A/N: this one is for all my bi girls who have to work harder to fight against bi erasure since they realized they were bi ilu all

also, listen to "Illusion" by One Direction bc that's where i got the title


She had been studying all day, and it was very noticeable by now. Final examinations were mere days away, and Lily Evans was awfully aware she looked like shit: she couldn't remember the last time she'd showered; her hair hadn't been brushed in an entire week; she barely ate because when she did she remembered she had to finish an assignment that would consume most of her time and make her forget about her basic needs; and every night she'd go to sleep later than her dorm mates, and when she did go to bed, she'd toss and turn, ridden with anxiety. Every day she would experience the cycle of waking up, staring up at the ceiling, hoping that all her responsibilities and worries would just go away, until she realized she would be late to class and rush to her feet to get something to eat at the Great Hall.

And it's with this in mind that she had taken over an entire hallway of the library. She's pretty sure she'd growled at several first years who'd innocently wandered into her new habitat looking for books and sent them scampering out of there within seconds. Books and notes and quills with inkwells were strewn all over the floor. One of her friends had brought her a pillow, and some kind Hufflepuff students had been bringing food to those in need at the Library as contraband. Lily had had to flirt with a Slytherin girl to get some notes for the History of Magic exam (What? Marlene has amazing notes, and has these really pretty curls, nothing wrong with that!), and was now trying to find a spell that could help her study, like magical flashcards or something that she didn't have to spend much time actually writing down.

Unfortunately, these books were really dull. And she knows dull! She'd had to read chapters upon chapters about the magical properties of exotic leaves that she didn't care about at all two days ago for her Herbology review. Plus, she was in a hurry since she'd had to settle to meet with Marlene, which would take an hour out of her studying schedule to teach her some Charms, which was the bargain they'd agreed upon.

Lily closed the book she had in her hands. If she could only have a break from everything… Kneading her forehead to fend off the headache she was now nursing, she closed her eyes. Just a few seconds… She would be fine…

She woke with a start at the feeling of her head rolling to the side and almost falling facedown onto the floor.

Her eyes flew open at this. She'd fallen asleep. Oh, shit. She kept repeating "ShitShitShit" under her breath as she realized where she was. Lily Evans was still at the library and, by the looks of it, it was already dark outside. Fuck, what if she was locked inside the library?

"Oh good, you finally decided to wake up!"

"Fuck!" Lily jumped at the sound of someone sitting beside her. Still grasping her chest, she rested against the bookcase behind her. "James Potter, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Are you always this angry when you wake up?" he quipped, the rustle of him turning the page of a book overcoming the silence of the most likely empty library. A blue light emanating from the tip of his wand lit up the area around them.

Lily stretched and yawned as she rubbed the sleep off her eyes. "I am when I didn't mean to fall asleep mid-study session in the middle of the goddamned library off-schedule. I have to follow my sleep and study schedule. Otherwise everything will be completely off forever."

"I feel that's a tad dramatic," he snorted and she could see him rolling his eyes at her. She was about to respond angrily, but she noticed she had something heavy on her. Like a fabric of sorts.

"What did you put on me?" she said slightly alarmed.

"It's an invisibility cloak," he offhandedly replied, leaning down to scribble something on a scrap of parchment.

"Why?" Lily frowned.

"So no one finds you sleeping at the library when everyone's supposed to be in bed," he says as if it's the simplest thing in the world, his gaze still on his work.

"What about you though?"

"I'm the lookout." Turn of a page.

"What made you want to be the lookout? Can I take this off now so you can actually talk at me instead of the apparently empty hallway?"

"Sure," he shrugged, and took his cloak from her hands, continuing his perusal of his book. "I didn't mean to, really, but I'd wandered into your slumber palace when I was looking for a book, and it was actually really quiet in here, if you count out the slight snoring you do when you're really tired, and you sometimes mumble when you sleep, but I really need the book and you're sitting right in front of it," he gestured at her back and quirked an eyebrow, finally looking at her. "So, you can't move, I wasn't going to move you, so I sat down and held down the fort in fear someone might take advantage of your vulnerable state. When I realized it was really late, and the librarian would be checking the stacks to see if there was anyone around, I put the cloak on you, went outside until she finished and came back inside. It's been an hour since she left and three since I got here." He checked his watch. "Three and a half, now."

Lily pouted. She didn't mean to make him wait this long for a book he'd needed for three and a half hours. "What book is it?"

"Beyond Infinity."

She turned around, her back cracking at the movement making her swear softly at the feeling and took out a really thick blue book, which she handed to him promptly. "Sounds arithmancy-ish."

He snorted once more and looked at her amusedly, "Clever, sleep does incredible wonders on your vocabulary skills," James deadpanned.

Lily hummed in response and started gathering her belongings. She needed to take a shower and start making an excuse for standing up Marlene, which made her hit her forehead with her hand. "Damn it, I was supposed to meet up with Marlene."

James looked at her curiously, "Actually, she stopped by earlier, looking for you. Said you looked quite cute sleeping with your mouth open, and walked away." Lily blushed at this. "Does she like you?"

"I think so, but it's probably because I'm the best at Charms," she grinned at him, shoving more things into her book bag.

"Well, you are quite charming, especially when you sleep with your mouth open and mumbling about farm animals," he grinned back, to which she huffed at.

"Did she say anything about meeting me later?"

"I believe she said something about meeting with you later at breakfast before walking away too," he tapped his quill against his lap.

She nodded at him, hoping that she wasn't too mad later. Marlene had certain… bite, when she was angry, not just in the figurative sense from what she'd heard. "Are you staying here, or are you going to keep reading," she questioned him, finally looking at him and noticing a sort of dazed expression on his face. He almost looked forlorn, which was strange because James is always looking for the happy side of things.

"Hmm," he snapped back to reality, "Oh, I think I'm going to stay here for some more time, see if I can get some more notes down, now that I have the book." James gave her a tight lipped smile as he tapped the spine of the blue book. "You'll want to take the long way around to Gryffindor Tower if you don't want to be caught. And Lily," he paused as he looked for the right words to say, "Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You don't have to prove anything to anyone."

Lily slid on her backpack with a small smile. "Thanks. James, don't stay up too late, and don't screw up your own sleep schedule because of this mild inconvenience."

James just nodded at her and Lily didn't know what else to do except ruffle up his hair as a silent thank you for what he'd done for her tonight. With an awkward chuckle from him and a hesitant stepping around him, Lily started making way to the dorm, but she turned around when he called out her name from his spot on the floor.

"Yes?"

"Do you-" he seemed to be struggling with what he wanted to say, "Do you like Marlene?"

"Oh!" She rubbed the back of her neck at the oncoming blush that was making its way up to her face. "Yeah, I guess. She has good History of Magic notes, I help her with Charms, she listens to me, and she's not that bad, for a Slytherin, y'know?" She stared up at him at that, as if she was trying to convince herself instead of just telling him these bits of unnecessary information.

James seemed to want to be kicking himself on the shin instead of having this conversation, but managed to answer back. "Well, I wish you all the luck in the world."

His tight lipped smile was back as he nodded at her bidding a silent good night, and she just smirked at him as she started turning around to leave. "She wasn't the one that stayed here with me, though."

On her way back to the Tower, Lily kept catching herself smirking at her late night exchange with James fucking Potter, his soft laughter echoing in her mind.