rush sacrificed himself to save the world from the conqueror and destroyed all remnants in doing so, and now its 8 months later, and i still cant move on, i know why but i cant seem to say it out loud, i dont know why, but i just cant. is it fear of the pain it will cause me? the fear of the fact that hes gone? or just the fact im scared of my own feelings? but which ever it is, i need to move on, i do my jobs, but not with any passion like before, i do them because i must in order for athlum to surive, everyone thinks im fine, even torgal, whose known me since i was a child, but its better they dont see me like this. but whats most frustraing is how i can write and think what i feel but when i just want to whisper it to myself i can, the words stop in my throat and refuses to move. that and the last words i said to him were lies!
i jolted awake from yet another dream, covered in sweat and practically shaking
"damn another dream about him" i graoned in frustration
i swung my legs over the edge and went to the bathroom to see what state i was in this time, not bad not shaking and only a couple of beads of sweat, ive had much worse nights, i got a drink from the tap and returned to my bed
"this has to stop somtime righ?" i asked myself, whilst throwing my head againt the wall, i didnt hurt anymore, id done it so many times now i just didnt hurt, infact i could only feel one pain, and that pain decides to keep nice and cosy in my heart, right where he should be.
"why cant i move on?" i groaned throwing my head against my wall again, i layed down, and threw the blankets over my head and closed my eyes, thinking of nothing, but i knew it wouldnt work, it never does
