe my type – what the hell am I saying!"

"Reboot at the Normandy." Shephard said, raising his weapon up, "We're going to call the mission a –"

"Hide!" Wrex barked, "There's someone coming!"

Shephard and Tali trusted Wrex's auditory senses and slid underneath the computers, with Tali having to move a couple rows to separate herself from doorway. Wrex did the same too, hiding underneath a table. It was cramp, sure, but –

"-geez Toyohime, was that really necessary?" A woman's voice was heard.

"Well, it's kind of necessary Yorihime." A much lighter tone from the previous was heard, "I mean, it's an alien coming here, not a human. I'm not trusting myself that we could outsmart an alien in –"

"No, that's not what I'm referring to." The first woman said, "I'm referring to why did you have to find that and used that as a prank?"

"Oh you mean the sixty four sex positions?" The second woman said too cheerfully, "It would be kind of funny watching the reactions of them reacting to that – I mean, did you see about that message?"

Right next to Shephard, Tali was quietly fuming. He didn't blame her, for Tali was still muttering that she was still deleting pop-ups leading to very inappropriate sites.

The first laughed a bit, in which the second joined in afterwards. Than the first one roared extremely loudly "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET THAT MESSAGE COME THROUGH, IDIOT!"

The second one audibly cringed. "I couldn't have done anything. It bounced off from a satellite from Mars, and transmitted to Earth, thus I couldn't intercept. But, you should have seen their faces. They were repeating the word rabbit over and over again to the point they got it stuck in their heads. It was so funny to watch –"

"You were putting us Lunarians at danger!" The first cut off the second, "Now – Toyohime, it looks like someone's have been inside the control room."

"Well, it certainly looks that way." Toyohime responded, "I mean, the door could be simply opened by turning the handle, but the poor thing was ripped clean of its hinges –"

"Toyohime, you confirmed there was no communication between the moon and Earth so far?" Yorihime said as she walked inside the room, for Shephard could see a pair of human legs. Shephard had his finger around the trigger, ready to go blazing if need so.

"I haven't detected anything yet." Toyohime responded, "So, either they're still in the base or they managed to jump to another planet and then communicate to Earth-"

"No, I have a feeling that they're inside this room." Yorihime murmured very softly, "Toyohime, anyway of smoking them out?"

"Well," The second woman walked inside the room, "I did place a harmless virus inside the computer. That person would be receiving those sixty four sex –"

"Really?"

"Yes really. I mean, once we get back the camera recordings it'll be funny to watch."

Tali looked at Shephard, and he could already imagine blood lust emitting from the suit. Shephard gave a quick shook of his head, and that restrained Tali from jumping out and tearing apart someone with her bare hands."

"Smoking them out?" Yorihime asked.

"Hmmm, I could vent out all the atmosphere in this room." Toyohime responded, "Oh, wait, I can do this. Give me the computer."

A brief moment passed as the only sound in the room was keyboard tapping. "If someone had the virus inside the suit, I could trigger that virus to activate the oxygen warning." Toyohime explained, "It'll be tricky to remotely connect with the virus. There should be a loud-"

BEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP

"Oh now that's bosh'tet!" Tali exclaimed, all signs of secrecy gone.

"Assume hostiles!" Shephard darted from his hiding place and pointed his assault rifle at the enemy, "Put your hands in the air!"

Wrex and Tali did the same thing, but in Wrex's case the chair he was using to hide himself was thrown up into the air as he pointed the shotgun. And, well, everything in Tali's body screamed "bloody murder." Not much else to remark about her.

The enemy who was standing up had light blue hair with a yellow ribbon tying her hair into a ponytail. She was wearing a dark red dress over her white blouse, and in her left hand was held by some kind of rifle that Shephard didn't recognize, which alarms him a little bit, while in her right was a long sword.

The woman sitting down at the computer and presumably responsible for all of Tali's sufferings had long, sandy golden hair covered by a white bonnet with a red ribbon on it. She was wearing, in contrast with the other person, a dark blue dress over a white bonnet. Her hands were empty, but on her belt there was a fan.

"Um, okay?" Toyohime said, raising her hands in the air, "What should we do after that?"

"It should be me saying that." Yorihime said, ignoring her partner's actions and pointing her sword at Shephard and her pistol at Wrex. "Put your hands in the air. We won't kill you."

There was brief moment, which was broken by Toyohime. "So, how was that sex video?" Toyohime asked.

That proved to the last straw for Tali. "YOU!" Tali roared as she lunged straight for Toyohime. They knocked over some computers and chairs as Tali whaled on Toyohime.

"Um, help?" Toyohime asked Yorihime, who shook her head.

"You deserve that." Yorihime responded, looking at both Wrex and Shephard, "Besides, I'm already facing down at two foes."

Even though the person that they were facing was just holding a gun and a sword, and he had on his side a Krogan Battlemaster, something in his gut feeling tells him that they're lose against her by the sheer confidence in her words.

Wrex could been seen hesitating, but that hesitation was there for just a brief second. "I'm coming!" Wrex roared as he rushed towards Yorihime.

Yorihime smirked. "Alright, let's fight." Yorihime said as she rushed forward with her sword.

Wrex fired one or two shotgun blasts, in which Yorihime simply rushed straight through, a barrier blocking all the bullets appearing around her. Wrex was simply unfazed by this and roared as he dropped his shotgun and proceeded to charge straight at Yorihime. Yorihime simply smiled and holster both her rifle and sword in favor for hand-to-hand combat with a Krogan Battlemaster.

And, Shephard watched in shock as a four hundred pound Krogan who was pressing with all his weight against a fragile woman, was lifted up and slammed into the ground. Hard.

Shephard fired a couple of times at Yorihime, but a barrier appeared once more to absorb the bullets. He frowned and kept firing, but it was to no avail. That barrier was too tough. Looks like he have to use biotics to-

"Shephard, she's mine!" Wrex roared. Oh god. Oh dear god. He's in blood rage.

Already?! The battle just started!

Wrex stood up and gripped Yorihime. She smirked as for the moment she held her ground, but a second later that smirk turned into an expression for surprise when in turn she was lifted up into the air and thrown against the nearest wall like a rag doll.

"Sister!" Toyohime called out, making Shephard look over. Toyohime was in quite a mess, her bonnet off and she was using her arms to ward off the weak but determined blows from Tali.

"AND THAT'S FOR THE VIRUS THAT SNEAKED INTO MY PERSONAL STORAGE AND BROUGHT OUT ALL THE INFORMATION RIGHT IN MY FACE! I BLURTED OUT SOMETHING EMBARRASING THERE!"

"I'm fine!" Yorihime responded, prying herself off the wall, "Well, you're much more of a challenge than anyone else. Wait, except for Reimu, she gave me quite some difficulties. But, looked like I have to use my power."

Wrex roared out loud as he rushed through the computers, utterly wrecking the command room. Shephard was going to get yelled at later, he could already feel it.

"Lord Enma, I beseech you." Yorihime clasped her hand as she assumed a praying position. "Grant me power to defeat my opponent."

Shephard frowned. That wasn't going to do much against a rampaging Krogan who-

A golden aura enveloped Yorihime as she stood up from her praying position and rushed towards Wrex in somewhat of a suicidal charge. They locked arms midway in the charge, both Wrex and Yorihime grinning madly, having a fight of a lifetime.

And then Wrex took a step back. And another step back. And another one.

In what Shephard recalled was the most shocking thing he ever saw other than his vision on Eden Prime, a Krogan in blood rage, BLOOD RAGE!, was being forced backwards in a competition of pure strength. No skills, nothing. Just, peer strength.

"And there you go!" Yorihime smiled as she slammed Wrex into the wall so hard that they penetrated it into…uh-oh.

"Helmets on!" Shephard barked, putting his helmet on, "Brace!"

It was just by luck that the wall that Wrex was penetrated through was the wall protecting them from zero gravity itself. Like as seen in all sci-fi movies, the air of the surrounding was being sucked outside, creating some kind of force dragging everybody outside.

Luckily, Wrex was snapped out of blood rage when Yorihime slammed him against the wall. He realized the mortal danger he was in and, in a split second, put on his helmet before all his oxygen was spent.

Unfortunately, he was the closest one to the suction force. And thus, was the first victim to fly into space.

Shephard groaned as he kept on holding onto the table that was groaning. Somehow, Yorihime as still standing despite the suction force, and Tali and Toyohime was still engaged in a cat fight, oblivious to the danger around there.

"MOTHER –" Yorihime shouted when a table was ripped off from the ground and slammed into Yorihime for a moment. She lost her balance for a while, and Shephard considered going after her at that moment, try and disrupt her balance. But, that soon ended quickly when she slammed her right foot so hard into the ground that it tore through the metal. Thus, she stayed there.

The moon base's fail safe protocol than activated, with metal bars coming together to stop all the atmosphere from escaping. Shephard's body still floated in the air for a moment, and then he crashed into the floor.

"Well, that was fun as it lasted." Yorihime muttered as Shephard picked himself up from the floor, "Too bad he didn't stay."

Shephard ducked underneath a table, hoping that Yorihime didn't spot him. After seeing what happened with Wrex, he was pretty sure that he couldn't defeat her in a straight on fight. Wrex, well, he was able to defeat him because in his blood rage mode, he couldn't think. Yorihime was dangerous because she had strength more than Wrex and she could still think coherently.

"Toyohime, are you alright?" Yorihime asked, walking by Shephard's position, not making any body motions that symbolized she noticed him.

"Ugh my face." Toyohime groaned, "Why didn't you help me?"

"First time I actually had a decent challenge." Yorihime replied, "That, um, big guy was really strong; if I didn't use my god's ability, I'm pretty sure that I would have lost. So, how about your opponent?"

"Grabbed my fan and slapped her in the face." Toyohime said, "Instant knock out. I shouldn't have put all those adult videos in that virus."

"Serves you right. Pity that that big guy and the human got suck out." Yorihime shrugged, "Damnit. We're return back to the Lunar Capital with our prisoner.

Shephard frowned. Yorihime must have assumed that when she was hit by the table, he must have flown out too. So, neither of them realized that he was still inside the room, which could prove to be advantageous.

"What about the SSV Normandy?" Toyohime asked.

"Maintain a constant vigil on any communications between the Normandy and Earth." Yorihime responded, "Also, make sure that our communications jammer are still in place, making sure that those two guys floating in space couldn't get back into the battle quickly."

"Understood." Toyohime replied in a tired voice, "I'm going to destroy the last remnants of my virus here, is that fine?"

"Yes." Yorihime said in professional tone, "I'll keep a watch over our prisoner."

Shephard's mind was a whirlwind. Wrex was in space, he'll find his way back to the moon base eventually. But then, Yorihime and Toyohime would be long gone, with Tali with them. So, he couldn't rely on Wrex for back-up.

Neither could he call for the Normandy; if what the two ladies said was true, he couldn't communicate between the Normandy and him, which proves to be quite disadvantageous.

He could reveal himself and start shooting, but it seemed that the two women possessed barriers that blocked bullets and neutralized the effects of suctation, and he was not prepared to go against someone who fought a Krogan in blood rage and win in a situation of brute strength.

So, Shephard made his decision; he'll follow them to wherever they held their prisoners, and see if he could rescue all of them, making Tali his priority.


Author's Notice

God damnit. I started another Fanfiction.

This time I planned it out right. I wrote 35,000 words and than published the first chapter, ensuring that this story will continue. I hope.

Originally meant it for 40,000 words than my word document had reached its limits and crashed on me several times.

Well, this is my new fanfiction! Touhou and Mass Effect, heh heh. Third one I believe!

I did not watch Mass Effect games, I do some research but not a gun fanatic, and yeah. Thus, this crossover is most likely not going to be very accurate. Going to base off how powerful Mass Effects weapons are from StarCraft and Halo crossover with Mass Effect.

I wrote this chapter a long time ago, and I'm still laughing about the rabbits. Ever since I started writing, I swore that rabbits kept on appearing everywhere! It even appeared on a sweet that I received a day after the chapter's finish! Rabbits, god damnit it's stuck in my head.

And now, the story as a whole. The Lunarians will control the space warfare for sure, they had quite a thousand years to spend. I'll explain why the Lunarians are so far advanced in the next chapter, maybe in the author's notice.

Don't worry, to all those who love Gensokyo you'll see them later. Later, heh heh.

This is RusselH signing out!