This was an idea that popped into my head and absolutely refused to leave me alone until I typed it out. So here it is. It takes place a couple days after Hisoka and Tsuzuki return from their first case together. Prolly more anime oriented, but I don't think it makes that much difference.
I think part of this came from how I noticed so many people writing Hisoka as hating the sakura grove, and I'd never written or rp-ed him that way, but the idea that the sakura could bring back the memories was a solid one.
PG-13 just in case.
First chapter is Hisoka's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei, or any characters or settings the series contains.

I've just finished my first case as a shinigami.

I'm trying not to think about it.

Right now, I'm just wandering around the meifu, trying not to think of anything at all.

It's hard.

It started raining a while ago. I'm not sure how long ago exactly...long enough to drench me. The rain is weighing me down; numbing my skin, but the constant drumming over every part of me steals my focus and makes it easier to think of nothing at all. Not the past, not the future.

Maybe if it rains enough, maybe if the rain beats down upon me long enough, it'll wash away the feeling of being dirty, tainted. I know it won't.

My thoughtless wandering has led me into the sakura grove. Everything is darker, more vivid, drenched in the rain. The bark is painted a darker black, the petals have turned pinker. The water darkened grass is slippery, and I suddenly find myself flat on my back, staring up into a watery canopy of pink and grey, streaked with charcoal slashes.

I make no move to get up. The mud under me is working its way through my shirt, and the overlarge drops pushing me down aren't helping. Right now, I'm not sure I could get up if I tried. I'm just that tired.

I haven't slept in days. The last time I tried, I woke up screaming, scared out of my mind, and feeling like my skin was on fire.

I don't want to think about this.

Since I returned to the meifu, I've been listless and lethargic. I haven't eaten except for a few bites that I forced myself to swallow because I knew I needed to.

I don't want to think about this.

I've been staring up at the sky and the dripping clumps of sakura without seeing them. The rain has been knocking delicate petals off the trees in droves. One of the cloud-soft petals lands just below my eye. I reach up to brush it off, the small movement almost more than I can accomplish in my current state.

My hand is splattered in mud, and coated with a layer of sakura petals. The damp mangled flowers stick to my skin...

...just like....

No.... I don't want them on me.

...just like they did...

I don't want to think about this...! I don't want them on me!

...that night. The night I lost everything.

I don't want to remember! I don't want him on me!

Unreasoning terror races through my mind, igniting in my blood, and setting fire to my skin. Flames that aren't there trace paths over my body as if following lines of oil. I think I'm screaming.

All I can see are the shadows of that night. Blood red moon. Searing pain and consuming darkness. Death, madness, blood, sweat, tears. A sick taint that has nothing to do with the bloody characters that burn my skin with raw power.

Suddenly the shades are no longer insubstantial. I can feel actual hands on my arms, holding me down, pushing me into the carpet of crushed grass, flowers, and mud.

I don't want him on me!

I'm kicking, screaming, my mind lost in a quicksand of panic and fear and disgust.

He's laying on me now, pinning me to the ground. I can't kick, can't push him away.

Helpless, useless, dirty, worthless, tainted, child....

Something that isn't rain is dripping down my face. I can't tell if it's blood, tears, or sweat, and I don't think I want to know.

I let myself go limp. I can't fight him. I can't do anything. I lie still, waiting for the pain to begin, waiting for it to begin so he can finish with me and leave me here, broken and shamed in the rain.

The pain doesn't come.

I'm shaking now, trembling with a combination of terror and cold shivers. Slowly a voice filters through the fog enshrouding my mind. My senses return, and I don't feel the dark desire and despair that marked the one who killed me. I feel worry and concern.

I open my eyes slowly, having just realized that they had been shut tight since the fit of remembrance started.

My shaky gaze catches, not cold silver, but warm violet. It takes me a long moment to recognize the face.

My partner.

Tsuzuki.

He moves back quickly, allowing me room to sit up, but my energy has gone again as the adrenaline leaves my system. It's all I can do to close my eyes once more and will away tears of relief.

He picks me up, out of the mess of mud and flora, and I don't have the strength to fight him. My hands are shaking as I catch fistfuls of his shirt and cling to him like a lifeline. Later on I will regret this show of fear and need. I will regret letting him see me weak like this. I will regret acting like a child.

Right now, though, I can feel his warmth, and I realize how cold the rain is. I can hear his hurried heartbeat. Its rhythm combines with the sound of the rain and the thud of his rushed footsteps, weaving a percussive lullaby that calls my weary mind to rest.

The last thought that enters my mind before I lose myself in sleep is guilt for getting mud on Tsuzuki's clothes.