'Things That You'd Never Hear On Smallville' Reality

thanks to writerchic16for the idea! this story uses evrything said in 'things that you'd never hear on Smallville' as the baisis of the plot. Disclaimer :N-O-T M-I-N-E, k?
Now on to the madness!

Reality twisted and before the author could stop she was writing about a story in Smallville were everything is deranged, cuckoo, basically everything that is never said in our Smallville is said here. So run, run fast, run hard, run while you can.

Then, Jude from the episode Zero spoke up, "I'm gay. You can see me on channel 50 at 9am on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

He was immediately waked upside the head by Lex who turned to Clark and said, ". Let's go get a cappuccino."

Bob Saget then spoke up and said, "What do you mean 'wrong show?' "

Clark took care of that sucker. Both the guys were at the Talon, and stood up to the counter. Lana turned towards them and said, "Does anyone have some makeup remover?"

Clark then replied, "Lana. Get a life. I'm soooo over you."

"No, but I like my drink tall, dark, and handsome." Chloe added looking up at Clark.

Lex sighed, and took his drink and Clark's over to table. Clark immediately followed. As both guys sat down they heard Pete saying, "I like catnip."

Soon, both masculine figures were joined by Chloe and Lana at their table.

Meanwhile, in some dark dangerous rat hole factory, Morgan Edge looked up at his surgeon and said smugly, "Britney Spears couldn't have gotten a better plastic surgery job than what you did to face! You get a raise."

Back at the Talon Clark sipped his Hot Coco and said, "I love adventure!"

Chloe sighed, stirred her drink and added, "I love the Torch!"

Lana looked around for a moment then added her opinion, "I love the Talon!"

To this, Lex looked up brightly and said, "I love you Clark!"

There was dead silence all around. Then Clark loudly burped looked up, looked at his clothes, then after breaking the silence he announced, "I don't feel like wearing flannel today. Or jeans for that matter..."

The other three figures at the table were sick of Clark never being able to choose who he loved the most so, they promptly left.

At his house, Lex met up with Helen, being gay he didn't care. Helen being stupid immediately kissed him on the lips. Lex pushed her away, but she spoke up. "Lex, I truly love you. How much money did you say you have? Because it doesn't matter to me AT ALL."

But the loveless billionaire didn't care, then as soon as she stepped out of the house, Clark Kent fried her with his laser vision!

Meanwhile Morgan Edge was talking to Sam Fallen who was saying, "What ever do you mean; 'falsified reports?'" This had absolutely nothing to do with anything, so this plot line disappeared.

Back at the mansion Lex was drinking his regular root beer when his dad stepped from the shadows. "Why, no this doesn't have a double meaning, and I'm not poisoning your drink today, Lex." The root beer clashed to the floor, and Lex just stared at Lionel.

On the farm Clark and Lois petted Krypto. Enthused he said, "You're a good pup!"

Krypto then looked up at them and remarked, "Don't you fools realize that I have more than super strength?"

Ignoring the super pooch Lois said out of the blue, "Thanks Clark, you're a real help. I like the flannel." After this was spoken she went to go milk the cows.

Suddenly Jor-El's deep voice filled Clark's brainless head, "Clark, m'boy, let's have a father son chat!"

Clark decided that he should probably consult Dr. Swan about this, rather than Jonathan. Dr. Swan at the moment was muttering to himself, "Why yes, I do try online dating. Actually, I've met this young hot blonde, she thinks I'm tall dark and handsome. But mostly tall."

This 'young hot blonde' at the moment, was currently sharpening his chainsaw. He was muttering, "Sucker…" He then pulled out a map that showed the whereabouts of Doctor Virgil Swan…

Just then a familiar Porsche drove up in the Kent drive way. Then a familiar baldie stood in the familiar doorway. "Clark, your right, your not hiding anything at all." Lex calmly said as Clark used his laser vision to light some candles.

As Lex dimmed the lights Clark asked, "Aren't you here to quote some dead guy? Like you always do?"

"Famous dead ruler who? Alexander the What? What history figure?" Lex said cheerily.

Just then before the rating went up Jonathon waked in and said grimly, "Lex, you're really a good guy. Wanna be friends?" It sounded so creepy, and his eye twitched in a not so sane why.

Lex shook his hand smiled, flashing all of his pointy fangs, and left.

Before Jonathon left he added thoughtfully, "Go ahead and tell every one your secret Clark. I'm gonna go do the chores."

Tired of doing whatever it is he does Clark headed to the town, there he saw Chloe on a park bench muttering, "The meteors aren't the source of everything weird in this town!"

As he continued he saw a boy who had the power to transformer anything he wanted into pink fluffy tacos, aka freak of the week, announcing, "No, I really don't feel like killing anyone. Or wreaking any vengeance. Infact, I'll use my powers for good."

The good feeling in Clark's stomach faded as he saw some past freaks of the week. They got very close to Clark and said, "No, we don't hate you Clark. Now just come closer…that's right…we're friends…closer……" Then they smiled and skipped off singing the song Lollipop.

Meanwhile at the Luthor Mansion, Lionel was playing video games. Lex got up behind him, real close too, and whispered, "Caves…caves…caves…"

Lionel turned around quickly and said, "Caves? What Caves?" By this time Lex had disappeared and gone off to Clark's for no reason surprise party at the loft. There was root beer!

And what a party it was! Clark was very happy even after his mom had loudly announced, "I don't feel like baking a pie now!" The scotch must be affecting her.

Then Clark felt excited as Alicia, his wife, showed up, "Hey Girl! Did you bring the red kryptonite?"

She shook her head and said proudly, "I'm stalking someone new, Clark!"

Oh, well party on. That was the motto tonight, and being high on root beer (except for Martha) none disagreed.

The next morning aside from massive hangovers, Smallville did whatever it was they did, duh.

Yes, this was shaping up to be a regular week in freak town.


END TO A ONE SHOUT THOUGHT!

see, now this happens when I get a good reviw! So review please!