This is the first of a second collection of short stories covering all characters and all situations. I'll add stories as the muse strikes but first up, the team attend a James Bond lookalike competition ..


The Name is …

"Wow."

"What does that mean?" asked Ianto anxiously. He tugged at his jacket, convinced it was not sitting right on his shoulders.

"Ianto, you look … gorgeous. They should have chosen you, not Daniel Craig."

Toshiko was sitting on Ianto's bed, hands tucked beneath her thighs as she gazed at Ianto. He was wearing a black dinner jacket with a white discreetly ruffled shirt, red cummerbund and black bow tie. His shoes, peeping out from beneath his trouser legs, were shining in the overhead light. His hair was brushed until it shone too and he had shaved even more carefully than usual. He looked good enough to eat.

"Don't be daft, Tosh.," he said dismissively. "The fans may have accepted a blond but they'd never accept a Welshman." He turned in front of the wardrobe mirror, twisting to try and see his back view, still tugging at the jacket. It was from a reputable hire shop but he missed the precise fit of his father's tailored suits.

"I'm not. Honestly, you'll win. No doubt about it."

"That's not the purpose of going, Tosh. You know that. It's only a way to get to Peter Fenner." He turned to face her, there was nothing more he could do about the jacket.

"I still think you'll win." She got off the bed and came up to him, stroking a hand over his shoulders and removing a minute piece of fluff. "Got the gun?"

"Uh huh." He opened his jacket to show the shoulder holster and Beretta 418 nestled within. Then he refastened the jacket; the gun barely showed. He looked down at her and smiled. "You look lovely."

Toshiko smiled and gave him a twirl. She was in a floor length sheath dress of vibrant red with a gold dragon writhing round her body accentuating the curves beneath. Its mandarin collar framed her neck and led the eye to the plunging neckline. When she walked, the thigh-high slit in the side showed off her perfect legs and three inch heels.

"You say the nicest things, Mister Bond," she replied in a deep exotic accent. They both laughed, a release for their nerves.

Ianto checked his watch. "Time we were going."

He reached for her silk wrap and carefully put it round her shoulders. She picked up her delicate clutch bag and then slipped her arm through his. They caused quite a stir among the neighbours when they left Ianto's flat and got into his car.

-ooOoo-

The St David's Hotel was awash with light from the many windows as Ianto and Toshiko walked from the car to the entrance. There were other couples dressed as they were all going in the same direction so the Torchwood couple followed them as they took a left through the stunning atrium to the Dylan Thomas Room. After showing their invitations – Toshiko specials – they went inside where more well-dressed people stood around in groups sipping champagne and eating canapés. Toshiko left her wrap with an attendant and the couple walked to the floor to ceiling windows which looked out over the Bay. Ianto snagged a couple of glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and they turned to look round the room.

"Do you see him?" asked Ianto, sipping his drink.

"No. I don't think he's here yet. See that roped off area? I expect that's where he'll come in." He looked over and saw the small separated space around another door.

"I expect you're right. The reports say he likes to make an entrance."

"None of these men looks anything like as good as you," said Toshiko after a moment scrutinising the other men in the room.

"Nonsense."

"It's true. Look at them. I don't know what that guy over there things he looks like." She was gazing at a rotund man with a jacket that barely met across his paunch.

Her eyes continued their perusal of the room and she was the first to see the newcomers enter. They were a striking couple. The woman attracted her attention first because of the classic simplicity of her dress; a knee length black affair that had a fitted bodice, cap sleeves and slightly flared skirt. The scalloped neckline framed a opulent bosom that was enhanced by a huge, diamond pendant resting between her breasts. Her companion was no less eye-catching. He was in a white dinner jacket with black cummerbund and bow tie, a red carnation in his button hole. The Armani suit fitted him like a glove and he reminded Toshiko of Sean Connery in his prime. She nudged Ianto but he had already seen the pair.

"Still think I'll win?" he asked softly as the newcomers drifted in their direction. She did not reply, wanting to say yes but not sure he would in competition with this man.

"Evening," said Jack drawing close, Gwen on his arm. They had both acquired champagne on the walk across the room and sipped it delicately. "Don't you two scrub up well."

"You're not so bad yourself, Jack. And you, Gwen." Ianto eyes were drawn to her neckline, the pendant drew attention to her breasts and while he didn't like to stare but it was hard not to. He focussed on Jack instead and gulped. Maybe he wouldn't look at either of them.

"Is he here?" asked Gwen, aware of Ianto's eyes on her and smiling.

"Not yet. We think he'll come in that way," replied Toshiko, nodding in the direction of the roped off area.

"He'd better get here soon," said Jack, "the judging is supposed to start soon." His jacket had slipped open and Ianto spotted the gun in its holster under his armpit. A Walther PPK automatic. While all the other James Bond wannabes had guns, he doubted that theirs were real, unlike the Torchwood weaponry.

"I think it already has. See the cameras?" Toshiko turned her head to each corner of the room, as if she was merely surveying the room but in actual fact showing the position of the cameras.

The others made the same survey, discreetly, under cover of obtaining more drinks and food. The cameras were set high in the wall and did not draw attention to themselves. Nevertheless, they gave a complete view of the entire room.

"Well spotted, Tosh." Jack smiled at a passing woman who had been eyeing him up and down. She turned away but not before he saw the slight blush on her cheeks. "I wish they'd get on with it."

Jack had to wait another ten minutes before the sponsor of the evening's event appeared. The lights dimmed and the second door opened revealing Peter Fenner with a leggy blonde on each arm. The Torchwood leader studied the man as he stood in the spotlight, enjoying having all eyes on him. Fenner was in his sixties, short, five six maybe, and on the tubby side with a fast receding hairline. He was dressed in an expensive suit but it looked nothing on him, pulling across the excess flesh. The reason he was of interest to Torchwood was his passion for collecting anything alien. He rivalled Henry Parker in the amount he had spent in online auctions and had a number of pieces Jack wanted to get his hands on, and one in particular.

"What a creep," said Gwen.

"Not very prepossessing is he?" agreed Jack.

"Oh I don't know. I think I could ignore his looks for the billions in the bank." Toshiko regarded the man over the rim of her champagne glass.

"Don't think you're his type," commented Jack. smiling down at her. "Not going by his current companions."

-ooOoo-

The time had finally arrived. A bored looking local radio presenter was making the announcements. "And so the moment has come. The winners of the annual James Bond look-alike competition, sponsored by Fenner Associates, this year are," he paused dramatically, "in reverse order. Third, Mr John Reynolds." There was a small ripple of applause as the man, who looked quite convincing, received an envelope from Peter Fenner.

"In second place, Mr Ianto Jones." The Torchwood group applauded enthusiastically as Ianto went forward to receive his prize. He made himself stand up straight and look Fenner right in the eye. The man smiled graciously enough but it did not reach his eyes. This man knew what Torchwood was and why they were at this event.

"And the winner, by unanimous vote, Mr Jack Harkness." Jack shrugged, accepted a kiss from Gwen, then walked forward. He shook Fenner by the hand smiling broadly, pocketed the prize envelope and posed with one hand on the man's shoulder and his gun in the other for the obligatory photographs.

"Mr Fenner," Jack said, still managing to smile for the camera, "you bought an item last week. A purple cone. It's extremely dangerous, could wipe out the whole of Cardiff. I want it in my hands before I leave here tonight."

"Now why would I do that?" replied Fenner, also smiling at the photographers but aware of the gun.

"Because if you don't, I shall march you out of here in front of your guests and take you somewhere no one will find you and beat its location out of you. Your choice." Jack's smile faded and he fixed Peter Fenner with a stare that showed he meant business. With an audible gulp, the man nodded once curtly and walked away. He beckoned to an aide, spoke to him and the man disappeared quickly.

Jack, smiling at the others in the room, returned to his team. "It should be here within the hour. No hard feelings?" he asked Ianto, eyebrows raised.

"None. The better man won."

"Good." Jack leant close. "For my money, you're the Bond I want in my bed tonight." He smiled when Ianto blushed. Jack turned to Gwen, "How about a dance, Ms Cooper?" He held out his hand and the two twirled off, Jack holding her close as they swayed to the slow music.

"Like a dance, Tosh?" asked Ianto.

"Why not." The two took to the floor and danced close although not as close as Jack and Gwen who were now pressed against one another.

Jack was still dancing, with one of the other guests having also given Toshiko a turn on the dance floor, when the aide returned and sidled up to Fenner. The man checked the box the aide held and then waved him towards Jack who saw him coming. With apologies to his partner, Jack returned her to her friends and met the aide.

"From Mr Fenner." Jack took the box and looked inside. The W'narian power pack was inside, still intact.

"Thank you." Jack smiled at the handsome young man and watched as he returned to Fenner's side. He glanced at his team who came to join him. "Time we left."

The four walked from the room without haste, waited for Toshiko to reclaim her wrap and then went out into the atrium and beyond.

-ooOoo-

"Why can't all our missions be like that?" asked Ianto. He was sitting on the shabby couch in the Hub, his jacket off and bow tie loosened. "A very civilised transaction." In his hand he held the envelope he had received as second prize, a cheque for £500 and some free spa treatments at the hotel.

"But where would the excitement be in that? Come on, what compares to the thrill of a good Weevil hunt?" Jack was walking back from his office, a glass of whisky in each hand. He had also removed his jacket.

"Naked hide and side has its moments." Ianto took the proffered glass.

Jack chuckled, sitting on the couch beside his lover. "True. Don't have to put on the monkey suit for that either."

"That's a fabulous suit," commented Ianto. He had inherited his father's eye for a well tailored suit.

"Giorgio made it for me, years ago. He used to look after me when he was with Cerruti and I followed him when he went out on his own." Jack sipped his whisky wondering if it was a good choice of drink after the champagne. He put the glass down on the coffee table and picked up the box he had received from Fenner.

"What is this again?" asked Ianto. He was twirling his whisky glass making the liquid swirl up the sides. He peered into the box which was now open on Jack's lap.

"A W'narian power pack. It has the same power as ten atom bombs of the size that were dropped on Hiroshima."

Ianto whistled, understanding why Jack had wanted it out of Fenner's hands and why he was handling – or rather not handling - it so carefully now. "What do we do with it?"

"We lock it away somewhere safe." He replaced the lid of the fitted box and put it back on the table. "But you'll never get me to tell you where, Mister Bond." He threw up his hands in mock horror.

"Then I'll have to force it out of you, Mister Bond." Ianto leant over and kissed Jack passionately.

"Yes, please."


Hope you liked that. Another story will be coming soon.