A/N: This is my first attempt at a Twilight fic - and I'm after a beta, if there are any takers out there please? Grammar I'm fine with - it's content knowledge that might be a little sketchy. Renesmee is about nine years old in this fic, so 'of age'.

The Cost of Blood

Chapter One - Secrets And Lies

Renesmee

"Oh my God..." I groaned.

Left sweaty and trembling but with a breathless grin on my face, I let all the strength drain out of me, and collapsed onto the forest floor. Still grinning, I rolled onto my back. "I so needed that."

Jacob's now-human form hit the ground next to mine. His grin was a white flash in the darkness of the night. "Apparently."

I licked my lips again, catching every last drop of the iron sweetness. We'd been hunting a stag tonight, my personal favourite. I'd tried all the favourites of my family - from Dad's mountain lion to Emmett's bears. And I'd found them all to just...taste wrong. I couldn't even identify what it was, and none of my family could suggest anything either. It wasn't so much a problem for me as it would have been for a full-blood vampire, of course, but food was...okay. It certainly wasn't something I found activepleasure in.

Naturally, though, it was Jacob who provided the answer. He suggested something that the Quileutes lived by - that as a predator, I shouldn't be hunting other predators. That it wasn't the taste that was wrong, but my human half rebelling against something it knew wasn't right. Predator hunted prey, and nothing else. He'd been correct - my first mouthful of stag blood was like manna from Heaven. From then on, whenever I'd hunted it had mostly been with Jake. But then almost everything I did was mostly with Jake. I grinned at the man next to me. Which is exactly how we both like it.

He returned my smile, his face easily visible to my eyes. "What are you thinking about?"

I stretched out on the forest floor, my arms above my head. "How good that meal was."

"Did you even taste it?" he teased. "You spilled at least half of it down yourself."

"I did not!" I protested, unable to resist checking my clothes anyway. Typically, I didn't find any.

Jake chuckled. "Made you look."

I shoved him lightly. "Ass."

He moved closer, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You really are a messy eater though," he told me seriously. When he came nearer still, my heartbeat rocketed. Especially since his gaze was focused on my mouth.

"Am not," I breathed.

"Are too," he disagreed. The tip of his tongue flicked out, catching a drop of blood at the corner of my mouth that I'd missed. "See?"

I was no longer listening. "Jake..."

He recognised the need in my voice before I could erase it, and kissed me. My eyes closed and everything exploded. I didn't want it to be this easy for everything to click into place, but it was. All the particles that made me leaned toward him, breathing him in like he was vital. I knew vampires didn't imprint, but sometimes I was sure I had. It just...became simple when Jake was with me. All that mattered was him. Anything else, it all just became a background noise, like a radio out of tune. Sometimes that was good thing. Sometimes it wasn't. Because invariably - or invariably for the past three months - one kiss turned into two, and two turned into Jake losing the few items of clothing he wore, and that turned into me shedding my garments, and that turned into making love. Wherever we were. And while 'sheer bliss' didn't even begin to cover how that felt...it was still a secret from everyone I cared about. And that made me feel horrible.

Before I could completely melt under him, I pulled my mouth from his, pushed at his chest. "Jake, we can't."

"Why not?" he asked. There was no frustration behind his question, just simple curiosity.

"Because I feel like we're having an affair!" I said. "And I'm cheating on my parents."

He squeezed my hands. "Ness, it's not like you're screwing around. And it's not like this is meaningless," he added, kissing my forehead. "You mean everything to me, you know that."

"I know," I sighed, "but all this sneaking around is making me feel dirty...even when it's not actually sneaking around."

Seeing him on a daily-basis was completely normal, had been completely normal for all my life - but whereas before I'd headed to La Push to hang out, to watch movies, or hunt, or play thunder-baseball, now it was to check if Jake was alone. And if he was, we'd usually end up in bed. Or on the couch. Or against the wall. Or once on the kitchen table. I didn't like to think about some of the things the pack had probably seen in Jake's thoughts; I was having a hard enough time hiding it from one person - my father - let alone five.

Jake was looking guilty again. "Are you sure I didn't-"

I put my hand over his mouth. "No, you didn't pressure me into anything. I love being with you, I love how your skin feels next to mine, I love..." I teetered on the edge of saying it, but something wouldn't let me. I was in love with him, that much I knew irreversibly, but neither of us had said it yet. "...everything about this. About us."

"So why not just quit with the sneaking and tell them?" he asked.

"Because what do I say when my mom asks when it happened, Jake?" I put my hand to his cheek, letting my worry seep out. When Mom asks when, Halloween will fill my head, Dad will hear it, he'll know what happened, he'll want to skin you alive, and then for all I know it'll be the spark that takes us all back to the nineteenth century, and it'll be the Wolves verses the Cold Ones all over again. The picture of my family and the pack on the brink of war was something that was all-too-vivid, so clear I could almost imagine that it was me with the gift of premonition, not Alice.

His eyebrows shot up. "You get all that from us sleeping together? Nessie, how long have you been worrying about this?"

"...a while."

"Since Halloween?"

I twisted my mouth. "Not exactly. More like...since the first of November."


November 1st

Jacob

I was going to commit murder. As soon as I could open my eyes. And find out who spiked the drinks last night. Seth. Had to be Seth. Or maybe Quil.

Whoever was responsible, though, the result was the same; my head felt like someone had taken an axe to it, then decided to finish the job with a sledgehammer. Jesus, how much did I drink...?

And I felt like I'd been running all night, though if that was the case then I wouldn't be in La Push, I'd be somewhere in Northern Canada. Wanting to work out the stiffness in my muscles, I stretched my arms with a sleepy groan-

And met skin.

Wait, skin? Oh crap. Had I actually been that drunk? I had absolutely no idea- I stopped, the panic receding. It had to be Renesmee. Surely. It wasn't like we hadn't shared a bed before - in a completely innocent and platonic way - and after a party, bed-space was always limited. And she definitely smelled like Nessie. Double-checking, I cracked my eyes open, and felt the automatic smile on my face. It was Renesmee - her sleeping face completely peaceful. She looked so beautiful. She was so beautiful. And damn it, this felt so right. It would be so easy to just lean forward, kiss her lips gently. We should wake up like this every day.

I no longer felt guilty about the direction my thoughts were going. She'd just turned nine years old, and was definitely 'of age', whatever that meant. Slowly the way I'd felt had moved from wanting to know she was safe to wanting her, to make her my mate. It was so clear that this was the way things should be. Unfortunately, as far as I knew, she didn't feel the same way yet - if she ever would.

In her sleep, Nessie shifted closer, letting out a sleep little moan. "Mmmm, Jake..."

Grinning stupidly, I pulled her into my arms. She was almost as warm as I normally was, and her skin was so soft. Especially the skin on her back, I thought, idly stroking up and down her spine.

...why could I feel bare back beneath my fingers? The answer didn't take long to slam into my very-stunned brain. It wasn't just her back I could feel. She was naked. I checked. So was I.

Oh God no.

We couldn't have- And if we had, then I'd definitely remember-

Fuck. I was absolutely going to kill whoever had put alcohol in my drink. We'd slept together - we hadn't made love, we hadn't talked, I didn't even know if she looked at me that way... Guilt stabbed at me, then redoubled as I realised all the implications of this. It had been her first time. She'd lost her virginity to a drunken fumble in the dark, to a supremely-awkward morning-after. It wasn't remotely approaching what she deserved. And what about the physical consequences? Had we even used protection? She could be pregnant...

I didn't have time for anything else, since she stirred, and panic flooded me. Stupidly, I chose the quickest option - I closed my eyes and went for feigning sleep. Ness woke up slowly, stretching just as I had. Then she stiffened. The sound of her breathing stopped for almost too long. She carefully moved out of my arms, taking the comforter with her.

"Jacob, I know you're awake."

Her voice was clear, and almost too steady. It didn't leave room for negotiation. It required that I sit up and open my eyes. So I did. She kept her eyes on my face and handed me a pillow. Then we sat there for a second, two best friends sitting opposite one another with very obvious sex between us. She just looked at me. The morning had gone from horrific to completely bizarre.

"So...do you think we had sex?" she asked.

I looked away, nodded. "Can't think of any other reason we'd..."

"Be naked and in bed together?" she finished.

"Yeah."

She winced, ran a hand through her tousled hair. I hated that she looked completely sexy. I hated that I noticed it. "And I'm guessing my head isn't the only one throbbing?"

"Drinks were spiked," I muttered.

She forced a laugh. "Well, that's two firsts for me last night, I guess."

I frowned at her. "Don't, Ness. Don't trivialise this."

"What else am I supposed to do, Jake?" she asked, shrugging helplessly. "Freak out and jump screaming out the window? Is that what you want me to do?"

"No!" I said sharply, going cold at the idea. "Of course I don't want you to go, Nessie, I..."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, so...we have two choices, right? Either we let this ruin our friendship and everything gets really awkward and eventually we get to the point of only saying 'hi' on Thanksgiving-"

I couldn't help the smirk that curled my mouth - even though she was clearly the most uncomfortable she'd ever been in my presence, she was still coming up with elaborate and unlikely situations. The smile faded as she continued.

"-or we go back to normal."

"Normal?" I asked.

"Yeah, Jake," she shrugged. "Look, we were drunk, and clearly we don't want anything further, since we'd have already done something, but we've never even kissed."

I couldn't argue; it was true. We never had. No matter how many times I'd fantasied about it. She was looking at me expectantly, but hadn't given me an option I wanted to follow. Where was the 'or we see where this goes' choice? It wasn't exactly the typical morning-after for most guys - I was willing her to ask me how I felt about her. The answer would of course be she was the centre of my universe.

But left without the chance to say any of those things, I didn't have courage to start. So I was as honest as I could. "I can't lose you, Nessie."

She smiled. "I don't want to lose you either. So we're pretending this never happened?"

No! No, we're not - we're talking about this, we're being something more than we were yesterday-

She stretched out her hand to me. With a sinking heart, I took it. "Sure."

Just before she let go, though, I caught something. Regret, and...longing? Was she...? Hope unexpectedly breaking through, I leaned forward. "Ness-"

She didn't give me time to finish the sentence - there was a blur, and then the bathroom door slammed shut. Her clothes were gone too. I stared at the bathroom door for a moment. Had I felt that wrong? No, I decided finally. She didn't want to stop this either. So why was she pretending she didn't?

She came out of the bathroom before I'd come up with an answer, and all I had left was to bite the bullet. She smiled, then nodded. "I'll see you later, Jake. Bye-"

Halfway to the door, I caught her wrist. She turned back to me, then colour flooded her cheeks. "Jake! Please!"

Oh. Right. Still naked. Grabbing the pillow again, I maintained my grip on her wrist. "We need to talk more."

"I can't talk to you while you're wearing a pillow, Jacob!" she snapped.

An impatient sigh and a pair of boxers later, I was able to dispose of the pillow. "Better?"

"No," she said. "I've said all I have to say, Jake, and if we keep talking about this then it's just going to get more awkward, honestly. It's better that we pretend this never happened."

I took a deep breath. "And if I don't want to?"

She stared up and me, her brown eyes huge and for the first time, completely unreadable. Then she pulled her hand free of mine. She walked to the door almost as though her mind was dragging an unwilling body with it. Or as if she was yanking my heart right out of my chest with her. It certainly felt that way. At the door, she paused, studying the floor. "I'm sorry, Jake," she whispered. "But I do."

It was a long time before I moved, and then it was to sit back down on the bed. I felt totally empty.


Renesmee

From my hand still on his cheek, I felt my eyes fill with tears. I hadn't meant to break his heart like that, but at the time it felt like the best course of action. For all I knew then, 'friends with benefits' would have been enough for him. It seemed stupid, especially now, but we were so good at being best friends I had no idea if we'd work as a couple.

"I'm so sorry, Jake," I whispered, the tears escaping.

He leaned forward, kissed my cheeks once, catching the salty drops. "You came back, Nessie. That's all that matters."

I smiled, kissed him. "I can't believe you let me back in. I would have slammed the door in my face."

He sighed, wrapped a massive arm around my shoulders. "I'll never be able to keep you out, Renesmee. No matter what you do."

"No matter what I do?" I repeated. "You make it sound like I'm intending to break your heart tomorrow!"

"That's not what I meant, Ness. It's just...okay, I'll admit it. I'm getting tired of pretending you aren't mine. That I'm not yours."

"So you want to tell them?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," he said firmly. "Whatever they have to say, we'll weather it."

Easy for you to say... Jake didn't have to live with them. "But what about-"

This time his sigh was one of impatience. "Enough, Renesmee. We don't have to tell them about the sex. But I've had enough pacing. We care for each other, and that'll be enough for your family."

"Will it?"

He didn't bother with saying anything else; he got up, turning away. Driven by need to know what he was thinking, I reached out for him. He stepped away from me. I stopped. When I wanted him, Jacob had always come to me. Always. Since the day I was born. And now he was refusing to look at me.

"Jake-"

"Renesmee, I'm going to leave. I'm going back to Washington, and I'll see you a in a week. You need to think about what you want in that week."

My jaw dropped, cold flooding me. "Are you- Are you breaking up with me?"

His shoulders were tense. "No. But, Ness, I need more than you're giving me. You can't have it both ways." He faced me without looking me in the face, kissed my forehead. "I'll see you in a week, Nessie."

Then he phased, and was gone.

No amount of my screaming his name made him come back. It didn't take long to realise I was totally lost. Even the trees looked foreign. It didn't make sense. Pine trees in Forks, pine trees in Denali. They were exactly the same in genetic material, but now they were threatening. Alice and I had come up to Alaska because of a vision she'd had of Tanya, and we were staying with the coven. Alice was still in the house. Neither they nor Alice had any idea Jacob had followed us up. Or that every night this week we'd...

Wiping away my tears, I started the run back to the house. There was a swiftly-flowing river between here and there, and it served a specific purpose for me - it washed off the scent that Jake had left on me. The rest of the run, at my speed, dried my clothes and hair, even if it did leave me looking a little windswept.

When I arrived back, Alice was waiting for me. She didn't smile. Her topaz eyes were- Shocked. They were shocked. I stared. How was it even possible for Alice to be shocked by anything?

"Alice?" I asked cautiously. "Are you-"

She took my hand in her icy strong one and led me up to the porch. Then she stood me directly under the light. "Alice, what-"

"I want to see your face," she said. "I want to know you're not lying to me."

"Lie to you?" I echoed. "Why would I lie to-"

"You're sleeping with Jacob."


A/N: Review please!