"Potter: Behind The Book And Queering It Up"
A Harry Potter fanfiction
Written by Katsuragi Misato
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A/N: I love reviews. They make-a me funny. xD
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Chapter One: The Phone Call... and Malfoy's Secret Reggae Sessions o.O
It was just an ordinary day off at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...but no one said that day was going to be relaxing, did they? Nooooo. Back to our current, semi-beautiful setting at lovely Hogwarts...(even if it's kind of...not lovely XD)
Rounding the tricky and maze-like corners of this prestigious magic school, the giant hallways are devoid of motion and sound...wait, what was that? Slowly and with a priceless expression of "o.O" on a certain lightening-scarred brown haired young man's face, the person who could only be known as the infamous Potter (HARRY Potter you load of ninnies, go back and read the blazing book if you don't know by now) shrugged and went on through the Slytherin corridor, obviously lost in thought AGAIN (seeing how he's always lost in something, be it Chambers, forests or whatnot---but that doesn't have anything to do with the story) and no doubt worrying himself to death about it. Suddenly, a strange sound crossed his ears, disrupting him from his stressing session...and then it stopped, accompanied by a flurry of loud whispers.
Finding himself in the Slytherin hallway shocked him a bit (wait...was Potter going senile? No), but before he could start back unto his deep ponderings, he heard the bizarre sound again. "What in the name of Vol-" Swiftly, out of nowhere, came Ginny Weasley who randomly popped up and covered his mouth, ranting, "HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED! HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED!" ...And then strangely vanished without a trace. This was starting to weird out the young wizard, and he stayed there, rooted to the spot, his only thoughts now were directed at...there! He heard it again! Only this time, it seemed...foreign. Walking closer to the sound, he paused slightly when he finally found out where the noise was coming from, and stopped. Hearing the song but no words, he proceeded to carry on with his weekend life with a simple mutter of "Well...that person sure has a strange music sense..." That is, until he heard it; muffled but there, a masculine voice was singing: "In Jamaica we go POT-TAH!" This...music gathered only one response from a very disturbed young man:
o.o
He shrugged a little, thinking "There's a lot of other Potters in this school, I'm sure," but the second verse proved him wrong:
"In JAMAAAAAICA WE GO HAAAAAAAAAAARREEEEEE POTTAH!" This deserved what came next, aimed from the now thoroughly troubled young man:
O.O;;;;
Suddenly, quick as lightning and almost more embarrassing than being struck by it, young Potter recognized the voice. "Oh. My. God," he said aloud, drowned out by the now hilariously out of control and booming voice of...none other than...
A low voice only started out that way, rising in magnitude every second he spoke/yelled: "MALFOY!!!!"
...And this, of course, shut the blonde-haired brute inside that stupid little Slytherin dormitory up; oh yes, quite so. Though the music was still going, the poor bloke didn't say anything but a meek "PottAH? Is that...y-you?" through the wooden door. "MALFOY IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I'M GOING TO SIC MY FALCON ON YOU!" The small voice questioned him, egging him on: "But I thought you had an OWL, PottAH?"
-.-;
An annoyed look crossed over Harry's features then; with an angry shout he proclaimed fiercely (wonder how he does that anyway? Depressed...angry...hoo boy! One PMS'n Potter for you XD) "THEN...THEN...I'M GONNA SIC MY HEDWIG ON YOU!!" Just then, he heard the funkay music stop abruptly and a loud, bossy and half-defiant snobby voice could once again ring out in its I'M-A-LITTLE-RICH-BOY-LOOK-AT-ME tone (Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about---the little boy down the street who's always bragging about his new beach and yacht and $100,000,000 car though he's too young to even drive it, the little snot): "I'm going to call my girlfriend now PottAH," leaving Harry with an expression of pure disgust---who in Hogwarts would want to date that little creep---and a o.O just thinking about the possibility of such a horrid thing.
All of the sudden, a brass metal phone, so conveniently placed right smack dab next to Harry, rang in almost shocking coincidence---'That's not a coincidence. Malfoy...you are so dead...' Picking it up with a sigh, he spit out roughly, lowly, not even trying to hear what that swimming-in-green-spoiled-rotten-brat would try to say. "Malfoy, you are one sick little---" This, and the rather hyper yell of a lovestruck Hermione on the phone ("HARRYILOVEYO---") A quick pause on the other end, and then a "What...?!" Realizing with slow idiocy that it was indeed Hermione and not that money-grubbing Malfoy too late, he only had time to exclaim "Hermione?..." before the phone was slammed down onto the receiver. 'Oh man...' he thought, and as the phone rang again, he answered: "Hermione! I'm so sorry, I thought it was the sicko, Draco Malfoy---" A low, seductive voice drawled out---though it was not Hermione's---
"Pooottt-AAAAHHHH...."
-____-;;;
"Malfoy I swear to Volde-" This was interrupted by Malfoy's crazed screaming, "HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED! HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED!" A dark voice growled into the phone slowly, with silent promise of what was to come..."MalllllfffooooYYYYYYYY!!!!!" A light, masculine voice responded breezily to this, as if nothing had happened at all. "Oh, PottAH, I would've called you sooner...but the line was simply SO busy!" The last thing that Draco heard before the lightening scarred (and now emotionally scarred...xD) young man hastily hung up the phone: "Malfoy, you are so dead."
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A/N: That was chapter one! Had fun? Laughed? Maybe not, but that's okay. Chapter two is on the horizon in the near future...review this one first! Of course this is a parody, so don't be offended by anything here---it's not REAL, so don't be stressing. xD Ta-ta!
Oh...and one more thing before I go..."OH MY GA PO-TTAH!"
