hefty
Link's Easter Surprise

Link: (Is surrounded by mounds of Easter candy, and is STUFFING his mouth full) I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Easter candy!

Saria: (comes in) Link, look at you.

Link: (looks down) What, where are my feet?

Saria: (sarcastically) I think your gut is hiding them.

Link: (pats himself) I've just grown bigger bones, that's all.

Saria: If you say so.

(much later)

Link: I need to go use the outhouse, but I can't get out the door!

Mido: Ohhhhhhhhhhh............. have you gained weight?

Link: No!

Mido: If you say so.

(the next day)

Link: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAH! (his treehouse just collapsed from his bulk)

Saria and Mido: (shove him into a VERY wide bus) Later!

Link: Where am I going?

Driver: Next stop is Richard Simmons Health Club!

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (tries desperately to escape, when he can't he shrugs and takes out a bag of King Sized Baby Ruths)

Driver: Here we are!

Link: (looks out window at Richard Simmons leading an excercise class of obese people)

Richard Simmons: (is prancing about) I'm a pony, I'm a pony!

Obese People: (are attempting to prance about, and are shaking the ground with their effort)

Link: Fine, fine. I'll go. (tries to get out door) Uh, could you give me a push?

Driver: (muttering, pushes Link for a looooooong time until he is out)

Obese People: (turn and gasp at Link)

Fattest Person There Besides Link: You are FAT!

Richard Simmons: Now, now! Noone here is fat, there's a thin person inside us all. (sees Link) Whoa Mama, you're a fat loser!

Link: (trips and rolls for almost three miles)

Richard Simmons: Wait, this isn't a person after all! I know what this is!

Link: I really am a person. (People are jumping up and down on him, Richard Simmons decided that he must be the new trampoline he ordered)

Richard Simmons: Such a big trampoline too!

Link: I'm a person!

Richard Simmons: You should only tell people how they're doing, stop prattling on with these false stories of your humanity!

Link: (attempts to sit up, but can't)

Obese People: (leave)

Link: (after thirty minutes, he struggles until he can get up, then attempts to make a break for it)

Richard Simmons: Oh by the way, Mr. Trampoline, don't even try to escape. To keep all these fat tub of lards from escaping, the nearest town is seventeen miles away.

Link: I can't even walk seventeen feet.

Richard Simmons: (with an evil grin) Exactly! Muhahahaha!

Obese Person: M-M-Mr. Simmons, some people call me fat.

Richard Simmons: Oh dear! (hugs her) Don't worry, you can be thin on the inside.

Obese Person: Th-Th-Thank y-you!

Richard Simmons: There, There! (pats her on back, mouths "What a fat, pathetic loser" at Link.)

Link: If I ever get out of here, I'll expose you to the news media!

Richard Simmons: (rubs chin) Well, I guess for being a trampoline, you have earned the right to leave. Go ahead!

Link: Thanks!

Richard Simmons: (presses button, high walls of barbed wire appear) Just escape from here! Bwahahaha!

Link: Didn't something like this happen with Ingo? (scratches head)

Ingo: Yep! (leaves)

Link: Wait, I'll just call Epona! (whistles, Epona appears next to Link, but Link squashes her when he tries to get on.) Uh-oh!

Richard Simmons: Nah-Nah! (pulls down eyelid, sticks out tongue)

Link: Ah-Ah-Ahchoo! (the force of his sneeze blows away all the walls, and propels him home, and forces all the blubber off of him and onto Richard Simmons)

**Much later**

Health Trainer: C'mon you tub of lard, get moving on that tread-mill!

Richard Simmons: I'll get you for this Link!

**At home**

Link: Hey, where'd my Easter Candy go?

**He walks to Saria's house**

Saria: I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Easter Candy!

Link & Mido: Oh no!