It is a sequel to "Slow Night, Loud Thunder", and though it's not obligatory to read it first, I recommend doing it. If not, all you need to know is that in "Slow Night, Loud Thunder", Belle and Rumple spend their first night together at the Dark Castle. This story here, is a morning after.
Have a nice reading. :)
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When he opened his eyes, it seemed like waking up from the most wonderful dream. Only, it was not a dream. There was Belle's intoxicating scent floating in the air around him, the clear sign that last night was real. He smiled to himself at the memory. How she willingly came into his arms… Came to look for a comfort… in his arms… He needed to repeat these words few times, to comprehend. Of course, there was no one else in the castle, so he was the only option she had, to seek reassurance. But then… Then she kissed him.
His fingers traveled to his lips, on their own volition. He could still remember the feeling of her lips, of her tongue sliding against his… And oh, what happened after they kissed... He behaved like in a haze, then. Didn't really think this through, he just let her take the lead and he followed. Why shouldn't he? When he looked at the other side of the bed, where she should be laying now and sleeping, he knew why. The bed was empty.
His mind shot into alarm immediately, and a muffled curse escaped him. Of course she wasn't here. Of course she left before he woke. Yesterday she came to him scared, and what did he do? Took the advantage. Maybe she hadn't even fully realized what she was doing, her body ridden by adrenaline... And now, in the morning, when her mind had cleared, she realized what a huge mistake she'd made and she got the hell out of here, not able to stand his presence. He was a monster, and just as a monster he hurt her. His delicate sweet Belle, the flicker of light in the ocean of darkness that his miserable life had been…
With an angry grunt he got out of the bed, and with a swift movement of his wrist he magicked on himself his usual leather clothes. The self-loathing thoughts raced through his mind all the while. How could he be so naïve? How could he think that someone so pure and wonderful like Belle could ever want someone like him? He'd been so careful to not do anything wrong around her, to at least win her friendship. He didn't fool himself that he could ever win her heart, and his own heart ached from that knowledge. But now, now he just ruined all the chances. They were already getting along pretty well, he had thought. There was a thread of understanding between them, a fragile bond of friendship, a seed of something, and now it was all gone. Just because he was so weak and couldn't resist her. He longed for her so long, that rejecting her when she came willingly was just impossible… And now he would have to pay for it. Belle will never look at him the same. In the last few months she got accustomed to the Dark Castle as her new home, she told him she was happy in here, and now because of his stupidity her life with him will turn into a nightmare… He could already imagine her avoiding his company, no more hearing her tantalizing voice as she read to him by the fireplace, no more curious looks at the items he had brought from deals, no more pestering him to tell her stories, no more innocent touches of her hand and beautiful smiles…
He let out few more curses, mostly directed at his pathetic person.
He wanted Belle to be happy. He loved her. She didn't love him, but he hoped she could at least like him. Recently he started to believe that she did. The realization that now she will start to hate him, or worse; loathe him, made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest, and his stomach suddenly became a tight knot. An old fool he was... He took her virginity, something he had no right to do, and with that he destroyed her whole life. Even if he set her free, she would never find a husband, not after how he had tainted her. As a noble lady that she was, she would be completely ruined…
He cursed one more time, anger surging through him, when the darker part of him suddenly pushed its way into the front, trying to shift the blame. She came to him from her own will, and so he did nothing wrong, the voice reasoned. He did not force her, and she has her own mind. If she didn't think that going to the bed with a monster was a bad idea, then it was her fault, not his. If she felt so disgusted right now, that she couldn't even stand watching him wake up, it was her problem, not his.
He shook his head, trying to get rid of the nasty voice. He wouldn't blame her. He was a monster here, and so only he deserved to be blamed. He had absolutely no right to take the advantage…
But was it really taking an advantage? She did come willingly, after all… She initiated everything they did… She said she's sure, when he asked… And she even said she cares for him…
He needed to stop thinking for a moment, his head already starting to ache. He needed to leave this room, needed to escape her still lingering intoxicating scent.
Rumplestiltskin marched forward and waved his hand, the door flinging open violently and crushing into the wall with a loud thud.
But there was also a squeak, a clatter of porcelain shattering, and an eerily loud bang of metal colliding with the floor…
With a heart jumping to his throat, he carefully peeked outside, and immediately he was struck still by the sight. Belle sprawled over the floor. Broken pieces of shattered plates and tea cups everywhere. A pool of brown tea darkening the marble floor. A tray making a tiny pirouette on its rim and then hitting the floor with a horrifying thud.
He swallowed hard, as he moved his eyes away from the mess, and looked down at Belle. What was the meaning of it? Did she just try to pretend it's a normal day, that nothing had happened? Or did she…
"What were you doing?"
She bit her lip and looked at the side. "I made us a breakfast. I thought we could eat it in bed…" She shot him an accusatory look then, and it made him want to crawl into his skin.
"And then you hit me with the door!"
She was angry… He should probably apologize, and… And wait, what?
"Breakfast? Bed?" He repeated dumbly, his brain in stupor. Was she really saying, what she was saying? Her pained groan got his attention again, and belatedly he realized that she was hurt.
He knelt next to her, trying to keep an impassive face, but when she touched her wrist and winced in pain, his mask slipped away. Without thinking twice, he grasped her wrist into his hand, as tentatively as if it was a fragile piece of glass, and he waved his other hand over it. A violet glow illuminated over their joined hands for a moment, and then it was gone, as was the pain.
She met his eyes with her own, wide ones. He stilled when she reached for his face, half expecting her to slap him, but instead she gently ran her fingers across his cheek, and he just couldn't help but lean into her touch.
"Thank you." She whispered, her eyes not leaving his, and a tiny smile stretching at her lips. He gulped nervously, and forced himself to stand. A glimmer of hope ignited somewhere inside his withered heart, and as he extended his hand to help her up, he noticed it was slightly shaking.
Could she really want to have a breakfast with him, in bed? Or was she just making this up, afraid that she enraged him? No, not his Belle. After he had let that thief Robin Hood go away freely, Belle was never afraid of him again. She teased him, she talked back to him, and at his threats she just rolled her eyes. It impressed him just as much as it annoyed him, but in truth, this bravery of hers was just one of the many things he so adored about her…
He cleared his throat, suddenly aware that he'd been staring at her like a fool. He averted his eyes, and his stare fell on the mess at the floor. Sudden guilt squeezed at his insides, and with a wave of hand the mess was gone, everything in the original state and back in Belle's small hands.
There was an awkward silence between them for a few seconds, and just as he mustered up the courage to look her in the eye again, she was already walking past him.
"I still intend on having that breakfast with you, Rumplestiltskin." She called through her shoulder, while she strolled into his bedroom as if it was her own.
For few more moments he didn't move, a rush of emotions and thoughts overwhelming him, as the hope spurted inside him. He was wrong, oh so wrong… She didn't leave, at least not from the reason he assumed. She didn't regret what they did. He didn't disgust her. And she didn't hate him. Maybe even she… No. This anew hope was just making him too optimistic, and that was very dangerous.
But maybe, just maybe…
"Rumplestiltskin? Are you coming?"
Oh, right, she was waiting, and he's been still standing by the doorway, like an imbecile.
After few deep breaths, which ultimately did nothing to slow down his racing heart, he walked into the room. His eyes immediately were drawn to the bed, where she sat on the pillows, the tray on her lap, and covers under her, exposing her bare shapely legs to his eyes. She was still wearing her nightgown, he only now noticed. How could he missed that fact before?
He blinked few times as she patted the place next to her, and with a slow, measured steps he made his way over.
Just yesterday morning he thought that only thing he and Belle could ever have was friendship, and even that only with the luck that he wouldn't screw something up. And then, twelve hours later, she came to his bedroom and they'd been with each other in the most intimate way possible, and then they spent the entire night cuddled together, sleeping in each other's arms, and now she was laying on his bed with breakfast...
Maybe it was a dream after all?
Or has the luck finally smiled to him?
Carefully he perched himself at the edge of bed, but noticing Belle's disappointed look, he scooted closer, and was immediately rewarded by a bright smile. He wanted to ask her about everything that was happening since yesterday, and most of all, why? Why she gave herself to him? Did she just want to fulfill her body's needs? Or was there something more in it, genuine feelings involved…? Oh, he hoped for the second. He so much hoped…
But he bit himself in the tongue. She wanted to have breakfast, so breakfast they should have. Questions could wait. Especially that he feared the answer, and the one he hoped for, he feared even more.
Barely he noticed the undercooked eggs and burned bread, as it was nothing new for him. Belle had many advantages, but cooking was not one of them. He almost chuckled to himself, at the memory of their first meal. The tea was perfect, but the food had been cooked so poorly, that he had almost choked when he tried it. But still, he had put on a mask and when she had asked how it tasted, he answered that it was fine. And just after he had said that, he wondered why he hadn't mocked her instead? He had meant to do it, but his mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. Only after few months, did he understand. When she fell from the ladder, and he instinctively caught her. He hold her in his arms for much longer that was necessary, and when he looked at her, their faces so close… She was looking at him too, her eyes full of warmth, and she smiled, and thanked him… And made no move to get out from his embrace…
After that, when he came back to his spinning wheel, only then he noticed how his hands were shaking, how his heart was racing from fear that if he wasn't there, if he hadn't caught her, she could have snapped her neck and die.
In that day he finally understood his feelings, understood how much he loved her. Attempts to get rid of the vexatious emotion have been in vain, so he finally settled at simply ignoring it, and good lord, if it wasn't physically painful…
But now… Now the feelings were back here, and screaming at him to let them out, to act on them, to stop pretending…
He swallowed the terribly tasting food and drank his tea in one gulp, almost burning his throat with it. One look at Belle told him that she was finished too, and he waved his hand, the tray disappearing.
He had to find out the truth. He has already been living for hundreds of years in uncertainty about the fate of his lost boy, managing to survive day after day just by holding to the hope. He couldn't add another thing to it. He needed a stable ground with at least one, important to his heart, thing.
"Why Belle? Why did you do it? Why did you… spent night with me?" The last words he managed to get out only as a weak whisper, and he had to force himself to keep his eyes on her face, on her eyes. Belle never was a good liar, her open honest face always giving her away, even with the tiniest of lies. So right now, he needed to see her face, her eyes, more than ever.
She sighed and for a second looked away, chewing her lip. Then her eyes returned, her expression determined. He scowled. If she didn't tell him the truth, he would know.
He almost jumped when she took his hand into hers, and put it at her chest. Her heart was pounding, no less than his. She had such faith in him, he marveled. After all, he could just push his hand a little, and it would delve into her chest, her heart at his disposal. He could crush it. He would never do that, not to her, but she had no reason to trust him so much. Why did she then?
He tore his eyes from her chest, and focused at her face again. His body was tensed as a bowstring when she put her own hand at his chest, surely feeling his rapid heartbeat. Her eyes locked with his, and she took a deep breath, before finally speaking. And oh Merlin, he was so not prepared for her words.
"Because I love you, Rumplestiltskin."
If he could die from asphyxiation or a heart attack, he surely would have right now, as both his breath and heart stopped working.
For a minute.
And next one.
Her shy smile and bright, hopeful eyes were starting to falter, as the more time passed without his reaction, and he forced his body to work again. He took a deep breath, his brain racing. The part of him, the one full of darkness and fear and self-loathing, was screaming that this was some scheme. A trick. This part of him was telling him to rip out her heart and did just what he did with Milah's. No one who tricks the Dark One deserves to live! But he wasn't listening to this part. He knew it wasn't right. Belle wasn't Milah, nor was she Cora. Belle was… Belle. His sweet, innocent girl, laughing at his dark jokes, constantly getting absorbed by a book and forgetting the world around her, the kindest soul he had ever met, full of light and curiosity, so honest, so compassionate… She would never try to trick him. Anyone else, yes. But not her. And most certainly, not in such a horrid way. But then… How? How possibly could such an angel like her love a demon like him?
"Why, Belle? How… how can you love an old monster like me?" He choked out the question, the dread and hope welling up in him, making it quite hard for him to breathe.
"You are not a monster, Rumple." She told him firmly, her eyes stern for a moment, as always when he calls himself that name. But quickly enough her look softened and a warm smile stretched at her lips, his eyes immediately drawn to them.
"There is so much to you, Rumple, so much more than meets the eye… Others fear you and think you're a beast, but I see good in you. I see a man that can show mercy, who wouldn't kill someone if it meant leaving their child half-orphan. I see a man who's got years of knowledge, and is incredibly intelligent and wise. A man whose presence makes me feel comfortable, as if I was truly home. A man who makes me laugh… A man who selflessly gifted me a library, because he knew how much I love books. A man who respects me, and who cares for me, even if you pretend not to. A man whose closeness causes butterflies in my stomach, and who invades my dreams, making them all the more pleasant. I want to have the forever with you, Rumple, and not because of the deal, but because I want you. You make me happy. And I want to make you happy too. If… if you let me?" Her free hand squeezed his on the bed, and she gazed into his eyes intently, waiting for his response.
But could it really be true?
He slid his hand from her chest up to her neck, fingers just lightly resting there, stroking the soft skin. His second hand covered her own, resting at his heart, and he pressed it a little harder to his body, so she for certain could feel his pounding heart, pounding for and because of her.
Leaning a little bit into her, he gazed deeply into her eyes. They were wide and honest, not hiding anything from him. And he could see love in them, the pure affection, as clear as the tile of crystal water. And oh, this look… No woman has ever looked at him like that, not his wife Milah, not even Cora… Because they didn't love him. But Belle did. Somehow, he believed her. Despite the screaming protests of the Darkness in him, he believed her. This look, this love written all over her face, no matter how much unbelievable, it had to be sincere… No one would be able to feign it so well, especially not his pure Belle. And her words… They meant so much to him. No one had ever said such things to him… He had never made anyone happy, he was just ruining their lives… But Belle… She was happy. She was happy because of him.
If he was any braver, he would confess his feelings right now. He would say 'I love you too', washing away all the doubts she could have, especially after his long silence.
But he wasn't brave. Not enough to tell her how he felt, not so fast, not right now. He still could barely embrace everything what had happened in last hours.
He couldn't tell her just yet, but instead, he could show her.
With one swift movement he closed the distance, capturing her lips with his own and conveying his feelings, his love, through the kiss. She gasped in surprise when he attacked her mouth and pushed her backwards at the bed, but it was just a moment, before he heard her little moans of pleasure, as her arms closed around his slim frame, holding him close and cradling to her.
It was his chance, he realized. After years of solitude, and having his heart broken twice, now he met someone right. Someone good, someone who really loved him, and who with her light could balance his darkness. Now he finally had a chance to be happy again, at least in part. Belle could help him find his son. They would find Bae together, and the boy would surely love her, just like he himself did. And then, he would finally have the family he always craved - he would have his happy ending. He only had to do the brave thing, and stop pushing away all the good. Belle once told him "do the brave thing and bravery will follow", and he should heed her words. He shall start from confessing his feelings, from telling her that he loves her and that he always will…
She tore his shirt open with a little chuckle, and as he stared down at her, she looked up at him with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, biting her lip endearingly.
He could try to be brave a little bit later, he decided, as he bent down to get that sweet rosy lip between his teeth.
