Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or anything affiliated with it.
On the roof of Titans Tower, one of its residents sat alone in the serenity of the beginnings of the night, staring transfixed at the landscape of Jump City. She memorised every detail – every building; every light shining in the distance; every noise that travelled across the harbour – in case she ever destroyed it again. Whenever she closed her eyes, she was plagued with nightmarish memories and transported back three days prior to the worst day of her life: the end of the world.
No one – other than her friends, her father and Slade - knew that the world had ended and resurrected earlier that week. Everyone naively continued on with their lives with no memory of being encased in a stone tomb, staring death in the face. She was glad – no one should have to feel the fear she felt.
She'd celebrated with her friends that evening, enjoying seeing their delighted faces that their biggest threat to date was dead – although Starfire's impression of her father had started to grate on her already severed nerves. But after that night, she closed herself off, choosing the solitude of her bedroom over social interaction. The others had encouraged her to spend time with them but she respectfully declined every time. Through her empathy she could sense their worry. She hated worrying them, especially after everything they'd done to support her when the prophecy was revealed – all the late nights and countless hours spent tracking Slade and researching Scath. But she needed her space. She needed time to mourn her loss. She needed time to rebuild her walls after knocking them down and revealing more about herself in those months than she had in seventeen years.
"I was starting to forget what you look like!"
Raven gasped at the sudden voice. Turning around, she saw Cyborg – the owner of the voice – and Robin walking tentatively towards her. Her first instinct was to disappear through a portal into her locked room, and just as she was about to summon her magic, Robin reached out and grabbed her wrist.
"Don't – please." It sounded like a request to the untrained ear, but his grip was firm, letting her know that he wasn't going to let her escape and lock herself away again. "We haven't seen you since…" With an unexpected lack of confidence, Robin didn't know how to phrase the end of his sentence.
"Yeah," Cyborg said, walking to her side and sitting down. "You're taking introverted to a whole new level. At least before you came out of your room for dinner."
Raven appreciated his attempts to keep their conversation light-hearted, but like Robin, she knew he had a more serious motive. Two older brothers protecting their younger sister. Robin sat down on her other side, sandwiching her between the two boys. They were going to talk to her whether she liked it or not.
All the Titans were worried about their half-demon friend and had been since her seventeenth birthday. After seeing how happy she was during their celebration after Trigon's defeat, they were optimistic that Raven would show those colours more often. They expected too much of her, however. They gave her the space she needed, but after twenty-four hours they all knocked on her door one by one and each of them were turned away empty-handed. Starfire and Beast Boy remained hopeful and decided to go to bed and try again tomorrow. Robin and Cyborg however couldn't help feeling that something was wrong and were ready to push the issue of Raven isolating herself if it meant they could get to the root of the problem and help her through her trauma. So, when the other two had gone to their respective rooms, together they ventured to the roof, somehow sensing that she would be there.
"We've given you time and space," Robin started, analysing her body language. It was hard not to be distracted by the dark bags under her eyes and generally gloomy demeanour. Sneaking a glance at Cyborg, he could tell that he was worried too. "We've left you alone to come to terms with what happened. Now we need you to open up and talk to us. We're worried."
Raven sighed, grateful for their affection but afflicted by it also. "You should be," she said after a few moments of silence.
"Why?" Robin said, immediately on the offensive. "Is it to do with-?"
She shook her head before he could finish his question, keeping her eyes locked on the cityscape ahead of her. "You're sitting next to the one who caused Armageddon."
Robin sighed exasperatedly, "We're sitting next to the one who undid Armageddon, Raven. You're being too hard on yourself."
"Damn right," Cyborg agreed, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side in a brotherly show of affection. He smirked when she immediately pulled away from his loose hold and straightened up again. "But seriously Rae, you need to cut yourself some slack. You've saved this city countless times. You've protected its citizens from some of the world's most dangerous villains."
"Including myself," she murmured under her breath, her violet hair masking her face as it lowered towards the concrete floor.
Robin sighed from her left-hand side, "Self-pity doesn't suit you." All of his friends had been though low periods of self-doubt over the years: Beast Boy worried about his ability to control the Beast; Starfire hated herself during her transformation many years ago; Cyborg had moments where he wished he was fully human again; and as for himself, he doubted his ability to lead the team after taking drastic measures during his obsession with Slade. Raven always appeared so sure of herself but he realised she was really skilled at hiding her insecurities. Now, she was clearly tired of hiding – accepting the flaws she created for herself was the easier option.
"It's true though, Robin. Only a bad person could do what I did."
"Do you realise how ridiculous you sound right now? You can't let one setback outweigh every good deed you've accomplished."
"Robin. I destroyed the world!" she whispered angrily, spitting out each syllable in disgust. Her patience was wearing dangerously thin.
"No you didn't – Trigon did."
Hearing her father's name made her want to punch a hole in the concrete. She supressed a shudder as a shiver ran down her spine at the thought of him towering over the burning remnants of the city she called home, cackling as he gazed at his collection of stone-cold human trophies, frozen in time – completely oblivious to the threat imposed upon them. The unwanted memories flooded her consciousness. She couldn't hear the two men beside her calling her name. She didn't feel their hands on her legs, supporting them and lifting them onto their shoulders as they told her it was going to be fine.
Robin and Cyborg started treating Raven the moment they realised her panic attack had started. Her eyes had glazed over and it was just as the half-robot waved a hand in front of her face that the demoness swayed dangerously. Robin quickly lifted her calves onto his shoulders to encourage quicker blood flow to the brain as Cyborg gently guided her shoulders down to the floor. Then, he watched as Cyborg unclipped her cloak from her shoulders and laid it over her body. They stayed calm as they listened to her strangled laboured breaths, hoping they'd soon stop.
"Do you think she had a vision?" Robin asked, distracting himself.
Cyborg shrugged his shoulders as he scanned Raven's body with his biomechanics. "I dunno, man. Maybe thinking about it was just too much." The screen confirmed that she was in shock. He relayed the information to Robin, who looked down at his fallen teammate in concern.
"Should we take her inside?" he asked, taking note of the way her body was shivering despite the beads of sweat gathering on her forehead.
"Nah – the fresh air is better," Cyborg explained, looking at his leader as he adjusted the weight of Raven's legs on his shoulders. He looked guilty. He always did when a member of the team was conflicted. Cyborg held back a small smile as he wished Robin would take his own advice and stop being so hard on himself for things that he couldn't change.
"What?" Robin asked curiously. Clearly Cyborg hadn't hidden the smile as much as he thought. He wasn't satisfied when his older friend dismissed his question with a wave of his hand. He was about to probe further when he saw Raven start to try to get up.
"And where do you think you're going?" Cyborg teased, pushing the demoness' shoulders back to the concrete.
"Nowhere-" she replied, "-Seeing as Robin has my legs."
She tried to pull them away so Robin carefully released her pale lower limbs from his grasp so she wouldn't hurt herself. "How are you feeling?"
Raven adjusted herself with the help of Cyborg, her body feeling heavy. "Please don't tell me I fainted." The looks on their faces confirmed it – one awkward and concerned, the other smirking. She sighed, dropping her head into her open palm. "How pathetic."
"Rae-"
"This is what I'm talking about, Robin," she interrupted on the defensive. "If I wasn't so weak, nothing bad would happen."
"Don't you think you're being a tad dramatic?" he said in a half-joking attitude, hoping that his attempt at humour would help pull her out of her self-deprecating frame of mind. He was asking too much.
Raven's eyes visibly tinted red as she struggled to contain her frustration. She watched with slight satisfaction as Robin recoiled at the sound of her deepened voice. "If you think destroying an entire planet is a 'tad dramatic', then you're more foolish than I give you credit for."
"Why am I foolish?" Robin replied, unafraid of the potential threat she posed. After defeating Trigon, handling a pissed-off Raven was a walk in the park. She was right where he wanted her, his cockiness ready to prove her wrong with confidence that she wouldn't hurt him.
"Because you were idiotic enough to allow a demon to join your team!" she seethed, her eyes growing a darker red. "Because you ventured into hell with your arch nemesis to rescue me when you should have left me there."
"And I'd do it all again," Robin stressed. "Because I know you'd do the same for me in a heartbeat."
The fuel to Raven's fire extinguished before the men's eyes. Her own returned to their usual violet hue. She wanted to keep arguing but she had nothing left to say. Robin was right. She would have sided with her father and Malchior if it meant protecting her friends.
Cyborg took the opportunity to edge closer to the demoness, still keeping some space between them for her comfort. "You need to stop blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault." His tone – soft yet authoritative – left no room for dispute. "Plus, you defeated the bastard and everything is back to normal," he smiled. "Credit where credit's due."
Raven sighed, looking between the two men and their determined gazes. "But I-"
"Tried to give us a memorable last day? Transferred your magic to us so we had a fighting chance? Confided in us about your past?" Robin said with a smirk. "Take your pick."
"I wasn't going to say any of those things."
"And that's the damn problem," Cyborg said with no element of tact, knowing the demoness listened best when things were said in black and white with nothing lost in the translation of shades of grey. "You're not letting yourself see the good that we see."
"You overcame your greatest fear and stepped up in the face of adversity to single-handedly save the entire planet," Robin continued, ready to list whatever he had to to make her understand how valuable she was. "You protect us in battle and heal us when we're hurt; you listen when we have a problem; you always keep calm in battle – and have a plan b; you have the patience of a saint – especially when it comes to the others; you help me research and strategise when I struggle to find leads; you help Cyborg tune-up the T-Car; you are intelligent and have a thirst for knowledge that you can't quench. Do you need to hear more? Because I can think of many more reasons."
Her leader sounded wiser than his eighteen years; his kind words were laced with the wisdom he'd learned from his own battles against misfortune in his short life. Raven felt a lump in her throat. His acceptance – the acceptance of all the Titans – meant more to her than they knew. She swallowed deeply, hoping to ease the discomforting feeling but it was futile. A tear slipped down her cheek and landed on the smile gracing her lips.
"But most importantly –" Robin concluded, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder and waiting for her to face him, "- You would sacrifice your life for us - because despite being one of the smartest people I've ever met, you're stupid enough to think that you have less to offer this world than the rest of us. Only a good person could be that selfless."
The rooftop went quiet as silence fell over the three heroes and it seemed to last for eternity until Raven took a deep breath in and exhaled, her breath coming out like smoke in the cold winter air.
"Are you… crying?" Cyborg asked in disbelief, wondering if his eyes were mistaking what he was seeing in the ever-growing darkness as night started to settle.
Raven wiped her cheek with the edge of her sleeve. "Now that Trigon's gone, I don't need to worry about containing my emotions as rigidly."
Satisfied with her explanation, Cyborg smiled down at her with pride. "That's great news." He was taken back to their first year as a team, when he and Beast Boy accidently teleported into the demoness' mind and met her 'emotions'. He knew that she found being nonchalant difficult despite her years of training herself not to feel.
"Don't get used to it," she countered. "I'll still need to be careful and I can't break the habit of a lifetime overnight."
"It's a start," Robin smiled. "Are you feeling better?" He was relieved when she nodded in reply – albeit hesitatingly. He knew she would never get used to praise, masking her gifts in modesty. It was one of the qualities he loathed yet admired most about her. "Good. Please try not to doubt yourself anymore. And speak to the Starfire and Beast Boy – they miss your company."
"Ok."
He returned her faint smile with a squeeze of her shoulder. "Why don't you go inside? You look tired." Nodding in reply, him and Cyborg watched as she gracefully rose from the ground and opened a portal through to her bedroom. She stepped through it, murmuring goodnight before the ethereal orb closed behind her, leaving the two male Titans alone.
Cyborg saw all the tension leave Robin's body as he slumped forward and ran his hand through his gel-spiked hair. Letting out a laugh, he told the leader, "That was deep."
Robin agreed by letting out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. "I really worry about her."
"You shouldn't – she could kick both our asses any day of the week and you know it!" he joked, hoping to lighten the mood. It didn't work – as Robin's narrowed mask showed. "You and me both, man. But you did good: that speech was what she needed to hear," the half-robot praised, thumping Robin on his back. "I just wish she'd learn to accept a compliment – she's almost as stubborn as you are – almost," he added, finally making him smirk. "Y'all are rubbing off on each other."
"Accepting the truth and overcoming Trigon will be the making of her," Robin remarked, seemingly ignoring Cyborg's last comment and lost in his thoughts. At least he hoped it would be.
"I disagree," Cyborg said, causing Robin to stare at him in confusion. Seeing his puzzled face, he reiterated, "You just gave a million reasons about why she's already made."
The winter breeze took that as its cue to start dancing more ferociously. Shivering under his cape, Robin decided it was time for them to return inside. "Let's go."
He led the way towards the kitchen, not quite tired enough to attempt sleeping. Cyborg wished him goodnight and veered off down another corridor towards his bedroom. The corridors were dark with solitude, reminding him of the demoness. He arrived at the lift, entered the confined space and rose to the fifth level. After navigating a final few corners, he arrived in the living area, surprised to see the lights in the kitchen on. He strode to the counter to see a mug of steaming freshly-brewed coffee waiting for him in a ceramic mug with the Batman logo on it.
'Ha bloody ha,' he thought, picking it up by the handle regardless of his distaste for the design and taking a sip. The warm liquid soothed his throat. After taking another gulp and putting it down, Robin noticed a piece of paper sitting on the countertop waiting to be read. He picked it up and scanned the delicately-written words. A genuine smile seized his face. He drained the remainder of his drink, quickly rinsed the mug and left the area, turning off the lights as he went and throwing the paper into the bin where it landed face up.
You can add 'making a good cup of coffee' to the list – Raven.
