Episode 1, Part 1

Brian walked into the living room where Peter sat on the couch watching television.

"Wow...Peter, once again spending the day watching a bunch of monkeys hump each other on Animal Planet."

Peter narrowed his eyes. "It's called BET Uncut."

"Crap." Brian sat down next to Peter and awkwardly stared at him. Though Peter himself remained focused on the tv, he couldn't help but notice Brian glaring into his eyes, and finally he turned off the tv and looked at Brian.

"So I think this whole little eye contact thing has been sufficiently gay, so...you care to tell me what the hell you're staring at?"

Brian sighed. "Well, actually I was wondering if you became uncomfortable with the concept of someone staring at you and you not knowing why the hell they're staring. Statistics show that average American can not handle being stared at for long periods of time with little to no verbal communication and-"

"And I crapped out a HUGE turd this morning after I got out of the shower. Don't you just HATE when that happens?" Peter interrupted.

"I don't even know why I try." Brian mumbled before grabbing the remote control and turning the tv on again. For a few seconds they stared ahead at the music video for Beyonce's new song "Formation", and finally Brian turned to Peter again. "You know, there's actually some pretty cool symbolism in this video."

"Tell me about it. The two main symbols are impacting me greatly right now."

"Oh for cryin' out loud Peter...can't you watch a video about discrimination against blacks without zoning in on Beyonce's tits?"

"Hmmmm..." Peter began. "Let me see if that's possible." He stared at the screen silently for a moment,and then he shrugged. "Nope...not tits possible tits all tits I tits can tits see tits are tits her...GINORMOUS feet. I mean it must be a BLACK thing, but for such a petite body, she's got elephant feet."

"A black thing? Could you SOUND any more racist right now?" Brian questioned.

"Oh please I'm not racist. I mean,-"

"Oh yeah? Well tell me one thing that is a part of your life that involves black people, and don't include Cleveland."

Peter hesitated for a moment, and then he shrugged. "Well I must say, on behalf of Cleveland, I am very offended. He is NOT a black man. He's half Polynesian, half Iraqi, with a touch of like...Antartican orsomething. And besides that's easy. I uhh-...I sometimes travel to the black side of Quahog when Lois and I wanna you know-..." he put his fingers up to his mouth to signify smoking. "If you catch my drift, you catch my drift, right? Because if you don't catch my drift, I'd be really pissed."

"Face it Peter...you're discriminatory against black people. You should really work on that."

"I am NOT racist, Brian!"

Just as the words escaped his mouth, the front door opened, and Meg stepped in, visibly excited. "Brian...Dad..."

"Who are you and what do you want?" Peter exclaimed.

"I want to introduce you to my new boyfriend, Omar." Meg replied as she held out her hand to show off her new BLACK boyfriend.

"Oh for cryin' out loud who the HELL is this ni-"

"I know I'm late, but did someone say 'gay' in here earlier?" Stewie called out from the doorway. "No? Oh...well you're sure?" Sheepishly he stepped back. "Well don't mind me...let's focus back on the black guy."