hefty
Link's Easter Surprise
Link: (Is surrounded by mounds of Easter candy, and is
STUFFING his mouth full) I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Easter candy!
Saria: (comes in) Link, look at you.
Link: (looks down) What, where are my feet?
Saria: (sarcastically) I think your gut is hiding them.
Link: (pats himself) I've just grown bigger bones, that's
all.
Saria: If you say so.
(much later)
Link: I need to go use the outhouse, but I can't get out
the door!
Mido: Ohhhhhhhhhhh............. have you gained weight?
Link: No!
Mido: If you say so.
(the next day)
Link: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAH! (his treehouse just collapsed
from his bulk)
Saria and Mido: (shove him into a VERY wide bus) Later!
Link: Where am I going?
Driver: Next stop is Richard Simmons Health Club!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(tries desperately to escape, when he can't he shrugs and takes out a bag
of King Sized Baby Ruths)
Driver: Here we are!
Link: (looks out window at Richard Simmons leading an
excercise class of obese people)
Richard Simmons: (is prancing about) I'm a pony, I'm a
pony!
Obese People: (are attempting to prance about, and are
shaking the ground with their effort)
Link: Fine, fine. I'll go. (tries to get out door) Uh,
could you give me a push?
Driver: (muttering, pushes Link for a looooooong time
until he is out)
Obese People: (turn and gasp at Link)
Fattest Person There Besides Link: You are FAT!
Richard Simmons: Now, now! Noone here is fat, there's
a thin person inside us all. (sees Link) Whoa Mama, you're a fat loser!
Link: (trips and rolls for almost three miles)
Richard Simmons: Wait, this isn't a person after all!
I know what this is!
Link: I really am a person. (People are jumping up and
down on him, Richard Simmons decided that he must be the new trampoline
he ordered)
Richard Simmons: Such a big trampoline too!
Link: I'm a person!
Richard Simmons: You should only tell people how they're
doing, stop prattling on with these false stories of your humanity!
Link: (attempts to sit up, but can't)
Obese People: (leave)
Link: (after thirty minutes, he struggles until he can
get up, then attempts to make a break for it)
Richard Simmons: Oh by the way, Mr. Trampoline, don't
even try to escape. To keep all these fat tub of lards from escaping, the
nearest town is seventeen miles away.
Link: I can't even walk seventeen feet.
Richard Simmons: (with an evil grin) Exactly! Muhahahaha!
Obese Person: M-M-Mr. Simmons, some people call me fat.
Richard Simmons: Oh dear! (hugs her) Don't worry, you
can be thin on the inside.
Obese Person: Th-Th-Thank y-you!
Richard Simmons: There, There! (pats her on back, mouths
"What a fat, pathetic loser" at Link.)
Link: If I ever get out of here, I'll expose you to the
news media!
Richard Simmons: (rubs chin) Well, I guess for being a
trampoline, you have earned the right to leave. Go ahead!
Link: Thanks!
Richard Simmons: (presses button, high walls of barbed
wire appear) Just escape from here! Bwahahaha!
Link: Didn't something like this happen with Ingo? (scratches
head)
Ingo: Yep! (leaves)
Link: Wait, I'll just call Epona! (whistles, Epona appears
next to Link, but Link squashes her when he tries to get on.) Uh-oh!
Richard Simmons: Nah-Nah! (pulls down eyelid, sticks out
tongue)
Link: Ah-Ah-Ahchoo! (the force of his sneeze blows away
all the walls, and propels him home, and forces all the blubber off of
him and onto Richard Simmons)
**Much later**
Health Trainer: C'mon you tub of lard, get moving on that
tread-mill!
Richard Simmons: I'll get you for this Link!
**At home**
Link: Hey, where'd my Easter Candy go?
**He walks to Saria's house**
Saria: I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Easter
Candy!
Link & Mido: Oh no!